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Well... I just got gutted. - Update in thread

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Re: Well... I just got gutted. - Update in thread

  • I am sorry that your blood relatives sucks... but your family is who you want to be family. Your FI, his family, friends, ect. Do not be embarrassed that you have crazy people in the blood line, we all do however some hide it better. 

    If people treat you badly let them go. Morn the loss, then surround yourself with people that want you to be happy. No one else is worth your time, you are too good for them! 
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  • I definitely feel like something about this seems to pop up on a weekly basis; whether it's FI's family asking if they should invite my crazy sister to my shower, and then I have to feel humiliated all over again when I tell them "I don't know, she still won't talk to me." Or it's my mom nagging me and driving me nuts. Or it's my sister lashing out at me again. It's like... I'm really ready for some peace and quiet now. I feel like I've been upset for months (not that it's been constant but at this point it SEEMS like it's been constant) and I'm exhausted. 
    Bolded: You don't have to feel humiliated when she comes up. Please don't feel humiliated. There's not a damn thing in the world to be humiliated about - what did you do? Jack fuckin' shit, that's what. She went off the deep end, not you, and IF she ever comes back up, she should be embarrassed*. That seriously made me the saddest of anything you've posted in this whole insane saga, and your family posts just about make me cry every time. 

    Ask your FI to pass the message along to his family that the subject of your sister/family is out-of-bounds until further notice, stick to your guns about not discussing it with your mom, and have a little peace and quiet. You neeeeeeeed it. Desperately.

    *For clarity: Mental illness has been bandied about in here, and my (highly untrained and unprofessional) opinion is that there is definitely something not-quite-right mentally with N's sister. I want to be crystal clear in my statement - mental illness is not something to be ashamed of, in any way, shape, form, or fashion. However, I do believe that mental illness does not preclude the general you from facing some consequence for your actions. People who plead Not Guilty by reason of Insanity still have consequences, it's just not the death penalty. The consequences of N's sister's actions, in a mentally "stable" person, would be significant embarrassment at the very base minimum. 
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2014
    Bolded: You don't have to feel humiliated when she comes up. Please don't feel humiliated. There's not a damn thing in the world to be humiliated about - what did you do? Jack fuckin' shit, that's what. She went off the deep end, not you, and IF she ever comes back up, she should be embarrassed*. That seriously made me the saddest of anything you've posted in this whole insane saga, and your family posts just about make me cry every time. 

    Ask your FI to pass the message along to his family that the subject of your sister/family is out-of-bounds until further notice, stick to your guns about not discussing it with your mom, and have a little peace and quiet. You neeeeeeeed it. Desperately.

    *For clarity: Mental illness has been bandied about in here, and my (highly untrained and unprofessional) opinion is that there is definitely something not-quite-right mentally with N's sister. I want to be crystal clear in my statement - mental illness is not something to be ashamed of, in any way, shape, form, or fashion. However, I do believe that mental illness does not preclude the general you from facing some consequence for your actions. People who plead Not Guilty by reason of Insanity still have consequences, it's just not the death penalty. The consequences of N's sister's actions, in a mentally "stable" person, would be significant embarrassment at the very base minimum. 
    Thanks for caring so much. That almost made me cry. I feel like I've gotten far more compassion and understanding from you internet "strangers" than from any of my own "family." You guys are so awesome. 
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  • @novella1186‌ you need a break. Seriously. When you get home at night turn off your phone. Don't read email from your family. Stay off facebook. Just cut yourself off from it for at least a week to let yourself relax. After that week is up bean dip the fuck out of anyone who tried to bring up your sis. Just stay away from it.

    All you guys with crazy relatives feel free to join my family. We accept pretty much anyone who isn't an asshole. 
  • jdluvr06 said:
    @novella1186‌ you need a break. Seriously. When you get home at night turn off your phone. Don't read email from your family. Stay off facebook. Just cut yourself off from it for at least a week to let yourself relax. After that week is up bean dip the fuck out of anyone who tried to bring up your sis. Just stay away from it.

    All you guys with crazy relatives feel free to join my family. We accept pretty much anyone who isn't an asshole. 
    This is us. We like everybody. We're only a little dysfunctional. :)
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  • All I have to say, is I'm sorry that you're going through this hell.  I'm sending great big hugs to you, and you're welcome to join my family too.
  • Novella, I'm so sorry your relatives have treated you so badly and that your therapist has been so unhelpful.

    For whatever it's worth, you know you've done everything you could and the ball will forever be in their court, not yours, to improve things.

    Even though we haven't, to my knowledge, met in person I think you're a wonderful person. I'm glad your FI and his family recognize that about you. Keep that in your mind and heart always.

    (((((((Hugs)))))))
  • Thanks, guys! 
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  • At least now if she tries to guilt trip me into talking to my sister I can just say "Mom, I tried and she attacked me again, remember? There's no way to reason with someone who's mentally ill and full of rage. So how's the bean dip?" :) 
    I'm sorry I'm so late to this thread.  :/ You are doing the right thing by cutting your sister out. The definition of insanity it doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Trying to get your sister to act normal is insane. She can be insane if she wants, but you don't have to indulge or partake in the insanity. Some times, it's better off just leaving things be and moving on. And if your mom has an issue with it- direct her to your sister. Seriously- your mom needs to get over it. I don't understand why she is so obsessed over you two getting along. It's no longer any of her business. 
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  • I'm not trying to inject false hope into this whole thread, because I agree with everyone that has been giving you advice, novella, leave it alone and cut them out. 

    The only thing I think might be worth mentioning is that it seems this behavior works for your sister. She gets to behave like a crazy bitch and everyone else in the family scrambles to appease her to calm things down. So, her behavior gets her what she wants and she continues, because the outcome for her is positive. It sounds like she's a narcissist as well. (In addition to BP or whatever else her actual diagnosis would be)

    Obviously unless she seeks treatment, which it doesn't seem like she will, it can't be fixed. But her behavior may improve with years of reconditioning, meaning not giving in to her crazy outbursts and whims. She expects you to come crawling back and expects your mother to facilitate that. If you're not there to dump on, chances are she'll find another outlet (like her boyfriend or someone else close to her) and systematically destroy that relationship as well.

    So, yeah, for your mental well being, do what everyone is saying. You're above this and don't deserve it. I'm very sorry you are going through this, but you are so fortunate to have your FI and his family to support you. 
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  • Oh sweetie.  You come join our family - C and I will give you all the sister loves.  K is the BSC younger brother, but he loves fiercely, too.

    I'm so glad you have your FI and his family.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • SBmini said:
    I'm sorry I'm so late to this thread.  :/ You are doing the right thing by cutting your sister out. The definition of insanity it doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Trying to get your sister to act normal is insane. She can be insane if she wants, but you don't have to indulge or partake in the insanity. Some times, it's better off just leaving things be and moving on. And if your mom has an issue with it- direct her to your sister. Seriously- your mom needs to get over it. I don't understand why she is so obsessed over you two getting along. It's no longer any of her business. 
    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/insanity




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