What are your etiquette deal breakers?

APDSS22 · May 2014

mollybarker11 said:

I really can't understand these arguments:
- I can't keep up with ever-changing etiquette rules!
- XYZ isn't considered against etiquette where I'm from!
- I'm in a special circumstance so etiquette doesn't apply to me!

The whole entire point of etiquette is that it is timeless and universal. It applies to everyone at every time. It's an equalizer.

I think a lot of people confuse etiquette-followers with rich snobs, but examples I've seen here (and I've only been here a few weeks) have shown that a properly hosted backyard bbq in a trailer park decorated with plastic flamingos would be considered much nicer and more enjoyable than an ~elegant~ wedding in a beautiful ballroom where the hosts didn't give a shit about your comfort.

At least someone gets it. And a trailer park theme would be more appropriate than some I've seen on Pinterest o.O that place is sometimes a little scary.

kmmssg · May 2014

claire0820 said:

I'm posting one last comment and then I'm off here for good. I can't handle the entitlement of some of these people.

Sorry guys, but the wedding is about the bride and groom. I know it's been "beaten to death" (bingo card) in this forum, and you still think that it's about the guests, but news flash: it's not. If you are a guest and you don't like that fact, fine. Don't go, the wedding will be more fun without you.

The bride and groom put on a wedding because they want to give you the opportunity to celebrate with them. Not because they have anything to thank you for. Not because they owe you anything. You don't HAVE to sit through their ceremony. You don't HAVE to buy them a present. You don't even have to be their friend. But if you want to, you can - and if you choose to go to their wedding, you're choosing to spend the afternoon/evening/whatever hanging out with them and doing the activities they chose. They're not going to be super miffed if you opt out, so you have no right to be super miffed if they don't plan things according to your tastes.

YOUR wedding is YOUR wedding, not your guests' wedding. The end.

If any of my 4 girls had shared your sentiments bolded above they wouldn't have seen one red cent for their weddings. Your attitude is deplorable.

Jen4948 · May 2014

Post deliberately deleted. I'd rather not waste any more time responding to someone who Just. Refuses. To. Get. It.

KGold80 · May 2014

I'm still not sure how couples who want to host their guests properly are the entitled ones? I'm confuzzled by that.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

So by this logic then, @claire0820 who is being "received" at the "reception?" The bride and groom (b/b, g/g)? Then why, on God's green earth, would they pay for this whole wedding to receive themselves? That doesn't make any damn sense. "Oh, but Daddy's paying for the wedding!" K, Daddy's paying to receive the b/g...what the hell is anyone else doing there then? Clearly all those hundred+ people should have all chipped in and invited YOU to this party to receive YOU! Because you're so super special! You got MARRIED! No. Do you see how ridiculous that sounds? Reception = to receive. The people being received = the people you invited. That means, by definition, the party is for THEM. You may be the guest of honor if someone is hosting for you, but EVERYONE is a guest and deserves to be treated with some dignity. If you want a day to be all about you, you shouldn't bother inviting other guests.

LDay2014 · May 2014

I challenge you all...go to google and type in the following

'wedding reception definition'

Tell me...what does it say in the big box?

gg&ld14 · May 2014

claire0820 said:

I'm posting one last comment and then I'm off here for good. I can't handle the entitlement of some of these people.

Sorry guys, but the wedding is about the bride and groom. I know it's been "beaten to death" (bingo card) in this forum, and you still think that it's about the guests, but news flash: it's not. If you are a guest and you don't like that fact, fine. Don't go, the wedding will be more fun without you.

The bride and groom put on a wedding because they want to give you the opportunity to celebrate with them. Not because they have anything to thank you for. Not because they owe you anything. You don't HAVE to sit through their ceremony. You don't HAVE to buy them a present. You don't even have to be their friend. But if you want to, you can - and if you choose to go to their wedding, you're choosing to spend the afternoon/evening/whatever hanging out with them and doing the activities they chose. They're not going to be super miffed if you opt out, so you have no right to be super miffed if they don't plan things according to your tastes.

YOUR wedding is YOUR wedding, not your guests' wedding. The end.

Ugh... if you want people to tell you how wonderful your ideas about etiquette and hosting are, go and ask friends or family who share your mindset. I'm new to these boards too, and I've gotten more than 1 blunt reply about my choices, and I'm thankful because most of the time people close to you will tell you that every God awful idea you have is wonderful to keep you happy. I would rather have people that know what they're talking about give me advice (even if they don't give it with butterflies and little hearts), than do something regarding my wedding that I would regret later.

Like they said, etiquette isn't a matter of opinion, it's universal. I'm Mexican and we ALSO find extremely rude to keep people waiting, or charge them for anything (it isn't even an option).

So, if I were you, I would at least try to listen.

Viczaesar · May 2014

claire0820 said:

I'm posting one last comment and then I'm off here for good. I can't handle the entitlement of some of these people.

Sorry guys, but the wedding is about the bride and groom. I know it's been "beaten to death" (bingo card) in this forum, and you still think that it's about the guests, but news flash: it's not. If you are a guest and you don't like that fact, fine. Don't go, the wedding will be more fun without you.

The bride and groom put on a wedding because they want to give you the opportunity to celebrate with them. Not because they have anything to thank you for. Not because they owe you anything. You don't HAVE to sit through their ceremony. You don't HAVE to buy them a present. You don't even have to be their friend. But if you want to, you can - and if you choose to go to their wedding, you're choosing to spend the afternoon/evening/whatever hanging out with them and doing the activities they chose. They're not going to be super miffed if you opt out, so you have no right to be super miffed if they don't plan things according to your tastes.

YOUR wedding is YOUR wedding, not your guests' wedding. The end.

@claire0820, it's not your guests' wedding, but the reception IS their party. This really is not a difficult concept, so I don't know why you're having such trouble grasping it. That is the point of a reception. That's what it was developed to do - thank the guests for attending.

Viczaesar · May 2014

claire0820 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

claire0820 said:

Sorry, couldn't resist. I know you don't like me.

Wrong. I neither like nor dislike you. I don't know you personally, so I don't know you to like or dislike you. I just think you barged into this forum with pre-conceived ideas and notions and you refused to listen to advice or concede that we might know what we're talking about. You came here and were rude, and I don't like that behaviour.

But, as I said elsewhere today, not liking someone's behaviour doesn't meant not liking them.

I don't have pre-conceived ideas and I don't think I was rude. If I did come across as rude at some point, I apologize. I just disagree with a lot of what has been said here, and I'm getting the feeling that a lot of you are too close-minded to listen to anyone who has differing ideas or opinions. For instance, a response like this:

The CEREMONY is about the Bride and Groom. Or Groom and Groom. Or Bride and Bride.

The RECEPTION is about the guests.

Or this:

@claire0820

you're wrong.

Rather than directly addressing my comment with a thoughtful answer, people are just restating the same thing over and over without any argument as to why. That seems pretty disrespectful. If it's been said on here twenty gazillion times, why say it again? Why not just ignore the comment you disagree with if you're too grouchy/frustrated/annoyed to give a decent answer?

Anyway, like I just said, we're going to have to agree to disagree, because I really don't see your point of view. And that's after reading through this ridiculously long board.

The "why" has been explained over and over and over and over and over again, in this very thread, ad nauseum.

Simply Fated · May 2014

LDay2014 said:
I challenge you all...go to google and type in the following
'wedding reception definition'

Tell me...what does it say in the big box?

Challenge accepted?
"A wedding reception is a party held after the completion of a marriage ceremony."
What do I win?

SammiNJonni · May 2014

LDay2014 said:

I challenge you all...go to google and type in the following
'wedding reception definition'

Tell me...what does it say in the big box?

Noun

1.

wedding reception - a reception for wedding guests held after the wedding

reception - a formal party of people; as after a wedding

LDay2014 · May 2014

SammiNJonni said:

LDay2014 said:

I challenge you all...go to google and type in the following
'wedding reception definition'

Tell me...what does it say in the big box?

Noun 1. wedding reception - a reception for wedding guests held after the wedding
reception - a formal party of people; as after a wedding

This being precisely my point...The entire point of a reception is for the bride and groom to 'receive' society (aka, family, friends etc) for the first time as a married couple. Not for the bride and groom to receive adoration and fanfare.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

From wikipedia: A wedding reception is a party held after the completion of a marriage ceremony. It is held usually as hospitality for those who have attended the wedding, hence the name reception: the couple receives society, in the form of family and friends, for the first time as a married couple.

When you throw a party, you have to think about your guests, not just yourselves. Otherwise, just elope and do what you want. Yes, the bride and groom are the guests of honor, but every guest should be hosted properly. It's really not that hard.

misshart00 · May 2014

I just read 32 pages. Wow. Just wow.

NYCMercedes · May 2014

misshart00 said:

I just read 32 pages. Wow. Just wow.

It was either this or cook dinner.

misshart00 · May 2014

misshart00 said:

I just read 32 pages. Wow. Just wow.

It was either this or cook dinner.

I had a sleeping baby on me. I needed some entertainment.

sassyfrass2014 · May 2014

Just read all 32 pages of this before jumping in...

wow.

Wow.

WOW.

HOLY SHIT.

I'm trying to get over a lot of things I've read on here... I guess most of all the very strange idea that people who want to host their guests to the best of their ability are entitled. It doesn't matter whether you're a Boomer, Gen X, or Milennial; it doesn't matter whether you're from New York City or the middle of the fucking Australian Outback: YOU WILL BE A GRACIOUS HOST TO YOUR GUESTS WHO CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOU TO CELEBRATE THIS LIFE CHANGING EVENT.

FiancB · May 2014

sassyfrass2014 · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

I made it! And I also came up with this little diddy while wasting these few days of my life....

This is the thread that never ends...
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some snowflakes started posting
Not knowing how to read.
And they just kept on posting
'Cause attentions what they need.....

Guess what? We barely had any savings when planning our wedding (I'm talking $1000). We've been together 7 years, have 2 children, Own our home, all that fun stuff. We knew we'd get married after a year and I've hated not sharing the same name as my boys for the past 3 years. But we both wanted a traditional wedding and to try to have those we loved attend. We waited until we could afford it. We don't have a lot of money, to the point that we couldn't just take a chunk from each check to put towards a wedding (attempting to save for life was more important). We were fortunate to come into some money and with that we were able to pay cash for our wedding and sock a decent chuck away (so we could have a couple months worth of an emergency fund). My grandfather is in his eighties and raised me and I knew not seeing our wedding day would devastate him. But we still had to wait until we had the money. I am super blessed that he was able to walk me down the aisle and give me away.

We paid less than $8000 for a traditional dinner reception, with a full open bar. About 70 guests. My dh wanted a cash bar as he just didn't see a need to pay for anything over the hour provided in our package. Nope, wasn't having any of that. I chose to skip elements I wanted (candy bar, for example) so we could host our guests. At the end of the night dh thanked me. Everyone had a fantastic time and never had to pay a penny. They didn't care that we had DIY centerpieces, or that the reception ended before 7pm or that it was a Sunday. They were well fed, well entertained, and had plenty to drink, alcohol or not.

I don't care how fancy my dress was, how expensive and pretty our flowers were, how amazing our venue was. If I felt that something we chose could have caused our guests discomfort none of that crap would have mattered. My wedding day would be ruined in my eyes because we treated our loved ones poorly. I couldn't live with that. As long as I ended up married that day and guests were hosted well nothing else matters.

I normally wouldn't go into detail about our finances but I'm so sick of people bitching that they're on a budget, weddings are expensive, and they deserve everything on THEIR day. Bullshit. We had a properly hosted wedding with all the elements WE wanted with little money. Because we waited and planned within our means. I was born on a Tuesday. I'm not going to claim all Tuesdays as my special day and go buy a Ferrari. If I want one I'll wait until I can afford one or buy a reasonable Buick that I can pay for now. Common sense people.

aleighc3 · May 2014

My eyes are bleeding after reading all that....

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

JellyBean52513 · May 2014

I would like to know how many of you would actually be ok with losing friends over their poor choices in planning their wedding. Seriously, while yall are sitting here posting about "If my friends & family don't support me then I don't really need them in my life!," how many of you are prepared for the actual possibility of people not wanting to associate with you anymore because you chose not to invite their SO, or you chose to have a long gap where your guests have to fend for themselves, or something equally as rude?

Guests of an event deserve to be treated properly. Don't host an event if you refuse to treat guests properly. The fact that weddings are expensive means nothing; you WAIT until you've SAVED enough money to be able to AFFORD all the things you want without sacrificing your guests' comfort.

ImaMonster89 · May 2014

Nice superiority-complex, Shrekspeare.

ImaMonster89 · May 2014

Money dance, bridal party forced to do a silly dance routine or to pull random guests into a dance (experienced that one as an MOH. Only knew the bride and her parents, I nearly had a panic attack).
As for tiered weddings: So what if you're invited to the party and not the ceremony? Think about budgets, venue capacity, and etiquette dictating that family is to be on the guest list first. The bride and groom want you to party with them and how many people actually remember the ceremony? Be happy you were invited.
Cash bar? Be glad there's booze and if it ticks you off so much, don't drink. Going for a few drinks over full bar may seem a better choice, but in the end it's not up to you.
And for all we as guests know, some family member may have insisted on a dollar dance or two hour ceremony or long gap and the happy couple agreed to avoid a huge scene.
Be happy you were invited instead of the couples lack of etiquette or tacky choices. No one is forcing you to attend.
(And can we lay off on getting thank you cards immediately? Guests have up to a year after the ceremony to give a gift. The receiver should have a little time to relax after the stress of paying for a wedding before stressing over thank you notes. Give it a month or three instead of a week or two before expecting one and if it takes more than six or seven, then get huffy.)

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

ImaMonster89 said:

Money dance, bridal party forced to do a silly dance routine or to pull random guests into a dance (experienced that one as an MOH. Only knew the bride and her parents, I nearly had a panic attack). As for tiered weddings: So what if you're invited to the party and not the ceremony? Think about budgets, venue capacity, and etiquette dictating that family is to be on the guest list first. The bride and groom want you to party with them and how many people actually remember the ceremony? Be happy you were invited. Cash bar? Be glad there's booze and if it ticks you off so much, don't drink. Going for a few drinks over full bar may seem a better choice, but in the end it's not up to you. And for all we as guests know, some family member may have insisted on a dollar dance or two hour ceremony or long gap and the happy couple agreed to avoid a huge scene. Be happy you were invited instead of the couples lack of etiquette or tacky choices. No one is forcing you to attend. (And can we lay off on getting thank you cards immediately? Guests have up to a year after the ceremony to give a gift. The receiver should have a little time to relax after the stress of paying for a wedding before stressing over thank you notes. Give it a month or three instead of a week or two before expecting one and if it takes more than six or seven, then get huffy.)

If you had read even 1 page you'd see why there are issues with everything you've said, starting with tiered weddings.

Nice username, btw.

MobKaz · May 2014

ImaMonster89 said:

Money dance, bridal party forced to do a silly dance routine or to pull random guests into a dance (experienced that one as an MOH. Only knew the bride and her parents, I nearly had a panic attack). As for tiered weddings: So what if you're invited to the party and not the ceremony? Think about budgets, venue capacity, and etiquette dictating that family is to be on the guest list first. The bride and groom want you to party with them and how many people actually remember the ceremony? Be happy you were invited. Cash bar? Be glad there's booze and if it ticks you off so much, don't drink. Going for a few drinks over full bar may seem a better choice, but in the end it's not up to you. And for all we as guests know, some family member may have insisted on a dollar dance or two hour ceremony or long gap and the happy couple agreed to avoid a huge scene. Be happy you were invited instead of the couples lack of etiquette or tacky choices. No one is forcing you to attend. (And can we lay off on getting thank you cards immediately? Guests have up to a year after the ceremony to give a gift. The receiver should have a little time to relax after the stress of paying for a wedding before stressing over thank you notes. Give it a month or three instead of a week or two before expecting one and if it takes more than six or seven, then get huffy.)

How many people actually remember the ceremony?? If I had to choose between ceremony and reception, I would pick ceremony FIRST every time. Etiquette does NOT dictate that family is invited first. You really should have some knowledge of etiquette before posting on an etiquette board, and to offer wrong/bad advice is simply, well........wrong.

FiancB · May 2014

@ImaMonster89

I didn't think that anyone would justify not inviting SOs but was proven wrong. REALLY didn't think anyone would justify not sending thank you cards in a timely manner, but here we are.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

FiancB said:

@ImaMonster89

I didn't think that anyone would justify not inviting SOs but was proven wrong. REALLY didn't think anyone would justify not sending thank you cards in a timely manner, but here we are.

The post makes it sound like she thinks thank you cards need to be sent as a group. Sorry not gonna wait a whole year just in case someone sends us a gift 364 days after our wedding. Get a gift in the mail? Send out their thank you right after. Received 30 gifts at your wedding? Get those out within a month, 3 months MAX.

These snowflakes are keepin' it classy up in here.

arrippa · May 2014

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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