The dreaded "gap"

asrogers25 · May 2014

Would it make a difference if the gap is shorter? Like 30-45 minutes? Compared to 2 hours?

Meggem11 · May 2014

I think it depends on how far your guests are travelling. If it were me, and I lived more than 15 minutes away, it would be great to have a cocktail hour starting immediately regardless of hotel check in time. Some people won't go, but it's nice to have an option. Maybe the hotel will make an exception on the check in time.

banana468 · May 2014

afrye88 said:
I just recently came back to this site and left this thread as well as one of my own due to rudeness and feeling attacked. I also said people were being rude and then was attacked for that. It is so nice to come back in here and see so many other people also sticking up for this woman. OP hopefully you saw my comment before I deleted. If not oh well it seems many other women in here are also calling people out on their rudeness.

If I recall correctly, YOU called another knottie a bitch.

DaisyMaeMommy · May 2014

Seriously people? COME ON!

Gaps are inconsiderate to your guests! They take time to come to YOUR wedding, watch YOU say your vows, etc etc. The least you can do is properly HOST them at your reception as a THANK YOU for coming to your stupid-ass wedding!

These ladies are not being mean, bitches, bullying, and all those other ignorant things you are saying about them. They are giving you WONDERFUL advice that you need to listen to, unless you want your friends and family talking about you behind your back about how your wedding was a piece of shit.

If you want someone to lie to you about how you're just SOOOO special and your wedding day should be all about you, take that somewhere else. WE DON'T NEED YOU HERE!

creativethriftybride · May 2014

Wow.

AddieCake · May 2014

rose_of_rohan@yahoo.com said:

Wow. It seems apparent to me that a lot of your families aren't close and can't talk to each other for a lousy 30-45 minutes after the receiving line while the certificate is being signed and a few final pictures are taken? Sure, anything above that is starting to get rude! But have any of you considered that some people don't make that much money and DO NOT have a lot of financial support from family? A wedding does not have to be glitz and glamour and second to second non stop entertainment! It's not a birthday party or a concert. It is about starting your life together in a way that gives you and the people who love you enough to support you happy memories and not an ulcer from trying to obtain impossible perfection! For those of you comparing a wedding to a cocktail or a dinner party... seriously? That's apples to oranges. Do you live in the same reality as most other people? While it is important to not leave people hanging, anyone who lives in this reality understands that a slight gap is not the end of the world. All of the drama queens and perfectionists out there need to chill and think before they speak.

WTF do gaps and cost have to do with each other?

chibiyui · May 2014

rose_of_rohan@yahoo.com said:

Wow. It seems apparent to me that a lot of your families aren't close and can't talk to each other for a lousy 30-45 minutes after the receiving line while the certificate is being signed and a few final pictures are taken? Sure, anything above that is starting to get rude! But have any of you considered that some people don't make that much money and DO NOT have a lot of financial support from family? A wedding does not have to be glitz and glamour and second to second non stop entertainment! It's not a birthday party or a concert. It is about starting your life together in a way that gives you and the people who love you enough to support you happy memories and not an ulcer from trying to obtain impossible perfection! For those of you comparing a wedding to a cocktail or a dinner party... seriously? That's apples to oranges. Do you live in the same reality as most other people? While it is important to not leave people hanging, anyone who lives in this reality understands that a slight gap is not the end of the world. All of the drama queens and perfectionists out there need to chill and think before they speak.

Actually, yes. Some families do have tensions in them. For some people, the less time they have to dick around means the less time they have to start yet another family tiff. Aren't you so freaking lucky that your family never has drama. And besides, we signed our certificate during our ceremony. It's not that freaking hard people, you start cocktail hour when guests start arriving. 30-45 minutes to accommodate travel time, not a big deal, but if you're doing an hour or more unhosted, it's not budget issues, it's poor planning issues.

Viczaesar · May 2014

I can't.

MyNameIsNot · May 2014

rose_of_rohan@yahoo.com said:

Wow. It seems apparent to me that a lot of your families aren't close and can't talk to each other for a lousy 30-45 minutes after the receiving line while the certificate is being signed and a few final pictures are taken? Sure, anything above that is starting to get rude! But have any of you considered that some people don't make that much money and DO NOT have a lot of financial support from family? A wedding does not have to be glitz and glamour and second to second non stop entertainment! It's not a birthday party or a concert. It is about starting your life together in a way that gives you and the people who love you enough to support you happy memories and not an ulcer from trying to obtain impossible perfection! For those of you comparing a wedding to a cocktail or a dinner party... seriously? That's apples to oranges. Do you live in the same reality as most other people? While it is important to not leave people hanging, anyone who lives in this reality understands that a slight gap is not the end of the world. All of the drama queens and perfectionists out there need to chill and think before they speak.

If you have to start insulting people, you've lost your argument.

KPBM89 · May 2014

rose_of_rohan@yahoo.com said:

Wow. It seems apparent to me that a lot of your families aren't close and can't talk to each other for a lousy 30-45 minutes after the receiving line while the certificate is being signed and a few final pictures are taken? Sure, anything above that is starting to get rude! But have any of you considered that some people don't make that much money and DO NOT have a lot of financial support from family? A wedding does not have to be glitz and glamour and second to second non stop entertainment! It's not a birthday party or a concert. It is about starting your life together in a way that gives you and the people who love you enough to support you happy memories and not an ulcer from trying to obtain impossible perfection! For those of you comparing a wedding to a cocktail or a dinner party... seriously? That's apples to oranges. Do you live in the same reality as most other people? While it is important to not leave people hanging, anyone who lives in this reality understands that a slight gap is not the end of the world. All of the drama queens and perfectionists out there need to chill and think before they speak.

Change your username. It should never be an email address.

And I'm sorry but how is this a money issue? My budget was $5000 and my guests are properly hosted at a gapless event, thanks.

ETA: Btw that's with ZERO financial support from others in my family and I make my money on my own, selling products that I make personally, which doesn't make a lot of money.

grumbledore · May 2014

I love all of my guests. That's why we're inviting them. Because we love them. That's also why we are going out of our way to make sure they are well taken care of and comfortable from beginning to end.

bmasuda22 · May 2014

Would it be rude to have the ceremony end at 4'ish, when the cocktail hour does not start until 5? We set it up this was so that we can take pictures and leave time to socialize during the cocktail hour.

chibiyui · May 2014

bmasuda22 said:

Would it be rude to have the ceremony end at 4'ish, when the cocktail hour does not start until 5? We set it up this was so that we can take pictures and leave time to socialize during the cocktail hour.

Is the ceremony and reception at the same place? If so it's rude. If it takes 45 minutes to an hour to travel, travel is a bit long (and some would consider that rude, but that is neither here nor there at the moment) but not rude.

KGold80 · May 2014

bmasuda22 said:

Would it be rude to have the ceremony end at 4'ish, when the cocktail hour does not start until 5? We set it up this was so that we can take pictures and leave time to socialize during the cocktail hour.

The cocktail hour is actually supposed to be used to prevent the gap from occurring while you take pictures. If you have a gap specifically because you want to socialize during cocktail hour instead of using it to host your guests while you are otherwise occupied, you are being very rude to your guests.

wuerfleinrs · May 2014

mmillermam said:

I know that I'll probably get stomped on for saying this, but I really like having a little breathing room between the ceremony and the reception. I would like a little time to check in and freshen up before the reception. It would stress me out to know that I still needed to check in and unpack after the reception. Plus, I've devoted my afternoon/evening to the wedding, I'd rather have the time to catch up with friends and family and actually eat dinner at a normal time. It's pretty common where I live to have a bit of a gap for similar reasons (not because brides want extra photo time or are selfish horrible people) and no one bats an eye. I totally understand the need to treat people like guests and with respect, but I just don't understand the comments saying that if they have to stumble around late at night to check in, that's their problem, but asking them to deal with a gap is some sort of atrocity.

I agree with you. A small gap really isn't a big deal. If she wants to avoid it she could have a cocktail hour. Since the reception is in the same hotel where the guests are staying it would be really easy to check in after the ceremony then make your way down to cocktail hour. A person could even use cocktail hour to freshen up, take a nap, what ever they might need. I guess I see cocktail hour as a gap anyway. It's just a gap with alcohol.

AddieCake · May 2014

There is nothing wrong with a brief "gap"(hour or less) that is hosted with refreshments.

wuerfleinrs · May 2014

ShesSoCold said:

afrye88 said:

We are having a "gap" of sorts with ours without leaving guests to figure out what to do. Our location has an event on the roof at 5 so they need us off the roof by 4:30. The way we have it set up is we will do a cocktail hour from 3 to 4 on the roof. Dinner is in the same location just downstairs in another room. So at 4 our guests will head down to the reception room but dinner won't be served until about 5:30. Our dinner won't be ridiculously early this way and guests won't have to figure out what to do for a couple hours.

What are they supposed to do for that hour and a half? Stand around and pick their noses?

Has nobody here ever had to kill an hour or two. It's also my experience that when I'm with good friends I can spend so much time talking and catching up that that an hour and a half would fly by without even noticing.

KGold80 · May 2014

wuerfleinrs said:

ShesSoCold said:

afrye88 said:

We are having a "gap" of sorts with ours without leaving guests to figure out what to do. Our location has an event on the roof at 5 so they need us off the roof by 4:30. The way we have it set up is we will do a cocktail hour from 3 to 4 on the roof. Dinner is in the same location just downstairs in another room. So at 4 our guests will head down to the reception room but dinner won't be served until about 5:30. Our dinner won't be ridiculously early this way and guests won't have to figure out what to do for a couple hours.

What are they supposed to do for that hour and a half? Stand around and pick their noses?

Has nobody here ever had to kill an hour or two. It's also my experience that when I'm with good friends I can spend so much time talking and catching up that that an hour and a half would fly by without even noticing.

And what about the people who don't know anyone else at the wedding? The SO of the groomsman or bridesmaid who has come in from out of town and has nothing to do while the member of the WP they came to the wedding with is at the lovely couple's 3 hour photo shoot? Just because your experience with gaps has been okay doesn't mean everyone's has. The "worst weddings you've ever been to" thread is an eye opener. Time and time again you will see that those worst weddings have included gaps. I've never been unlucky enough to have experienced a gap...and honestly haven't been to many weddings. But I have planned parties and events and an essential part of good hosting in any situation is not having large spans of time where guests have nothing to do. It is a waste of their time.

AddieCake · May 2014

It's not about whether or not anyone is CAPABLE of killing an hour or two.

polowrapgirl88 · May 2014

I probably will get grilled for this but with my wedding there is going to be an hour to two hour gap. Our chuch is in one town and then the venue is 45 mins away. My church only allows weddings at 2:30 or 3:30 on a Friday and my venue only starts receptions at 7:00pm since it is at an aquarium. My guests will get a chance to go back the hotel right near the venue and check in then since most of mine will be staying there. The hotel will offer a cold spread and a deal on drinks if I want. Also 90% of my families weddings have had gaps between them. They aren't bad at all. My relatives always make sure to have something at the hotel or a restaurant in between for the guests but nothing to big to spoil the reception. It also not inconsiderate for the bride and groom to want a gap for photos. Mine just so happens to be this way because of travel time and the times the church and venue have. My guests have actually said that it is perfect the way I am planning it.

LadyMillil · May 2014

wuerfleinrs said:

ShesSoCold said:

afrye88 said:

We are having a "gap" of sorts with ours without leaving guests to figure out what to do. Our location has an event on the roof at 5 so they need us off the roof by 4:30. The way we have it set up is we will do a cocktail hour from 3 to 4 on the roof. Dinner is in the same location just downstairs in another room. So at 4 our guests will head down to the reception room but dinner won't be served until about 5:30. Our dinner won't be ridiculously early this way and guests won't have to figure out what to do for a couple hours.

What are they supposed to do for that hour and a half? Stand around and pick their noses?

Has nobody here ever had to kill an hour or two. It's also my experience that when I'm with good friends I can spend so much time talking and catching up that that an hour and a half would fly by without even noticing.

That's assuming that you have friends attending the wedding. I was invited to a wedding with a 2.5 hour gap. My husband was invited but do to the cost of flights I attended alone. I knew the B&G and the MOH. They left to take pictures after the ceremony, which left me without any other guest I knew. All the local guests left after the ceremony. I have no idea what they did, but I did not have the time to introduce myself and invite myself to hang out with them. The reception was at a separate location. There were no pubs, restaurants, fast food places nearby. I was staying at my parents' house, which was an hour away, so I didn't have time to drive there and then back for the reception, and I didn't have a hotel to check into. I sat on a park bench in my cocktail dress and heels for 2 hours reading a book. I don't know what the local guests did. I attended the wedding despite the gap because it was a dear friend's wedding. I was not happy to have to sit around for 2 hours but I didn't say a word to the bride.

On any other day (barring an emergency) she would not expect me to wait around 2 hours for her. I hate that the wedding day has become an excuse for poor behaviour that wouldn't be polite any other day.

hroehrborn8788 · May 2014

We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

KGold80 · May 2014

polowrapgirl88 said:
I probably will get grilled for this but with my wedding there is going to be an hour to two hour gap. Our chuch is in one town and then the venue is 45 mins away. My church only allows weddings at 2:30 or 3:30 on a Friday and my venue only starts receptions at 7:00pm since it is at an aquarium. My guests will get a chance to go back the hotel right near the venue and check in then since most of mine will be staying there. The hotel will offer a cold spread and a deal on drinks if I want. Also 90% of my families weddings have had gaps between them. They aren't bad at all. My relatives always make sure to have something at the hotel or a restaurant in between for the guests but nothing to big to spoil the reception. It also not inconsiderate for the bride and groom to want a gap for photos. Mine just so happens to be this way because of travel time and the times the church and venue have. My guests have actually said that it is perfect the way I am planning it.

Yours just happens to be this way because you wouldn't compromise your preferred reception venue for the sake of your guests. It didn't happen that way by accident. It was a deliberate decision you made.

What are the people who aren't staying at the hotel supposed to do? I'm assuming that not ALL of them will be staying...

polowrapgirl88 · May 2014

I actually have a very very small handful of people not staying only at most 10 people aren't staying at the hotel but the hotel said anyone can come to the conference room where the spread will be and my people who aren't staying there said they want to head straight out there because of traffic anyway and they are going to go with some of my cousins and hang out with them.

AddieCake · May 2014

I give up. Have your gaps, ladies. You have skipped off into the sunset by now and most likely won't ever show up in any more threads anyway. You don't get it, and you don't care. While I do wish we could prevent you from inconveniencing your guests and could prevent you from potentially embarrassing yourselves, at least I know I won't be personally affected by your improper hosting. And for that, I am grateful.

LadyMillil · May 2014

hroehrborn8788 said:

We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up." Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

I'm from an area that is very hot and humid in the summer. Most weddings are in full afternoon sun with no shade. After sitting in the sun for the ceremony I only need 5-10 minutes to "freshen up", depending on if there is a line in the ladies' room and if there is a bathroom kit to check out.

hroehrborn8788 · May 2014

KPBM89 said:

rose_of_rohan@yahoo.com said:

Wow. It seems apparent to me that a lot of your families aren't close and can't talk to each other for a lousy 30-45 minutes after the receiving line while the certificate is being signed and a few final pictures are taken? Sure, anything above that is starting to get rude! But have any of you considered that some people don't make that much money and DO NOT have a lot of financial support from family? A wedding does not have to be glitz and glamour and second to second non stop entertainment! It's not a birthday party or a concert. It is about starting your life together in a way that gives you and the people who love you enough to support you happy memories and not an ulcer from trying to obtain impossible perfection!

For those of you comparing a wedding to a cocktail or a dinner party... seriously? That's apples to oranges. Do you live in the same reality as most other people?

While it is important to not leave people hanging, anyone who lives in this reality understands that a slight gap is not the end of the world. All of the drama queens and perfectionists out there need to chill and think before they speak.

Change your username. It should never be an email address.

And I'm sorry but how is this a money issue? My budget was $5000 and my guests are properly hosted at a gapless event, thanks.

ETA: Btw that's with ZERO financial support from others in my family and I make my money on my own, selling products that I make personally, which doesn't make a lot of money.

It has everything to do with cost. My fiancé and I are in the same boat. Less money to work with = less options for venues (and therefore less options for event times) + little money left over to host a cocktail hour.

KGold80 · May 2014

hroehrborn8788 said:
We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

I'm sorry, but I personally think having an outdoor wedding in July that would necessitate people "freshening up" afterward is really rude. Want an outdoor wedding? Great! But don't have it in July when you know it will be really hot and/or humid. I wouldn't want to sit there and sweat in my nice clothes. I wouldn't want to be all sweaty and gross in my wedding gown either. And men in suits? Poor guys!

wuerfleinrs · May 2014

LadyMillil said:

wuerfleinrs said:

ShesSoCold said:

afrye88 said:

We are having a "gap" of sorts with ours without leaving guests to figure out what to do. Our location has an event on the roof at 5 so they need us off the roof by 4:30. The way we have it set up is we will do a cocktail hour from 3 to 4 on the roof. Dinner is in the same location just downstairs in another room. So at 4 our guests will head down to the reception room but dinner won't be served until about 5:30. Our dinner won't be ridiculously early this way and guests won't have to figure out what to do for a couple hours.

What are they supposed to do for that hour and a half? Stand around and pick their noses?

Has nobody here ever had to kill an hour or two. It's also my experience that when I'm with good friends I can spend so much time talking and catching up that that an hour and a half would fly by without even noticing.

That's assuming that you have friends attending the wedding. I was invited to a wedding with a 2.5 hour gap. My husband was invited but do to the cost of flights I attended alone. I knew the B&G and the MOH. They left to take pictures after the ceremony, which left me without any other guest I knew. All the local guests left after the ceremony. I have no idea what they did, but I did not have the time to introduce myself and invite myself to hang out with them. The reception was at a separate location. There were no pubs, restaurants, fast food places nearby. I was staying at my parents' house, which was an hour away, so I didn't have time to drive there and then back for the reception, and I didn't have a hotel to check into. I sat on a park bench in my cocktail dress and heels for 2 hours reading a book. I don't know what the local guests did. I attended the wedding despite the gap because it was a dear friend's wedding. I was not happy to have to sit around for 2 hours but I didn't say a word to the bride.

On any other day (barring an emergency) she would not expect me to wait around 2 hours for her. I hate that the wedding day has become an excuse for poor behavior that wouldn't be polite any other day.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I guess I've always been able to entertain myself. Either by introducing myself to a stranger and making a new friend, reading a book or checking email on my smart phone. I've also been invited to weddings where I've only known the bride. I didn't go because I wanted to avoid that "I don't know anyone and feel uncomfortable" situation. To each their own

courtneyandjohn2014 · May 2014

Wow -- this thread really blew up while I was gone!

First, glad to see at least some other brides think the gap isn't totally crazy.

Second -- I want to respond to some of the "regulars" who are complaining about us being "special snowflakes" or trying to match some "vision." Let me explain my "vision:"

- My vision is one in which I couldn't have the wedding day I wanted -- or even a date remotely close to it -- because of a bunch of other family obligations that cropped up and forced us to abandon the idea of a fall wedding.

- My vision is one in which I planned my entire wedding in less than 6 months because my dad is dying of a terminal illness and I'd kind of like him to be at the wedding (God willing).

- It's a vision where I gave up on having a casual outdoor ceremony because my fiance is a devout Catholic who wanted a traditional Mass and I wanted to respect that.

- And it's a vision where I recognize that many of our guests are older relatives who don't want to wait until 7 or 8 p.m. for dinner because that's probably when they're going home.

I have bent over backwards to accommodate friends and relatives -- both for their own weddings and other special occasions, and for most of the plans for my own wedding. This is not a "pretty princess day" -- it's a large-scale logistical nightmare. And if, in the end, I decide my guests would be less put out by a 1-hour gap than by a super late dinner or checking into their rooms at 10 p.m., who are you to say that your way of arranging things is universally less inconvenient?

Finally -- most of you are already married. Why are you hanging around on a wedding website? Go be married!

That is all

The dreaded "gap"

Re: The dreaded "gap"

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

The dreaded "gap"

Re: The dreaded &quot;gap&quot;

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: The dreaded "gap"