Worst Wedding You've Ever Been To?

JCbride2015

amandaj424 said:

Not necessarily breaking any etiquette rules but this wedding was really awkward.  It was my then BF-now FI's brother's wedding.  It was a wedding about 2 hours away and my FI's entire family was involved in the wedding so I had a lot of time to spend alone. The wedding was in a small beach town but the hotel was about 30 min from town so I really had no where to go other than the pool while everyone was partaking in pre-wedding activities. I did that for 2 days. Then for the rehearsal dinner, everyone had a place card except for me.  When I asked what was up they started scrambling saying mine must have gotten lost. IMO, they didn't expect me to go. They ended up squeezing in another chair at the table with my FI which meant there were 11 people at a table big enough for 10, not very comfy.

The day of the wedding, FI's mom and sister were going to the salon to get their hair done and they invited me to join so I wouldn't have to spend another day alone at the pool. At the salon there were little sandwiches and lemonade and tea. I went up to get one and the MOH came over and took it from me and said that it was for WP only.  There was about 50 sandwiches for 10 people, not like there would not have been enough. FI's mom ended up getting me everything while I sat in the lobby eating alone so the MOH wouldn't see.  Then before the wedding I was told by bride that the first row would say reserved but I should sit there anyway.  So I show up to the wedding and sit in the first row, far away from the aisle leaving enough seats for the groom's parents.  Then the wedding coordinator shows up and asks me to move. When I told her I was with the family of the groom she said "all family is in the WP you have to move" so I got up but there were no seats left because they had allocated the exact number of chairs for guests.  So I stood there in the corner while the groomsmen and parents entered.  FI's mom looked over and motioned for me to sit with them. So I quietly snuck over and sat with them and the coordinator came over to ask the parents if I was actually with them or if I was a crasher! She asked this while the WP was processing down the aisle!!! 

Then at the reception, there was a misprint on my escort card. It said table 14 - there was no table 14.  I was walking around while everyone was seated looking for table 14.  FI's family was all being announced so I couldn't ask them for any help.  The reception was in 3 different "rooms" so it took forever for me to realize that there was no table 14 and that it was supposed to say table 13 because I had to walk through this maze of rooms and tables counting them all... 

I also never got an invitation to anything, neither the bridal shower or the wedding. While I was invited to both (I know so because the bride was saying how excited she was for me to go to the wedding months before invites for anything were sent out) they just assumed that I was included with my FI's family, he didn't get his own invitation either. 3 days before the shower I got a nasty phone call from the MOH basically yelling at me for not RSVPing to the shower. I never received an invite and when FI's mom called to RSVP she only included herself and her daughter because she assumed I got my own invite.  Same thing happened with the invitation, but this time they knew because FI told them he never got an invite either.  Just wondering he was 21 at the time, just graduated from college and was in the transition period between dorm life and getting his own place so he was still living at home.  Should he have gotten his own invite?

The couple, while they mean well, just don't really get common courtesy.  At FI's college graduation, they left before he walked across the stage because they wanted to go to an open house. They told us they would meet us for dinner but never showed up. Then when FI's sister got married (her FI came over on the FI visa so they planned the whole wedding in 1 month) they didn't go to the wedding because they were leaving for vacation that morning. My FI's dad offered to pay for them to switch their flight to the next morning and they said no! My FI and I have been joking that we really hope they don't have to pick up their dry cleaning the day of our wedding or they might not go. 

ETA spelling

Wow, that sounds really terrible.  I would feel slighted and be PISSED if this happened to me.  You sound much more forgiving than I would!

To the bolded: yes, he should have, and you should have as well.  Some people draw the line in different places: once one is 18, or if younger than 18 but a high school graduate.  I would say it doesn't matter whether Fi is living temporarily with his parents or not.  He's an adult, and you're his SO.

mrsbanany

JCBride2014 said:

amandaj424 said:

Not necessarily breaking any etiquette rules but this wedding was really awkward.  It was my then BF-now FI's brother's wedding.  It was a wedding about 2 hours away and my FI's entire family was involved in the wedding so I had a lot of time to spend alone. The wedding was in a small beach town but the hotel was about 30 min from town so I really had no where to go other than the pool while everyone was partaking in pre-wedding activities. I did that for 2 days. Then for the rehearsal dinner, everyone had a place card except for me.  When I asked what was up they started scrambling saying mine must have gotten lost. IMO, they didn't expect me to go. They ended up squeezing in another chair at the table with my FI which meant there were 11 people at a table big enough for 10, not very comfy.

The day of the wedding, FI's mom and sister were going to the salon to get their hair done and they invited me to join so I wouldn't have to spend another day alone at the pool. At the salon there were little sandwiches and lemonade and tea. I went up to get one and the MOH came over and took it from me and said that it was for WP only.  There was about 50 sandwiches for 10 people, not like there would not have been enough. FI's mom ended up getting me everything while I sat in the lobby eating alone so the MOH wouldn't see.  Then before the wedding I was told by bride that the first row would say reserved but I should sit there anyway.  So I show up to the wedding and sit in the first row, far away from the aisle leaving enough seats for the groom's parents.  Then the wedding coordinator shows up and asks me to move. When I told her I was with the family of the groom she said "all family is in the WP you have to move" so I got up but there were no seats left because they had allocated the exact number of chairs for guests.  So I stood there in the corner while the groomsmen and parents entered.  FI's mom looked over and motioned for me to sit with them. So I quietly snuck over and sat with them and the coordinator came over to ask the parents if I was actually with them or if I was a crasher! She asked this while the WP was processing down the aisle!!! 

Then at the reception, there was a misprint on my escort card. It said table 14 - there was no table 14.  I was walking around while everyone was seated looking for table 14.  FI's family was all being announced so I couldn't ask them for any help.  The reception was in 3 different "rooms" so it took forever for me to realize that there was no table 14 and that it was supposed to say table 13 because I had to walk through this maze of rooms and tables counting them all... 

I also never got an invitation to anything, neither the bridal shower or the wedding. While I was invited to both (I know so because the bride was saying how excited she was for me to go to the wedding months before invites for anything were sent out) they just assumed that I was included with my FI's family, he didn't get his own invitation either. 3 days before the shower I got a nasty phone call from the MOH basically yelling at me for not RSVPing to the shower. I never received an invite and when FI's mom called to RSVP she only included herself and her daughter because she assumed I got my own invite.  Same thing happened with the invitation, but this time they knew because FI told them he never got an invite either.  Just wondering he was 21 at the time, just graduated from college and was in the transition period between dorm life and getting his own place so he was still living at home.  Should he have gotten his own invite?

The couple, while they mean well, just don't really get common courtesy.  At FI's college graduation, they left before he walked across the stage because they wanted to go to an open house. They told us they would meet us for dinner but never showed up. Then when FI's sister got married (her FI came over on the FI visa so they planned the whole wedding in 1 month) they didn't go to the wedding because they were leaving for vacation that morning. My FI's dad offered to pay for them to switch their flight to the next morning and they said no! My FI and I have been joking that we really hope they don't have to pick up their dry cleaning the day of our wedding or they might not go. 

ETA spelling

Wow, that sounds really terrible.  I would feel slighted and be PISSED if this happened to me.  You sound much more forgiving than I would!

To the bolded: yes, he should have, and you should have as well.  Some people draw the line in different places: once one is 18, or if younger than 18 but a high school graduate.  I would say it doesn't matter whether Fi is living temporarily with his parents or not.  He's an adult, and you're his SO.

I try to live life through a "glass half full" mentality so while it was really rude and not an ideal situation for a wedding, at least I was invited and the food was good.  

MS2015

I'm new to this site and to the world of abbreviations for almost everything, but can someone tell me what PPD means?

Thanks!

 

Inkdancer

@MS2015 PPD stands for Pretty Princess Day. It is when a couple has already gotten married at a JOP or in a civil ceremony, but pretends that they are not married so they can have a great big "wedding" party complete with dress, cake, and attendants.

Belthil

PPD = Pretty princess day, when someone has already legally gotten married but wants to redo it because they didn't have the big dress and party they think they deserve. Most of the time they don't tell the guests they're already married.

MS2015

@Inkdancer. Okay, thanks. I was trying to figure that out, and it was making no sense at all. All those posts make a lot more sense now!

 

 

mimiphin

PPD, Pretty Princess Day, The act of when the bride and groom are already married (for legal, military, health benefits) but pretend that they are not so that they can still have what they call a "Real Wedding" with the big white dress and a WP (Wedding Party).
Also involves lying to the guests.

mimiphin

DragonBlood13 said:

Most breaches of etiquette don't bother me as much as many people, but there was this one wedding.

My soontobeexH was the best man in the wedding and the groom insisted on a 10 day bachelor party to Europe (where I later found out the groom had sex with a prostitute while on this trip).

On their wedding invite they put, "We prefer cash for gifts." and they had a honeymoon registry.

He was my BF at the time, but the invite said "Mr. DragonBlood and Guest."  

And the wedding started 1 hour late because the bride had to have her runner and made the groom go back and get it.  So we all had to sit there and wait forever.  Oh and there was a 4 hour gap in between the wedding and reception. Would have been 5, but she helped us out on that.

But, their marriage has lasted longer than mine.  So I guess they did something right!                  

Check the end of Page 12 @Dragonblood13

phira

amandaj424 said:

Not necessarily breaking any etiquette rules but this wedding was really awkward.  It was my then BF-now FI's brother's wedding.  It was a wedding about 2 hours away and my FI's entire family was involved in the wedding so I had a lot of time to spend alone. The wedding was in a small beach town but the hotel was about 30 min from town so I really had no where to go other than the pool while everyone was partaking in pre-wedding activities. I did that for 2 days. Then for the rehearsal dinner, everyone had a place card except for me.  When I asked what was up they started scrambling saying mine must have gotten lost. IMO, they didn't expect me to go. They ended up squeezing in another chair at the table with my FI which meant there were 11 people at a table big enough for 10, not very comfy.

The day of the wedding, FI's mom and sister were going to the salon to get their hair done and they invited me to join so I wouldn't have to spend another day alone at the pool. At the salon there were little sandwiches and lemonade and tea. I went up to get one and the MOH came over and took it from me and said that it was for WP only.  There was about 50 sandwiches for 10 people, not like there would not have been enough. FI's mom ended up getting me everything while I sat in the lobby eating alone so the MOH wouldn't see.  Then before the wedding I was told by bride that the first row would say reserved but I should sit there anyway.  So I show up to the wedding and sit in the first row, far away from the aisle leaving enough seats for the groom's parents.  Then the wedding coordinator shows up and asks me to move. When I told her I was with the family of the groom she said "all family is in the WP you have to move" so I got up but there were no seats left because they had allocated the exact number of chairs for guests.  So I stood there in the corner while the groomsmen and parents entered.  FI's mom looked over and motioned for me to sit with them. So I quietly snuck over and sat with them and the coordinator came over to ask the parents if I was actually with them or if I was a crasher! She asked this while the WP was processing down the aisle!!! 

Then at the reception, there was a misprint on my escort card. It said table 14 - there was no table 14.  I was walking around while everyone was seated looking for table 14.  FI's family was all being announced so I couldn't ask them for any help.  The reception was in 3 different "rooms" so it took forever for me to realize that there was no table 14 and that it was supposed to say table 13 because I had to walk through this maze of rooms and tables counting them all... 

I also never got an invitation to anything, neither the bridal shower or the wedding. While I was invited to both (I know so because the bride was saying how excited she was for me to go to the wedding months before invites for anything were sent out) they just assumed that I was included with my FI's family, he didn't get his own invitation either. 3 days before the shower I got a nasty phone call from the MOH basically yelling at me for not RSVPing to the shower. I never received an invite and when FI's mom called to RSVP she only included herself and her daughter because she assumed I got my own invite.  Same thing happened with the invitation, but this time they knew because FI told them he never got an invite either.  Just wondering he was 21 at the time, just graduated from college and was in the transition period between dorm life and getting his own place so he was still living at home.  Should he have gotten his own invite?

The couple, while they mean well, just don't really get common courtesy.  At FI's college graduation, they left before he walked across the stage because they wanted to go to an open house. They told us they would meet us for dinner but never showed up. Then when FI's sister got married (her FI came over on the FI visa so they planned the whole wedding in 1 month) they didn't go to the wedding because they were leaving for vacation that morning. My FI's dad offered to pay for them to switch their flight to the next morning and they said no! My FI and I have been joking that we really hope they don't have to pick up their dry cleaning the day of our wedding or they might not go. 

ETA spelling

I highlighted all the broken etiquette (although I know some of it was not wedding-related, near the bottom)

phira

Chipmunk415 said:

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

Side note- the bride in this wedding had always looked up to my Dad as a father figure (her dad left his family when she was 1.5 yrs old). I got down to the reception to find the mother just in time to see the Bride asking my Dad to join her in the "father daughter/ mother son" dance. It's a minor thing, but seeing as my Dad's health and physical condition means he will not be able to dance with me (he's working on feeling better to make sure he can escort me down the aisle) coupled with memories of this wedding, I'm upset again at the couple.   Some years later, the couple had two kids. Both are brats. They were living in the town I went to college in, and was attending at the time. Bride called asking if I could babysit. I said I'd have to check my class and workload schedule. Etiquette breach on my part- I never called back.

First off, this is HORRIBLE. Like, I want to go back in time, hug 14-year-old you, tell the bride that she should have hired childcare herself or told her guests not to bring children, and then told your parents that they should have stood up for you. Holy crap.

Second of all, thank you for introducing me to the word "voluntold." It. Is. PERFECT.

PrettyGirlLost

Chipmunk415amandaj424.

I think we need a new wedding reality TV show with David Tutera, Tim Gunn, James Guiliani, and Gordon Ramsey where this team of personalities shows up to deliver a much needed wake the fuck up call on these terrible brides, grooms, family members etc. and to also fix these etiquette disaster shitshows into wonderful dream weddings.

Throw Dr. Phil in there for good measure to give people thier much needed dose of therapy for wedding related issues that actually stem from dysfunctional family dynamics and ppl who just never learned to get the fuck over things.

Inkdancer

@PrettyGirlLost Not enough Love It buttons! This needs to happen!

PrettyGirlLost

Inkdancer said:

@PrettyGirlLost Not enough Love It buttons! This needs to happen!

I need a title and I need an executive producer- aka someone to back me with cold hard cash, lol.

I'll link my GoFundMe account and you all can start whipping out those credit cards. . .

sofakingmad

mimiphin said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Most breaches of etiquette don't bother me as much as many people, but there was this one wedding.

My soontobeexH was the best man in the wedding and the groom insisted on a 10 day bachelor party to Europe (where I later found out the groom had sex with a prostitute while on this trip).

On their wedding invite they put, "We prefer cash for gifts." and they had a honeymoon registry.

He was my BF at the time, but the invite said "Mr. DragonBlood and Guest."  

And the wedding started 1 hour late because the bride had to have her runner and made the groom go back and get it.  So we all had to sit there and wait forever.  Oh and there was a 4 hour gap in between the wedding and reception. Would have been 5, but she helped us out on that.

But, their marriage has lasted longer than mine.  So I guess they did something right!                  

Check the end of Page 12 @Dragonblood13

I am NOT crazy.  It was not there yesterday.

But I'm glad it showed up.  Thank you KGs!

Cookie Pusher

Yea, I know my post was not there yesterday, but there it is now. And my stomach feels queasy re-reading it. lol

painterlt

None of the weddings I've attended have been to were truly awful, but if I had to pick one it would be my friend from high school. We did not have much contact with each other in the years from graduation to her wedding, so the invitation was a nice surprise. My date and I attended the ceremony which lasted 15 minutes( not necessarily a horrible thing) but during the ceremony, it was painfully obvious the officiant knew nothing about the b+g and had learned everything her "needed" to know at the rehearsal. Keep in mind this was not a secular service, but a church service. Maybe it is just me, but if you are having a religious service 15 minutes barely covers the seriousness of the covenant being made. Not that it needs to be an hour, maybe it is just me. Second, there was a 5 hour gap between the ceremony and reception. My date and I were able to go on a shopping extravaganza for that time, but we would have preferred to go to reception as soon as the ceremony was over. The reception was nice, but it was out in the middle of nowhere, like at least an hour from the ceremony. After the wedding, there was no thank you note for the gift. Tacky.

HaileyDancingbear

DragonBlood13 said:

Most breaches of etiquette don't bother me as much as many people, but there was this one wedding.

My soontobeexH was the best man in the wedding and the groom insisted on a 10 day bachelor party to Europe (where I later found out the groom had sex with a prostitute while on this trip).

On their wedding invite they put, "We prefer cash for gifts." and they had a honeymoon registry.

He was my BF at the time, but the invite said "Mr. DragonBlood and Guest."  

And the wedding started 1 hour late because the bride had to have her runner and made the groom go back and get it.  So we all had to sit there and wait forever.  Oh and there was a 4 hour gap in between the wedding and reception. Would have been 5, but she helped us out on that.

But, their marriage has lasted longer than mine.  So I guess they did something right!                  

That's not always true.  Sometimes staying together is the worst decision a couple makes.  I don't know your situation or their situation, of course, so I don't know if it applies to you or not, just giving my two cents that being together for a long time doesn't always guarantee a couple is happy, and breaking up doesn't always mean you did something wrong.  Sometimes it just doesn't work.  The people willing to admit that when they realize it are the ones who are better off in the end.  

Amyzen83

PrettyGirlLost said:

Inkdancer said:

@PrettyGirlLost Not enough Love It buttons! This needs to happen!

I need a title and I need an executive producer- aka someone to back me with cold hard cash, lol.

I'll link my GoFundMe account and you all can start whipping out those credit cards. . .

NOW that's something worth investing in!!!

Amyzen83

HaileyDancingbear said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Most breaches of etiquette don't bother me as much as many people, but there was this one wedding.

My soontobeexH was the best man in the wedding and the groom insisted on a 10 day bachelor party to Europe (where I later found out the groom had sex with a prostitute while on this trip).

On their wedding invite they put, "We prefer cash for gifts." and they had a honeymoon registry.

He was my BF at the time, but the invite said "Mr. DragonBlood and Guest."  

And the wedding started 1 hour late because the bride had to have her runner and made the groom go back and get it.  So we all had to sit there and wait forever.  Oh and there was a 4 hour gap in between the wedding and reception. Would have been 5, but she helped us out on that.

But, their marriage has lasted longer than mine.  So I guess they did something right!                  

That's not always true.  Sometimes staying together is the worst decision a couple makes.  I don't know your situation or their situation, of course, so I don't know if it applies to you or not, just giving my two cents that being together for a long time doesn't always guarantee a couple is happy, and breaking up doesn't always mean you did something wrong.  Sometimes it just doesn't work.  The people willing to admit that when they realize it are the ones who are better off in the end.  

I agree! Granted I am a firm believer in working things out, but sometimes in life there are just some things that are irreconsilable or unforgivable, and the best decision although toughest is to just part ways rather than live in misery in a loveless marriage, where you simply tolerate each other, if that.

Amyzen83

DragonBlood13 BTW, I'm sorry things didn't work with your husband, but from your other comments, it sounds like it's for the best and I wish you the best of luck and support from your loved ones.

Chipmunk415

phira said:

Chipmunk415 said:

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

Side note- the bride in this wedding had always looked up to my Dad as a father figure (her dad left his family when she was 1.5 yrs old). I got down to the reception to find the mother just in time to see the Bride asking my Dad to join her in the "father daughter/ mother son" dance. It's a minor thing, but seeing as my Dad's health and physical condition means he will not be able to dance with me (he's working on feeling better to make sure he can escort me down the aisle) coupled with memories of this wedding, I'm upset again at the couple.   Some years later, the couple had two kids. Both are brats. They were living in the town I went to college in, and was attending at the time. Bride called asking if I could babysit. I said I'd have to check my class and workload schedule. Etiquette breach on my part- I never called back.

First off, this is HORRIBLE. Like, I want to go back in time, hug 14-year-old you, tell the bride that she should have hired childcare herself or told her guests not to bring children, and then told your parents that they should have stood up for you. Holy crap.

Second of all, thank you for introducing me to the word "voluntold." It. Is. PERFECT.

Thanks Phira! I discovered the word amongst the shiney spine ladies on etiquette hell. I'd forgotten- the bride's sister actually refused to attend because her 5 month old daughter was on the exclusion list, and the bride was waspish about it leading up to the wedding. My mom felt bad for me, dad just hadn't really thought about the fact that I had zero babysitting experience, and every wedding he'd been to up to this point had no kids (karma- a year later, my sister got married in CA- her hubs has something like 5 older siblings, all of whom had at least one child in attendance).

Also forgot to mention- the hotel room we stayed in was the MOB's, as I was originally (apparently) expected to wander around a destination town I didn't know with two kids who just met me for 3 hours, but the weather was bad (cold and rainy, that's what happens when you marry in Florida in February!)

Final comment, I promise- I've posted this elsewhere...I have 4 kids coming who are under 10 (confirmed, 1 potential extra child, though waiting on RSVPs). 3 of them are flower girls. Will have kid friendly welcome bags at the hotel for them, activity bags at the wedding with coloring books, colored pencils, word searches, etc, and am discussing with my coordinator this week about having a table set up off to the side of the main dining tables with some 50-100 piece puzzles and jr. monopoly. We're not having dancing, but I don't expect kids to sit quietly for 3 hours with nothing to do!

kmmssg

Chipmunk415 said:

phira said:

Chipmunk415 said:

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

Side note- the bride in this wedding had always looked up to my Dad as a father figure (her dad left his family when she was 1.5 yrs old). I got down to the reception to find the mother just in time to see the Bride asking my Dad to join her in the "father daughter/ mother son" dance. It's a minor thing, but seeing as my Dad's health and physical condition means he will not be able to dance with me (he's working on feeling better to make sure he can escort me down the aisle) coupled with memories of this wedding, I'm upset again at the couple.   Some years later, the couple had two kids. Both are brats. They were living in the town I went to college in, and was attending at the time. Bride called asking if I could babysit. I said I'd have to check my class and workload schedule. Etiquette breach on my part- I never called back.

First off, this is HORRIBLE. Like, I want to go back in time, hug 14-year-old you, tell the bride that she should have hired childcare herself or told her guests not to bring children, and then told your parents that they should have stood up for you. Holy crap.

Second of all, thank you for introducing me to the word "voluntold." It. Is. PERFECT.

Thanks Phira! I discovered the word amongst the shiney spine ladies on etiquette hell. I'd forgotten- the bride's sister actually refused to attend because her 5 month old daughter was on the exclusion list, and the bride was waspish about it leading up to the wedding. My mom felt bad for me, dad just hadn't really thought about the fact that I had zero babysitting experience, and every wedding he'd been to up to this point had no kids (karma- a year later, my sister got married in CA- her hubs has something like 5 older siblings, all of whom had at least one child in attendance).

Also forgot to mention- the hotel room we stayed in was the MOB's, as I was originally (apparently) expected to wander around a destination town I didn't know with two kids who just met me for 3 hours, but the weather was bad (cold and rainy, that's what happens when you marry in Florida in February!)

Final comment, I promise- I've posted this elsewhere...I have 4 kids coming who are under 10 (confirmed, 1 potential extra child, though waiting on RSVPs). 3 of them are flower girls. Will have kid friendly welcome bags at the hotel for them, activity bags at the wedding with coloring books, colored pencils, word searches, etc, and am discussing with my coordinator this week about having a table set up off to the side of the main dining tables with some 50-100 piece puzzles and jr. monopoly. We're not having dancing, but I don't expect kids to sit quietly for 3 hours with nothing to do!

 

STUCK IN THE BOX! 

Chipmunk - you are awesome!  Nice way to treat those kids.  My MIL was he best ever and a retired elementary school teacher.  We had a ton of kids at our wedding.  She called me a couple of weeks prior and asked me if she could set up a small area in the corner where the kids could color play with matchbox cars, etc.  She said it was a real pet peeve of hers to put kids in a position to act like adults and sit in a chair for 3 or 4 hours (she wasn't accusing us of doing that, she just wanted the kids to have a good time too).  I said Heck Yeah!  I still have all the pictures the kids colored for us on our wedding day.

 

 

 

Lindzxxo

Chipmunk415 said:

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

Side note- the bride in this wedding had always looked up to my Dad as a father figure (her dad left his family when she was 1.5 yrs old). I got down to the reception to find the mother just in time to see the Bride asking my Dad to join her in the "father daughter/ mother son" dance. It's a minor thing, but seeing as my Dad's health and physical condition means he will not be able to dance with me (he's working on feeling better to make sure he can escort me down the aisle) coupled with memories of this wedding, I'm upset again at the couple.   Some years later, the couple had two kids. Both are brats. They were living in the town I went to college in, and was attending at the time. Bride called asking if I could babysit. I said I'd have to check my class and workload schedule. Etiquette breach on my part- I never called back.

*Stuck in Box*

It is the right of the host to decide who they wish to host (aside from splitting up couples) that includes not hosting children. While the bride and groom ended up acting snotty, the ones who had the etiquette breach were infact your parents. You should have never been brought along in the first place especially if the invite did not have your name (or "and family") on it. It is up to the parents to find something to do with their children NOT the bride and groom.

Chipmunk415

Lindzxxo said:

Chipmunk415 said:

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

Side note- the bride in this wedding had always looked up to my Dad as a father figure (her dad left his family when she was 1.5 yrs old). I got down to the reception to find the mother just in time to see the Bride asking my Dad to join her in the "father daughter/ mother son" dance. It's a minor thing, but seeing as my Dad's health and physical condition means he will not be able to dance with me (he's working on feeling better to make sure he can escort me down the aisle) coupled with memories of this wedding, I'm upset again at the couple.   Some years later, the couple had two kids. Both are brats. They were living in the town I went to college in, and was attending at the time. Bride called asking if I could babysit. I said I'd have to check my class and workload schedule. Etiquette breach on my part- I never called back.

*Stuck in Box*

It is the right of the host to decide who they wish to host (aside from splitting up couples) that includes not hosting children. While the bride and groom ended up acting snotty, the ones who had the etiquette breach were infact your parents. You should have never been brought along in the first place especially if the invite did not have your name (or "and family") on it. It is up to the parents to find something to do with their children NOT the bride and groom.

Lindz, I should make some clarifications for your benefit- I was invited to the ceremony, and we were not told the rule included me until 2 weeks before the event. My parents had already planned that we would drive to the ceremony, reception, and back home all in one day (3.5 hrs each way, but hotels in St. Augustine in February are ridiculous, esp at Valentine's Day weekend, which is the same weekend this wedding occurred). They were unable to secure alternative arrangements for me at that point.  The invitations did not say "no kids." It was to "the chipmunk family". The rule was passed by word of mouth- the sister of the bride found out first, then the mother of the two kids I looked after, 3-5 weeks prior to the wedding. MOB and Bride said at that point I could "come along and watch the kids"- aka the voluntold.  Who was breaching etiquette at that point?

Never said it was the bride's responsibility to make a child plan (though it is nice when B&G set up something in advance for kids). Simply stated what sticks out in my mind as the worst wedding I've attended, which is the point of this thread.

Amyzen83

Chipmunk415 said:

Lindzxxo said:

Chipmunk415 said:

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

Side note- the bride in this wedding had always looked up to my Dad as a father figure (her dad left his family when she was 1.5 yrs old). I got down to the reception to find the mother just in time to see the Bride asking my Dad to join her in the "father daughter/ mother son" dance. It's a minor thing, but seeing as my Dad's health and physical condition means he will not be able to dance with me (he's working on feeling better to make sure he can escort me down the aisle) coupled with memories of this wedding, I'm upset again at the couple.   Some years later, the couple had two kids. Both are brats. They were living in the town I went to college in, and was attending at the time. Bride called asking if I could babysit. I said I'd have to check my class and workload schedule. Etiquette breach on my part- I never called back.

*Stuck in Box*

It is the right of the host to decide who they wish to host (aside from splitting up couples) that includes not hosting children. While the bride and groom ended up acting snotty, the ones who had the etiquette breach were infact your parents. You should have never been brought along in the first place especially if the invite did not have your name (or "and family") on it. It is up to the parents to find something to do with their children NOT the bride and groom.

Lindz, I should make some clarifications for your benefit- I was invited to the ceremony, and we were not told the rule included me until 2 weeks before the event. My parents had already planned that we would drive to the ceremony, reception, and back home all in one day (3.5 hrs each way, but hotels in St. Augustine in February are ridiculous, esp at Valentine's Day weekend, which is the same weekend this wedding occurred). They were unable to secure alternative arrangements for me at that point.  The invitations did not say "no kids." It was to "the chipmunk family". The rule was passed by word of mouth- the sister of the bride found out first, then the mother of the two kids I looked after, 3-5 weeks prior to the wedding. MOB and Bride said at that point I could "come along and watch the kids"- aka the voluntold.  Who was breaching etiquette at that point?

Never said it was the bride's responsibility to make a child plan (though it is nice when B&G set up something in advance for kids). Simply stated what sticks out in my mind as the worst wedding I've attended, which is the point of this thread.

From what you just said, it was clearly the bride's bad for putting "and family" because kids are part of the family, she should have just addressed it to your parents. I find it highly rude that you could come to the ceremony but not the reception. At least the parents of the kids you watched re-payed you nicely but it sounds like B--- bride only intended to use you with no gratitude. That stinks! Sorry that happened to you!

sofakingmad

Amyzen83 said:

DragonBlood13 BTW, I'm sorry things didn't work with your husband, but from your other comments, it sounds like it's for the best and I wish you the best of luck and support from your loved ones.

Aww thanks lady!  It's really ok.  I mean, I'm not happy that I'm getting a divorce, but for so many reasons it's for the best.

phira

Yeah, it sounds like the couple getting married basically did not tell ANYONE that their kids weren't invited to the reception until it was too late. Keep in mind that it's not like Chipmunk415 was the only kid whose parents still brought her--she was coerced into babysitting the rest of the kids that were there.

Lindzxxo

Chipmunk415 said:

Lindzxxo said:

Chipmunk415 said:

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

Side note- the bride in this wedding had always looked up to my Dad as a father figure (her dad left his family when she was 1.5 yrs old). I got down to the reception to find the mother just in time to see the Bride asking my Dad to join her in the "father daughter/ mother son" dance. It's a minor thing, but seeing as my Dad's health and physical condition means he will not be able to dance with me (he's working on feeling better to make sure he can escort me down the aisle) coupled with memories of this wedding, I'm upset again at the couple.   Some years later, the couple had two kids. Both are brats. They were living in the town I went to college in, and was attending at the time. Bride called asking if I could babysit. I said I'd have to check my class and workload schedule. Etiquette breach on my part- I never called back.

*Stuck in Box*

It is the right of the host to decide who they wish to host (aside from splitting up couples) that includes not hosting children. While the bride and groom ended up acting snotty, the ones who had the etiquette breach were infact your parents. You should have never been brought along in the first place especially if the invite did not have your name (or "and family") on it. It is up to the parents to find something to do with their children NOT the bride and groom.

Lindz, I should make some clarifications for your benefit- I was invited to the ceremony, and we were not told the rule included me until 2 weeks before the event. My parents had already planned that we would drive to the ceremony, reception, and back home all in one day (3.5 hrs each way, but hotels in St. Augustine in February are ridiculous, esp at Valentine's Day weekend, which is the same weekend this wedding occurred). They were unable to secure alternative arrangements for me at that point.  The invitations did not say "no kids." It was to "the chipmunk family". The rule was passed by word of mouth- the sister of the bride found out first, then the mother of the two kids I looked after, 3-5 weeks prior to the wedding. MOB and Bride said at that point I could "come along and watch the kids"- aka the voluntold.  Who was breaching etiquette at that point?

Never said it was the bride's responsibility to make a child plan (though it is nice when B&G set up something in advance for kids). Simply stated what sticks out in my mind as the worst wedding I've attended, which is the point of this thread.

*Stuck in box*
All I was getting at was that your parents could have saved you the bad experience BUT now knowing that they said "and family" puts it into better perspective.

Amyzen83

I completely agree, how an invitation is worded makes all the difference! If I was a parent and received an invite that said "and family" my first thought would be to bring along the munchkins. With that said though, if I drove x amount of miles or even down the street to watch the wedding and find out that my kids were not invited after all, I'd feel pretty embarrassed and would have asked why the bride didn't say anything when I RSVPed for the family.

huskypuppy14

Amyzen83 said:

I completely agree, how an invitation is worded makes all the difference! If I was a parent and received an invite that said "and family" my first thought would be to bring along the munchkins. With that said though, if I drove x amount of miles or even down the street to watch the wedding and find out that my kids were not invited after all, I'd feel pretty embarrassed and would have asked why the bride didn't say anything when I RSVPed for the family.

Yes to the bolded. Presumably chipmunk's parents RSVP for themselves and little chipmunk , so if there was a misunderstanding, the bride or parents or someone should have contacted chimpmunks parents and told them. Now, maybe that is what happened, but at that point it's still the bride and grooms fault for miswording the invitation envelope.