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Etiquette

Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

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Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

  • mimiphin said:
    Viczaesar said:
    PDKH said:
    So I am newly engaged and we were thinking about going and having a civil union next month and then having a celebration of our marriage in the spring/summer of 2014 due to our crazy work schedules we only have a short window to have a wedding/get married. We are ready to get married now but our schedules don't permit an actual wedding right now. I have been going crazy trying to decide on what we should do. We both agree that we want to get married next month but the way our schedules are its hard to get a wedding together. I don't want my family to feel as though they are being robbed because that's definitely not the case. I never imagined getting married without my daddy giving me away and that's what I want. I am thinking about discussing it with both our parents to get their take on it.
    Why don't you just wait until 2014 and do it all at once. . . get married and have the celebration of your wedding all on the same day.  The way that everyone used to do it.

    Seriously, why do you need to get married next month?

    I got engaged in June of 2012. . . I'm not getting married until October of 2014.  I'm still engaged, I didn't have a civil ceremony.  I just don't get it.
    That's my rock and hard place. I want to wait but at the same time I want to go ahead and do it and have the celebration of the wedding in the summer. I never imagined having to make this decision...its tough. Neither of us are fans of long engagements
    Sigh - look, I'm not gonna lie, I hated (still hate) our long engagement too. FI is active duty military and I'm a grad student, so yes, scheduling is a bitch and there's a chance our entire plans could get scrapped due to a deployment. But the nice thing about a long engagement is that planning has been a easy process and we've had time to save up a bit more money, so our wedding is pretty much everything I could ask for. 

    But I PROMISE it's worth it to do your wedding the right way. Don't you want that aisle moment to be the moment right before you actually marry the man you love? Not just a day you got all dolled up?

    Getting married because you just can't wait is fine. But with that decision, you sacrifice the "big day" stuff - because you already had your big day. 
    Yeah you are right, and thats exactly how I feel. His job is extremely busy and ties him up and there are some things that we try to keep a secret due to who he is and what he does. Thats the only reason this option is even on the table. I am going to discuss this with my daddy, because he is the most important person to me when I think of me getting married. I would never want to "rob" my father from this moment. I know that may seem crazy that a bride-to-be is more worried about her father than the focus being on herself and what she wants lol, but until I met my fiance, my father was my best friend.
    Having a PPD is not selfless. Please don't kid yourself. If you want your father to be there, invite him to the JOP or wait and have a wedding in a year. It's not complicated.

    And the first highlighted part creeped me out.
    Why?
    A grown woman about to be married calling her dad "daddy" on an internet forum is weird to me, and sounds more like she's addressing her sugar daddy or baby daddy.

    Or maybe I just watch too much television.

    ETA:
    image
    Agreed.

    mimiphin said:
    Viczaesar said:
    PDKH said:
    So I am newly engaged and we were thinking about going and having a civil union next month and then having a celebration of our marriage in the spring/summer of 2014 due to our crazy work schedules we only have a short window to have a wedding/get married. We are ready to get married now but our schedules don't permit an actual wedding right now. I have been going crazy trying to decide on what we should do. We both agree that we want to get married next month but the way our schedules are its hard to get a wedding together. I don't want my family to feel as though they are being robbed because that's definitely not the case. I never imagined getting married without my daddy giving me away and that's what I want. I am thinking about discussing it with both our parents to get their take on it.
    Why don't you just wait until 2014 and do it all at once. . . get married and have the celebration of your wedding all on the same day.  The way that everyone used to do it.

    Seriously, why do you need to get married next month?

    I got engaged in June of 2012. . . I'm not getting married until October of 2014.  I'm still engaged, I didn't have a civil ceremony.  I just don't get it.
    That's my rock and hard place. I want to wait but at the same time I want to go ahead and do it and have the celebration of the wedding in the summer. I never imagined having to make this decision...its tough. Neither of us are fans of long engagements
    Sigh - look, I'm not gonna lie, I hated (still hate) our long engagement too. FI is active duty military and I'm a grad student, so yes, scheduling is a bitch and there's a chance our entire plans could get scrapped due to a deployment. But the nice thing about a long engagement is that planning has been a easy process and we've had time to save up a bit more money, so our wedding is pretty much everything I could ask for. 

    But I PROMISE it's worth it to do your wedding the right way. Don't you want that aisle moment to be the moment right before you actually marry the man you love? Not just a day you got all dolled up?

    Getting married because you just can't wait is fine. But with that decision, you sacrifice the "big day" stuff - because you already had your big day. 
    Yeah you are right, and thats exactly how I feel. His job is extremely busy and ties him up and there are some things that we try to keep a secret due to who he is and what he does. Thats the only reason this option is even on the table. I am going to discuss this with my daddy, because he is the most important person to me when I think of me getting married. I would never want to "rob" my father from this moment. I know that may seem crazy that a bride-to-be is more worried about her father than the focus being on herself and what she wants lol, but until I met my fiance, my father was my best friend.
    Having a PPD is not selfless. Please don't kid yourself. If you want your father to be there, invite him to the JOP or wait and have a wedding in a year. It's not complicated.

    And the first highlighted part creeped me out.
    Why?
    A grown woman about to be married calling her dad "daddy" on an internet forum is weird to me, and sounds more like she's addressing her sugar daddy or baby daddy.

    Or maybe I just watch too much television.

    ETA:
    image
    Agreed.
    Yes I am a grown woman and YES I STILL CALL MY DAD DADDY and MY MOM MOMMY! lol...Doesn't matter if its on the internet, over the phone, or in person. I always address my parents as mommy and daddy. I am very close to my parents and will forever call them MOMMY and DADDY. Yes there are some people who ask why, to me, its preference. No they don't treat me like a child or anything like that, I have just always called them Mommy and Daddy. My Fiance thought it was weird at first but he has gotten used to it. I didn't see anywhere in the "life manual" where you had to stop calling your parents mommy and daddy once you reached a certain age..maybe because Im a daddy's girl I continue to call him that. Plain old "Dad" just doesn't sound right to me lol
    AroundTheBlockAlexisA01ll6747
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    Can we stop with the huge quote boxes?  If you need to quote then at least erase the crap that you aren't talking about so as to keep those suckers down.

    Yes! This thread has been hell on mobile.



    Anniversary
    image

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    grumbledore[Deleted User]kitty8403
  • There can be exceptions.. My daughter and her fiancé met in Japan in the military. We were planning a May wedding for them. My daughter was then told she would be sent to Germany. If they were married then she could stay. So they did a Japanese JOP ceremony, and we went ahead with the full wedding in May here.
    WedReMix13a13049Sällskapdjur
  • Their marriage occurred in January their wedding occurred in May. Simple enough. She deserved a PPD.
    a13049ll6747perdonamiSällskapdjur
  • Maggi708 said:

    Their marriage occurred in January their wedding occurred in May. Simple enough. She deserved a PPD.

    Nope.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    aurorajanette[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostchiualover
  • A PPD is defined by the details or just the fact the person wants a 2nd wedding type date? 


    Married 11/12/05 ~ Renewed Our Vows 11/9/13. 

    "The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still."


  • A PPD is defined by the details or just the fact the person wants a 2nd wedding type date? 


    It depends on your definition of "wedding-type date."  IMO, VRs can be done tastefully, but putting on a ballgown and pretending to be a bride again with all of the trimmings after you're already married is not okay.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
    mimiphinSKPMPrettyGirlLost
  • A PPD is defined by the details or just the fact the person wants a 2nd wedding type date? 


    It's the re-enactment. You can have the big, blowout wedding reception at a later date,  but you shouldn't play pretend and re-enact your vows. You're already married, I don't want to watch you pretend to get married again.

    But I will go to your fancy reception with dinner and a DJ and even a cake and white dress. But there's no need to re-enact your ceremony.
    Anniversary
  • You're already married, I don't want to watch you pretend to get married again.

    Yeah this is the part that is rude.  I understand that some people have a destination wedding and not everyone can afford to come, so they have a reception later when they get home, but it's a reception, they don't make everyone sit through a fake ceremony.  I think that's okay (I'm not personally doing that but I'm not offended by it).  But a fake ceremony is rude and annoying.
    Liatris2010chiualover
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Maggi708 said:
    Their marriage occurred in January their wedding occurred in May. Simple enough. She deserved a PPD.
    Their wedding occured in January, on the same day of their marriage.  You can't have a wedding unless ppl are getting married.  Your daughter had a fake wedding redo in May, and she didn't deserve it.  No one is entitled to be married, and no one is entitled to have a redo wedding day because they chose a JOP ceremony earlier in order to stay with their hubby.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    banana468Dreamergirl8812
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I had a kind of tiff with my partner about whether or not it's okay to do a PPD if you need to get married for health or military or green card reasons. I still stand by the fact that getting married is always OPTIONAL. No, you DON'T have to get married before your partner is deployed. No, you DON'T have to get married for your partner's insurance. No, you DON'T have to get married so your partner can move to your country.

    Yes, this is where marriage makes your lives MUCH easier. But it's NOT required. You're not being forced to get married under the circumstances. You don't get a redo just because you didn't have your dream wedding.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    grumbledoreNYCMercedes[Deleted User]mcgarci2
  • PDKH said:
    "Military reasons" is almost always code for "I wanted the federal government to start using tax payer dollars to give me benefits ASAP because I didn't want to pay for my own housing or insurance."

    Which is a pretty disgusting reason to have a PPD, if you ask me. 
    QFT x 1000
    image
    grumbledore[Deleted User]
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    PDKH said:
    "Military reasons" is almost always code for "I wanted the federal government to start using tax payer dollars to give me benefits ASAP because I didn't want to pay for my own housing or insurance."

    Which is a pretty disgusting reason to have a PPD, if you ask me. 
    QFT x 1000
    1,001.



    Anniversary
    image

    image
    grumbledoreaurorajanette
  • Maggi708 said:
    Their marriage occurred in January their wedding occurred in May. Simple enough. She deserved a PPD.
    Their wedding occured in January, on the same day of their marriage.  You can't have a wedding unless ppl are getting married.  Your daughter had a fake wedding redo in May, and she didn't deserve it.  No one is entitled to be married, and no one is entitled to have a redo wedding day because they chose a JOP ceremony earlier in order to stay with their hubby.
    I disagree that no one is entitled to get married - everyone is, imo.  People are not, however, entitled to their dream wedding.

    Yes, everyone is entitled to get married, and no not everyone is entitled to their dream wedding. IF they can afford a PPD and they aren't leing or fishing for extra gifts,  they are not hurting or offending people by creating their dream day, though.  YOu can think they are stupid or AWish, that is an opinion. You are entitled to that opinion.  Someone having a PPD is not rude to you, if you don't like them you don't go, its really simple. Getting and invitation, does not mean you are obligated to go.   People who do like them, or don't sit around "side eyeing" or simply being judgemental can attend and everyone enjoys themselves and no one is harmed. 

     

     

     


     

    AroundTheBlockperdonami[Deleted User]
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