Asking a friend to be an Usher instead of a Groomsmen

Re: Asking a friend to be an Usher instead of a Groomsmen

• KatieinBkln member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  I've mentioned no names about who's really helped and who hasn't. If your answer yes YES or NO they would be offended..then thanks. no need for you to get offended that I I may or may not be saying you particularly helped

  The point people are making by "being offended" that you keep talking about helpful vs. nonhelpful answers is that A. there is no point to trying to dictate how internet strangers on a forum respond to you, and B. lurkers read these threads too, so an answer that is useless to YOU might be useful for someone else. 

  
  

  Remember folks: It's only one 7,000,000,000,000th about you!

  
  

  This baby knows exactly how I feel

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  I've mentioned no names about who's really helped and who hasn't. If your answer yes YES or NO they would be offended..then thanks. no need for you to get offended that I I may or may not be saying you particularly helped

  I'm not sure who you think was offended...

  
  

  You haven't answered one key question though. Did your FI say "I feel bad about not picking Tom and Jerry to be groomsmen, because I'm just as close with them as I am John, Paul, George, and Ringo"? or did he say "John, Paul, George, and Ringo are my closest friends and I want them as groomsmen, but I'm worried Tom and Jerry might be hurt even though I'm not as close with them"?

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2014 edited June 2015

  
  
  
  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  I'm not dictating, i'm simply sick of everyone's catty remarks and "I don't run a daycare" statements. How did it get from. "yes I would because of A" or no I wouldn't because of B"

  

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• sarawifenow member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  I'm not dictating, i'm simply sick of everyone's catty remarks and "I don't run a daycare" statements. How did it get from. "yes I would because of A" or no I wouldn't because of B"

  
  It's because you keep going in circles. Read @pinkrevenge 's post again. Also, I am curious about your response to lolo's question.

  

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• Liatris2010 mod

  

  October 2014

  I'm going to say troll because I like to think no one would put their future spouse in the position to potentially hurt his dear friends because they previously agreed on THIS number and not THAT number.
  

  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  I can't say how my fiancé exactly feels because they aren't my friends. But he said he doesn't want to offend them by not having them since they are close. He came up with the user idea with rose this question of being offended to have a "lesser" title. even though you do everything the same accept stand with the party on the wedding day.

  

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• sarawifenow member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  I can't say how my fiancé exactly feels because they aren't my friends. But he said he doesn't want to offend them by not having them since they are close. He came up with the user idea with rose this question of being offended to have a "lesser" title. even though you do everything the same accept stand with the party on the wedding day.

  Then they should be GM not ushers. FFS, how many times are we going to go in this circle? I am getting dizzy.
  

  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  sam802 said: I can't say how my fiancé exactly feels because they aren't my friends. But he said he doesn't want to offend them by not having them since they are close. He came up with the user idea with rose this question of being offended to have a "lesser" title. even though you do everything the same accept stand with the party on the wedding day.       Boxes were working so well and now they crap out on me...      Well I didn't ask you how he feels, I asked what he said when he told you he was having trouble choosing. Although it's interesting that you don't know how your FI feels about something but you expect us to know how total strangers will feel about something.

  
  

  You have your answer. They should be GM and if not, they will very likely be offended because it is a lesser title. 

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  I can't say how my fiancé exactly feels because they aren't my friends. But he said he doesn't want to offend them by not having them since they are close. He came up with the user idea with rose this question of being offended to have a "lesser" title. even though you do everything the same accept except stand with the party on the wedding day.

  yeah, but the thing is ... standing with the wedding party is kind of a big deal. 
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• mrsmorales2be mod

  

  October 2014

  
  

  sam802 said:

  I can't say how my fiancé exactly feels because they aren't my friends. But he said he doesn't want to offend them by not having them since they are close. He came up with the user idea with rose this question of being offended to have a "lesser" title. even though you do everything the same accept stand with the party on the wedding day.

  
  

  
  

  Sounds like you have your answer then.  You make them groomsmen, no different from the rest.  If they're important enough to him that he wants to include them, then they need to be included.
  

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  I don't know how "close" they are. He see's one a few times a year and the other once a month to play poker with a group of friends. I cant chose or say how close they are.

  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  there is no option for more groomsmen, that's not what my question was. do you make them ushers

  

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• sarawifenow member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  I don't know how "close" they are. He see's one a few times a year and the other once a month to play poker with a group of friends. I cant chose or say how close they are.

  
  You said yourself he thinks they are close. So they are. This is his decision, not yours. If he wants to have all of them be GMs because he doesn't want to offend them (which he will if they are ushers) then he should do that.

   

  Also, I find it odd that you don't know who your FI is close to. I know everything about my FI including who he is closest to.

  

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• SmileDamnit member

  

  October 2014

  I'd say this is how most are feeling at the redundant stupidity of this thread:

  
  

  
  

  ...but that's giving OP too much credit for this MUD.

  
  

  

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• sarawifenow member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  there is no option for more groomsmen, that's not what my question was. do you make them ushers

  
  Yes there is an option! You are being too stubborn to see it. You will pay the same amount if they are ushers or not. So, no, don't make them ushers. Have them be guests.

  

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• mrsmorales2be mod

  

  October 2014

  This is about his relationship with his friends.  He wants them there, they should be there.  Period.

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  there is no option for more groomsmen, that's not what my question was. do you make them ushers

  Why not?  Are you getting married in a state that only allows you to have 4 groomsmen? 
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  Ok, My new question:

  Why does everyone say "make them groomsmen" when my Fl wants 4 groomsmen? As to not leave 2 people he may have some range of closeness too, is debating making them ushers...not groomsmen.

  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  there is no option for more groomsmen, that's not what my question was. do you make them ushers

  OMG.

  
  

   

  
  

  THERE IS ALWAYS A FUCKING OPTION. YOU'RE JUST BEING TOO STUBBORN TO CONSIDER IT. YOU HAVE THE OPTION, AND IT'S THE BEST OPTION, AND END OF STORY.

  
  

  Go piss off your Fi's fucking friends, I don't even care. Make them man the guest book, they'll really feel honored then. But make sure you make them spend a lot of money on a suit even though they won't be standing where anyone will care.

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• sarawifenow member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  Ok, My new question:

  Why does everyone say "make them groomsmen" when my Fl wants 4 groomsmen? As to not leave 2 people he may have some range of closeness too, is debating making them ushers...not groomsmen.

  
  Because your FI is obviously having trouble picking who out of the 6 should be his 4 GMs. It would be easier on everyone (except you and your need for even sides) if that happened. Seriously this is exhausting.

  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  Ok, My new question:

  Why does everyone say "make them groomsmen" when my Fl wants 4 groomsmen? As to not leave 2 people he may have some range of closeness too, is debating making them ushers...not groomsmen.

  Because making them an usher is like inviting them to play on the JV football squad. 
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  lolo, that's my concern. Are they F*ucking guests or make them feel sotra part of the party...but not.

  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  sara, 2 pages ago I said it's not about even sides.

  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  It seems since most of you say groomsman, that the answer would be guest because usher isn't good enough.

  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  October 2014

  sam802 said:

  lolo, that's my concern. Are they F*ucking guests or make them feel sotra part of the party...but not.

  
  

  sam802 said:

  sara, 2 pages ago I said it's not about even sides.

  then what's it about?
  
  
  

  sam802 said:

  It seems since most of you say groomsman, that the answer would be guest because usher isn't good enough.

  
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• mrsmorales2be mod

  

  October 2014

  
  

  sam802 said:

  lolo, that's my concern. Are they F*ucking guests or make them feel sotra part of the party...but not.

  
  

  Why, if they're close to your FI, why are they only good enough to be "sorta part of the party....but not". ?   That's what stinks about this idea.
  

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• sarawifenow member

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  It obviously it about even sides!!!!

   

  Ok I will give you the answer that you obviously want.

   

  I think they will be completely fine with being ushers. Who cares if they are close to your FI? They will feel honored to be ushers in your wedding and then your sides will look perfect with 4 and 4 and you can live in the special snowflake land where hurting people's feelings doesn't matter. It is YOUR day! Who cares about the lasting impact this could have on your FI's relationship with his friends?

   

  ETA:

  

  

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• xx802xx member

  

  October 2014

  why did everyone think that it's about perfect matching sides just because we each said 4 was a good number?

  I don't know how close he is to them....when I think seeing them rarely and texting rarely I don't think close, but I can't say how close because they are not my friends. He wants 4 groomsmen, thats why there is the dilemma, how to maybe include all, without offending any that 4 (that he's already chosen) will be groomsmen and the other 2 either guests like everyone else or ushers

  

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• raissyrais member

  

  October 2014

  OP I understand where you're coming from with the even sides cause I'm the most stick-up-the-butt anal OCD person you will meet when it comes to those things but if my FI really wanted to have 6 GMs, I would let him do so gladly. Dude wants his besties up there with him and if it makes him so happy, you should disregard any eye-pleasing symmetry in favour of that happiness.

  

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