Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

MobKaz · May 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

ohannabelle said:

No, not the same person, but twins in the illogical argument/ disregard for etiquette/ if you can't be right be persistent department. Identical brick walls.

Your not liking something or agreeing with it doesn't necessarily make something illogical. We've applied a ton of logic to our situation and are satisfied with the outcome. As for disregarding etiquette, I look at it like I do everything else, what makes sense for us, what will have the best outcome, how would I feel if treated in XYZ manner. Just because there's a rule about something doesn't mean I'm going to follow it. I'm a fan of exercising free will like that. And I continue in my persistence because I hate the thought of people coming on here for advice and really believing some of this complete garbage just because they find themselves in less than ideal circumstances.

Ironic that you feel so strongly about free will when you won't give your guests the same courtesy.

STB said, "And I continue in my persistence because I hate the thought of people coming on here for advice and really believing some of this complete garbage"

I think advising posters to be truthful to their supposed nearest and dearest loved ones is hardly complete garbage.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

KGold80 said:

I find it very difficult to accept that those of you who lie about your marital status and throw a big fake wedding truly believe in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is okay. If that were the case you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. While I think it's stupid that people would have a big to-do after they chose to get married in a courthouse, at least those who are honest about it are worthy of some respect. I have ZERO respect for the rest. It's despicable.

Obviously I cannot speak for anyone else, but yea, we feel what we are doing is completely okay and we truly believe this, deep down in our hearts. And we don't have to lie to ourselves either as one posted suggested. We want our cake and to eat it too. Because otherwise, what's the point of cake?

KGold80 · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

KGold80 said:

I find it very difficult to accept that those of you who lie about your marital status and throw a big fake wedding truly believe in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is okay. If that were the case you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. While I think it's stupid that people would have a big to-do after they chose to get married in a courthouse, at least those who are honest about it are worthy of some respect. I have ZERO respect for the rest. It's despicable.

Obviously I cannot speak for anyone else, but yea, we feel what we are doing is completely okay and we truly believe this, deep down in our hearts. And we don't have to lie to ourselves either as one posted suggested. We want our cake and to eat it too. Because otherwise, what's the point of cake?

You could be a little bit less tacky and at least let them know ahead of time that they're witnessing a fake wedding. If I were a member of your family who traveled to attend your pretend wedding and later found out that you had lied about your marital status, I can promise that you would never hear from me again. What you're doing is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

MobKaz · May 2014

KGold80 said:
STBMrsEverhart said:
KGold80 said: I find it very difficult to accept that those of you who lie about your marital status and throw a big fake wedding truly believe in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is okay. If that were the case you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. While I think it's stupid that people would have a big to-do after they chose to get married in a courthouse, at least those who are honest about it are worthy of some respect. I have ZERO respect for the rest. It's despicable.

Obviously I cannot speak for anyone else, but yea, we feel what we are doing is completely okay and we truly believe this, deep down in our hearts. And we don't have to lie to ourselves either as one posted suggested. We want our cake and to eat it too. Because otherwise, what's the point of cake?
You could be a little bit less tacky and at least let them know ahead of time that they're witnessing a fake wedding. If I were a member of your family who traveled to attend your pretend wedding and later found out that you had lied about your marital status, I can promise that you would never hear from me again. What you're doing is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

@KGold80, this poster has made it quite clear that she doesn't care, care, care. It has nothing to do with tacky, and everything to do with integrity. Some people simply lack it.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

mobkaz said:

KGold80 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

KGold80 said:

I find it very difficult to accept that those of you who lie about your marital status and throw a big fake wedding truly believe in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is okay. If that were the case you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. While I think it's stupid that people would have a big to-do after they chose to get married in a courthouse, at least those who are honest about it are worthy of some respect. I have ZERO respect for the rest. It's despicable.

Obviously I cannot speak for anyone else, but yea, we feel what we are doing is completely okay and we truly believe this, deep down in our hearts. And we don't have to lie to ourselves either as one posted suggested. We want our cake and to eat it too. Because otherwise, what's the point of cake?

You could be a little bit less tacky and at least let them know ahead of time that they're witnessing a fake wedding. If I were a member of your family who traveled to attend your pretend wedding and later found out that you had lied about your marital status, I can promise that you would never hear from me again. What you're doing is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

@KGold80, this poster has made it quite clear that she doesn't care, care, care. It has nothing to do with tacky, and everything to do with integrity. Some people simply lack it. I have plenty of integrity. I also posses the ability to not see in black and white. Nor do I believe what we are doing is wrong, or lying, so I guess that's where we have such differing opinions on the subject. Such is life.

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

@MrsSTBEverhart What's funny (or possibly sad) is that if you told your guests your situation and explained to them that you'd like to renew your vows somewhere fun and would love for them to join you, I bet most of them would gladly go! I think you (and others on here) don't give your friends and family enough credit. I'm sure they all care about you on some level and would support you. You are not giving them the option to even try to be supportive.

That being said, I am fairly certain that I just wasted my time and energy yet again. You can lead a horse to water...

mrs4everhart · May 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

@MrsSTBEverhart What's funny (or possibly sad) is that if you told your guests your situation and explained to them that you'd like to renew your vows somewhere fun and would love for them to join you, I bet most of them would gladly go! I think you (and others on here) don't give your friends and family enough credit. I'm sure they all care about you on some level and would support you. You are not giving them the option to even try to be supportive. That being said, I am fairly certain that I just wasted my time and energy yet again. You can lead a horse to water...

As I've said before, telling people would alter things for us. And we don't want to alter the state of things as they are. If WE do not recognize our legal marriage, why would we want others to? Why would we want to alter what we view as our our wedding in to a "vow renewal"? None of those options have ever appealed to us. This isn't about giving or not giving others credit. It's about doing things the way they make the most sense for us. I realize others do not feel it's appropriate to put our own feelings before that of others. In this particular instance, we believe it's the right thing to do. We're almost 4 months out and getting more and more psyched. I'm not going to let a bunch of "what ifs" fester like a black cloud. Why should we, hardly seems worth it at a time in our lives we should be focusing on being happy and enjoying ourselves.

Jen4948 · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

Jells2dot0 said:

@MrsSTBEverhart What's funny (or possibly sad) is that if you told your guests your situation and explained to them that you'd like to renew your vows somewhere fun and would love for them to join you, I bet most of them would gladly go! I think you (and others on here) don't give your friends and family enough credit. I'm sure they all care about you on some level and would support you. You are not giving them the option to even try to be supportive. That being said, I am fairly certain that I just wasted my time and energy yet again. You can lead a horse to water...

As I've said before, telling people would alter things for us. And we don't want to alter the state of things as they are. If WE do not recognize our legal marriage, why would we want others to? Why would we want to alter what we view as our our wedding in to a "vow renewal"? None of those options have ever appealed to us. This isn't about giving or not giving others credit. It's about doing things the way they make the most sense for us. I realize others do not feel it's appropriate to put our own feelings before that of others. In this particular instance, we believe it's the right thing to do. We're almost 4 months out and getting more and more psyched. I'm not going to let a bunch of "what ifs" fester like a black cloud. Why should we, hardly seems worth it at a time in our lives we should be focusing on being happy and enjoying ourselves.

What you should be focusing on is taking care of your guests' needs, including the need for honesty. If you want to focus only on yourselves, don't invite anyone.

Look, you've spent 39 pages arguing and defending your point of view, and you haven't gotten anywhere with anyone because it's just plain wrong and rude. As long as you continue to keep arguing for your point of view, you will waste everyone's time here, including your own.

artbyallie · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

KGold80 said:

I find it very difficult to accept that those of you who lie about your marital status and throw a big fake wedding truly believe in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is okay. If that were the case you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. While I think it's stupid that people would have a big to-do after they chose to get married in a courthouse, at least those who are honest about it are worthy of some respect. I have ZERO respect for the rest. It's despicable.

Obviously I cannot speak for anyone else, but yea, we feel what we are doing is completely okay and we truly believe this, deep down in our hearts. And we don't have to lie to ourselves either as one posted suggested. We want our cake and to eat it too. Because otherwise, what's the point of cake?

That. Is. NOT. what that fucking saying means. I'm so sick of that being brought up (incorrectly!!!) in this type of argument.

It means once you eat your cake (or, y'know, get MARRIED), you cannot then cry about not having cake (or in this case, about not having a wedding, because you had that).

Educate yourself, please and thank you, good day.

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/26/messages/1075.html

chibiyui · May 2014

Why get legally married if you're not going to recognize it? And if you don't want people to recognize your legal marriage, why get married at all? Why invite anyone to a "wedding" if you don't want them to see you get married or if you don't think your legal marriage status matters?

I need wine.

MobKaz · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

KGold80 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

KGold80 said:

I find it very difficult to accept that those of you who lie about your marital status and throw a big fake wedding truly believe in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is okay. If that were the case you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. While I think it's stupid that people would have a big to-do after they chose to get married in a courthouse, at least those who are honest about it are worthy of some respect. I have ZERO respect for the rest. It's despicable.

Obviously I cannot speak for anyone else, but yea, we feel what we are doing is completely okay and we truly believe this, deep down in our hearts. And we don't have to lie to ourselves either as one posted suggested. We want our cake and to eat it too. Because otherwise, what's the point of cake?

You could be a little bit less tacky and at least let them know ahead of time that they're witnessing a fake wedding. If I were a member of your family who traveled to attend your pretend wedding and later found out that you had lied about your marital status, I can promise that you would never hear from me again. What you're doing is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

@KGold80, this poster has made it quite clear that she doesn't care, care, care. It has nothing to do with tacky, and everything to do with integrity. Some people simply lack it.

I have plenty of integrity. I also posses the ability to not see in black and white. Nor do I believe what we are doing is wrong, or lying, so I guess that's where we have such differing opinions on the subject. Such is life.

Of course you don't see in black, white, or any other color. You wear blinders, and cannot see past your own, narcissistic vision. You cannot possibly have any integrity if you see nothing wrong with what you are doing. The meaning of both lying, and integrity, are not open to interpretation or opinion.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

Jen4948 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Jells2dot0 said:

@MrsSTBEverhart What's funny (or possibly sad) is that if you told your guests your situation and explained to them that you'd like to renew your vows somewhere fun and would love for them to join you, I bet most of them would gladly go! I think you (and others on here) don't give your friends and family enough credit. I'm sure they all care about you on some level and would support you. You are not giving them the option to even try to be supportive. That being said, I am fairly certain that I just wasted my time and energy yet again. You can lead a horse to water...

As I've said before, telling people would alter things for us. And we don't want to alter the state of things as they are. If WE do not recognize our legal marriage, why would we want others to? Why would we want to alter what we view as our our wedding in to a "vow renewal"? None of those options have ever appealed to us. This isn't about giving or not giving others credit. It's about doing things the way they make the most sense for us. I realize others do not feel it's appropriate to put our own feelings before that of others. In this particular instance, we believe it's the right thing to do. We're almost 4 months out and getting more and more psyched. I'm not going to let a bunch of "what ifs" fester like a black cloud. Why should we, hardly seems worth it at a time in our lives we should be focusing on being happy and enjoying ourselves.

What you should be focusing on is taking care of your guests' needs, including the need for honesty. If you want to focus only on yourselves, don't invite anyone.

Look, you've spent 39 pages arguing and defending your point of view, and you haven't gotten anywhere with anyone because it's just plain wrong and rude. As long as you continue to keep arguing for your point of view, you will waste everyone's time here, including your own.

See, that's where you're wrong. They know who they are and it's all been worth it! :-)

mrs4everhart · May 2014

chibiyui said:

Why get legally married if you're not going to recognize it? And if you don't want people to recognize your legal marriage, why get married at all? Why invite anyone to a "wedding" if you don't want them to see you get married or if you don't think your legal marriage status matters?

I need wine.

People can recognize our marriage the same day and time we do, at our wedding, when we exchange rings and vows. Until then, they can view us as engaged, as we view ourselves. It's pretty easy to follow.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

artbyallie said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

KGold80 said:

I find it very difficult to accept that those of you who lie about your marital status and throw a big fake wedding truly believe in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is okay. If that were the case you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. While I think it's stupid that people would have a big to-do after they chose to get married in a courthouse, at least those who are honest about it are worthy of some respect. I have ZERO respect for the rest. It's despicable.

Obviously I cannot speak for anyone else, but yea, we feel what we are doing is completely okay and we truly believe this, deep down in our hearts. And we don't have to lie to ourselves either as one posted suggested. We want our cake and to eat it too. Because otherwise, what's the point of cake?

That. Is. NOT. what that fucking saying means. I'm so sick of that being brought up (incorrectly!!!) in this type of argument.

It means once you eat your cake (or, y'know, get MARRIED), you cannot then cry about not having cake (or in this case, about not having a wedding, because you had that).

Educate yourself, please and thank you, good day.

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/26/messages/1075.html

The way we see it, we needed the paperwork as a means to an end (our cake) but we're still having the wedding of our dreams (eating that cake). Over and over again on this forum, on this subject, we read YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!!!! To this I disagree, because I sure as hell am!

chibiyui · May 2014

chibiyui said:

Why get legally married if you're not going to recognize it? And if you don't want people to recognize your legal marriage, why get married at all? Why invite anyone to a "wedding" if you don't want them to see you get married or if you don't think your legal marriage status matters?

I need wine.

People can recognize our marriage the same day and time we do, at our wedding, when we exchange rings and vows. Until then, they can view us as engaged, as we view ourselves. It's pretty easy to follow.

Except for that whole "reality" thing, I guess.

chibiyui · May 2014

chibiyui said:

Why get legally married if you're not going to recognize it? And if you don't want people to recognize your legal marriage, why get married at all? Why invite anyone to a "wedding" if you don't want them to see you get married or if you don't think your legal marriage status matters?

I need wine.

People can recognize our marriage the same day and time we do, at our wedding, when we exchange rings and vows. Until then, they can view us as engaged, as we view ourselves. It's pretty easy to follow.

Except for that whole "reality" thing, I guess.

syoun1nj · May 2014

"If WE do not recognize our legal marriage, why would we want others to?"

BECAUSE THE LAW RECOGNIZES IT. Which means whatever reason you had for it you wanted legally recognized. If you didn't, you would not NEED to be married before your PPD.

What is difficult about this?

NYCBruin · May 2014

If a person goes to a bar and has a few drinks but doesn't think they are drunk, but they are pulled over and blow a .10, they are drunk whether they "view themselves" as drunk or not.

I can waltz around in high heels and "view myself" as a tall women, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm petite.

STB, You can "view yourself" however you want but it doesn't make you any less married.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

Perception is reality. It's all going to work out perfectly.

Simply Fated · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:
Perception is reality. It's all going to work out perfectly.

For your sake I hope it does. I hope none of your guests that attend your vow renewal find out how you blatantly disregard the fact that the state and entire COUNTRY recognizes your marriage, when so many of them still won't recognize same gender marriages.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

syoun1nj said:
"If WE do not recognize our legal marriage, why would we want others to?"

BECAUSE THE LAW RECOGNIZES IT. Which means whatever reason you had for it you wanted legally recognized. If you didn't, you would not NEED to be married before your PPD.
What is difficult about this?

But you do recognize your legal marriage because you got married in order to take advantage of the legal benefits and rights of marriage. . .health insurance for your husband, was it?

You recognized your legal marriage when you changed your marital status on your HR paperwork so that you could add your husband to your health insurance. And you recognized your legal marriage when you added your husband to your insurance plan.

So you can't actually have it both ways. . .You can't claim some goofy logic about lying to your guests about your marital status all the while using that marital status for legal benefits.

perdonami · May 2014

Jells2dot0 said: I DO NOT believe it should be anyone's dream to spend tens of thousands of dollars to put on a show because the actual event wasn't what they wanted. I DO think it's okay to spend money to host your loved ones properly to celebrate a event. I think people forget that the marriage is the event being celebrated and NOT the dress, venue, flowers, or dancing.

This; Could not have said it better myself.

perdonami · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart I understand how you want to share a special day with your loved ones. I get that you want to celebrate your marriage with everyone in Mexico and have a lovely vacation with everyone as well. Sounds like you plan to properly host everyone and it seems like everyone will have a great time. Which you can still do and not really alter anything even if you tell your loved ones you are already married.

I think its possible for you even to reenact vows and wear a beautiful beach appropriate dress to pay homage to your beach wedding celebration. But what I don't understand is why you can't tell your guests? Why is it so bad if you tell them that you were legally wed on this prior date and today is all about celebrating this beautiful union? What harm could that cause?

I am not trying to be insulting or attack your wedding celebration, I really just don't understand why you can't let your guests know when you were legally wed? You had valid reasons, surely they will understand and if they don't would you still want them there?

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

perdonami said:

STBMrsEverhart I understand how you want to share a special day with your loved ones. I get that you want to celebrate your marriage with everyone in Mexico and have a lovely vacation with everyone as well. Sounds like you plan to properly host everyone and it seems like everyone will have a great time. Which you can still do and not really alter anything even if you tell your loved ones you are already married.

I think its possible for you even to reenact vows and wear a beautiful beach appropriate dress to pay homage to your beach wedding celebration. But what I don't understand is why you can't tell your guests? Why is it so bad if you tell them that you were legally wed on this prior date and today is all about celebrating this beautiful union? What harm could that cause?

I am not trying to be insulting or attack your wedding celebration, I really just don't understand why you can't let your guests know when you were legally wed? You had valid reasons, surely they will understand and if they don't would you still want them there?

I like you more and more with each post

seriously, you've said it so perfectly and simply. But she'll tell you she wants her guests to be "in the moment" and feel what SHE thinks they should feel. But don't expect any legitimate answers.

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

perdonami said:

STBMrsEverhart I understand how you want to share a special day with your loved ones. I get that you want to celebrate your marriage with everyone in Mexico and have a lovely vacation with everyone as well. Sounds like you plan to properly host everyone and it seems like everyone will have a great time. Which you can still do and not really alter anything even if you tell your loved ones you are already married.

I think its possible for you even to reenact vows and wear a beautiful beach appropriate dress to pay homage to your beach wedding celebration. But what I don't understand is why you can't tell your guests? Why is it so bad if you tell them that you were legally wed on this prior date and today is all about celebrating this beautiful union? What harm could that cause?

I am not trying to be insulting or attack your wedding celebration, I really just don't understand why you can't let your guests know when you were legally wed? You had valid reasons, surely they will understand and if they don't would you still want them there?

Exactly the point I was trying to make, though you said it better

karimichele · May 2014

I think there's a few things we can all agree on:

1. It's about the marriage, not the party. This applies to any wedding. This has been stated over and over again in various ways and no one has ever said otherwise. Before I made my bat Mitzvah my parents and I had to attend a seminar and read a book called "Keeping G-d on the Guest List" that basically talked about not getting carried away and losing sight of the meaning of the day. Sadly I still had a huge party with people I didn't know and was forced to go to a class to make sure I know how to lead the Electric Slide. I swore that my wedding would be nothing like that, and still very much mean that.

2. No one on an etiquette message board is ever going to condone lying or failing to tell the truth or whatever. It's just not going to happen, that's an easy one. I get that. That being said I am sure every family has it's own level of secrecy. Personally, my family is very gossipy and judgmental so we function on a need-to-know basis and consider most things none of anyone's business. Considering what normally goes down, this is issue would be pretty minor but that's just my family not to be confused with proper etiquette. I think if you're making this decision it really is a personal judgement call but don't expect people to tell you to hide the truth. That decision is on you.

On a side note- a JOP was telling me a story about a couple who married who didn't legally marry on their wedding day. They had a wedding in December but didn't do the legal stuff until January because their accountant advised them to wait for tax purposes. I'm not condoning or condemning this but just illustrating that all sorts of stuff goes on in secret.

DaisyMaeMommy · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

Perception is reality. It's all going to work out perfectly.

ashleyep · May 2014

karimichele13 said:

I think there's a few things we can all agree on:

1. It's about the marriage, not the party. This applies to any wedding. This has been stated over and over again in various ways and no one has ever said otherwise. Before I made my bat Mitzvah my parents and I had to attend a seminar and read a book called "Keeping G-d on the Guest List" that basically talked about not getting carried away and losing sight of the meaning of the day. Sadly I still had a huge party with people I didn't know and was forced to go to a class to make sure I know how to lead the Electric Slide. I swore that my wedding would be nothing like that, and still very much mean that.

2. No one on an etiquette message board is ever going to condone lying or failing to tell the truth or whatever. It's just not going to happen, that's an easy one. I get that. That being said I am sure every family has it's own level of secrecy. Personally, my family is very gossipy and judgmental so we function on a need-to-know basis and consider most things none of anyone's business. Considering what normally goes down, this is issue would be pretty minor but that's just my family not to be confused with proper etiquette. I think if you're making this decision it really is a personal judgement call but don't expect people to tell you to hide the truth. That decision is on you.

On a side note- a JOP was telling me a story about a couple who married who didn't legally marry on their wedding day. They had a wedding in December but didn't do the legal stuff until January because their accountant advised them to wait for tax purposes. I'm not condoning or condemning this but just illustrating that all sorts of stuff goes on in secret.

That's the thing. None of these people, especially the ones traveling for their wedding, even consider doing the legal part *after* the ceremony. "Well I'm getting married in Mexico, so I need to get legal married before I go." No you don't. You can take the time to figure out how to get legal married in Mexico, or wait to sign the papers until after. But they all want to have their cake and eat it too.

There's a big difference between putting the legal aspects off until after, and not thinking they count as "real" but taking advantage of them before hand.

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

karimichele13 said:

I think there's a few things we can all agree on:

1. It's about the marriage, not the party. This applies to any wedding. This has been stated over and over again in various ways and no one has ever said otherwise. Before I made my bat Mitzvah my parents and I had to attend a seminar and read a book called "Keeping G-d on the Guest List" that basically talked about not getting carried away and losing sight of the meaning of the day. Sadly I still had a huge party with people I didn't know and was forced to go to a class to make sure I know how to lead the Electric Slide. I swore that my wedding would be nothing like that, and still very much mean that.

2. No one on an etiquette message board is ever going to condone lying or failing to tell the truth or whatever. It's just not going to happen, that's an easy one. I get that. That being said I am sure every family has it's own level of secrecy. Personally, my family is very gossipy and judgmental so we function on a need-to-know basis and consider most things none of anyone's business. Considering what normally goes down, this is issue would be pretty minor but that's just my family not to be confused with proper etiquette. I think if you're making this decision it really is a personal judgement call but don't expect people to tell you to hide the truth. That decision is on you.

On a side note- a JOP was telling me a story about a couple who married who didn't legally marry on their wedding day. They had a wedding in December but didn't do the legal stuff until January because their accountant advised them to wait for tax purposes. I'm not condoning or condemning this but just illustrating that all sorts of stuff goes on in secret.

Then why do PPDs exist (excluding those who have to have two separate ceremonies due to their country's law)? It seems to me that they exist because just the act of getting married isn't good enough. Why go through the whole process of trying to re-do a ceremony or re-enact a moment that has already passed? If you just want to celebrate a previous event with a nice party, then that is okay (as long as it's properly hosted, of course). It seems to me that most people who do PPDs feel like they somehow missed out when becoming legally wed and feel they are entitled to wipe the slate clean and do it again. If someone just HAS to re-do it, then to me, that means the pomp behind the "traditional wedding ceremony" is what is driving the person, not the actual marriage itself. Again, if getting people together to celebrate with you is so important, just have an amazing party with drinks, food, cake, and dancing. There is absolutely no need to have a wedding gown, walk down the aisle, or re-exchanging of rings.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

chibiyui said:

Why get legally married if you're not going to recognize it? And if you don't want people to recognize your legal marriage, why get married at all? Why invite anyone to a "wedding" if you don't want them to see you get married or if you don't think your legal marriage status matters?

I need wine.

People can recognize our marriage the same day and time we do, at our wedding, when we exchange rings and vows. Until then, they can view us as engaged, as we view ourselves. It's pretty easy to follow.

...Except for the fact that you aren't engaged; You're married. Stop calling your husband your fiancé. Stop saying you're not married yet. Stop telling the kindhearted ladies in this thread that you're different from every other PPDer that doesn't count civil weddings because they are not big enough or poofy enough. You are the most intense case of lalaLand that I've ever witnessed and are an insult to the institution of marriage itself because you have no respect for the meaningfulness of the binding contract you have with your husband and are instead concerning yourself with and placing importance on the show and trappings of a wedding,
full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.

Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

Re: Legally married, now having a &quot;real&quot; wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)