Etiquette

Honeymoon Jar?

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Re: Honeymoon Jar?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    lyndausvi said:
    Do people not understand that a honeymoon registry doesn't actually provide you with what you "register" for?
    apparently not.
    No they don't.  My friend set one up for her wedding.  One of her friends bought her the dolphin excursion thing she wanted.  She was very surprised that she received a check for the amount of the excursion and that nothing got booked.  I told that that is how those websites worked.  Her friend who bought her the excursion said "Geez if I had known I would have just given you the money instead of going through the website."

    People aren't the smartest.  They don't read the fine print to things.  They see these websites where they can register for certain activities and dinners and the website leads them to believe that the guest is actually purchasing and reserving that activity at their honeymoon destination.  So it doesn't surprise me at all that people don't realize that they aren't actually getting what they think they are getting.  But what does surprise me (even though it shouldn't) is that after we tell these brides the truth they tend to not want to believe us.  Really?

    misshart00lyndausvicountrygirl061513huskypuppy14
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    lyndausvi said:
    Do people not understand that a honeymoon registry doesn't actually provide you with what you "register" for?
    apparently not.
    No they don't.  My friend set one up for her wedding.  One of her friends bought her the dolphin excursion thing she wanted.  She was very surprised that she received a check for the amount of the excursion and that nothing got booked.  I told that that is how those websites worked.  Her friend who bought her the excursion said "Geez if I had known I would have just given you the money instead of going through the website."

    People aren't the smartest.  They don't read the fine print to things.  They see these websites where they can register for certain activities and dinners and the website leads them to believe that the guest is actually purchasing and reserving that activity at their honeymoon destination.  So it doesn't surprise me at all that people don't realize that they aren't actually getting what they think they are getting.  But what does surprise me (even though it shouldn't) is that after we tell these brides the truth they tend to not want to believe us.  Really?
    Hehe.   I kind-of get a kick out of looking at HM registries.   You will see 

    Dinner $25   -    Wants 3

    Umm,  do you know you just registried for $69.75?*








    * $75 - 7% fee






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • So lets take this thought experiment one step further. Let's say when it comes to things you need there really isn't anything. This means there's nothing to put on your gift registry. Instead of telling people where to go and what to buy you you simply ask for people to pitch in on the honeymoon of your dreams. How is that different from telling people what to buy you? You could even give a big long account of what you have planned and where you're going under the registry page. Thoughts?   
  • NYCBruinNYCBruin
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    edited May 2014
    So lets take this thought experiment one step further. Let's say when it comes to things you need there really isn't anything. This means there's nothing to put on your gift registry. Instead of telling people where to go and what to buy you you simply ask for people to pitch in on the honeymoon of your dreams. How is that different from telling people what to buy you? You could even give a big long account of what you have planned and where you're going under the registry page. Thoughts?   


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If you have nothing to register, you don't register.  You never ask or people to give you gifts or buy you things.  If someone asks you what you would like you can say something like "oh, we don't really need anything but are saving up money for our honeymoon/house/whatever."  You do not post anything about gifts on your website (many people considering linking any registries - even traditional ones - to be in bad form)
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    So lets take this thought experiment one step further. Let's say when it comes to things you need there really isn't anything. This means there's nothing to put on your gift registry. Instead of telling people where to go and what to buy you you simply ask for people to pitch in on the honeymoon of your dreams. How is that different from telling people what to buy you? You could even give a big long account of what you have planned and where you're going under the registry page. Thoughts?   
    Because people shouldn't have to help you fund your optional vacation.

  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas
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    edited May 2014
    You may say that you are saving for swimming with the dolphins on your honeymoon. But do not say "you should give me money for my honeymoon." I would not put it on a website and tell everyone to go there, either.

    I just find telling people about the big extravagant vacation you want to take to be tacky. And especially to be asking them to help pay for something so unnecessary.

    Truth time: I made a honeymoon registry. I told my friend when she asked where I was registered. She scoffed at me and said no offense but that is really rude and tacky and people will judge you. I took it off my knot website and never have mentioned it to guests since. The thought of people knowing I have one gives me the creeps now. I'm embarrassed that I made one and that people might find out that I wanted money for my expensive vacation. Which is booked already.

    Stupid to ask for money after you already book your honeymoon. Most of the girls who have honeymoon registries want to go on their HM immediately after their wedding, anyway. The timing just doesn't line up.

    image   image   image

  • NYCBruin said:
    If you have nothing to register, you don't register.  You never ask or people to give you gifts or buy you things.  If someone asks you what you would like you can say something like "oh, we don't really need anything but are saving up money for our honeymoon/house/whatever."  You do not post anything about gifts on your website (many people considering linking any registries - even traditional ones - to be in bad form)
    When you setup your theknot.com wedding page there is a page for registry.
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
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    edited May 2014
    NYCBruin said:
    If you have nothing to register, you don't register.  You never ask or people to give you gifts or buy you things.  If someone asks you what you would like you can say something like "oh, we don't really need anything but are saving up money for our honeymoon/house/whatever."  You do not post anything about gifts on your website (many people considering linking any registries - even traditional ones - to be in bad form)
    When you setup your theknot.com wedding page there is a page for registry.
    Just because it's possible on TK, doesn't mean it's correct etiquette.  TK is part of the wedding industry, so they'll go along with anything that makes money for their sponsors.

    ETA: although, I will not really side-eye a link to your Target or Macy's registry on your website.  But I will side-eye a link to a cash or honeymoon registry.  Traditional registries are so that if guests choose to get you a gift, they know your preferred china pattern and don't buy multiples.  A cash or HM registry is unnecessary, because cash is cash is cash.  People don't need guidance on how many $20 bills you need.  So that comes across more as asking for the cash, which is tackytastic.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire
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    NYCBruin said:
    If you have nothing to register, you don't register.  You never ask or people to give you gifts or buy you things.  If someone asks you what you would like you can say something like "oh, we don't really need anything but are saving up money for our honeymoon/house/whatever."  You do not post anything about gifts on your website (many people considering linking any registries - even traditional ones - to be in bad form)
    When you setup your theknot.com wedding page there is a page for registry.
    That is because the wedding industry cares about making money, not about etiquette.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • Just because it's possible on TK, doesn't mean it's correct etiquette.  TK is part of the wedding industry, so they'll go along with anything that makes money for their sponsors.
    Fair enough. I guess as the groom the etiquette/coyness boggles my mind. I think  just be upfront and say it how it is, but that's just a guys point of view.
    Sugargirl1019
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    NYCBruin said:
    If you have nothing to register, you don't register.  You never ask or people to give you gifts or buy you things.  If someone asks you what you would like you can say something like "oh, we don't really need anything but are saving up money for our honeymoon/house/whatever."  You do not post anything about gifts on your website (many people considering linking any registries - even traditional ones - to be in bad form)
    When you setup your theknot.com wedding page there is a page for registry.
    Just because you can do something doesn't mean that you should. I can punch people in the face, but that doesn't mean that I should punch people in the face.

    ashley8918tcnoblecupcait927[Deleted User]
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
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    Just because it's possible on TK, doesn't mean it's correct etiquette.  TK is part of the wedding industry, so they'll go along with anything that makes money for their sponsors.
    Fair enough. I guess as the groom the etiquette/coyness boggles my mind. I think  just be upfront and say it how it is, but that's just a guys point of view.
    @Thebeavers15 You sound like a reasonable dude-- stick around!
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    I hate the entitlement of "I'm getting married so how can I get the most money out of my guests".

    If you do not need anything physical do not registry.  Decline the a shower.  I seriously think showers are outdated anyway.   

    Weddings in my circle are mostly cash giving events.   So again, I don't see the point needing to registry and then a company gets a cut of something that is given anyway.  Sure some people give physical gifts, which were appreciated and treasured reminders of my wedding.  All those gifts were off-registry.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Sugargirl1019
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    Maggie0829, I would argue that there are people you should punch in the face. :-)
    Very true.

  • I know it can be customary to hold "dollar dances" in some customs but I definitely do not want to do that at my wedding, although my mom thinks it's a great idea. So what if you skipped the gift registry altogether and registered solely for a honeymoon fund? This is what I did and used a website. Now I am sort of freaking out that everyone will think it's rude. I seriously do not need any more dishes or towels, etc. 
  • I know it can be customary to hold "dollar dances" in some customs but I definitely do not want to do that at my wedding, although my mom thinks it's a great idea. So what if you skipped the gift registry altogether and registered solely for a honeymoon fund? This is what I did and used a website. Now I am sort of freaking out that everyone will think it's rude. I seriously do not need any more dishes or towels, etc. 
    I'm with you on that, I think it's fine. At the end of the day the people showing up know you and like you for you so don't worry.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    I know it can be customary to hold "dollar dances" in some customs but I definitely do not want to do that at my wedding, although my mom thinks it's a great idea. So what if you skipped the gift registry altogether and registered solely for a honeymoon fund? This is what I did and used a website. Now I am sort of freaking out that everyone will think it's rude. I seriously do not need any more dishes or towels, etc. 


    STUCK IN BOX

    A honeymoon registry is like this


    Dinner  $35 Wants :  3
    Snorkel $100 Wants  2
    Hotel $50 Wants 20


    Your guests THINK they just gave you a dinner, snorkel trip and helping paid you room.    What you really registered for was $1205 in cash.  Then some company will take a fee (say 7%).  So a few weeks AFTER your wedding (and after most people have taken their HM) you get a check for $1113.65

    It's weird no?  Especially since a lot of people give cash/check as a wedding gift without having a 3rd party getting a cut.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I know it can be customary to hold "dollar dances" in some customs but I definitely do not want to do that at my wedding, although my mom thinks it's a great idea. So what if you skipped the gift registry altogether and registered solely for a honeymoon fund? This is what I did and used a website. Now I am sort of freaking out that everyone will think it's rude. I seriously do not need any more dishes or towels, etc. 

    FI and I have been living together for a long time and we don't need anything. So we aren't registering for anything. It is really a simple concept. You don't need anything, don't register.
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
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    edited May 2014
    I know it can be customary to hold "dollar dances" in some customs but I definitely do not want to do that at my wedding, although my mom thinks it's a great idea. So what if you skipped the gift registry altogether and registered solely for a honeymoon fund? This is what I did and used a website. Now I am sort of freaking out that everyone will think it's rude. I seriously do not need any more dishes or towels, etc. 
    -----Gahhhh the box-------

    @snklfritzz Not everyone will think it's rude, but many people will.  I'd take the HM registry down.  People will give you cash anyway!  Everyone knows cash is a great gift, and if you don't have a traditional registry (or a small registry), people will take the hint.
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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
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    edited May 2014
    I know it can be customary to hold "dollar dances" in some customs but I definitely do not want to do that at my wedding, although my mom thinks it's a great idea. So what if you skipped the gift registry altogether and registered solely for a honeymoon fund? This is what I did and used a website. Now I am sort of freaking out that everyone will think it's rude. I seriously do not need any more dishes or towels, etc. 
    I'm with you on that, I think it's fine. At the end of the day the people showing up know you and like you for you so don't worry.
    I'm going to repost this in case you missed it, and you seem to be genuinely curious on the subject.
    Here's what I did, so not to be rude, and bc we didn't "need" anything. Hope you find it helpfully and reassuring :)

    We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) 
    Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use HM registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion. 

    But I have good news :) 
    For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 
    If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 
     A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • stolzyb said:
    What's the difference between someone spending $100 on a keurig for you or giving $100 dollars to a honeymoon registry?

    How is not rude to register for cutlery, but it's rude to register for your honeymoon, where your loved ones can help you create long lasting memories?

    I agree that asking for money on top of a registry is poor etiquette, but instead of one....a registry is a registry.
    stolzyb said:
    What's the difference between someone spending $100 on a keurig for you or giving $100 dollars to a honeymoon registry?

    How is not rude to register for cutlery, but it's rude to register for your honeymoon, where your loved ones can help you create long lasting memories?

    I agree that asking for money on top of a registry is poor etiquette, but instead of one....a registry is a registry.
    THANK YOU!!! I wholeheartedly agree! Sometimes seeing this board makes me want to just elope!
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
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    stolzyb said:
    What's the difference between someone spending $100 on a keurig for you or giving $100 dollars to a honeymoon registry?

    How is not rude to register for cutlery, but it's rude to register for your honeymoon, where your loved ones can help you create long lasting memories?

    I agree that asking for money on top of a registry is poor etiquette, but instead of one....a registry is a registry.
    THANK YOU!!! I wholeheartedly agree! Sometimes seeing this board makes me want to just elope!
    @snklfritzz: Now I'm just confused.  You are worried everyone will think you are rude.  The vast majority of posts on this thread confirm your concern.  So now you focus on the small minority that agrees with you and ignore the rest?

    I legitimately tried to be helpful.  @photokitty confirmed that she received lots of cash without asking for it.

    And the reasons a HM fund and traditional registry are different have been spelled out in this thread many, many times.  Please read the thread before you start giving bad advice, @stolzyb.

    Yeah, your guests will think you are rude.  Maybe a few won't be offended, but I promise, many of them will be offended.  They are just too nice to tell you that to your face.
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  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89
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    edited May 2014
    NYCBruin said:
    So lets take this thought experiment one step further. Let's say when it comes to things you need there really isn't anything. This means there's nothing to put on your gift registry. Instead of telling people where to go and what to buy you you simply ask for people to pitch in on the honeymoon of your dreams. How is that different from telling people what to buy you? You could even give a big long account of what you have planned and where you're going under the registry page. Thoughts?   


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If you have nothing to register, you don't register.  You never ask or people to give you gifts or buy you things.  If someone asks you what you would like you can say something like "oh, we don't really need anything but are saving up money for our honeymoon/house/whatever."  You do not post anything about gifts on your website (many people considering linking any registries - even traditional ones - to be in bad form)



    I guess I was bad. I linked to my registries on my website, but not on the home page. I did not, however, put any registry info on the invitation or STDs. I know that's a tacky thing to do. I figured a website was fine for that sort of info. In fact, everyone complimented me on how easy everything was to find, and that I put maps, directions, and links to the booked hotels there too. I don't think anyone was mad at me... at least not to my face :P
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

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  • NYCBruin said:
    So lets take this thought experiment one step further. Let's say when it comes to things you need there really isn't anything. This means there's nothing to put on your gift registry. Instead of telling people where to go and what to buy you you simply ask for people to pitch in on the honeymoon of your dreams. How is that different from telling people what to buy you? You could even give a big long account of what you have planned and where you're going under the registry page. Thoughts?   


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If you have nothing to register, you don't register.  You never ask or people to give you gifts or buy you things.  If someone asks you what you would like you can say something like "oh, we don't really need anything but are saving up money for our honeymoon/house/whatever."  You do not post anything about gifts on your website (many people considering linking any registries - even traditional ones - to be in bad form)



    I guess I was bad. I linked to my registries on my website, but not on the home page. I did not, however, put any registry info on the invitation or STDs. I know that's a tacky thing to do. I figured a website was fine for that sort of info. In fact, everyone complimented me on how easy everything was to find, and that I put maps, directions, and links to the booked hotels there too. I don't think anyone was mad at me... at least not to my face :P
    -----

    I think this is pretty low on the offense list and I know a lot of people do it.  I personally don't care as long as the registry information isn't super prominent on the website, but I do know some people who find it in poor taste regardless.


    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • She agreed and said I should do a honeymoon jar on the gift table instead.

    Completely OT but:

    I heard its rude for a guest to bring a gift to your wedding reception. Is this true? The reasoning I heard behind it is that it puts a strain on the newlyweds to protect gifts from theft. I think it sounds silly and that its not that hard to place gifts in a hotel room for fear of a wedding crasher sneaking in and steals something.. 
    kitsunegari89
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    perdonami said:
    She agreed and said I should do a honeymoon jar on the gift table instead.

    Completely OT but:

    I heard its rude for a guest to bring a gift to your wedding reception. Is this true? The reasoning I heard behind it is that it puts a strain on the newlyweds to protect gifts from theft. I think it sounds silly and that its not that hard to place gifts in a hotel room for fear of a wedding crasher sneaking in and steals something.. 
    This is technically true.  Wedding presents should be sent to the home prior to the actual wedding day.  But honestly, I think that is a really dumb rule.

    kitsunegari89
  • perdonami said:
    She agreed and said I should do a honeymoon jar on the gift table instead.

    Completely OT but:

    I heard its rude for a guest to bring a gift to your wedding reception. Is this true? The reasoning I heard behind it is that it puts a strain on the newlyweds to protect gifts from theft. I think it sounds silly and that its not that hard to place gifts in a hotel room for fear of a wedding crasher sneaking in and steals something.. 
    My wedding reception had an extra table that ended up being turned into an unofficial gift table. There were LOADS of gifts brought to the reception. I didn't worry about them, since there was a security guard my dad hired for the afternoon. Nice guy. He ate like 5 pieces of cake and seemed to have a great time.

    I didn't know it was rude to bring gifts to the reception. I didn't even think about it other than the OOOOOOH MORE GIFTS YAY thought that went through my head.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

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    perdonami
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
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    edited May 2014
    perdonami said:

    Completely OT but:

    I heard its rude for a guest to bring a gift to your wedding reception. Is this true? The reasoning I heard behind it is that it puts a strain on the newlyweds to protect gifts from theft. I think it sounds silly and that its not that hard to place gifts in a hotel room for fear of a wedding crasher sneaking in and steals something.. 
    This is technically true.  Wedding presents should be sent to the home prior to the actual wedding day.  But honestly, I think that is a really dumb rule.
    The weird thing IMHO is that it is OK to bring a card with money in it...which a card with cash in it would be a lot easier to steal and more desirable than a blender. I think it suggests that we don't mind being inconvenienced by cash, but don't make us carry your lame blender...which seems ungrateful. But I do understand it is a pain to load and transport all those gifts...but they are freaking gifts, be happy they were given :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    kitsunegari89perdonami
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    perdonami said:

    Completely OT but:

    I heard its rude for a guest to bring a gift to your wedding reception. Is this true? The reasoning I heard behind it is that it puts a strain on the newlyweds to protect gifts from theft. I think it sounds silly and that its not that hard to place gifts in a hotel room for fear of a wedding crasher sneaking in and steals something.. 
    This is technically true.  Wedding presents should be sent to the home prior to the actual wedding day.  But honestly, I think that is a really dumb rule.
    The weird thing IMHO is that it is OK to bring a card with money in it...which a card with cash in it would be a lot easier to steal and more desirable than a blender. I think it suggests that we don't mind being inconvenienced by cash, but don't make us carry your lame blender...which seems ungrateful. But I don't understand it is a pain to load and transport all those gifts...but they are freaking gifts, be happy they were given :)
    Exactly!

    kitsunegari89perdonami
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