Reception Ideas

When to throw engagement party?

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Re: When to throw engagement party?

  • I think it's safe to say that ANYONE planning a wedding doesn't want others disagreeing with his/her plans. It's super frustrating because you want people to agree with and love your ideas and thoughts (whatever they may be) as much as you do. You want to feel that people support your decisions and when you are getting a totally different vibe from the very start of your planning it is really a heartbreaking feeling. Call me dramatic-say what you like, everyone else already did.I can't help how i feel.
    TinaP89
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
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    Alh728 said:
    I'm not really sure what the point of lying on a message board is.....? If you want to do something (even if it's in poor taste or is bad etiquette), do you really need validation from strangers to do it?

    I didn't feel comfortable explaining my true situation. I'm not well off and perhaps I was trying to cover that up. However i did at a later point in this thread come clean about my situation-I said it clearly that I did lie. I also apologized for my words- But by no means was i ever just throwing a party for gifts-that was strictly assumption. But also being newly engaged I have no idea what i'm doing & when i have an idea people are disagreeing with-yeah, i'm going to look for someone to validate my point and agree with what i am thinking. Kind of human nature...
    Good lord. plenty of people are not well off. People all over TK are throwing beautiful low budget weddings. If you are concerned about budget, the engagement party is the easiest thing for you to cross off the list. 1) You won't be spending the money. 2) You won't offend your guests and come off as tacky, and 3) no one will miss it because most people don't have engagement parties. Lots of people don't know what they are doing when they are wedding planning- you go from probably never even hosting a dinner a party to being expected to throw a big event. But you read posts, you grab a book, you learn. But 99% of people told you that this is idea is hella tacky. Why are you ignoring that in favor of the 1%?

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    doeydoPrettyGirlLostjenna8984
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    Alh728 said:
    I think it's safe to say that ANYONE planning a wedding doesn't want others disagreeing with his/her plans. It's super frustrating because you want people to agree with and love your ideas and thoughts (whatever they may be) as much as you do. You want to feel that people support your decisions and when you are getting a totally different vibe from the very start of your planning it is really a heartbreaking feeling. Call me dramatic-say what you like, everyone else already did.I can't help how i feel.
    But you are getting butt hurt over a bunch of internet strangers that won't even be at your wedding.

    And do you really want us or anyone to support bad decisions?  Or would you rather us tell you the truth (being strangers and all it is easier to hear the truth from us then your loved ones) to keep you from looking like an ass to your friends and family?

    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMomlc07grumbledore
  • Well I heard everyones voices loud and clear today so everyone can sleep well tonight knowing I will not be having an engagement party.

     

    Thanks for all input & good luck to all.

    jenniferurs
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    WTF
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    thelastdreamergrumbledore
  • Alh728 said:

    So if my mom can't afford the party who holds it?

    Engagement parties are not a requirement for marriage. I have never actually known someone who had an engagement party.  You can, and should, get married without one.  And anybody besides you can throw you such a party, not just your mother.

    Nobody gives presents for engagement parties, so if this is your expectation, I'd change it. 

    You admittedly don't know much about wedding planning.  So when people give you advice, don't jump down their throats.  You came looking for advice and people are trying to help you.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Alh728 said:
    I think it's safe to say that ANYONE planning a wedding doesn't want others disagreeing with his/her plans. It's super frustrating because you want people to agree with and love your ideas and thoughts (whatever they may be) as much as you do. You want to feel that people support your decisions and when you are getting a totally different vibe from the very start of your planning it is really a heartbreaking feeling. Call me dramatic-say what you like, everyone else already did.I can't help how i feel.
    No. And it's not "human nature" as you suggested in another post. A person that's immature behaves like that. A mature, level-headed person is able to take criticism and listen to the advice of others, especially other brides and former brides that may know better. 

    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledore
  • I've been to 2 engagement parties. One was thrown by the family of the bride and was essentially like a small wedding reception, but this family is super rich and loves to party. No one gave the couple "real" gifts, but they did get some wine and a couple gift certificates to a restaurant. The other was officially hosted by the bride's family as well, who owned a giant vacation home on Martha's Vineyard (seriously, the house could sleep a good 20 people), and was essentially an excuse to get the bride's friends and the groom's friends to get to know each other--they got engaged right after college, and had gone to different colleges. I don't remember any gifts at all. 

    In full disclosure, technically, I did throw my own engagement party this summer. Our parents had only met once or twice, and we wanted our families to get to know each other better. So we invited just our immediate families over for a cookout about a month or so after we got engaged, and called it an "engagement party". 
    teamgrl06PrettyGirlLostrebeccarinkermargaritaaa
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    The boat has sailed on an engagement party for you, OP.

    And brides who expect everyone to agree with every aspect of their plans, and then come back with rude responses and admissions of lying to Internet strangers they have asked for advice but who disagree with them, don't act as though they are mature enough to get married.  They have some growing up to do before they can be objectively assisted.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Alh728 said:

    Well I heard everyones voices loud and clear today so everyone can sleep well tonight knowing I will not be having an engagement party.

     

    Thanks for all input & good luck to all.

    Not having an e party isn't that big of a deal. No one offered for us, so we didn't have one.

    Honestly, I really don't get the big deal with them. They ate usually held right after a couple gets engaged, and I think they are just a recipe for guestlist problems down the line. Think about, most couples are just starting to think about numbers at that point, and most weddings require whittling down your list later because it always grows. Well if you invite all of your friends, or your mom hosts and insists all her friends and neighbors be invited, guess what, now all of those people MUST be invited to the wedding. How many times do we have brides coming asking if how they can save money or cut numbers?!

    If you really wanted a party, you can host your own get together...just don't call it anything related to a wedding or engagement.

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    PrettyGirlLostCrazyCatLady3lc07grumbledore
  • My dad invited me and my FI to go bowling a month or two after we got engaged. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party where he paid for both families and some close friends to bowl and drink and get to know each other. I was not expecting a party at all it was just simply a nice gesture. Don't force it...if he hadn't done it, I would be just fine.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Alh728 said:

    LOL I can tell I wont be able to live this post down. Nobody knows my situation-what if I had no parents? Would it then still be rude to host my own party? Probably not. How bout this-I lied about my mother being 50-shes 45 and quite capable of planning a party actually. But as a single mother her whole life she has little to nothing at all to contribute to such event. So I shouldn't have an engagement party because she can't afford to host it? That would just make her feel worse. Additionally  several people I asked said they know MANY brides who planned their own engagement parties just as a side note. What I have learned since this AM's advice is that whatever people are going to say is irrelevant and i am going to have to just go with my gut and plan what works for ME and MY family.I had a bad moment-don't we all? But none of you are any better for attacking me after trying to apologize move on from it. So looks like were all guilty of being pretty rude.

    I'm just going to throw this out there. My mother is over 50 and a single mother since I was 9. She can't really afford to contribute to my wedding in any way. And I'm not expecting that at all. I've already made a point of telling nearly everyone I know that I do not expect or really even want an engagement party. We are planning a small get together at home for brunch with our parents to celebrate. That's it.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Mrgrenwick Mrgrenwick
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    edited January 2014
    See quote below
  • My Maid of Honor/Sister in Law had our engagemet party 1 month after we got engaged, which was 13 months before the wedding date. I thought it was a nice way to celebrate the engagment with close friends and family. I think it would be fine to have it up to 6 months after getting engaged if you are having a long engagement. 
    Alh728
  • I was getting frustrated for you with everyone's "advice", so glad you said something.

    Back to the task at hand... Do what you feel is right. I'm sort of in a similar situation as yourself and what you have planned as far as timelines seems just fine. I got engaged on August 1, 2013 and our wedding won't be until summer or fall 2015 (maybe spring, there are so many things factoring into our date ugh), so our engagement party is on February 1st.

    Yes you're not supposed to throw your own engagement party, however, you need to be in charge of picking a date that works for you and your wedding party. I wanted my wedding party to be able to attend, so we went through a couple dates before landing on February 1. While my parents are hosting the party, I offered myself to do flower arrangements and decorations (I'm a control freak). I think today, these traditions can be tweaked and you should just do what feels right for your own situation. That's what'll make you happy and less stressed, which is important.

    Hope that helps!
    nickallyweddingNevinSkyeAlh728
  • bjax30013bjax30013
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    edited January 2014
    Me and my mother are throwing an engagement party in another state since my wedding is where I live and I have several older family members in other state who can't travel to where my wedding is. I don't feel tacky about it *shrugs* It's your wedding and most importantly YOUR MONEY! You make the rules and do what you want. If it makes you happy to assist your mother then do it. If it's a year after you got engage and it will make you happy do it. At the end of the day it's about what you and your future hubby WANT to do and the memories YA'LL want to create. Enjoy the ride! It's 2014. The "traditional wedding" days are gone.
    teamgrl06[Deleted User]NevinSkyeAlhart82
  • First of all, congratulations on your engagement! I got engaged this past November as well, and am planning on a similar timeline for Fall 2015. It can be hard to plan on a non-traditional schedule, and I totally understand what you are going through with trying to time everything out with a longer engagement. 

    That said, do whatever you want! People throw house-warming parties for themselves don't they? If your mother wishes you could have an engagement party, but can't afford to throw one for you, and you can afford it, then why don't you just pay for it yourself, have her name as the host on the invitations, and the financial and planning details can stay between you, your fiance and your mother. 

    Everyone's situation is different, and from reading these boards, I have come to understand that many brides who post do not always take that fact into consideration. There are a lot of "rules" out there, but only you know your unique situation and your close family and friends can best help you make those tough decisions. Good Luck!
    [Deleted User]NevinSkyeAlhart82Alh728
  • I don't think that you are past the point of having an engagement party. I would say that having one sooner, rather than in May would be best so that you don't run out of the excitement of being newly engaged. 

    My fiance and I planned and paid for our engagement party. We wanted to get together our closest family and friends while not putting pressure on any particular person to host, plan, or pay for the party. We had an immediately family dinner, then invited our extended family and future bridal party to a hockey game. Some people contributed towards the tickets, but we didn't ask anyone outright for money. We wanted a fun event so that everyone could get to know each other better and just enjoy celebrating our love!! 

    Bottom line- do what works best for you and your situation! No one here knows better than anyone else and just trust your instinct. This is supposed to be a memorable time in your life. Have fun with it!!!
    [Deleted User]NevinSkyeAlh728
  • I would just like to say, hopefully without being attacked, that this is supposed to be a site that brides go to for friendly and helpful advice. Not to be talked down to and ganged up on.

    Alh728- one of my best friends just got engaged on the same day you did. We were all discussing engagement party timing and places to have it. I don't think it is tacky to help your mother plan your engagement party. Not all brides have wealthy friends who can afford to throw them engagement parties. They can be quite costly.

    It's important to remember that everyone's situation is different!

    I would think (my own opinion.. Hopefully no one will throw jabs at me if what I think doesn't fall in line with yours) that an engagement party invitations should/could be sent out within the first 3 months of the engagement. Of course everyone's circumstances are different so if 3 months is too soon due to money or the holidays just having passed since you got engaged on thanksgiving, having yours 4 or 5 months later is not a deal breaker. I wouldn't think twice if I got an invitation to an engagement party a year after someone got engaged. The point is being able to celebrate with your family and friends and whatever works for your situation is what you should do.

    I know you didn't ask about gifts, but all the engagement parties I have been to, people bring gifts. Wedding is the time to give $ and engagement parties or bridal showers is when gifts are given. Some people have both and some people have only one. It's different for every bride and their friends and family.

    Good luck to you alh728!
    And to the rest of you.. Maybe read a book on bullying.

    [Deleted User]Alhart82SeeingSunshineAlh728
  • I got engaged on 07/26/13 and I didn't have my engagement party until 12/26/13 because that was the earliest we could get our families together, my fiancé's mom hosted it and we kept it small- it was basically for our families to officially meet each other and spend quality time. We didn't take gifts, just wanted to get everyone together to meet. :)) I don't think the timeline should matter fyi, every situation is different- don't get caught up in the hype.
    [Deleted User]Alh728
  • Times has changed. I got engaged on December 3rd. We had our Engagement Gathering January 4th. We planned it ourselves. We've been together 14 years. There is nothing wrong with doing things on your own. My opinion. Also for myself I wanted to have our gathering way before wedding We also used our Party to share with family and alert our wedding party. To each it's own. Everyone have different ideas.
    mbn96
  • I think a lot of brides have some if not a lot of input into their engagement party if someone offers to throw one. When reading other multiple posts, I have read where ANYONE can throw an engagement party (I.e, friends or the couple). Many invitations I have seen speaks of the couple hosting the engagement party. I believe it's your wedding do what you want! No rules. There isn't a set way to do anything. An engagement party is more like a coming out as a couple anyway. Many of my friends have thrown their own and no one said anything about it. Most of the time it's just close friends and family who get together to celebrate the engagement.
    mbn96Jam395NevinSkyethesummersky
  • skip the engagement party.  Most brides have a bridal shower, have your theme be a green shower, instead of getting things off a registry like pots, pans, etc your guests will give you a check for what they would have spent on a gift from a registry.

    I know people who have done green showers, there is a place for cards when you come in, the host (a sister, friend, co worker, parent, bridesmaid, whoever) provides food and drink and it's a big party/ opportunity to visit with everyone and thank them for being such an important part of your life.  This works especially well for people who are having a big wedding, it can be hard as a bride to get around to every table and say your thank yous/hellos to everyone the day of the wedding.

    I've had a great time at showers like this and have never found it to be tacky.  I have no problem writing a check for $50 instead of spending the $50 on kitchen supplies.

    Think of how many people just write a check to the bride and groom for their gift anyway.  If you need the help to throw your dream wedding, your friends and family (If they are good ones) will see no problem with a green shower!

    hope this helps
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