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Wedding Etiquette Forum
dobbyandtiaya
member
Honeymoon registry-still tacky?
Hello all!
My fiancée Kiaya and I are getting married in March, and we have been living together for about a year and a half now. We have pretty much everything that we need, but money will be pretty tight when it comes to planning a honeymoon since we are paying for the wedding on our own. I know it used to be seen as tacky to set up a honeymoon registry, and I HATE asking for money (or feeling like I'm asking for money). If we do decide to set one up, what is the best and most tactful way of going about it? What is the best site to use? Or should we nix it altogether and just do a normal gift registry (even though it would mostly just be 'upgrades')?
Thank you! I can't wait to marry the girl of my dreams :]
-Shelby
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Honeymoon registry-still tacky?
DH and I were on our own for a few years before we started dating and then we started living together once we got engaged. We still upgraded kitchen appliances (and nearly 8 years later my food processor is fantastic) and some better cookware.
And nearly 8 years later, our towels just aren't as soft. If I could do it over, I would have registered for a better set. And our duvet covers are getting torn and buttons are falling off. I want at least one more in a high thread count but I'm picky and frugal. Ditto for curtains /rods /blankets. There is a lot out there that you can put on a registry.
(Please see my canned response below...I have it for my c&p ease.)
We did not register - anywhere. I declined all showers, bc we didn't need upgrades. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this.
Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use HM registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion.
But I have good news
For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts.
If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-)
A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!
However, I don't necessarily believe that if you don't register people will get the hint and give you money. I was married when I was 23, and felt that registries were tacky. To me, it felt like BUY ME THIS (I'm still sorta on the fence about it 11 years later - won't side eye it for someone else, but makes me a tad uncomfortable for myself). We didn't register. If people asked what we wanted / needed, we told them. My mom told people for the shower (if they asked) that we were really into tea, so we got a lot of different tea accessories. It was great. We didn't register (not because I was hoping for money - that never even crossed my mind as a reason not to do it, and I had only ever been to one wedding before, so I didn't know that lots of people give money. I love picking out gifts for people, so I assumed a lot of people like physical gifts). I'd say our gifts were probably about 40-50% physical. They were all wonderful and really reflected how well people knew us. And it was a lot of fun to open them. I had 156 people at my wedding - so it wasn't really small. DH and I had lived together for a year and a half, so we already had all the essentials. Now, eight years later my brother got married. They didn't register. A lot of the guests were the same. He probably (not sure, but I was at the opening the next day) received 20% or less physical gifts.
We only received one physical gift that didn't work for us. It was from my grandma. Part of the present was a very nice (my mom told me later quite expensive) down duvet. We used it for a bit, but I was very allergic to it. I felt bad. Mom felt bad because she told grandma it was a good idea. I had never used one before (or even down filled pillows) so we had no idea how much it would bother me. I ended up giving it to my sister. She loves it.
I think money is always nice. My mom told me they received mostly money for their wedding. She appreciated it very much, but years later, she had nothing to look at and think, "this (pot) was from
My wedding." This may not be the case of you are using it for your honeymoon. Whenever I use our fancy drink glasses, I think they were such nice wedding presents.
People will give you cash for your wedding. And they will ask you where you're registered and what you want. You can say "we aren't registered/we only have a small registry because we are saving up for our honeymoon." People are smart. They get it.
Everyone knows cash is a good gift.
I think a small registry is still nice, as there are some guests who only give physical gifts.
We had a good sized registry (we were mostly interested in the completion discount
I have the same situation and after advice had a smaller registry. I received multiple duplicates and gift cards to the place my registry was at. The only cash was from my grandma. The gift cards were nice since I could buy what I want, but the smaller registry didn't work out because people still wanted to buy gifts. I should have had a bigger registry so I could have at least received what I wanted instead of duplicates I have no space for and can't return.
My advice: People who want to give cash will give cash. Having a small registry will not mean you will receive cash. Just means people will buy you something they think you might like/need, so might as well put everything on a registry.
@MandyMost
I didn't get any gift receipts and since they weren't registered as being purchased directly from my registry I couldn't return them.
I'm glad having a small registry worked out in your favor!