Wedding Etiquette Forum

Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

1262729313254

Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

  • I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating again. You're such a peach. 
    grumbledore
  • I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating again. You're such a peach. 
    Oh, indeed I am :-)
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited March 2014
    mizangi said:
    Jenn has never had any intention of lying to her friends and family. I attended a wedding last year and the couple was already married. She wore her dress again, they made their entrance, had a first dance, etc. It was beautiful and I was not in the least offended that they were already married.
    So what that you found it "beautiful" or weren't offended?

    This is an etiquette board.  First off, etiquette is not based on what one person finds "beautiful" or is "not offended" about, and it is not canceled out because one person finds something that etiquette proclaims is "rude" to be "beautiful" or chooses to be "not in the least offended" by it.  There are those who think belching in public is "beautiful" or are "not offended" by it, but it's still rude. 

    So are people getting married and then having another wedding ceremony, wearing the dress, doing the first dance, etc. simply because their family and friends were not at the first ceremony or it didn't take place in their religious faith or house of worship and therefore they think it "doesn't count."  Sorry, but regardless of how "beautiful" or "not offensive" you find it, it is still rude.  Very rude.
    pinkshorts27tcnoblegrumbledorePrettyGirlLost
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm always just curious how PPDs file their taxes: do you file as single (illegal), or married?
    jenniferurscupcait927
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm always just curious how PPDs file their taxes: do you file as single (illegal), or married?
    marriedish... 
    maybe they shouldn't reap the benefits of their tax returns until they FEEL married. 


    Not that I in any way condone the PPD behavior or action, but not everyone who is married get a married tax benefit. In fact, my DH and I withhold as "single but married" and do not get any "break" by now being married.

     







    KeptInStitches
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer





    I'm always just curious how PPDs file their taxes: do you file as single (illegal), or married?
    marriedish... 
    maybe they shouldn't reap the benefits of their tax returns until they FEEL married. 


    Not that I in any way condone the PPD behavior or action, but not everyone who is married get a married tax benefit. In fact, my DH and I withhold as "single but married" and do not get any "break" by now being married.

    --------
    Same.

    I will pay more taxes once married.

    But I'm just curious if having your "real" wedding later is worth committing tax fraud?
  • I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks. 
  • I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks. 
    then it's a good thing you're not 'really' married isn't it?
    crunchymamaof2 grumbledoreKaurismcgarci2
  • My FH and I really want to keep our anniversary date the same it's been for the 6 years we've been dating (it's just a really meaningful date for us). But, the year we want to get married (2015) that day falls on a Wednesday, so we were thinking of getting legally married on that day, but then doing the big white dress ceremony and reception the Saturday immediately after. Is there anything wrong with that?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    D0ughnu7 said:
    My FH and I really want to keep our anniversary date the same it's been for the 6 years we've been dating (it's just a really meaningful date for us). But, the year we want to get married (2015) that day falls on a Wednesday, so we were thinking of getting legally married on that day, but then doing the big white dress ceremony and reception the Saturday immediately after. Is there anything wrong with that?
    You have got to be fucking kidding me.  Is this really a serious question or are you just trolling?

    If you aren't a troll and are being serious take a little gander at this thread...

    grumbledorebuddysmom80loro929
  • D0ughnu7 said:
    My FH and I really want to keep our anniversary date the same it's been for the 6 years we've been dating (it's just a really meaningful date for us). But, the year we want to get married (2015) that day falls on a Wednesday, so we were thinking of getting legally married on that day, but then doing the big white dress ceremony and reception the Saturday immediately after. Is there anything wrong with that?


    If your guests are perfectly aware that you got legally married on Wednesday, that is completely fine.  Some people may side-eye your "ceremony" which will actually be meaningless as you are already married, but as long as everyone knows what they're attending there's no real issue.

     

    If you get married on Wednesday and don't tell anyone that that is your plan, then yes, that is rude.  There's no reason to do this.  It's just a date.  I promise that your wedding date will be important to you no matter what day you choose, and if you have it on a different date than your dating anniversary, you can just celebrate both of them going forward.

     

    As long as you're open about doing it, and accept the fact that some guests may decline to attend because the don't approve of your "ceremony re-enactment," then proceed.  But if you plan to hide the legal ceremony, you need to really think about it - you'll realize that this is a pretty dumb reason to mislead your closest friends and family.  Seriously, just get married on a day that they can all be there for.  This isn't even about health insurance or anything that will affect your well being in any way - it's about being able to say that a certain date is your anniversary.  It's completely selfish, and pretty juvenile if you ask me.

    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesrajahmdjenniferurs
  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    D0ughnu7 said:
    My FH and I really want to keep our anniversary date the same it's been for the 6 years we've been dating (it's just a really meaningful date for us). But, the year we want to get married (2015) that day falls on a Wednesday, so we were thinking of getting legally married on that day, but then doing the big white dress ceremony and reception the Saturday immediately after. Is there anything wrong with that?
    let's not feed the troll....UGH
    tcnoblegrumbledore
  • LDay2014 said:
    I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks. 
    then it's a good thing you're not 'really' married isn't it?
    Meh. Taxes never factored in to the "should we, or shouldn't we" discussion. It's more the point that so many of you seem to think marriage = sweet tax hook up. It can, but it doesn't always. 
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    LDay2014 said:
    I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks. 
    then it's a good thing you're not 'really' married isn't it?
    Meh. Taxes never factored in to the "should we, or shouldn't we" discussion. It's more the point that so many of you seem to think marriage = sweet tax hook up. It can, but it doesn't always. 
    This is true.

    But if you are married then it is considered tax fraud to file as single (never married).

    I guess I just don't see how someone could consider themselves not married if they are filling out paperwork as married? Seems like kind of a "duh" moment.
    luckysnorkel
  • LDay2014 said:
    I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks. 
    then it's a good thing you're not 'really' married isn't it?
    Meh. Taxes never factored in to the "should we, or shouldn't we" discussion. It's more the point that so many of you seem to think marriage = sweet tax hook up. It can, but it doesn't always. 
    This is true.

    But if you are married then it is considered tax fraud to file as single (never married).

    I guess I just don't see how someone could consider themselves not married if they are filling out paperwork as married? Seems like kind of a "duh" moment.
    It's never occurred to me personally to get sentimental or philosophical while I file my taxes. No warm fuzzies for me, just a computer and my W2. Maybe a beer to make it slightly less sucky. And you are correct, it would be fraudulent for a married person to file as single. My point wasn't about anyone committing tax fraud though. Married people filing jointly don't all benefit greater than singles, nor do all married people filing separately. It varies from couple to couple based on their unique tax burdens and financial situations. Marriage does not equal a tax benefit in each and every instance. 
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I think you're totally missing my point.

    But ok.
    jenniferursrajahmdluckysnorkel
  • If married people were not able to benefit from being married, they would wait to be married until their real wedding instead of having a PPD. As it stands, I've yet to see a single instance of wedding then "real wedding" where neither party benefited in some way... generally through insurance benefits from a federal of private job. I have no problem with people marrying due to extenuating circumstances and then having a PARTY with family and friends to celebrate their MARRIAGE. Having a fake re-enactment of a wedding with the cake, white dress, etc. is tacky, trite, and an ego-fest.

    benefits of marriage (even the apparently "doesn't count" JOP wedding) include:

    • visitation rights and can make medical decisions, unless otherwise specified in a living will
    • benefits for federal employees -- many of which are also offered by private employers -- such as sick leave, bereavement leave, days off for the birth of a child, pension and retirement benefits, family health insurance plans
    • some property and inheritance rights, even in the absence of a will
    • the ability to create life insurance trusts
    • tax benefits, such as being able to give tax free gifts to a spouse and to file joint tax returns
    • the ability to receive Medicare, Social Security, disability and veteran's benefits for a spouse
    • discount or family rates for auto, health and homeowners insurance
    • immigration and residency benefits, making it easier to bring a spouse to the U.S. from abroad
    • visiting rights in jail
    I would love to see a PPD'er refuse spousal benefits, god forbid there be a fatal accident.  'No, I'm sorry, we hadn't had our 'real' wedding so I will defer the life insurance policy to his/her family since we weren't 'really' married'

    grumbledorekitsunegari89flyingfoxes
  • LDay2014 said:
    This is my new PPD analogy...and I like it - because it's ABSURD!

    Would it be weird to give birth to a baby one day and then three days later (when mom feels better) get her all gussied up in hair and makeup so she can re-enact the whole thing so everyone can be there to witness the birth of her child? 

    Would it? FUCK YES...especially when it comes to baby's birthday.  Which one is the one you celebrate?  The actual pretty princess birthday where everyone got to see the fake redo?  

    This is an exaggeration, but PPDs are NO different
    You know what wouldn't be weird though?  Having a baby and then inviting everyone to celebrate the birth of your baby at a later date.
    image

    You're making TOO much sense... :-)
    This is actually the best analogy I've seen.  This is how weird I think PPDs are.  Like, literally this insane.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Maggie0829pinkshorts27jenniferurs
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    LDay2014 said:
    This is my new PPD analogy...and I like it - because it's ABSURD!

    Would it be weird to give birth to a baby one day and then three days later (when mom feels better) get her all gussied up in hair and makeup so she can re-enact the whole thing so everyone can be there to witness the birth of her child? 

    Would it? FUCK YES...especially when it comes to baby's birthday.  Which one is the one you celebrate?  The actual pretty princess birthday where everyone got to see the fake redo?  

    This is an exaggeration, but PPDs are NO different
    You know what wouldn't be weird though?  Having a baby and then inviting everyone to celebrate the birth of your baby at a later date.
    image

    You're making TOO much sense... :-)
    This is actually the best analogy I've seen.  This is how weird I think PPDs are.  Like, literally this insane.
    Good use of the work literally. :)

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    grumbledore
  • I think you're totally missing my point.

    But ok.
    She will always miss your point. Which is why you should just stop talking to her and trying to get her to see your side. It is a waste of time.
    I didn't miss it. I intentionally ignored it. Her "point" was essentially moot. The fact is that marriage does not always guarantee a tax benefit, which was the most recent discussion on this board. I wasn't disputing that there aren't legal benefits to marriage. Of course there are. But a sweet tax break isn't always amongst them 100% of the time. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think you're totally missing my point.

    But ok.
    She will always miss your point. Which is why you should just stop talking to her and trying to get her to see your side. It is a waste of time.
    I didn't miss it. I intentionally ignored it. Her "point" was essentially moot. The fact is that marriage does not always guarantee a tax benefit, which was the most recent discussion on this board. I wasn't disputing that there aren't legal benefits to marriage. Of course there are. But a sweet tax break isn't always amongst them 100% of the time.
    @STBMrsEverhart - just drop it...seriously.

    grumbledore
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    It's so nice to be literate.
    grumbledorerajahmdjenniferurs
  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2014
    LDay2014 said:

    If married people were not able to benefit from being married, they would wait to be married until their real wedding instead of having a PPD. As it stands, I've yet to see a single instance of wedding then "real wedding" where neither party benefited in some way... generally through insurance benefits from a federal of private job. I have no problem with people marrying due to extenuating circumstances and then having a PARTY with family and friends to celebrate their MARRIAGE. Having a fake re-enactment of a wedding with the cake, white dress, etc. is tacky, trite, and an ego-fest.

    benefits of marriage (even the apparently "doesn't count" JOP wedding) include:

    • visitation rights and can make medical decisions, unless otherwise specified in a living will
    • benefits for federal employees -- many of which are also offered by private employers -- such as sick leave, bereavement leave, days off for the birth of a child, pension and retirement benefits, family health insurance plans
    • some property and inheritance rights, even in the absence of a will
    • the ability to create life insurance trusts
    • tax benefits, such as being able to give tax free gifts to a spouse and to file joint tax returns
    • the ability to receive Medicare, Social Security, disability and veteran's benefits for a spouse
    • discount or family rates for auto, health and homeowners insurance
    • immigration and residency benefits, making it easier to bring a spouse to the U.S. from abroad
    • visiting rights in jail
    I would love to see a PPD'er refuse spousal benefits, god forbid there be a fatal accident.  'No, I'm sorry, we hadn't had our 'real' wedding so I will defer the life insurance policy to his/her family since we weren't 'really' married'





    Not sure if you all are aware of this or not, but you can legally will your belongings to anyone you choose and medical power of attorney is not legally limited to spouses. Nor is making a non-spouse your beneficiary for life insurance or outlining your desires in a living will. So if people in committed, but not legally married, relationships fail to protect their rights and assets, it's not because they didn't have options. Can marriage make some of these things easier? Sure. Are all the benefits under the sun that marriage guarantees available to non-marrieds? No. But if you're talking "life and death" yea, there are plenty of ways to plan and be protected. 

    ETA: boxes are busted.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards