Wedding 911

FMIL crisis

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Re: FMIL crisis

  • edited October 2015
    **Removed for TOS Violation**
    Whoa. You say "there is a right and a wrong way to disagree with someone's personal choices." Well guess what? There is a right and a wrong way to host your guests - and you are hosting your guests improperly.

    Would you think it was okay for your friends and family to invite you to a dinner party in the middle of winter with a -15 windchill but make you stand outside on your porch until dinner was ready? Probably not. But that's what you are doing with your wedding guests.

    If I were a guest of your wedding, I'd be sending you all medical bills that I incur as a result of getting debilitating hypothermia during your ceremony.
  • Have we got Bingo?!?!?!?!


  • We have planned accordingly for the weather. Guests have been encouraged to dress warmly and we will be providing blankets.  The wedding party attire is winter appropriate (matching coats, boots, etc.).

    The ceremony will be done within 30 minutes, so it's not like they will have to stand out in the cold for a long time.  We are doing a hot chocolate bar immediately following the ceremony.
    Um, I'm sorry PPs have covered this, but have you ever stood outside in really cold weather for any amount of time? Michigan can get well below zero. I've stood around in single digit temps out at my barn. . .it's not something I care to do unless I really have to, certainly not for a wedding.
    This. I live in Chicago and I have Bears season tickets. A few years ago I went to the Hawks game at Soldier Field on March first. So I do stand around a lot outdoors in the winter. However, I wear under armor, three pairs of pants, camouflage snowpants, several sweatshirts, two coats (including one gigantic blaze orange hunting coat) and mens' snowmobile boots. So, in other words, a hell of a lot more than a "wool blend" coat and not one thing I'd wear to a wedding. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • We have planned accordingly for the weather. Guests have been encouraged to dress warmly and we will be providing blankets.  The wedding party attire is winter appropriate (matching coats, boots, etc.).

    The ceremony will be done within 30 minutes, so it's not like they will have to stand out in the cold for a long time.  We are doing a hot chocolate bar immediately following the ceremony.
    Um, I'm sorry PPs have covered this, but have you ever stood outside in really cold weather for any amount of time? Michigan can get well below zero. I've stood around in single digit temps out at my barn. . .it's not something I care to do unless I really have to, certainly not for a wedding.
    This. I live in Chicago and I have Bears season tickets. A few years ago I went to the Hawks game at Soldier Field on March first. So I do stand around a lot outdoors in the winter. However, I wear under armor, three pairs of pants, camouflage snowpants, several sweatshirts, two coats (including one gigantic blaze orange hunting coat) and mens' snowmobile boots. So, in other words, a hell of a lot more than a "wool blend" coat and not one thing I'd wear to a wedding. 
    Amen sister.

    That used to be me. . . until I found this awesome pair of riding pants specifically for winter riding. . . like the ads in the catalog show people gleefully riding through the snow in like Norway, lol. 

    Those damn pants ($$$) changed my life.  I can wear them with just regular riding pants underneath and not feel like my legs will freeze off when I'm at the barn in the winter.  I wore them to an outdoors Winter Classic a few years back!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • ThxSugarThxSugar member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    We have planned accordingly for the weather. Guests have been encouraged to dress warmly and we will be providing blankets.  The wedding party attire is winter appropriate (matching coats, boots, etc.).

    The ceremony will be done within 30 minutes, so it's not like they will have to stand out in the cold for a long time.  We are doing a hot chocolate bar immediately following the ceremony.
    Um, I'm sorry PPs have covered this, but have you ever stood outside in really cold weather for any amount of time? Michigan can get well below zero. I've stood around in single digit temps out at my barn. . .it's not something I care to do unless I really have to, certainly not for a wedding.
    This. I live in Chicago and I have Bears season tickets. A few years ago I went to the Hawks game at Soldier Field on March first. So I do stand around a lot outdoors in the winter. However, I wear under armor, three pairs of pants, camouflage snowpants, several sweatshirts, two coats (including one gigantic blaze orange hunting coat) and mens' snowmobile boots. So, in other words, a hell of a lot more than a "wool blend" coat and not one thing I'd wear to a wedding. 
    Amen sister.

    That used to be me. . . until I found this awesome pair of riding pants specifically for winter riding. . . like the ads in the catalog show people gleefully riding through the snow in like Norway, lol. 

    Those damn pants ($$$) changed my life.  I can wear them with just regular riding pants underneath and not feel like my legs will freeze off when I'm at the barn in the winter.  I wore them to an outdoors Winter Classic a few years back!
    -----Box---------' Can you please share what brand of pants those are? Do you wear them while you're riding or just around the barn? I have full chaps I wear in the winter but your fancy pants sound awesome. Eta: box
  • We have planned accordingly for the weather. Guests have been encouraged to dress warmly and we will be providing blankets.  The wedding party attire is winter appropriate (matching coats, boots, etc.).

    The ceremony will be done within 30 minutes, so it's not like they will have to stand out in the cold for a long time.  We are doing a hot chocolate bar immediately following the ceremony.
    Um, I'm sorry PPs have covered this, but have you ever stood outside in really cold weather for any amount of time? Michigan can get well below zero. I've stood around in single digit temps out at my barn. . .it's not something I care to do unless I really have to, certainly not for a wedding.
    This. I live in Chicago and I have Bears season tickets. A few years ago I went to the Hawks game at Soldier Field on March first. So I do stand around a lot outdoors in the winter. However, I wear under armor, three pairs of pants, camouflage snowpants, several sweatshirts, two coats (including one gigantic blaze orange hunting coat) and mens' snowmobile boots. So, in other words, a hell of a lot more than a "wool blend" coat and not one thing I'd wear to a wedding. 
    Amen sister.

    That used to be me. . . until I found this awesome pair of riding pants specifically for winter riding. . . like the ads in the catalog show people gleefully riding through the snow in like Norway, lol. 

    Those damn pants ($$$) changed my life.  I can wear them with just regular riding pants underneath and not feel like my legs will freeze off when I'm at the barn in the winter.  I wore them to an outdoors Winter Classic a few years back!
    -----Box---------' Can you please share what brand of pants those are? Do you wear them while you're riding or just around the barn? I have full chaps I wear in the winter but your fancy pants sound awesome. Eta: box
    I would also like to know.  This will be DD's first winter riding, and while it doesn't get Michigan-cold here, it still gets nippy.  We have a really good local tack shop, and if it's not something they carry (especially in youth sizes), I'm betting they can order them for us.
  • We have planned accordingly for the weather. Guests have been encouraged to dress warmly and we will be providing blankets.  The wedding party attire is winter appropriate (matching coats, boots, etc.).

    The ceremony will be done within 30 minutes, so it's not like they will have to stand out in the cold for a long time.  We are doing a hot chocolate bar immediately following the ceremony.
    Um, I'm sorry PPs have covered this, but have you ever stood outside in really cold weather for any amount of time? Michigan can get well below zero. I've stood around in single digit temps out at my barn. . .it's not something I care to do unless I really have to, certainly not for a wedding.
    This. I live in Chicago and I have Bears season tickets. A few years ago I went to the Hawks game at Soldier Field on March first. So I do stand around a lot outdoors in the winter. However, I wear under armor, three pairs of pants, camouflage snowpants, several sweatshirts, two coats (including one gigantic blaze orange hunting coat) and mens' snowmobile boots. So, in other words, a hell of a lot more than a "wool blend" coat and not one thing I'd wear to a wedding. 
    Amen sister.

    That used to be me. . . until I found this awesome pair of riding pants specifically for winter riding. . . like the ads in the catalog show people gleefully riding through the snow in like Norway, lol. 

    Those damn pants ($$$) changed my life.  I can wear them with just regular riding pants underneath and not feel like my legs will freeze off when I'm at the barn in the winter.  I wore them to an outdoors Winter Classic a few years back!
    -----Box---------' Can you please share what brand of pants those are? Do you wear them while you're riding or just around the barn? I have full chaps I wear in the winter but your fancy pants sound awesome. Eta: box
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  • So can someone please explain to me how we got here? I mean the OP asked about how to deal with her FMIL and now we're criticizing her wedding?!  To the OP, I'm on your side with respect to these bullies.  As for the cyber bullies, this one's for you...


    image

  • So can someone please explain to me how we got here? I mean the OP asked about how to deal with her FMIL and now we're criticizing her wedding?!  To the OP, I'm on your side with respect to these bullies.  As for the cyber bullies, this one's for you...


    image
    She posted on the internet, and mentioned both her FMIL and her "getaway wedding."  Therefore she received advice about both her FMIL and about the other things mentioned in her post.  If you don't want strangers to weigh in, don't ask strangers questions.

    And as far as "cyber bullies" are concerned, only one persons posts were removed for being TOS violations.  Just because people disagree with you, doesn't mean they're bullying you.
    There is difference with providing constructive criticism and there's another with what the bullies are doing.  My words are not directed towards you because what you wrote is constructive.
  • Oh yeah - and I'm pretty sure the poor little "bullied" OP was the only one with the TOU violation...soooooo
  • edited October 2015

    So can someone please explain to me how we got here? I mean the OP asked about how to deal with her FMIL and now we're criticizing her wedding?!  To the OP, I'm on your side with respect to these bullies.  As for the cyber bullies, this one's for you...


    image
    She posted on the internet, and mentioned both her FMIL and her "getaway wedding."  Therefore she received advice about both her FMIL and about the other things mentioned in her post.  If you don't want strangers to weigh in, don't ask strangers questions.

    And as far as "cyber bullies" are concerned, only one persons posts were removed for being TOS violations.  Just because people disagree with you, doesn't mean they're bullying you.
    There is difference with providing constructive criticism and there's another with what the bullies are doing.  My words are not directed towards you because what you wrote is constructive.


    ----------------Edited because no boxes--------------------------------------
    Who bullied her?  Everyone offered constructive criticism about why it's poor etiquette and just frankly rude to host a winter wedding outside and about what is and isn't appropriate in terms of guests lists for her shower, ceremony and party.  The only name she was ever called was a special snowflake which is a term used for people who think their day is special and therefore they don't have to abide by the rules and that was after she went on her little TOS rampage.

    Again, there is no reason for a group of internet strangers to lie.  Instead, you're going to get the straight truth, not sunshine up your ass, because sometimes people need to hear it, me included.  Stick around, get over the bruised ego because people didn't like your ideas and you'll learn a lot.  I know I have.
    ____________________________________________ETA BOXES


    Who bullied her?!  Well I am not going to go through all these posts, READ IT YOURSELF!!  As for internet strangers to lie, REALLY?!?!  Are you listening to yourself?!  The internet is full of liars.  Now who has sunshine blowing up their ass?! 

  • So can someone please explain to me how we got here? I mean the OP asked about how to deal with her FMIL and now we're criticizing her wedding?!  To the OP, I'm on your side with respect to these bullies.  As for the cyber bullies, this one's for you...


    image
    She posted on the internet, and mentioned both her FMIL and her "getaway wedding."  Therefore she received advice about both her FMIL and about the other things mentioned in her post.  If you don't want strangers to weigh in, don't ask strangers questions.

    And as far as "cyber bullies" are concerned, only one persons posts were removed for being TOS violations.  Just because people disagree with you, doesn't mean they're bullying you.
    There is difference with providing constructive criticism and there's another with what the bullies are doing.  My words are not directed towards you because what you wrote is constructive.
    Posters were trying to help OP understand that putting her wedding vision ahead of her guest's comfort was wrong. These are etiquette boards and when someone comes on here with a bad idea (or selfish or rude or whatever) people will point it out and offer suggestions on how to make it right. Sometimes this advice is delivered bluntly. Sometimes, we are offended by a poster's blatant thoughtlessness and disregard for their guests and that comes out as frustration. That is not even close to cyber bullying. Labeling the criticism of bad ideas or refusal to validate rude behavior as "bullying" is a disservice to people who have ACTUALLY been bullied. I have little patience for people who cry "bully" b/c people have the balls to stand up to them and tell them they are wrong. Edited b.c mobile phones are hard.

    _____________________________________________Boxes

    So you're "helping" her by adding your colorful feedback and your "vision" for what you think is best?!  1)  I'm sure she doesn't need the colorful feedback, as this caused her to defend herself.  2)  Did she ever ask for opinions for her wedding ceremony?  The short answer is no.  She merely shared it and people thought it was their right to give their opinion.  Well here's my opinion...oh wait I don't want to get a TOS violation.  As for the OP getting TOS violations, she was merely defending herself. 










  • So can someone please explain to me how we got here? I mean the OP asked about how to deal with her FMIL and now we're criticizing her wedding?!  To the OP, I'm on your side with respect to these bullies.  As for the cyber bullies, this one's for you...


    image

    She posted on the internet, and mentioned both her FMIL and her "getaway wedding."  Therefore she received advice about both her FMIL and about the other things mentioned in her post.  If you don't want strangers to weigh in, don't ask strangers questions.

    And as far as "cyber bullies" are concerned, only one persons posts were removed for being TOS violations.  Just because people disagree with you, doesn't mean they're bullying you.

    There is difference with providing constructive criticism and there's another with what the bullies are doing.  My words are not directed towards you because what you wrote is constructive.

    Posters were trying to help OP understand that putting her wedding vision ahead of her guest's comfort was wrong. These are etiquette boards and when someone comes on here with a bad idea (or selfish or rude or whatever) people will point it out and offer suggestions on how to make it right. Sometimes this advice is delivered bluntly. Sometimes, we are offended by a poster's blatant thoughtlessness and disregard for their guests and that comes out as frustration.


    That is not even close to cyber bullying. Labeling the criticism of bad ideas or refusal to validate rude behavior as "bullying" is a disservice to people who have ACTUALLY been bullied. I have little patience for people who cry "bully" b/c people have the balls to stand up to them and tell them they are wrong.

    Edited b.c mobile phones are hard.

    _____________________________________________Boxes

    So you're "helping" her by adding your colorful feedback and your "vision" for what you think is best?!  1)  I'm sure she doesn't need the colorful feedback, as this caused her to defend herself.  2)  Did she ever ask for opinions for her wedding ceremony?  The short answer is no.  She merely shared it and people thought it was their right to give their opinion.  Well here's my opinion...oh wait I don't want to get a TOS violation.  As for the OP getting TOS violations, she was merely defending herself. 






    Nope, that's not how it works. She got a TOU violation b/c...*drumroll*...she violated the TOU. Defending oneself would be to present an argument in favor of your position that undermines that of your opponent. She was unable to do that here b/c she had an indefensible position. There was no sound argument in favor of her bad plan so she resorted to petty name calling.

    Also, this is an Internet forum. People are allowed to offer their opinions, whether OP likes them or not. Tbh, most of the people here actually care about weddings and take time to read the posts and respond in ways that might improve an otherwise disastrous situation. If a poster can't handle the blunt but thoughtful responses, then perhaps an Internet forum isn't for them.

    People give good advice here to prevent others from at best offending guests and at worse, damaging relationships.

    Calm down, lurk a bit, read some threads & see that the advice given here is typical very solid and helpful. And yes, it's delivered bluntly and many times with snark. Toughen up.
  • Really toughen up?! That's all you got.  I really don't see how this is a tough concept, provide objective feedback, for the OP, not your "vision" that has nothing to do with the OP.

    image
  • edited October 2015
    Really toughen up?! That's all you got.  I really don't see how this is a tough concept, provide objective feedback, for the OP, not your "vision" that has nothing to do with the OP.

    image
    What you are saying makes no sense. We are not promoting OUR "vision". We have simply pointed out that OP putting HER vision of a "winter wonderland" wedding will likely be uncomfortable for her guests. Also, she never clarified if the people she is inviting to showers, AHRs, whatever, are invited to the ceremony. Everyone invited to a pre or post wedding celebration ought to be invited to the actual wedding. To do otherwise is considered rude in polite society. My "toughen up" comment was meant to ask you to stop calling criticism "bullying" b/c it is insulting to people who have ACTUALLY been bullied. Throwing around the term to describe people who disagree with you is callous and thoughtless. Frankly, it's a cover up for people who can't thoughtfully defend their position. Of course "toughen up" isn't the best I've got but you really haven't provided anything substantive enough to warrant much else in the form of intelligent discourse.
    ____________________________________________Boxes__ETF Typo

    Excuse me for not typing out 3 paragraphs to offer some "substantive content" for you to read and digest. What I am saying makes complete sense. The OP did not ask anyone for their opinion on HER WEDDING. She asked for opinion on her FMIL. Offering her strong, unwarranted, and rudely typed opinions on her WEDDING does not help her FMIL situation. How does this help her with anything at all? Stop being a bully, and offer people some constructive  objective feedback and comments.




  • Really toughen up?! That's all you got.  I really don't see how this is a tough concept, provide objective feedback, for the OP, not your "vision" that has nothing to do with the OP.

    image
    What you are saying makes no sense. We are not promoting OUR "vision". We have simply pointed out that OP putting HER vision of a "winter wonderland" wedding will likely be uncomfortable for her guests. Also, she never clarified if the people she is inviting to showers, AHRs, whatever, are invited to the ceremony. Everyone invited to a pre or post wedding celebration ought to be invited to the actual wedding. To do otherwise is considered rude in polite society.

    My "toughen up" comment was meant to ask you to stop calling criticism "bullying" b/c it is insulting to people who have ACTUALLY been bullied. Throwing around the term to describe people who disagree with you is callous and thoughtless. Frankly, it's a cover up for people who can't thoughtfully defend their position.

    Of course "toughen up" isn't the best I've got but you really haven't provided anything substantive enough to warrant much else in the form of intelligent discourse.



    ____________________________________________Boxes__ETF Typo

    Excuse me for not typing out 3 paragraphs to offer some "substantive content" for you to read and digest. What I am saying makes complete sense. The OP did not ask anyone for their opinion on HER WEDDING. She asked for opinion on her FMIL. Offering her strong, unwarranted, and rudely typed opinions on her WEDDING does not help her FMIL situation. How does this help her with anything at all? Stop being a bully, and offer people some constructive  objective feedback and comments.




    Please explain to me how I am being a bully. I'm truly interested here.

    When you post on an Internet forum you open yourself up to comments you can't control. This happened to OP. She may have wanted comments about her MIL but once her full situation was revealed, no one was going to ignore her blatant disregard for her guest's comfort. Lots of comments, if you bothered to read them, DID help her. She even admitted to considering some of them - if you read (& I'm not convinced you did, or understood anyway).

    So let me get this straight, when you demand that we stop being bullies by offering good advice to consider her guest's comfort and follow the rules of etiquette (aka good manners) and offer "constructive & objective feedback", what you really mean is that you want us to say "You're right OP, your MIL is a total bitch for not wanting to host your AHR where your guests may or may not have been invited to your wedding and also don't worry, a winter wedding OUTDOORS in Michigan is a GREAT idea! As long as you serve hot chocolate! I love it. I would totally enjoy this special and unique experience!" Just want to get that straight.

    And FFS, would you please educate yourself as to what true bullying is? I'm tired of trying to explain it.


  • Really toughen up?! That's all you got.  I really don't see how this is a tough concept, provide objective feedback, for the OP, not your "vision" that has nothing to do with the OP.

    image
    What you are saying makes no sense. We are not promoting OUR "vision". We have simply pointed out that OP putting HER vision of a "winter wonderland" wedding will likely be uncomfortable for her guests. Also, she never clarified if the people she is inviting to showers, AHRs, whatever, are invited to the ceremony. Everyone invited to a pre or post wedding celebration ought to be invited to the actual wedding. To do otherwise is considered rude in polite society.

    My "toughen up" comment was meant to ask you to stop calling criticism "bullying" b/c it is insulting to people who have ACTUALLY been bullied. Throwing around the term to describe people who disagree with you is callous and thoughtless. Frankly, it's a cover up for people who can't thoughtfully defend their position.

    Of course "toughen up" isn't the best I've got but you really haven't provided anything substantive enough to warrant much else in the form of intelligent discourse.



    ____________________________________________Boxes__ETF Typo

    Excuse me for not typing out 3 paragraphs to offer some "substantive content" for you to read and digest. What I am saying makes complete sense. The OP did not ask anyone for their opinion on HER WEDDING. She asked for opinion on her FMIL. Offering her strong, unwarranted, and rudely typed opinions on her WEDDING does not help her FMIL situation. How does this help her with anything at all? Stop being a bully, and offer people some constructive  objective feedback and comments.


    Please explain to me how I am being a bully. I'm truly interested here.

    When you post on an Internet forum you open yourself up to comments you can't control. This happened to OP. She may have wanted comments about her MIL but once her full situation was revealed, no one was going to ignore her blatant disregard for her guest's comfort. Lots of comments, if you bothered to read them, DID help her. She even admitted to considering some of them - if you read (& I'm not convinced you did, or understood anyway).

    So let me get this straight, when you demand that we stop being bullies by offering good advice to consider her guest's comfort and follow the rules of etiquette (aka good manners) and offer "constructive & objective feedback", what you really mean is that you want us to say "You're right OP, your MIL is a total bitch for not wanting to host your AHR where your guests may or may not have been invited to your wedding and also don't worry, a winter wedding OUTDOORS in Michigan is a GREAT idea! As long as you serve hot chocolate! I love it. I would totally enjoy this special and unique experience!" Just want to get that straight.

    And FFS, would you please educate yourself as to what true bullying is? I'm tired of trying to explain it.







    *********
    Like I said, if I were her FMIL I would be concerned about what kind of poorly hosted atrocity may be perpetrated at my home. But pointing any of this out makes us evil hag bitches. She came here for advice. She got it. So sorry that she didn't like it.
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