Wedding Reception Forum

The dreaded "gap"

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Re: The dreaded "gap"

  • Wow! There are some negative Nancy's out there. I am in a very similar situation, and I disagree with most of the people on this board. I do not think that it is rude to have a gap between the ceremony and reception. I don' think that many of these people understand that the Catholic Church is very strict on their ceremony times and honestly will not be flexible because they do offer a Saturday afternoon mass. 

    It also makes perfect sense that your traveling guests would want to drop off their bags and possibly even change before heading to the reception. Also- this gives you ample time to take photos and maybe even a little bit of quiet with your new husband before the reception begins. 

    Not that I consider this rude but the alternative is to start and end your wedding early which quiet honestly just sucks. Plus you will disappear for an hour to an hour and a half to be rushed through photos when you could be enjoying cocktail hour with your guests. If your photographer is anything like mine- they too are paid for a set number of hours and you want to get the most out of the time you have paid for. 

    Guests attend your wedding to celebrate you as a couple because they love you and want to be a part of YOUR day- so make it what you want (you are paying for it after all). I think the best thing to do is plan it out how you most like it and inform them ahead of time (i used the wedding website provided by the knot) and this way they are aware before they RSVP. Since there is a bar in the hotel- that's a perfect place for people to meet up so you shouldn't have to stress about this!

  • This is why the wedding industry makes billions of money and divorce rate is so high.

    If on your wedding day your biggest problem was "I have to be a good host," then I feel awful for your husbands. Please apologize to them for me on your behalf because that's embarassing.
    You really think you're the first person to tell us this? And really, what makes us so awful? Because we want to make sure our guests have a good time? Please, I implore you to find one fault with our suggestions to make sure you don't have  gap. Just one.
  • The fact that you don't get it makes it even sadder.
    I'm sorry, but what in the world does this even mean?

  • FYI -Is it perfectly acceptable to start a ceremony after 6pm. In fact, a ceremony is only a black tie ceremony if it starts after 6pm.

    As for your wedding...If you're only talking about an hour gap, and the reception venue is 20 minutes away. Just extend cocktail hour 15 minutes and you'll be fine. People can entertain themselves for 15-20 minutes...bathroom break, powder their nose, shots in the bathroom....whatever people need to do ....

    Perhaps more convenient would be to forego the Church ceremony if that's an option. I grew up Catholic and both sides would probably prefer that our ceremony be in a church, but I don't want to make my guests travel between ceremony and reception. Maybe consider that...?

  • I'm getting married in August 2014 and our ceremony starts at 3:30.  The reception (cocktail hour) will start at 5pm, but we won't be there until about 6pm. We have a wedding party of 12 and its very time consuming to get everyone moving in the direction to get pictures. Although we care about our guests, we care about having some nice pictures as well. We have seven children between us and don't want to have too much confusion so we are going to do what's called "First Look" where the groom and I will meet prior to the ceremony for our pictures. Not as traditional, but it what works for us!
  • Congratulations @courtneyandjohn2014!! Isn't wedding planning fun? 

    Over the past 4 years I've been to 18 weddings-the ones with religious, usually Catholic ceremonies had a gap (1-2 hours), the non-Catholic ones we attended did not have a gap. We knew what to expect when attending. 

    Either times are changing or I've been to a lot of weddings hosted by "rude" people. 

    One of the best weddings I've ever been to was in the Outer banks, in a small sleepy town aka nothing near by, and had a 2-hr gap between the Catholic ceremony and the reception. She was a post-college friend of mine, not family, so we didn't know more than a few people. We found a place to go with some cousins and family friends of the groom that we didn't know and bonded. It was one of the best weddings I've ever been to!

    I think you are going to run into a lot of opinions based on etiquette or personal preference, and you just need to make a decision that is considerate of your guests but works for your situation.

    I'm having a Catholic ceremony with a full mass that starts at 2:30pm. It will wrap around 3:30pm, we will have a receiving line (we figure 10mins), then shuttle our guests to the reception venue about 20 mins away. Cocktail hour will start at 4pm, with guests being invited to sit down for dinner at 5:30pm...the receiving line and shuttle will fill the gap, plus we are having a 90 min cocktail hour to allow for pictures and just enough time for us to pop in right before everyone sits for dinner.

    This schedule works for us, for our guests, for the church, the venue and our budget! but may not work for everyone, and that's okay.

    Best of luck to you with your planning and with navigating through these harsh responses! It will all work out :)
  • It's YOUR day. Do what you want. :) You are thinking of your out of town guests by having a gap and there's nothing wrong with that. Anyone rude enough to complain about it probably shouldn't have been invited anyway. Just make sure you let them know on the invite so they can plan accordingly.
  • tmueller1 said:
    I'm getting married in August 2014 and our ceremony starts at 3:30.  The reception (cocktail hour) will start at 5pm, but we won't be there until about 6pm. We have a wedding party of 12 and its very time consuming to get everyone moving in the direction to get pictures. Although we care about our guests, we care about having some nice pictures as well. We have seven children between us and don't want to have too much confusion so we are going to do what's called "First Look" where the groom and I will meet prior to the ceremony for our pictures. Not as traditional, but it what works for us!
    So if your wedding lasts an hour and it takes 30 minutes to get to your reception site, then you are the first poster in a long line of posters that is actually doing things appropriately because your guests are taken care of the entire time.

  • ckel24 said:
    You really think you're the first person to tell us this? And really, what makes us so awful? Because we want to make sure our guests have a good time? Please, I implore you to find one fault with our suggestions to make sure you don't have  gap. Just one.
    I'm not the first person to tell you that you're a crazy person? Then perhaps you should get checked out. If more than one person thinks it on different occasions, then maybe you should be concerned.
  • Like I said before, I care about my guests. That's why I invited them. But my main concern is my fiance and his comfort and his happiness.


  • So I have a similar situation. Fortunately, my church has 5pm mass instead of 4pm, so we are having our mass at 3pm. Mass and receiving line thru 4:30. The reception venue is 20 minutes away.

    The cocktail hr starts at 6pm. We had the option to start at 5:30, but my guests will be disappointed if the party ends too early, so in consideration of my guests, I am choosing to have a gap for the sake of a better party. And for the record, I am also extending the reception an another hr too. My reception is at the botanic gardens, so I am going to advise guests to explore the gardens in the extra time and/or will set up a bar special nearby.

    I do not see how this is rude. The decisions are not based on my selfish desire for more pictures, they are in the best interest of the party which I know is a priority for my guests.

    As for the original poster, I do not think you are crazy. I understand that some consider this rude, but you know your guests/ what is culturally acceptable in your area and use your best judgement. And don't let the haters on this forum get you down. This is supposed to be a supportive environment, I don't know how in the name of etiquette it has some how become acceptable to be so rude to one another.
  • You know, I wouldn't worry about most of the people whining about how supposedly rude a gap is. They're probably also the type that declines or complains all night about weddings that don't provide them with full open bars for 5 hours so they can get drunk. God forbid they get invited to a dry wedding, they'd never forgive the hosts for not understanding they are unable to interact with other human beings without alcohol.
  • I'm not the first person to tell you that you're a crazy person? Then perhaps you should get checked out. If more than one person thinks it on different occasions, then maybe you should be concerned.
    Where did you say we were crazy people in your post? You said you feel sorry for our husbands/fiancés. And you still didn't answer my question - why are WE wrong for wanting to be gracious hosts on our wedding days? Why is that wrong?
  • parandparand member
    First Comment
    I live in the midwest, so if this is a regional thing, then it is not just in the northeast, and this gap is not just common, but expected here. The hotel we are using also has a 3:00 pm check-in time.
  •  
    Like I said before, I care about my guests. That's why I invited them. But my main concern is my fiance and his comfort and his happiness.


    If you cared about your guests, you wouldn't have a gap.
     
     

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  • Guests attend your wedding to celebrate you as a couple because they love you and want to be a part of YOUR day- so make it what you want (you are paying for it after all). I think the best thing to do is plan it out how you most like it and inform them ahead of time (i used the wedding website provided by the knot) and this way they are aware before they RSVP. Since there is a bar in the hotel- that's a perfect place for people to meet up so you shouldn't have to stress about this!

    Exactly!
  • falsarafalsara member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    If your ceremony and repetion are in two different places there's a gap anyway to allow for travel time to and from venues.  I understand that in this case the events are both held at one venue.  But it is rude of guests to expect the couple to change thier pictures so that the guests can be completley comforotable. Not all couples want to take pictures before the ceremony, and honsetly if you have a big family, cutting down the time that pictures take is almost impossible to do. if the guests really care about being there for hte couple they can wait and hour.  At the same time having the gap be longer than an hour is rude. 

     

    Bottom line - a gap of an hour or less is not rude.  Exceeding this time can be.  Guests have to be just as understanding as the couple when it comes to things like pictures.  This is thier day, they are not being RUDE by having thier pictures taken for a major event hat hopefully will only happen once in thier lifetime.

                                               

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  • cwradford said:

    If your ceremony and repetion are in two different places there's a gap anyway to allow for travel time to and from venues.  I understand that in this case the events are both held at one venue.  But it is rude of guests to expect the couple to change thier pictures so that the guests can be completley comforotable. Not all couples want to take pictures before the ceremony, and honsetly if you have a big family, cutting down the time that pictures take is almost impossible to do. if the guests really care about being there for hte couple they can wait and hour.  At the same time having the gap be longer than an hour is rude. 

     

    Bottom line - a gap of an hour or less is not rude.  Exceeding this time can be.  Guests have to be just as understanding as the couple when it comes to things like pictures.  This is thier day, they are not being RUDE by having thier pictures taken for a major event hat hopefully will only happen once in thier lifetime.

    Having a gap of an hour between the ceremony and reception is not rude. That's cocktail hour. That's exactly when pictures should be taken. It's the brides that are having the ceremony, then an hour gap, THEN starting cocktail hour. That's rude.
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