I had no idea so many people were butt-hurt about it.
People were mad about missing my notary paperwork ceremony and wanted me to have a wedding, I wanted a wedding too.
I wasn't going to do a registry or showers or any of that stuff and people wanted them..
I have to say that the military was the factor in having to split the dates apart, that doesn't seem to be part of this discussion by knotties much. (totally not a huge deal in military bride forums)
Like what if they have orders that prevent you from seeing each other until the paperwork is signed?
Why wait for them to get leave if you cannot see them in that time period. (not entirely true, I could drive 380 miles both ways and sleep in my car to see him for a few hours on certain weekends, were he had to be accompanied by another soldier and in uniform the whole time(aka no pda), and spend my food money on gasoline, which I did do for months, after not seeing him for months when he was only letter-writable)
just saying there are circumstances I could describe to anyone who's upset about it, but I really thought maybe one or two ppl of a hundred might be offended , (and those grumpy trouble guests will be offended by just about anything at any given time.)
This forum makes me fear that the anger is going to be like 80%people griping,
I thought most people will be happy to celebrate with dancing free-food and booze..
The military bride forums have people getting butt-hurt closer to 10% so splitting that demographic difference, maybe only some 20% of guests will be butt-hurt and need the lengthy explanation, hopefully it doesn't always have to be me expalining to 20 people thanks for coming, no we don't need gifts, yes we are legally married, maybe he can explain the deployment stuff, maybe the bridesmaids can smooth things over so there aint a bunch grinches hanging out all butt-hurt in corners.
Thanks for the heads-up, I'll prepare some kind of statement I guess for da grinches,
I had no idea so many people were butt-hurt about it.
People were mad about missing my notary paperwork ceremony and wanted me to have a wedding, I wanted a wedding too. Translation: I had a JOP wedding and wasn't satisfied with it, so I want to have a Pretty Princess Day.
I wasn't going to do a registry or showers or any of that stuff and people wanted them..
I have to say that the military was the factor in having to split the dates apart, that doesn't seem to be part of this discussion by knotties much. (totally not a huge deal in military bride forums) The military is a reason that many people choose a JOP style wedding. (Yes, THAT was their wedding.) They want the benefits of being a military spouse. Well, the consequences of that is that you don't get to have the big to-do. Oh well, it's an adult decision. Live with it. It doesn't make it any more OK to prance around pretending to get married when you've already been married for a year or more. Ask @PDKH.
Like what if they have orders that prevent you from seeing each other until the paperwork is signed? Then you decide what's important: The big white dress and frou-frou wedding? Or being with your soldier? If you pick being with your solider then you missed out on the frou-frou wedding. Period.
Why wait for them to get leave if you cannot see them in that time period. (not entirely true, I could drive 380 miles both ways and sleep in my car to see him for a few hours on certain weekends, were he had to be accompanied by another soldier and in uniform the whole time(aka no pda), and spend my food money on gasoline, which I did do for months, after not seeing him for months when he was only letter-writable)
just saying there are circumstances I could describe to anyone who's upset about it, but I really thought maybe one or two ppl of a hundred might be offended , (and those grumpy trouble guests will be offended by just about anything at any given time.)
This forum makes me fear that the anger is going to be like 80%people griping,
I thought most people will be happy to celebrate with dancing free-food and booze.. I'm good with that - all day long. Just don't make me sit through some fake ceremony, have "brides"maids and pretend to be a bride when you're a military spouse.
The military bride forums have people getting butt-hurt closer to 10% so splitting that demographic difference, maybe only some 20% of guests will be butt-hurt (great math skillzzz here.... haha seriously? I just can't....) and need the lengthy explanation, hopefully it doesn't always have to be me expalining to 20 people thanks for coming, no we don't need gifts, yes we are legally married, maybe he can explain the deployment stuff, maybe the brideswifesmaids (FTFY) can smooth things over so there aint a bunch grinches hanging out all butt-hurt in corners.
Thanks for the heads-up, I'll prepare some kind of statement I guess for da grinches,
Nice monologue. But all this tells me is that you didn't read this entire thread. You skimmed through a few responses and then posted your own. If you read through it, you wouldn't sound so incredibly uninformed.
Sounds to me like YOU'RE the one butt-hurt because you made the choice to get married at JOP and now you want a "real wedding". Newsflash - whatever you're planning, no matter how hard you try, isn't going to be a wedding. No one's getting married. It's going to be you prancing around pretending to be a bride when you're not. And putting on a fake ceremony where you and your husband will pretend you're getting married when you're not. What a waste of money!
ETA: Oh, and I have an idea for the bolded:
"Hi family and friends. I understand that you all have spent a lot of money and time to join us as we pretend to get married. As you all know, this isn't really a wedding since we've been married since (insert date). We wanted the financial and convenient benefits of being military spouses that your tax dollars pay for - thanks for that btw! BUT we are so caught up in what's NOT important (the wedding industry) that we think we DESERVE a frou-frou wedding. So sit down and shut up while we have this ceremony that we know is fake. Anyway, thanks for attending."
I had no idea so many people were butt-hurt about it.
People were mad about missing my notary paperwork ceremony and wanted me to have a wedding, I wanted a wedding too.
I wasn't going to do a registry or showers or any of that stuff and people wanted them..
I have to say that the military was the factor in having to split the dates apart, that doesn't seem to be part of this discussion by knotties much. (totally not a huge deal in military bride forums)
Like what if they have orders that prevent you from seeing each other until the paperwork is signed?
Why wait for them to get leave if you cannot see them in that time period. (not entirely true, I could drive 380 miles both ways and sleep in my car to see him for a few hours on certain weekends, were he had to be accompanied by another soldier and in uniform the whole time(aka no pda), and spend my food money on gasoline, which I did do for months, after not seeing him for months when he was only letter-writable)
just saying there are circumstances I could describe to anyone who's upset about it, but I really thought maybe one or two ppl of a hundred might be offended , (and those grumpy trouble guests will be offended by just about anything at any given time.)
This forum makes me fear that the anger is going to be like 80%people griping,
I thought most people will be happy to celebrate with dancing free-food and booze..
The military bride forums have people getting butt-hurt closer to 10% so splitting that demographic difference, maybe only some 20% of guests will be butt-hurt and need the lengthy explanation, hopefully it doesn't always have to be me expalining to 20 people thanks for coming, no we don't need gifts, yes we are legally married, maybe he can explain the deployment stuff, maybe the bridesmaids can smooth things over so there aint a bunch grinches hanging out all butt-hurt in corners.
Thanks for the heads-up, I'll prepare some kind of statement I guess for da grinches,
Thanks for the heads-up, I'll prepare some kind of statement I guess for da grinches,
Really...da grinches? Leave the Grinch at Christmas and understand that having a fake wedding ceremony is crappy. If you wanted a celebration then have a celebration with the people that matter. Have a party not a wedding re-do...
I completely agree that if you're lying about your real, legal marriage or even refer to your "PPD" as a "real" wedding, it is rude in many ways...to your guests, to yourself and most importantly to your husband (or wife). However, I would feel a lot better about attending a second wedding ceremony/reception (if it's not a false claim of a real marriage) than attending a full-blown legitimate wedding that ends in divorce within a year or two. Just because you aren't throwing a wedding celebration "the right way" should not dictate that you not have the day you want to plan. Why is celebrating with your friends and families the way you want to an issue?
I married my husband because I love him and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Our ceremony was about our love, and we made a spur-of-the-moment decision to be married that we do not regret. We knew we would be married...eventually. And when we were, although unplanned, it was perfect!
We are planning a marriage celebration with 85 of our close friends and family members 11 months after our marriage date. This is when we will have the money to host an event of this magnitude. We are executing it as an, "I Do, Part II" of sorts. I will not be walking down the aisle but will be wearing the dress I wore during our marriage (see my picture...it's not long or poofy. I actually already owned it as a summer dress). We are going to start the celebration with toasts to each other (proclaiming our love for each other, once again, in front of those who are important to us), then I am toasting my father who has been involved with this every step of the way. From there, the celebration will continue and we will enjoy drinks, dinner and dancing.
I am a planner by nature. I love coordinating events for my friends in my spare time like holiday parties and silly costumes for 5Ks. As most women, I have been thinking of my wedding day for years. I still want to throw the party I have dreamt of, but under no pretense.
We will be registering. This is not because I want the gifts I "missed out on" by not having the big wedding. I know when I attend anything, even a birthday, I want to know what will be valuable and used by the recipient. I absolutely hate playing the guessing game of what they could possibly want or need. When we notified our friends and families of our marriage, a majority of them asked where we were registered. We told them that we will register for our celebration in a year. They were relieved that we would have one.
From @grumbledore: "Also, remember that a wedding, complete with all the little details we all love, is not a right or a requirement. It is a luxury." and "No one is entitled to a big, fancy wedding - if that is what you want, plan it and execute it properly. Don’t take a shortcut and try to take it back later."
Well, it is a luxury, you're correct! No one is entitled to a big, fancy birthday party either but you don't see etiquette dictating that. To execute it "properly" is for the couple to determine. Just because someone was married in a quick, courthouse ceremony does not abolish their opportunity to celebrate when or how they want.
@grumbledore: "Remember that your friends and family love you and will lie to your face to keep you happy."
That doesn't sound like the people I have in my life. We base our relationships on solid foundations of trust and love. I could understand disappointment and unhappy murmuring if we lied to them about our wedding or were having this under the pretense of a "real marriage," because that would have broken that trust.
Anyway, I think I'm done now. I actually really liked this thread although we have some difference in opinion.
I had no idea so many people were butt-hurt about it.
People were mad about missing my notary paperwork ceremony and wanted me to have a wedding, I wanted a wedding too. That notary paperwork IS what makes you married. . . it's your marriage license. I assume you are in the US, and you can't get married in the US without one. Therefore, that was your wedding. What you wanted was a big frou frou ceremony. So why didn't you just do that if that is what you really wanted, rather than just going to the JOP?
I wasn't going to do a registry or showers or any of that stuff and people wanted them..
I have to say that the military was the factor in having to split the dates apart, that doesn't seem to be part of this discussion by knotties much. (totally not a huge deal in military bride forums) A Ha! As I suspected, you got married at the JOP because you wanted to take advantage of government benefits, like right now! You chose not to wait for those benefits. Being in the military is not an excuse to choose immediate government benefits over the wedding you really want, and then have a PPD later because you didn't get the wedding you really wanted.
Do you actually read the Military Brides forum? Because I don't think they take kindly to using the military as an excuse for PPDs.
Like what if they have orders that prevent you from seeing each other until the paperwork is signed? Then you wait until they get back to get married. Just like all of my military friends did. No one had a PPD.
Why wait for them to get leave if you cannot see them in that time period. (not entirely true, I could drive 380 miles both ways and sleep in my car to see him for a few hours on certain weekends, were he had to be accompanied by another soldier and in uniform the whole time(aka no pda), and spend my food money on gasoline, which I did do for months, after not seeing him for months when he was only letter-writable) Why wait? Because part of being an adult is making adult decisions and sacrifices. If you wanted a big frou frou wedding, you both should have waited until you could do that, so that you don't offend and hurt your family and friends. If you are going to have a PPD, please consider their feelings and be honest with them that you are already married.
just saying there are circumstances I could describe to anyone who's upset about it, but I really thought maybe one or two ppl of a hundred might be offended , (and those grumpy trouble guests will be offended by just about anything at any given time.) We have heard dozens of these "special circumstances" across these boards. For the most part, they are pretty much the same over and over.
This forum makes me fear that the anger is going to be like 80%people griping,
I thought most people will be happy to celebrate with dancing free-food and booze..Most people are happy doing that. . . they aren't happy after spending time and money to travel to what they think is a wedding, bring you a gift, etc and then discover after the fact that you were already married and the event they went to was not a real wedding. The main issue is that people get hurt because they were lied to.
The military bride forums have people getting butt-hurt closer to 10% so splitting that demographic difference, maybe only some 20% of guests will be butt-hurt and need the lengthy explanation, hopefully it doesn't always have to be me expalining to 20 people thanks for coming, no we don't need gifts, yes we are legally married, maybe he can explain the deployment stuff, maybe the bridesmaids can smooth things over so there aint a bunch grinches hanging out all butt-hurt in corners.
Thanks for the heads-up, I'll prepare some kind of statement I guess for da grinches,
Look, here's the deal. It's more than just being "butt hurt." It's the fact that you and your Husband got married in a rush so that you could claim certain benefits of being married, which in and of itself isn't the issue.
The issue is that you and your husband seem to be planning to keep your marriage a secret from your friends and family in order to plan and throw another "wedding". They will all think they are going to an actual wedding, when in fact they are not. And this may cause them to be very hurt when they find out, and they will because these secrets always come out. The deception will probably offend and hurt them more than your fake wedding ceremony.
So I urge you to be totally up front with everyone and tell them you are already married. When you send out STDs or invitations, do not include the word wedding, instead use the phrasing "join us in the celebration of our marriage" or something to that effect.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I completely agree that if you're lying about your real, legal marriage or even refer to your "PPD" as a "real" wedding, it is rude in many ways...to your guests, to yourself and most importantly to your husband (or wife). However, I would feel a lot better about attending a second wedding ceremony/reception (if it's not a false claim of a real marriage) than attending a full-blown legitimate wedding that ends in divorce within a year or two. Just because you aren't throwing a wedding celebration "the right way" should not dictate that you not have the day you want to plan. Why is celebrating with your friends and families the way you want to an issue?
I married my husband because I love him and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Our ceremony was about our love, and we made a spur-of-the-moment decision to be married that we do not regret. We knew we would be married...eventually. And when we were, although unplanned, it was perfect!
We are planning a marriage celebration with 85 of our close friends and family members 11 months after our marriage date. This is when we will have the money to host an event of this magnitude. We are executing it as an, "I Do, Part II" of sorts. I will not be walking down the aisle but will be wearing the dress I wore during our marriage (see my picture...it's not long or poofy. I actually already owned it as a summer dress). We are going to start the celebration with toasts to each other (proclaiming our love for each other, once again, in front of those who are important to us), then I am toasting my father who has been involved with this every step of the way. From there, the celebration will continue and we will enjoy drinks, dinner and dancing.
I am a planner by nature. I love coordinating events for my friends in my spare time like holiday parties and silly costumes for 5Ks. As most women, I have been thinking of my wedding day for years. I still want to throw the party I have dreamt of, but under no pretense.
We will be registering. This is not because I want the gifts I "missed out on" by not having the big wedding. I know when I attend anything, even a birthday, I want to know what will be valuable and used by the recipient. I absolutely hate playing the guessing game of what they could possibly want or need. When we notified our friends and families of our marriage, a majority of them asked where we were registered. We told them that we will register for our celebration in a year. They were relieved that we would have one.
From @grumbledore: "Also, remember that a wedding, complete with all the little details we all love, is not a right or a requirement. It is a luxury." and "No one is entitled to a big, fancy wedding - if that is what you want, plan it and execute it properly. Don’t take a shortcut and try to take it back later."
Well, it is a luxury, you're correct! No one is entitled to a big, fancy birthday party either but you don't see etiquette dictating that. To execute it "properly" is for the couple to determine. Just because someone was married in a quick, courthouse ceremony does not abolish their opportunity to celebrate when or how they want.
@grumbledore: "Remember that your friends and family love you and will lie to your face to keep you happy."
That doesn't sound like the people I have in my life. We base our relationships on solid foundations of trust and love. I could understand disappointment and unhappy murmuring if we lied to them about our wedding or were having this under the pretense of a "real marriage," because that would have broken that trust.
Anyway, I think I'm done now. I actually really liked this thread although we have some difference in opinion.
I didn't see anything about a re-do ceremony in your description. In that case it's really not a PPD. Why does it seem like no one is taking the time to actually READ the original post and comprehend it???
And etiquette DOES apply to birthday parties and parties in general. If you choose to host a party you must do it properly (or at least you should). That means making sure guests don't pay for anything, you have enough seating and the environment is comfortable, and pretty much all the other rules that apply to weddings. Hosting a party is different than simply saying "hey, let's have a BBQ at our house. Pot luck!"
I just don't understand why people have such a hard time getting it. If you're married and you plan a second ceremony where you go through the motions all over again, that's a fake wedding. Go ahead and have one; but don't try to make excuses as to why you *had* to do it or why it was okay. ugh.
After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!
I had no idea so many people were butt-hurt about it.
People were mad about missing my notary paperwork ceremony and wanted me to have a wedding, I wanted a wedding too.
I wasn't going to do a registry or showers or any of that stuff and people wanted them..
I have to say that the military was the factor in having to split the dates apart, that doesn't seem to be part of this discussion by knotties much. (totally not a huge deal in military bride forums)
Like what if they have orders that prevent you from seeing each other until the paperwork is signed?
Why wait for them to get leave if you cannot see them in that time period. (not entirely true, I could drive 380 miles both ways and sleep in my car to see him for a few hours on certain weekends, were he had to be accompanied by another soldier and in uniform the whole time(aka no pda), and spend my food money on gasoline, which I did do for months, after not seeing him for months when he was only letter-writable)
just saying there are circumstances I could describe to anyone who's upset about it, but I really thought maybe one or two ppl of a hundred might be offended , (and those grumpy trouble guests will be offended by just about anything at any given time.)
This forum makes me fear that the anger is going to be like 80%people griping,
I thought most people will be happy to celebrate with dancing free-food and booze..
The military bride forums have people getting butt-hurt closer to 10% so splitting that demographic difference, maybe only some 20% of guests will be butt-hurt and need the lengthy explanation, hopefully it doesn't always have to be me expalining to 20 people thanks for coming, no we don't need gifts, yes we are legally married, maybe he can explain the deployment stuff, maybe the bridesmaids can smooth things over so there aint a bunch grinches hanging out all butt-hurt in corners.
Thanks for the heads-up, I'll prepare some kind of statement I guess for da grinches,
Sigh. I don't know how I got signed up for this job.
1. How did the military "keep you apart"? Because they wouldn't pay for your housing?
2. What orders (besides a deployment or brief TDY) keep you from seeing each other?
Explain to me how this was not about getting federal tax dollar-provided benefits, and I'll back off.
Here's the deal - I want to marry my fiance really really badly ( and I'm fully capable of supporting myself without his benefits, thank you very much), but he and I also admit that we want the big fancy party. So we're waiting and praying he doesn't get deployed before our wedding date rolls around. I'm not saying that we're the role model military couple that everyone should exemplify, but I am saying it's possible to work it out - my fiance and I watch it all the time. A friend of ours was planning on getting married in March and then got news that he'll be headed to Afghanistan in February. So you know what? He and his fiancee scrambled around and I'm will be happy to sit there on their true wedding day in December.
Where there is a will, there is a way. Being in the military should never be an excuse to be self-servicing.
ETA: The other thing I can think of is that your spouse is PCS-ing OCONUS, in which case you would not be command sponsored until you're married. Still not an excuse - love your JOP and have an anniversary party later or shell out the money to ship yourself over to wherever they spent your spouse. Think about how many couples never get any assistance with their moves.
@ KnotPorscha Why is this an announcement? It doesn't announce anything , except that author of the tread is not very informed.
" In some countries, such as France, Spain, Germany, Turkey, Argentina, Japan and Russia, it is necessary to be married by government authority separately from any religious ceremony, with the state ceremony being the legally binding one. In those cases, the marriage is usually legalized before the ceremony"
Legally married means only one thing - married according to the law. And if the law requires that you get married in a court ( weekdays, 9 to 5) it's understandable that the celebration will most likely be some other day, convenient to the guests.
@TiaTea, the majority of people posting on these forums are still American or Canadian and thus do not need a separate civil ceremony if they prefer to wed elsewhere because these countries do recognize church weddings or any wedding performed by a proper officiant as legally-binding. And in case you haven't noticed, this topic comes up repeatedly.
This is an announcement, because seriously how many times do the regulars on this board have to answer the posts that come up multiple times per day about PPD's just because the special snowflakes are too speshul to use the search tool or even look at a post that was made earlier in the day? Pretty much every single one of these posts is made by someone in the US or Canada looking for exceptions to the rule, and the great advice in this column sums up all of the responses that they would get anyway. It just saves people from having to write the same information over and over again.
The issue of weddings happening in other countries is addressed in this thread, so it is pretty obvious that you didn't read it.
@aurorajanette "Did you even read the whole post" Unfortunately I read it, trying to find the actual announcement. Turned out it was pretty much just a chatter, nothing announced.
how many times do the regulars on this board have to answer
Did anybody ever addressed such a questions to "the regulars" ? Why did they feel that they "have to" answer? Anybody can answer. Have you ever seen a question "What does a regular think about my decision to do so and so? " Usually the questions are of a practical nature - "how to make it interesting, what to serve" , etc.
And since the tread is in ettiquettte, "Polite people show other adults the respect of acknowledging - or pretending - that they ( the other adults) must know best how to run their own lives. They do not ask insulting questions, make accusations, draw unpleasant morals or offer unsolicited advice" Miss Manners
@aurorajanette "Did you even read the whole post" Unfortunately I read it, trying to find the actual announcement. Turned out it was pretty much just a chatter, nothing announced.
how many times do the regulars on this board have to answer
Did anybody ever addressed such a questions to "the regulars" ? Why did they feel that they "have to" answer? Anybody can answer. Have you ever seen a question "What does a regular think about my decision to do so and so? " Usually the questions are of a practical nature - "how to make it interesting, what to serve" , etc.
And since the tread is in ettiquettte, "Polite people show other adults the respect of acknowledging - or pretending - that they ( the other adults) must know best how to run their own lives. They do not ask insulting questions, make accusations, draw unpleasant morals or offer unsolicited advice" Miss Manners
This is an internet forum where this advice about PPDs has been solicited for on numerous occasions. Since you missed it, the announcement is the very first post on this thread.
It specifically describes instances of Pretty Princess Days composed by people who do this as a selfish facade of a marriage ceremony to get money/gifts/attention etc. This would obviously not apply to those who are required by law to get married (as you have mentioned) in the courts separate from a religious ceremony.
The moral of the story is: It is poor etiquette to lie to your guests and have a fake wedding ceremony based on selfish means. The end.
Edit: This was made an Announcement because this online community asked for it to be.
Pesonally, I enjoyed the AMResorts chick encouraging just this very idea right here on The Knot yesterday during the live chat. Right or wrong, I thought it was amusing :-) The outrage, apoplexy and pearl clutching must have been EPIC! LMFAO.
Pesonally, I enjoyed the AMResorts chick encouraging just this very idea right here on The Knot yesterday during the live chat. Right or wrong, I thought it was amusing :-) The outrage, apoplexy and pearl clutching must have been EPIC! LMFAO.
Yes, because a person in the wedding industry would never encourage a bad idea even when money is to be made. *rolling eyes**
@ KnotPorscha Why is this an announcement? It doesn't announce anything , except that author of the tread is not very informed.
" In some countries, such as France, Spain, Germany, Turkey, Argentina, Japan and Russia, it is necessary to be married by government authority separately from any religious ceremony, with the state ceremony being the legally binding one. In those cases, the marriage is usually legalized before the ceremony"
Legally married means only one thing - married according to the law. And if the law requires that you get married in a court ( weekdays, 9 to 5) it's understandable that the celebration will most likely be some other day, convenient to the guests.
It is still an international forum, is it not?
TiaTea, what this refers to is that in a society where the legal and religious recognition of a marriage takes place during the same ceremony, it is not appropriate to have multiple ceremonies and then pretend that the first didn't happen because it lacked some element, while at the same time claiming to be "married" in order to be eligible for benefits that are available only to married couples.
The fact that legal and religious ceremonies are required in countries other than the USA in no way makes this polite in the USA or any other country which doesn't have this requirement. So while this is an international board, yes, we tend to apply North American standards of behavior because the vast majority of users are from North America.
@aurorajanette "Did you even read the whole post" Unfortunately I read it, trying to find the actual announcement. Turned out it was pretty much just a chatter, nothing announced.
how many times do the regulars on this board have to answer
Did anybody ever addressed such a questions to "the regulars" ? Why did they feel that they "have to" answer? Anybody can answer. Have you ever seen a question "What does a regular think about my decision to do so and so? " Usually the questions are of a practical nature - "how to make it interesting, what to serve" , etc.
And since the tread is in ettiquettte, "Polite people show other adults the respect of acknowledging - or pretending - that they ( the other adults) must know best how to run their own lives. They do not ask insulting questions, make accusations, draw unpleasant morals or offer unsolicited advice" Miss Manners
If you would have read the entire thread, you would have realized that international weddings were previously discussed, and would not have felt the need to come on here and call the author of this board "uninformed" which to me was an unsolicited accusation as described above by yourself and Miss Manners. Pot meet kettle.
Pesonally, I enjoyed the AMResorts chick encouraging just this very idea right here on The Knot yesterday during the live chat. Right or wrong, I thought it was amusing :-) The outrage, apoplexy and pearl clutching must have been EPIC! LMFAO.
I've seen you reference this act on several occasions and FFS not everyone who has an issue with your lack of etiquette is clutching/wearing pearls. Shouldn't you have the pearls with the PPD you are having? We aren't all librarians sipping tea in a cardigan discussing etiquette books with our beloved pearls. Some of us just enjoy good manners and not being lied to...
Pesonally, I enjoyed the AMResorts chick encouraging just this very idea right here on The Knot yesterday during the live chat. Right or wrong, I thought it was amusing :-) The outrage, apoplexy and pearl clutching must have been EPIC! LMFAO.
Yes, because a person in the wedding industry would never encourage a bad idea even when money is to be made. *rolling eyes**
Oh, she not only encouraged it, she then went on to explain how she and her husband did it. So not only does she sell travel packages regardless of what she has to say to do it, she's a morally corrupt, admitted LIAR. :-) I can't believe the admins left this up!
Pesonally, I enjoyed the AMResorts chick encouraging just this very idea right here on The Knot yesterday during the live chat. Right or wrong, I thought it was amusing :-) The outrage, apoplexy and pearl clutching must have been EPIC! LMFAO.
I've seen you reference this act on several occasions and FFS not everyone who has an issue with your lack of etiquette is clutching/wearing pearls. Shouldn't you have the pearls with the PPD you are having? We aren't all librarians sipping tea in a cardigan discussing etiquette books with our beloved pearls. Some of us just enjoy good manners and not being lied to...
I'm not wearing a wedding dress, let alone pearls. I'm glad you all enjoy good manners, so few individuals care in these depraved times. Please promise me you'll all be tracking down that awful AMResorts girl and letting her know what a discourteous ass she is, and that what she did is just plain wrong! You wouldn't want any lurkers reading that type of advice and getting the wrong idea.
Oh, I'm not pearl-clutching, STBMrsEverhart. I'm just not impressed.
ETA: Dammit, picture not working...
Excellent. You posted a picture of a brat and a buffoon. You sure showed me. I recant everything!
STBMrsEverhart, with every post, you make a bigger ass of yourself. Maybe you enjoy making yourself look like an idiot, but really it's just sad to the rest of us. If you don't like the advice by the users on the the E board, go find another site where your shitty ideas and bad manners will be validated.
Pesonally, I enjoyed the AMResorts chick encouraging just this very idea right here on The Knot yesterday during the live chat. Right or wrong, I thought it was amusing :-) The outrage, apoplexy and pearl clutching must have been EPIC! LMFAO.
I've seen you reference this act on several occasions and FFS not everyone who has an issue with your lack of etiquette is clutching/wearing pearls. Shouldn't you have the pearls with the PPD you are having? We aren't all librarians sipping tea in a cardigan discussing etiquette books with our beloved pearls. Some of us just enjoy good manners and not being lied to...
I'm not wearing a wedding dress, let alone pearls. I'm glad you all enjoy good manners, so few individuals care in these depraved times. Please promise me you'll all be tracking down that awful AMResorts girl and letting her know what a discourteous ass she is, and that what she did is just plain wrong! You wouldn't want any lurkers reading that type of advice and getting the wrong idea.
Eh...your advice and discourteous behavior is much worse. You aren't a salesperson trying to do a job. You're just trying to sell your event as a wedding when it isn't and omission as if it is not lying...good luck with that.
Oh, I'm not pearl-clutching, STBMrsEverhart. I'm just not impressed.
ETA: Dammit, picture not working...
Excellent. You posted a picture of a brat and a buffoon. You sure showed me. I recant everything!
STBMrsEverhart, with every post, you make a bigger ass of yourself. Maybe you enjoy making yourself look like an idiot, but really it's just sad to the rest of us. If you don't like the advice by the users on the the E board, go find another site where your shitty ideas and bad manners will be validated.
So I make fun of your crappy meme and I'm the idiot? Yea, ok. I don't need or want validation. I'm a grown woman who does not lack confidence. Validation is for sheep and people who are not sure of themselves. I am neither.
ETA: Dammit, picture not working...
Excellent. You posted a picture of a brat and a buffoon. You sure showed me. I recant everything!
STBMrsEverhart, with every post, you make a bigger ass of yourself. Maybe you enjoy making yourself look like an idiot, but really it's just sad to the rest of us. If you don't like the advice by the users on the the E board, go find another site where your shitty ideas and bad manners will be validated.
So I make fun of your crappy meme and I'm the idiot? Yea, ok. I don't need or want validation. I'm a grown woman who does not lack confidence. Validation is for sheep and people who are not sure of themselves. I am neither.
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Yes, it's a lack of confidence that stops most people from lying to their guests and having multiple parties to celebrate themselves.
ETA quote box problems.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
Oh, I'm not pearl-clutching, STBMrsEverhart. I'm just not impressed.
ETA: Dammit, picture not working...
Excellent. You posted a picture of a brat and a buffoon. You sure showed me. I recant everything!
STBMrsEverhart, with every post, you make a bigger ass of yourself. Maybe you enjoy making yourself look like an idiot, but really it's just sad to the rest of us. If you don't like the advice by the users on the the E board, go find another site where your shitty ideas and bad manners will be validated.
So I make fun of your crappy meme and I'm the idiot? Yea, ok. I don't need or want validation. I'm a grown woman who does not lack confidence. Validation is for sheep and people who are not sure of themselves. I am neither.
Yes, it's a lack of confidence that stops most people from lying to their guests and having multiple parties to celebrate themselves.
ETA quote box problems.
No, it's a lack of confidence that makes some seek validation. People lie for all sorts of reasons. And throw parties for even more than that. But validation, validation just saddens me.
Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)
People were mad about missing my notary paperwork ceremony and wanted me to have a wedding, I wanted a wedding too.
I wasn't going to do a registry or showers or any of that stuff and people wanted them..
I have to say that the military was the factor in having to split the dates apart, that doesn't seem to be part of this discussion by knotties much. (totally not a huge deal in military bride forums)
Like what if they have orders that prevent you from seeing each other until the paperwork is signed?
Why wait for them to get leave if you cannot see them in that time period.
(not entirely true, I could drive 380 miles both ways and sleep in my car to see him for a few hours on certain weekends, were he had to be accompanied by another soldier and in uniform the whole time(aka no pda), and spend my food money on gasoline, which I did do for months, after not seeing him for months when he was only letter-writable)
just saying there are circumstances I could describe to anyone who's upset about it, but I really thought maybe one or two ppl of a hundred might be offended , (and those grumpy trouble guests will be offended by just about anything at any given time.)
This forum makes me fear that the anger is going to be like 80%people griping,
I thought most people will be happy to celebrate with dancing free-food and booze..
The military bride forums have people getting butt-hurt closer to 10% so splitting that demographic difference, maybe only some 20% of guests will be butt-hurt and need the lengthy explanation, hopefully it doesn't always have to be me expalining to 20 people thanks for coming, no we don't need gifts, yes we are legally married, maybe he can explain the deployment stuff, maybe the bridesmaids can smooth things over so there aint a bunch grinches hanging out all butt-hurt in corners.
Thanks for the heads-up, I'll prepare some kind of statement I guess for da grinches,
The issue is that you and your husband seem to be planning to keep your marriage a secret from your friends and family in order to plan and throw another "wedding". They will all think they are going to an actual wedding, when in fact they are not. And this may cause them to be very hurt when they find out, and they will because these secrets always come out. The deception will probably offend and hurt them more than your fake wedding ceremony.
So I urge you to be totally up front with everyone and tell them you are already married. When you send out STDs or invitations, do not include the word wedding, instead use the phrasing "join us in the celebration of our marriage" or something to that effect.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I didn't see anything about a re-do ceremony in your description. In that case it's really not a PPD. Why does it seem like no one is taking the time to actually READ the original post and comprehend it???
And etiquette DOES apply to birthday parties and parties in general. If you choose to host a party you must do it properly (or at least you should). That means making sure guests don't pay for anything, you have enough seating and the environment is comfortable, and pretty much all the other rules that apply to weddings. Hosting a party is different than simply saying "hey, let's have a BBQ at our house. Pot luck!"
I just don't understand why people have such a hard time getting it. If you're married and you plan a second ceremony where you go through the motions all over again, that's a fake wedding. Go ahead and have one; but don't try to make excuses as to why you *had* to do it or why it was okay. ugh.
After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!
Why is this an announcement?
It doesn't announce anything , except that author of the tread is not very informed.
" In some countries, such as France, Spain, Germany, Turkey, Argentina, Japan and Russia, it is necessary to be married by government authority separately from any religious ceremony, with the state ceremony being the legally binding one. In those cases, the marriage is usually legalized before the ceremony"
This is from here, but one can read it on different websites. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_law
Legally married means only one thing - married according to the law. And if the law requires that you get married in a court ( weekdays, 9 to 5) it's understandable that the celebration will most likely be some other day, convenient to the guests.
It is still an international forum, is it not?
"Did you even read the whole post"
Unfortunately I read it, trying to find the actual announcement. Turned out it was pretty much just a chatter, nothing announced.
how many times do the regulars on this board have to answer
Did anybody ever addressed such a questions to "the regulars" ? Why did they feel that they "have to" answer? Anybody can answer. Have you ever seen a question "What does a regular think about my decision to do so and so? "
Usually the questions are of a practical nature - "how to make it interesting, what to serve" , etc.
And since the tread is in ettiquettte,
"Polite people show other adults the respect of acknowledging - or pretending - that they ( the other adults) must know best how to run their own lives. They do not ask insulting questions, make accusations, draw unpleasant morals or offer unsolicited advice"
Miss Manners
It specifically describes instances of Pretty Princess Days composed by people who do this as a selfish facade of a marriage ceremony to get money/gifts/attention etc. This would obviously not apply to those who are required by law to get married (as you have mentioned) in the courts separate from a religious ceremony.
The moral of the story is: It is poor etiquette to lie to your guests and have a fake wedding ceremony based on selfish means. The end.
Edit: This was made an Announcement because this online community asked for it to be.
The fact that legal and religious ceremonies are required in countries other than the USA in no way makes this polite in the USA or any other country which doesn't have this requirement. So while this is an international board, yes, we tend to apply North American standards of behavior because the vast majority of users are from North America.
ETA: Dammit, picture not working...
Excellent. You posted a picture of a brat and a buffoon. You sure showed me. I recant everything! STBMrsEverhart, with every post, you make a bigger ass of yourself. Maybe you enjoy making yourself look like an idiot, but really it's just sad to the rest of us. If you don't like the advice by the users on the the E board, go find another site where your shitty ideas and bad manners will be validated.
So I make fun of your crappy meme and I'm the idiot? Yea, ok. I don't need or want validation. I'm a grown woman who does not lack confidence. Validation is for sheep and people who are not sure of themselves. I am neither.
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Yes, it's a lack of confidence that stops most people from lying to their guests and having multiple parties to celebrate themselves.