Honeymoon Jar?

LDay2014 · May 2014

angelawright79 said:

I have seen "cake smash jar" ideas. They seem a little less rude to me and not like you are asking for money from people. In essence you would put a jar labeled "bride" and one labeled "groom" next to the cake with a sign that says at the time of the cake cutting, the person with the most cash in the jar will get the cake in their face. I know I will end up with the cake in my face as my family all thinks this idea is hilarious. No one is obligated to participate, and the few extra bucks from the jars can be used for anything.
I personally disagree with cash registry funds, but this seems non-offensive to me.

you're still asking people to open up their wallets at your wedding. Doesn't matter what it's for. Etiquette Gods say No

finnea · May 2014

KGold80 said:

finnea said:

A registry is a registry, is a registry. No matter how you spin it, putting a teapot on a registry is asking for a teapot. Putting a honeymoon on a registry is asking for money towards a honeymoon.
There is *no* difference. Zero. Zilch. NONE.
Now, in my opinion, in order to remove the problem of simply asking for money, you can provide the information for the guests so they can actually purchase the part of the honeymoon you are asking for.
So, on the "registry", list the time and day that you want to do this particular event during your honeymoon. Then the guest will go online, or call the place where the event is listed, and actually purchase the listed item. Then the guest gets to control where the money goes (with no registry fees!) and the couple gets something they truly want.
Remember, that the couple could (and should if this is their route) take pictures of those gifts to send to the people who purchased them. So if my grandmother buys tickets for a museum, then we take a picture of us inside at one of the exhibits that we liked the most. Then Grandma gets the picture with the Thank-You note!

Yeah, because that is oh so much easier for the guest than putting a check in a card. If you don't want boxed gifts, don't register. If you want to do extra fun stuff on your honeymoon, use the cash/checks you receive at your wedding toward your honeymoon. You can even say in the thank you note..."Thanks so much for the generous gift! We were able to use it to do x on our honeymoon!" By NOT registering for your honeymoon, you run ZERO risk of appearing rude to any of your guests. It's always better to err on the side of caution when it comes to etiquette.

I get what you're saying, but by not registering at *all* is, to me, the same as saying that I just want cash. At least with a honeymoon registry, or a list of places I'd like to go on the honeymoon, the guest is still involved with picking out where their money goes. It's "cash with a purpose" instead of just a check with the "spend it as you will" line attached to it.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

finnea said:

KGold80 said:

finnea said:

A registry is a registry, is a registry. No matter how you spin it, putting a teapot on a registry is asking for a teapot. Putting a honeymoon on a registry is asking for money towards a honeymoon.
There is *no* difference. Zero. Zilch. NONE.
Now, in my opinion, in order to remove the problem of simply asking for money, you can provide the information for the guests so they can actually purchase the part of the honeymoon you are asking for.
So, on the "registry", list the time and day that you want to do this particular event during your honeymoon. Then the guest will go online, or call the place where the event is listed, and actually purchase the listed item. Then the guest gets to control where the money goes (with no registry fees!) and the couple gets something they truly want.
Remember, that the couple could (and should if this is their route) take pictures of those gifts to send to the people who purchased them. So if my grandmother buys tickets for a museum, then we take a picture of us inside at one of the exhibits that we liked the most. Then Grandma gets the picture with the Thank-You note!

Yeah, because that is oh so much easier for the guest than putting a check in a card. If you don't want boxed gifts, don't register. If you want to do extra fun stuff on your honeymoon, use the cash/checks you receive at your wedding toward your honeymoon. You can even say in the thank you note..."Thanks so much for the generous gift! We were able to use it to do x on our honeymoon!" By NOT registering for your honeymoon, you run ZERO risk of appearing rude to any of your guests. It's always better to err on the side of caution when it comes to etiquette.

I get what you're saying, but by not registering at *all* is, to me, the same as saying that I just want cash. At least with a honeymoon registry, or a list of places I'd like to go on the honeymoon, the guest is still involved with picking out where their money goes. It's "cash with a purpose" instead of just a check with the "spend it as you will" line attached to it.

If your guest wants to have a say in where their money goes they can write a note in the card and say something like "please use this for a date night" or "use this towards an excursion on your honeymoon." Not really all that hard.

MNVegas · May 2014

finnea said:

KGold80 said:

finnea said:

A registry is a registry, is a registry. No matter how you spin it, putting a teapot on a registry is asking for a teapot. Putting a honeymoon on a registry is asking for money towards a honeymoon.
There is *no* difference. Zero. Zilch. NONE.
Now, in my opinion, in order to remove the problem of simply asking for money, you can provide the information for the guests so they can actually purchase the part of the honeymoon you are asking for.
So, on the "registry", list the time and day that you want to do this particular event during your honeymoon. Then the guest will go online, or call the place where the event is listed, and actually purchase the listed item. Then the guest gets to control where the money goes (with no registry fees!) and the couple gets something they truly want.
Remember, that the couple could (and should if this is their route) take pictures of those gifts to send to the people who purchased them. So if my grandmother buys tickets for a museum, then we take a picture of us inside at one of the exhibits that we liked the most. Then Grandma gets the picture with the Thank-You note!

Yeah, because that is oh so much easier for the guest than putting a check in a card. If you don't want boxed gifts, don't register. If you want to do extra fun stuff on your honeymoon, use the cash/checks you receive at your wedding toward your honeymoon. You can even say in the thank you note..."Thanks so much for the generous gift! We were able to use it to do x on our honeymoon!" By NOT registering for your honeymoon, you run ZERO risk of appearing rude to any of your guests. It's always better to err on the side of caution when it comes to etiquette.

I get what you're saying, but by not registering at *all* is, to me, the same as saying that I just want cash. At least with a honeymoon registry, or a list of places I'd like to go on the honeymoon, the guest is still involved with picking out where their money goes. It's "cash with a purpose" instead of just a check with the "spend it as you will" line attached to it.

Once the money is gifted the person giving the money should have no say in what the couple do with it. Its a gift! All cash gifts have a purpose. It's a gift!!

KGold80 · May 2014

angelawright79 said:

I have seen "cake smash jar" ideas. They seem a little less rude to me and not like you are asking for money from people. In essence you would put a jar labeled "bride" and one labeled "groom" next to the cake with a sign that says at the time of the cake cutting, the person with the most cash in the jar will get the cake in their face. I know I will end up with the cake in my face as my family all thinks this idea is hilarious. No one is obligated to participate, and the few extra bucks from the jars can be used for anything.
I personally disagree with cash registry funds, but this seems non-offensive to me.

I'm sorry, but I really hate that idea. I don't like the whole cake smashed in the face thing anyway. I find it tacky. And to have it done in conjunction with a cash grab? SUPER TACKY.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

misshart00 said:

stolzyb said:

What's the difference between someone spending $100 on a keurig for you or giving $100 dollars to a honeymoon registry?

How is not rude to register for cutlery, but it's rude to register for your honeymoon, where your loved ones can help you create long lasting memories?

I agree that asking for money on top of a registry is poor etiquette, but instead of one....a registry is a registry.

This. While I agree that a honeymoon jar at your reception is rude and seems like a grab for even more money beyond whatever gift your guests have already generously gotten you, I don't understand why a honeymoon registry like Honeyfund is seen as poor etiquette?

Since my fiance and I have been living together for four years and have most of what we need already, we set up a Honeyfund in addition to a small registry for some household items. I spent a lot of time looking up restaurants, museums, and other activities we'd like to do in the cities we'll be visiting to list on our registry.

I don't understand why asking someone to get me a set of pots is ok, but asking for a canal tour of Amsterdam is out of the question. If one of our guests has already decided to make the effort to get us a gift (which is by no means a requirement to come to my wedding) why is this such a rude option? I've done it for other couples before, and my friends have said they thought it was a creative idea and would prefer to get me and my fiance something we'll really appreciate, not just another loaf pan.
Because when someone buys you pans from BBB, you get pans. When someone buys a tour of Amsterdam, you get $100 less fees.

Literally everyone knows that cash is a great gift. Do you honestly think that people don't know that? I didn't register for cash, but I still got over $1800 in cash, checks, and Amazon gift cards, and I was able to cut out the middleman that is Honeyfund (which seems very scam-ish to me, amirite?). Ultimately, people give you whatever they damn well please. My grandma gave me these weird plastic crystals that light up that you're supposed to put in a flower vase (??? LOL GRANDMA). She also gave me $1000, but I certainly didn't get that by saying "NO GIFTS UNLESS IT'S CASH". What everyone here is saying is that you're more likely to get cash by not asking for it. Most people think honeymoon registries are rude. If you're really close with your buddies and they know you'd prefer cash, I'm sure that's what they'll give you. However, I just sent a gift to a give-us-money couple and I was very close with them both in college. I will not give people cash if they straight-up ask for it, even if we are close friends.

afox007 · May 2014

MagicInk said:

So since it's my big super special amazing day here's what I'm going to do:

First, as I walk down the aisle (to Cherry Pie) I'm going to perform a strip tease and I expect all the guests to fling cash at me (make it rain bitches!!!).
Second, after I get up front I'll shimmy into some little dress I have waiting.
Third, the vows will be a secret language we make up so no one will understand anything.
Fourth, on our way out I except more cash. Hello, we totally deserve tips for that hell of a good performance.
Fifth, we'll take a like a 6 hour gap. Probably get some lunch, go see a movie and of course PICTURES. I dunno what my guests will do, not my problem.
Sixth, when we finally get to the reception we'll eat and the guests will wait until we're done. They can have whatever is left.
Seventh, we hold everyone up at gun point until they empty their wallets.

It's cool, it's MYYY DAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone will appreciate doing these things for me because I'll be queen of the fucking universe that day>

Can I come? Or at least to the strip tease ceremony because that would be fun; don't worry I'll bring plenty of $ you deserve it!

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

I don't know a single couple who used the money they got from their honeymoon registry on anything for their honeymoon.

ETA: They just got a check in the mail, so no one would have any idea whether they went snorkeling or swam with dolphins or whatever they put on their registry. However, the people I know who had honeymoon registries actually talked about the things they DID spend the money on - season tickets to their favorite baseball team, a new TV, etc.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

afox007 said:

MagicInk said:

So since it's my big super special amazing day here's what I'm going to do:

First, as I walk down the aisle (to Cherry Pie) I'm going to perform a strip tease and I expect all the guests to fling cash at me (make it rain bitches!!!).
Second, after I get up front I'll shimmy into some little dress I have waiting.
Third, the vows will be a secret language we make up so no one will understand anything.
Fourth, on our way out I except more cash. Hello, we totally deserve tips for that hell of a good performance.
Fifth, we'll take a like a 6 hour gap. Probably get some lunch, go see a movie and of course PICTURES. I dunno what my guests will do, not my problem.
Sixth, when we finally get to the reception we'll eat and the guests will wait until we're done. They can have whatever is left.
Seventh, we hold everyone up at gun point until they empty their wallets.

It's cool, it's MYYY DAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone will appreciate doing these things for me because I'll be queen of the fucking universe that day>

Can I come? Or at least to the strip tease ceremony because that would be fun; don't worry I'll bring plenty of $ you deserve it!

Of course you can come! We're selling tickets!

ohannabelle · May 2014

angelawright79 said:

I have seen "cake smash jar" ideas. They seem a little less rude to me and not like you are asking for money from people. In essence you would put a jar labeled "bride" and one labeled "groom" next to the cake with a sign that says at the time of the cake cutting, the person with the most cash in the jar will get the cake in their face. I know I will end up with the cake in my face as my family all thinks this idea is hilarious. No one is obligated to participate, and the few extra bucks from the jars can be used for anything.
I personally disagree with cash registry funds, but this seems non-offensive to me.

I think I just threw up a little.

This really doesn't make it better. It just adds a little tasteless five year old food fight "humor" to the original crime. So you can ask for money, and then publicly embarrass yourself by acting like an extra from a Three Stooges comedy. Hardy har har. Cake in face. Hyuk Hyuk. Please, please, please don't.

It is rude to ask your guests to open their wallets. Ever. For any reason. Nothing makes it better. Especially not making it stupider.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

afox007 said:

MagicInk said:

So since it's my big super special amazing day here's what I'm going to do:

First, as I walk down the aisle (to Cherry Pie) I'm going to perform a strip tease and I expect all the guests to fling cash at me (make it rain bitches!!!).
Second, after I get up front I'll shimmy into some little dress I have waiting.
Third, the vows will be a secret language we make up so no one will understand anything.
Fourth, on our way out I except more cash. Hello, we totally deserve tips for that hell of a good performance.
Fifth, we'll take a like a 6 hour gap. Probably get some lunch, go see a movie and of course PICTURES. I dunno what my guests will do, not my problem.
Sixth, when we finally get to the reception we'll eat and the guests will wait until we're done. They can have whatever is left.
Seventh, we hold everyone up at gun point until they empty their wallets.

It's cool, it's MYYY DAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone will appreciate doing these things for me because I'll be queen of the fucking universe that day>

Can I come? Or at least to the strip tease ceremony because that would be fun; don't worry I'll bring plenty of $ you deserve it!

https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/8ac9981d12eb8da39a4ff3388e661f00/tumblr_ml2ekxI7Hg1snckw0o1_500.gif

Jen4948 · May 2014

angelawright79 said:

I have seen "cake smash jar" ideas. They seem a little less rude to me and not like you are asking for money from people. In essence you would put a jar labeled "bride" and one labeled "groom" next to the cake with a sign that says at the time of the cake cutting, the person with the most cash in the jar will get the cake in their face. I know I will end up with the cake in my face as my family all thinks this idea is hilarious. No one is obligated to participate, and the few extra bucks from the jars can be used for anything.
I personally disagree with cash registry funds, but this seems non-offensive to me.

Cake smashed in someone's face is offensive to me-and not "hilarious" at all.

mellowmarshmallow · May 2014

MagicInk said:

afox007 said:

MagicInk said:

So since it's my big super special amazing day here's what I'm going to do:

First, as I walk down the aisle (to Cherry Pie) I'm going to perform a strip tease and I expect all the guests to fling cash at me (make it rain bitches!!!).
Second, after I get up front I'll shimmy into some little dress I have waiting.
Third, the vows will be a secret language we make up so no one will understand anything.
Fourth, on our way out I except more cash. Hello, we totally deserve tips for that hell of a good performance.
Fifth, we'll take a like a 6 hour gap. Probably get some lunch, go see a movie and of course PICTURES. I dunno what my guests will do, not my problem.
Sixth, when we finally get to the reception we'll eat and the guests will wait until we're done. They can have whatever is left.
Seventh, we hold everyone up at gun point until they empty their wallets.

It's cool, it's MYYY DAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone will appreciate doing these things for me because I'll be queen of the fucking universe that day>

Can I come? Or at least to the strip tease ceremony because that would be fun; don't worry I'll bring plenty of $ you deserve it!

Of course you can come! We're selling tickets!

@MagicInk- Can I come, too? Fair warning- I am a poor grad student and have some quarters left over from paying parking meters, so I can only make it hail.

LittleRed9 · May 2014

I'm sorry, I have to disagree.

In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.

Do it in place of your registry, I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. That's the whole point of registry; you're asking for what YOU want. It's your day. Your wedding. Your honeymoon.

But maybe that's just a modern bride standpoint. I'm more about things that make me happy, and trust that my loved ones know and understand I have an established household and aren't going to berate me for using a fundraiser in place of gifts.

I'd rather have an extra day in paradise than worry about stuffy etiquette established before it was socially acceptable to live with your partner before you marry him.

vianitalinda · May 2014

Let me remind you its your wedding and you don't need anyone telling you what you should and shouldn't do. There is also nothing wrong with having a dollar dance, its fun and many guest already go prepared for it because its so popular. As for feeling like a prostitute, that's just ridiculous. As a soon to be bride myself, Im completely for it. Just have fun!

Maggie0829 · May 2014

LittleRed9 said:

In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.

Oh dear god no.

buddysmom80 · May 2014

vianitalinda said:

Let me remind you its your wedding and you don't need anyone telling you what you should and shouldn't do. There is also nothing wrong with having a dollar dance, its fun and many guest already go prepared for it because its so popular. As for feeling like a prostitute, that's just ridiculous. As a soon to be bride myself, Im completely for it. Just have fun!

If I wanted dollars stuffed down my shirt, I would lose 50 lbs and strip at night. FFS.

lyndausvi · May 2014

LittleRed9 said:

In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.

weddings are not fundraisers.

Showers and gifts for weddings couples are suppose to help set up their homes. towels, sheets and plates are actual needs IMO. Not $100 plates, but one does need something to eat off of, cook on, sleep on and to dry off. If people do not need those things anymore because they bought their own, fine. Don't have a shower. Pretty simple.

No one needs a honeymoon. People know how to give cash on their own. They don't need to be duped into thinking they are buying a dinner out when all you get is a check a few weeks after the weddings minus fees.

LDay2014 · May 2014

LittleRed9 said:

I'm sorry, I have to disagree.

In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.

It's your day. Your wedding. Your honeymoon.

But maybe that's just a modern bride standpoint. I'm more about things that make me happy, and trust that my loved ones know and understand I have an established household and aren't going to berate me for using a fundraiser in place of gifts.

I'd rather have an extra day in paradise than worry about stuffy etiquette established before it was socially acceptable to live with your partner before you marry him.

DEAR GOD NO.

The point of a wedding isn't to ask for gifts...that's why you don't include registry info in your invitations. If you get gifts, well isn't that nice. But why are you asking for it?!?!?!

If you want an extra day in paradise, then pay for it. Don't make other people. Be an adult.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Do people understand at all the honeymoon is not necessary? That a lot of people never even take one? And they aren't any less married? It's just a vacation.

Would anyone be ok with asking other people to pay for any other vacation for you?

Maggie0829 · May 2014

A honeymoon is a vacation. Unless you ask everyone to fund all your vacations why do you feel it necessary or okay to ask people to fund this vacation?

NYCBruin · May 2014

Just sell tickets to your wedding. If you're looking to make money off of it and treat your "guests" like ATMs, why not just drop the pretenses and have people return their RSVP cards with a check.

This thread disgusts me.

ashley8918 · May 2014

LiznArt said:

I don't think it is rude. I plan on asking for money on my wedding. We have lived together for a while and I do not need an extra set of towels or wine glasses. We want to use the money in the honeymoon. We are going to Europe. This is an example of how I plan to do it.
We know it’s traditional to write a list
But in this case there is a slight twist
Our home is complete with the usual stuff
And the things that we have are good enough
Our dream is to honeymoon in a foreign land
And walk along vineries hand in hand
We hope you don’t think of us as being rude
And that our request is not misconstrued
A contribution to our honeymoon pot would be appreciated such a lot
But the most important thing to say
Is that you are there to celebrate our day

Good Luck! It's your day do whatever you feel.

Oh, dear god, NO. JUST NO. Are you serious?

countrygirl061513 · May 2014

Or here is a better way to make sure you can have a totally kick ass vacation........skip the big wedding, run to the court house and make it legal. Then take all the money you would have spent on the whole big show and take your vacation. You are just as married, and your guests won't be out any money and some may still send you gifts.

I hate how people think if they say that proper etiquette is old fashioned and they are modern as an excuse to be rude and demand money like they are the govt or something.

KeptInStitches · May 2014

Okay, here we go re: honeymoon registeries:

No no no no no.

No no no no no no no.

No no no no no.

KGold80 · May 2014

KeptInStitches said:

Okay, here we go re: honeymoon registeries:

No no no no no.
No no no no no no no.
No no no no no.

This haiku is much better written than that travesty of a poem on page 2.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

KeptInStitches said:

Okay, here we go re: honeymoon registeries:

No no no no no.
No no no no no no no.
No no no no no.

So beautiful and moving! Brought a tear to my eye.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

KeptInStitches said:

Okay, here we go re: honeymoon registeries:

No no no no no.
No no no no no no no.
No no no no no.

So beautiful and moving! Brought a tear to my eye.

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

UGH. I feel like I need to issue my standard canned response. My DH has owned a home since 1990. Yes- that's right- 1990. Between the two of us, by the time we had gotten married, we had lived in 7 different homes. When we got married, we had zero intention of creating a registry, as we were not having any guests. However, people at work found out about the wedding (as I had to ask for time off) and asked where I was registered. I thanked them for asking, but declined any type of gift or shower-type activity. Why would I need one after having lived with my FI for six years? But, since people did ask, I quietly registered just to have something out there. It wasn't much, yet when we sat down to do it, we came up with a ton of great ideas!

Guess what? In this day in age when many people do live together beforehand, having a shower may not make sense. It was meant to assist couples in setting up a household and used as a guide as to what colors, patterns, and type of supplies the couple lacked. A registry is NOT a summons to buy the couple a gift. It is there if someone chooses to be generous. There is nothing rude about turning down a shower, either.

What everyone does know is that a vacation of any kind is frivilous and grossly unnecessary to existence. Many of your guests may not even be able to take their own vacations. However, forks, pots, and towels are pretty much a staple of basic living and needed to start a new family. That is why a traditional registry is not deemed as "tacky"- it's providing a guide to things that you need to successfully run a household. A vacation does not do any of that.

So, if you already have everything that any person may need to run a home, just do not have a shower! If someone is really bent on hosting a shower for you, suggest to them to host a bridal tea. If people still act interested in getting you a gift, that is super generous and maybe you can do what I did and create a registry on the sly and just let it sit out there. I guarantee you'll come up with stuff to ask for- my 50 year old DH did! Magically, without even asking, the guests who do choose to attend your wedding and offer a gift will most likely give you money without you even asking for it! Those who do not give money would have given a traditional gift regardless. This plan should not offend anyone, you'll potentially receive things you needed AND cash, all without having asked for anything!

Beach726 · May 2014

I have never seen it done and would NOT do it either. My fiance and I already live together so instead of a typical registry, we have chosen 2 organizations that help animals find "fur"ever homes that guests can donate to. It's a WIN WIN because animals get help and the guests get a tax write-off.

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