Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

JoanE2012 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

By the same token, people are free to give you something else outside your Hmoon registry, or to pass altogether on a gift. It is a suggestion of where you'd like the money to go. Don't see a big difference there.

If you give a couple money via any forum, Hmoon registry, Store Registry, a check or anything else, do you really care in the end what they use if for if it makes them happy? I think that's the bottom line.

Yes. If I went through a HM fund a bought a dolphin excursion only to find out later that the couple used it to buy a new vanity for their bathroom remodel I would be irritated. Mainly because I thought I was getting them one thing, only to find out that I was deceived by their choice of registry.

Now if I didn't give a crap what they use my gift for then I would just give them cash in a card rather then go through a registry where I am picking out a specific gift.

Did that wrong - sorry:
Wow - ok - well again, it is my *opinion* & feeling that if I gave someone a dolphin excursion and they remodeled their bathroom instead it would be fine with me. I gave the gift with ultimate hope that they would do something they wanted to do. If the remodel made more sense for them, sounds good.

Not saying you're wrong at all, just that this falls into personal opinion.

If your ultimate hope is that they would do something they wanted to do, why wouldn't you just give them cash? Or write a check? Then you can be sure your gift will be used exactly as the couple wants to!

The person was talking about being upset that the gift was not used as given - was responding to that.

If a wedding couple has a registry of any kind and I want to give them a gift of a certain value, I would still be happy if they used the value for something else.

banana468 · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

JoanE2012 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

By the same token, people are free to give you something else outside your Hmoon registry, or to pass altogether on a gift. It is a suggestion of where you'd like the money to go. Don't see a big difference there.

If you give a couple money via any forum, Hmoon registry, Store Registry, a check or anything else, do you really care in the end what they use if for if it makes them happy? I think that's the bottom line.

Yes. If I went through a HM fund a bought a dolphin excursion only to find out later that the couple used it to buy a new vanity for their bathroom remodel I would be irritated. Mainly because I thought I was getting them one thing, only to find out that I was deceived by their choice of registry.

Now if I didn't give a crap what they use my gift for then I would just give them cash in a card rather then go through a registry where I am picking out a specific gift.

Did that wrong - sorry:
Wow - ok - well again, it is my *opinion* & feeling that if I gave someone a dolphin excursion and they remodeled their bathroom instead it would be fine with me. I gave the gift with ultimate hope that they would do something they wanted to do. If the remodel made more sense for them, sounds good.

Not saying you're wrong at all, just that this falls into personal opinion.

If your ultimate hope is that they would do something they wanted to do, why wouldn't you just give them cash? Or write a check? Then you can be sure your gift will be used exactly as the couple wants to!

The person was talking about being upset that the gift was not used as given - was responding to that.

If a wedding couple has a registry of any kind and I want to give them a gift of a certain value, I would still be happy if they used the value for something else.

You are now confusing personal feelings with acceptable behavior.

You can feel OK at something that isn't acceptable etiquette just as plenty of people may not like things that are perfectly acceptable (disliking adult events is just one example comes to mind).

That doesn't change what a HM registry is and why HM registries are improper.

TrixieJess · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

JoanE2012 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

By the same token, people are free to give you something else outside your Hmoon registry, or to pass altogether on a gift. It is a suggestion of where you'd like the money to go. Don't see a big difference there.

If you give a couple money via any forum, Hmoon registry, Store Registry, a check or anything else, do you really care in the end what they use if for if it makes them happy? I think that's the bottom line.

Yes. If I went through a HM fund a bought a dolphin excursion only to find out later that the couple used it to buy a new vanity for their bathroom remodel I would be irritated. Mainly because I thought I was getting them one thing, only to find out that I was deceived by their choice of registry.

Now if I didn't give a crap what they use my gift for then I would just give them cash in a card rather then go through a registry where I am picking out a specific gift.

Did that wrong - sorry:
Wow - ok - well again, it is my *opinion* & feeling that if I gave someone a dolphin excursion and they remodeled their bathroom instead it would be fine with me. I gave the gift with ultimate hope that they would do something they wanted to do. If the remodel made more sense for them, sounds good.

Not saying you're wrong at all, just that this falls into personal opinion.

If your ultimate hope is that they would do something they wanted to do, why wouldn't you just give them cash? Or write a check? Then you can be sure your gift will be used exactly as the couple wants to!

The person was talking about being upset that the gift was not used as given - was responding to that.

If a wedding couple has a registry of any kind and I want to give them a gift of a certain value, I would still be happy if they used the value for something else.

So give cash. I have never been to a wedding where the majority of people don't get cash.

PS They didn't even have to ask for it. It's like people just knew that cash was a good option.

PPS I went to weddings before Honeyfunds were a "thing" and people still gave cash, IMAGINE THAT!

Pupatella · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

JoanE2012 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

By the same token, people are free to give you something else outside your Hmoon registry, or to pass altogether on a gift. It is a suggestion of where you'd like the money to go. Don't see a big difference there.

If you give a couple money via any forum, Hmoon registry, Store Registry, a check or anything else, do you really care in the end what they use if for if it makes them happy? I think that's the bottom line.

Yes. If I went through a HM fund a bought a dolphin excursion only to find out later that the couple used it to buy a new vanity for their bathroom remodel I would be irritated. Mainly because I thought I was getting them one thing, only to find out that I was deceived by their choice of registry.

Now if I didn't give a crap what they use my gift for then I would just give them cash in a card rather then go through a registry where I am picking out a specific gift.

Did that wrong - sorry:
Wow - ok - well again, it is my *opinion* & feeling that if I gave someone a dolphin excursion and they remodeled their bathroom instead it would be fine with me. I gave the gift with ultimate hope that they would do something they wanted to do. If the remodel made more sense for them, sounds good.

Not saying you're wrong at all, just that this falls into personal opinion.

If your ultimate hope is that they would do something they wanted to do, why wouldn't you just give them cash? Or write a check? Then you can be sure your gift will be used exactly as the couple wants to!

The person was talking about being upset that the gift was not used as given - was responding to that.

If a wedding couple has a registry of any kind and I want to give them a gift of a certain value, I would still be happy if they used the value for something else.

Okay - but how would you feel if you gave the couple a $100 dinner via their honeymoon fund, only to find out that they only got $95 because the website took a cut?

Wouldn't you rather just give them a check for $100 inside of their wedding card so that 100% was going towards whatever they want to use it for?

With a gift registry, you may pay for shipping on top of the gift (if you order online), but if you buy a toaster, the couple gets the full toaster, not 95% of it.

snowywinter · September 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

snowywinter said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

snowywinter said:

OliveOilsMom said:

Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though. It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money? Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash. Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.
That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation. It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.
Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults. Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.

Frankly, all registries are tacky when you think about it. You're essentially telling people what to buy you just because you're getting married. I grew up in a family where you ALWAYS took a gift to a wedding or birthday, but I never felt comfortable telling people what to get me and I don't feel comfortable doing it for my wedding either. I don't really see much of a difference between setting up a "honey fund" or a Target registry. They're both tacky, in my opinion. And don't even get me started on home remodeling funds or (gag) lingerie registries.

No, that's not the point of a registry nor how they work.

Wedding registries are "serving suggestions" meant to give people an idea of what you would like if they were to buy you towels or sheet sets or appliances, etc. Otherwise no one would know that you are doing your bathroom in blue and gold or that you already have a toaster but not a toaster oven. They were especially useful when couples did not live together prior to marriage and so did not already have an established household of stuff.

How does that go against what I said? You are telling people what to buy you because you are getting married. Who cares that you're doing your bathroom in blue and gold. It's YOUR bathroom, so get what you need for it yourself. I don't know, I just don't get the whole "this is what I want if you want to buy me a gift." I just think registries, in general, are tacky.

You are not telling them what to buy you. . . because no one has to buy you anything at all. You are telling people that if they want to buy you towels, you prefer blue and gold because those are the colors that match your bathroom. You are just giving people a list of ideas of things you actually would like and use.

It's no different than telling someone what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday if asked. Have you never been asked what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday?

Yes, you ARE telling them them what to buy you. You're absolutely right, they don't have to buy you anything. So why have a registry at all then? A registry is saying "this is what we like if you're inclined to buy us a gift," just like a honey-fund is saying "this is what we want if you're inclined to buy us a gift." The message is the same, even if the honey-fund is disingenuous due to the middle man.

And yes, I have been asked what I want for Christmas or birthdays, as I said in my first post and I feel extremely awkward answering any such question and I try to avoid it like the plague.

banana468 · September 2015

snowywinter said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

snowywinter said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

snowywinter said:

OliveOilsMom said:

Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though. It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money? Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash. Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.
That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation. It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.
Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults. Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.

Frankly, all registries are tacky when you think about it. You're essentially telling people what to buy you just because you're getting married. I grew up in a family where you ALWAYS took a gift to a wedding or birthday, but I never felt comfortable telling people what to get me and I don't feel comfortable doing it for my wedding either. I don't really see much of a difference between setting up a "honey fund" or a Target registry. They're both tacky, in my opinion. And don't even get me started on home remodeling funds or (gag) lingerie registries.

No, that's not the point of a registry nor how they work.

Wedding registries are "serving suggestions" meant to give people an idea of what you would like if they were to buy you towels or sheet sets or appliances, etc. Otherwise no one would know that you are doing your bathroom in blue and gold or that you already have a toaster but not a toaster oven. They were especially useful when couples did not live together prior to marriage and so did not already have an established household of stuff.

How does that go against what I said? You are telling people what to buy you because you are getting married. Who cares that you're doing your bathroom in blue and gold. It's YOUR bathroom, so get what you need for it yourself. I don't know, I just don't get the whole "this is what I want if you want to buy me a gift." I just think registries, in general, are tacky.

You are not telling them what to buy you. . . because no one has to buy you anything at all. You are telling people that if they want to buy you towels, you prefer blue and gold because those are the colors that match your bathroom. You are just giving people a list of ideas of things you actually would like and use.

It's no different than telling someone what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday if asked. Have you never been asked what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday?

Yes, you ARE telling them them what to buy you. You're absolutely right, they don't have to buy you anything. So why have a registry at all then? A registry is saying "this is what we like if you're inclined to buy us a gift," just like a honey-fund is saying "this is what we want if you're inclined to buy us a gift." The message is the same, even if the honey-fund is disingenuous due to the middle man.

And yes, I have been asked what I want for Christmas or birthdays, as I said in my first post and I feel extremely awkward answering any such question and I try to avoid it like the plague.

The registry is designed to show people how you're planning to set up your married home. There are often gifts that are traditional and a registry helps prevent duplicates. Like it or not, it's simply not practical to have 15 food processors and 12 toasters. A registry allows guests to see what you like / what you don't and then they can opt to buy what you like or don't.

You're right that it's tricky and you don't want to broadcast the registry which is why a guest should ask YOU what you want vs. you telling the guest what you want. But with the tradition of large-scale gift giving, there is a practical aspect of a standard registry that can be done completely within the bounds of acceptable etiquette.

Whether or not that gives you the hebegeebees is irrelevant.

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

julieanne912 said:

What about in my situation, where I thought I was gifting them a nice dinner for their honeymoon, and they haven't even taken a honeymoon, well over a year later? Pretty sure at this point they've pocketed the cash, minus the fees of course. Never got a thank you from them either.

Again - my opinion here - the lack of a thank you is BS. But if it went in their pocket it prob'ly did go for a dinner or maybe 2, or will evnetually, or so possibly did go for your original gift.

snowywinter · September 2015

I don't really consider it irrelevant when this is an opinion board and I'm giving my opinion. I never said it was against etiquette. I said that I, personally, find them tacky, which is a perfectly acceptable opinion.

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

I hope the comments about a $3.50 or $5 cut to the website are a joke. You're upset about that type of "deceit"? What a terrible couple.

Ouch

banana468 · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

I hope the comments about a $3.50 or $5 cut to the website are a joke. You're upset about that type of "deceit"? What a terrible couple.

Ouch

Do you realize that it should have nothing to do with how much is being taken? Do you realize that anything taken that isn't advertised as such is deceit?

It's the principle of the matter in how the registries operate that is just one of the ways in which they are deceitful. Are you trying to tell me that they aren't?

lyndausvi · September 2015

The cut from our gift was $20. Why would I want to just give a 3rd party company $20 when I could have just given the couple the either the whole amount? Or I could have not wasted $20 and given them the amount they ended up getting?

ETA - too be fair my experience was 5-6 years back. I think now there are more companies out there and the fees have decreased.

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

You think the couple is being deliberately deceitful? I don't.

I personally wouldn't worry about a processing fee being take out - not a big deal. Again, this is my opinion and it sounds like you have a different one. I'm sure there are many hidden charges baked into a purchase at Macy's that are never disclosed, but either way, not where I'd focus my energy when making a gift.

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

snowywinter said:

I don't really consider it irrelevant when this is an opinion board and I'm giving my opinion. I never said it was against etiquette. I said that I, personally, find them tacky, which is a perfectly acceptable opinion.

Agree with you there.

Many were saying it is black & white - you are wrong to think otherwise.

JoanE2012 · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

You think the couple is being deliberately deceitful? I don't.

I personally wouldn't worry about a processing fee being take out - not a big deal. Again, this is my opinion and it sounds like you have a different one. I'm sure there are many hidden charges baked into a purchase at Macy's that are never disclosed, but either way, not where I'd focus my energy when making a gift.

But at Macy's, if you buy a shirt for $30, you choose to buy it at that price or not. To give up a processing fee (when you don't know it), is wrong. And it's sad to that you don't even care about paying fees - you should care more about your money!

Pupatella · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

I hope the comments about a $3.50 or $5 cut to the website are a joke. You're upset about that type of "deceit"? What a terrible couple.

Ouch

Fees can add up!! Just think if everyone attending your wedding gave $5 bucks to the website. Per person it may not seem like much, but it is deceitful that the website gets a cut when the gifter thinks the giftee gets 100% of the gift (and that is not the case)!

ETA: I did not realize that the website took a cut before I read it on here, and then did my own research. In the future, if a couple invites us to their wedding, and they have only registered via a Honeyfund, I would much rather just give them a check - 100% of my gift is meant for them to spend.

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.

JoanE2012 · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.

It's hard not to focus on the fee when so many folks don't even know about it. It's also hard not to focus on the fee when it's SO EASY to just give cash or write a check - which is what most guests will do if there's no honeymoon registry. Why any couple would choose to give away fees is beyond me. That's just plain stupid.

banana468 · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:
My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.

That's not the point of this discussion and it has nothing to do with the fact that HM registries are indeed rude and deceitful. You're projecting personal sentiment where it isn't warranted.

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

banana468 said:

My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.
That's not the point of this discussion and it has nothing to do with the fact that HM registries are indeed rude and deceitful. You're projecting personal sentiment where it isn't warranted.

You are again stating this as fact: HM registries are rude & deceitful. That is the issue.

lyndausvi · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.

did you not read my post where the couple only registered for the helicopter ride simply because it was expensive and they figured someone would buy it and they would get more money? I was so excited to buy them that experience and was very disappointed they all they did was a bait and switch. I would have given them cash, why deceit me into thinking I was giving them this really cool experience?

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

lyndausvi said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.

did you not read my post where the couple only registered for the helicopter ride simply because it was expensive and they figured someone would buy it and they would get more money? I was so excited to buy them that experience and was very disappointed they all they did was a bait and switch. I would have given them cash, why deceit me into thinking I was giving them this really cool experience?

If they really did register for something pricey with the intent to get money and deceive you, that is a bad move imo. But I think that is prob'ly a rare exception and in theory, they cld've done the same thing with an expensive cooking set and returned it. Sounds more like a problem with the people than with the forum to me.

banana468 · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

banana468 said:

Knottie1440377846 said:
My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.
That's not the point of this discussion and it has nothing to do with the fact that HM registries are indeed rude and deceitful. You're projecting personal sentiment where it isn't warranted.

You are again stating this as fact: HM registries are rude & deceitful. That is the issue.

They are. The points have been proven.

That doesn't mean that those using HM registries are knowingly rude and deceitful. Ignorance can be bliss. But the FACT remains that they are improper etiquette by their very nature.

Knottie1440377846 · September 2015

There is nothing that I can find that states empirically that they are against etiquette other than the *opinion* of some people.

When I posted a link to an etiquette section of a website that indicated they were perfectly fine, people commented that the site was saying that because they were getting advertising from the site or they were plain wrong, or that site didn't know proper etiquette. Ridiculous.

So you say they are improper and I say they are fine. That is about as much authority and proof of whether they're acceptable as you're going to find.

lyndausvi · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

lyndausvi said:

Knottie1440377846 said:

My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.

did you not read my post where the couple only registered for the helicopter ride simply because it was expensive and they figured someone would buy it and they would get more money? I was so excited to buy them that experience and was very disappointed they all they did was a bait and switch. I would have given them cash, why deceit me into thinking I was giving them this really cool experience?

If they really did register for something pricey with the intent to get money and deceive you, that is a bad move imo. But I think that is prob'ly a rare exception and in theory, they cld've done the same thing with an expensive cooking set and returned it. Sounds more like a problem with the people than with the forum to me.

Here is the deal. The system is setup that you register for experiences. Then a few weeks after the wedding you get a cut check (minus some fees).

Which in itself, is weird because if you go on your HM directly after the wedding you get the money AFTER you return. Which means you have pay for everything up front anyway. At no time is there ever an experience booked on your behalf that you need to cancel. Not one. All you get is a check. That's it. Shit I do that already without the deceit or added fees.

If you registry for expensive pots then you get the actual pots. Not a check to buy the pots. The actually pots. Now you can take the time and energy to return the pots if you wish. Most stores will only give you a credit, although some will give you cash. Macy's and BB&B are not too keen on people returning their entire registry. Most people do not go through that trouble anyway. They actually registry for things they want and only return things if they really have to.

See the difference?

onefootinthebayou · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

banana468 said:

My main point is if you're giving a couple a gift with warmth in your heart and you focus at all on a 2.5% fee, to me that is sad.
That's not the point of this discussion and it has nothing to do with the fact that HM registries are indeed rude and deceitful. You're projecting personal sentiment where it isn't warranted.

You are again stating this as fact: HM registries are rude & deceitful. That is the issue.

They are rude and deceitful, it is a fact. I really can't state it any better than Banana has but it seems like you are confusing what you personally find acceptable with what is in fact, not socially acceptable in polite society. Also, so many of us have given examples of where we, as gift givers, were misled (not by the couples we gave to but by the very well defined practices of the HFs) to give our hard earned money (less a fee!) to our friends for experiences that were, for all intents and purposes, fabricated. Do I hate those couples? Have I unfriended them? Absolutely not. However, I have learned that I will never again donate to such a bullshit enterprise. Mostly b/c why the eff should 7% of my money go to a third party when I can just give cash? And FWIW, I tend to give gifts around $250 so that's around $20 to a honeyfund...which is almost a blowout where I live. As PP pointed out, it's not the amount of $ the giver forfeits to the HF, it's the idea that they get anything at all.

Oh, also, asking for cash in any form is rude. There's that too.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2015

snowywinter said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

snowywinter said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

snowywinter said:

OliveOilsMom said:

Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though. It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money? Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash. Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.
That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation. It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.
Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults. Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.

Frankly, all registries are tacky when you think about it. You're essentially telling people what to buy you just because you're getting married. I grew up in a family where you ALWAYS took a gift to a wedding or birthday, but I never felt comfortable telling people what to get me and I don't feel comfortable doing it for my wedding either. I don't really see much of a difference between setting up a "honey fund" or a Target registry. They're both tacky, in my opinion. And don't even get me started on home remodeling funds or (gag) lingerie registries.

No, that's not the point of a registry nor how they work.

Wedding registries are "serving suggestions" meant to give people an idea of what you would like if they were to buy you towels or sheet sets or appliances, etc. Otherwise no one would know that you are doing your bathroom in blue and gold or that you already have a toaster but not a toaster oven. They were especially useful when couples did not live together prior to marriage and so did not already have an established household of stuff.

How does that go against what I said? You are telling people what to buy you because you are getting married. Who cares that you're doing your bathroom in blue and gold. It's YOUR bathroom, so get what you need for it yourself. I don't know, I just don't get the whole "this is what I want if you want to buy me a gift." I just think registries, in general, are tacky.

You are not telling them what to buy you. . . because no one has to buy you anything at all. You are telling people that if they want to buy you towels, you prefer blue and gold because those are the colors that match your bathroom. You are just giving people a list of ideas of things you actually would like and use.

It's no different than telling someone what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday if asked. Have you never been asked what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday?

Yes, you ARE telling them them what to buy you. You're absolutely right, they don't have to buy you anything. So why have a registry at all then? A registry is saying "this is what we like if you're inclined to buy us a gift," just like a honey-fund is saying "this is what we want if you're inclined to buy us a gift." The message is the same, even if the honey-fund is disingenuous due to the middle man.

And yes, I have been asked what I want for Christmas or birthdays, as I said in my first post and I feel extremely awkward answering any such question and I try to avoid it like the plague.

No.

There's a huge difference between "This is something I would like" and "buy me this!"

You seem to be confusing the two due to your own issues with being asked your gift preferences. But there's nothing rude with a wishlist, and that's all a registry is. Plkus, we have explained the historical and practical purpose behind it several times now.

redoryx · September 2015

Knottie1440377846 said:

There is nothing that I can find that states empirically that they are against etiquette other than the *opinion* of some people.

When I posted a link to an etiquette section of a website that indicated they were perfectly fine, people commented that the site was saying that because they were getting advertising from the site or they were plain wrong, or that site didn't know proper etiquette. Ridiculous.

So you say they are improper and I say they are fine. That is about as much authority and proof of whether they're acceptable as you're going to find.

What sort of proof or source are you looking for? I do research for a living so I will happily take on the challenge of finding a source that will satisfy you if you give me some parameters.

But I have a feeling that nothing we show you will be good enough for you.

snowywinter · September 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

No.

There's a huge difference between "This is something I would like" and "buy me this!"

You seem to be confusing the two due to your own issues with being asked your gift preferences. But there's nothing rude with a wishlist, and that's all a registry is. Plkus, we have explained the historical and practical purpose behind it several times now.

I'm not confusing anything. Where in the honey-fund does it say "buy me this"? Because I've seen many honey-funds and I have yet to see wording that differs, in any way, from a traditional registry. Honey-funds, just like registries, say "this is something we would like." It's not like they tie you down and force you to buy it. The only thing different about the honey-fund is the deception of the third-party being involved.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2015

snowywinter said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

No.

There's a huge difference between "This is something I would like" and "buy me this!"

You seem to be confusing the two due to your own issues with being asked your gift preferences. But there's nothing rude with a wishlist, and that's all a registry is. Plkus, we have explained the historical and practical purpose behind it several times now.

I'm not confusing anything. Where in the honey-fund does it say "buy me this"? Because I've seen many honey-funds and I have yet to see wording that differs, in any way, from a traditional registry. Honey-funds, just like registries, say "this is something we would like." It's not like they tie you down and force you to buy it.

Yes, you are. And now you are confusing a traditional wedding registry for a honeyfund.

Honeyfunds don't actually say "this is something we would like" because as has been stated ad nauseum already, the couple is not actually registering for anything physical- no excursions, no plane tickets, nothing. They are registering for the cash value minus a 3%-5% service fee of a theoretical item.

Honeyfunds say "I'm pretending to want a dolphin excursion but in reality I'm asking for cash" because that's all the couple actually gets from the honeyfund.

With a traditional registry a couple is saying "these are things I'd like" and then if you buy from the registry they actually, physically get the things they said they would like.

snowywinter · September 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

snowywinter said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

No.

There's a huge difference between "This is something I would like" and "buy me this!"

You seem to be confusing the two due to your own issues with being asked your gift preferences. But there's nothing rude with a wishlist, and that's all a registry is. Plkus, we have explained the historical and practical purpose behind it several times now.

I'm not confusing anything. Where in the honey-fund does it say "buy me this"? Because I've seen many honey-funds and I have yet to see wording that differs, in any way, from a traditional registry. Honey-funds, just like registries, say "this is something we would like." It's not like they tie you down and force you to buy it.

Yes, you are. And now you are confusing a traditional wedding registry for a honeyfund.

Honeyfunds don't actually say "this is something we would like" because as has been stated ad nauseum already, the couple is not actually registering for anything physical- no excursions, no plane tickets, nothing. They are registering for the cash value minus a 3%-5% service fee of a theoretical item.

Honeyfunds say "I'm pretending to want a dolphin excursion but in reality I'm asking for cash" because that's all the couple actually gets from the honeyfund.

With a traditional registry a couple is saying "these are things I'd like" and then if you buy from the registry they actually, physically get the things they said they would like.

Here's a tip: just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean they're confused or don't know what they're talking about. It simply means they disagree. I'm not confusing anything for a honey-fund. I'm saying that in my opinion, BOTH are tacky. It's a perfectly valid opinion and I'm allowed to have it without you repeatedly telling me how confused I am.

Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

Re: Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

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