FI and money -vent-

sophhabobopha

JCbride2015 said:

ashley8918 said:

sophhabobopha said:

OP please be self suffient before even thinking about marriage. You do not sound remotly ready.

And yes, I'm 19 too.

Whoa, for real? See, I never would have guessed that.

@sophhabobopha I knew you were young from some other thread and you are Exhibit A that age =/= maturity.  That's part of why I said even if OP was in a very long-term relationship, the length of time doesn't always matter.  It's more your attitude and how you approach it.

At 19, I knew I would be with Fi forever.  But I also knew that we would grow and change and that I shouldn't have too many expectations.  I think that makes somebody more mature than thinking at 19 you know everything.  Because you don't, at all!

Thanks guys. And yeah, I don't know shit about shit, haha!

Viczaesar

Fran1985 said:

Viczaesar said:

Fran1985 said:

I can't believe the fact that OP is 19 is actually the least of the problems here. YOU NEED A JOB. You need to be able to support yourself. I think I liked 100 comments in this thread. Also, not really related but this is the first year that DH might outearn me and I am honestly secretly competitive/mad about it. I love making bread. I make it and then I eat it. challaaaaaaah

I bought two kinds of challah today.  Challaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  You're Jewish, right?  If so, Shanah Tova!

I'm not actually, but went to a jewish school and some family is jewish. And I always appreciate the good wishes of the season, Shanah Tovah to you too! 

Oops, I thought I had remembered you mentioning that you were Jewish @Fran1985.  Shows how awesome my memory is. 

Viczaesar

Fran1985 said:

Viczaesar said:

Fran1985 said:

I can't believe the fact that OP is 19 is actually the least of the problems here. YOU NEED A JOB. You need to be able to support yourself. I think I liked 100 comments in this thread. Also, not really related but this is the first year that DH might outearn me and I am honestly secretly competitive/mad about it. I love making bread. I make it and then I eat it. challaaaaaaah

I bought two kinds of challah today.  Challaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  You're Jewish, right?  If so, Shanah Tova!

I'm not actually, but went to a jewish school and some family is jewish. And I always appreciate the good wishes of the season, Shanah Tovah to you too! 

Oops, I thought I had remembered you mentioning that you were Jewish @Fran1985.  Shows how awesome my memory is. 

Viczaesar

Fran1985 said:

Viczaesar said:

Fran1985 said:

I can't believe the fact that OP is 19 is actually the least of the problems here. YOU NEED A JOB. You need to be able to support yourself. I think I liked 100 comments in this thread. Also, not really related but this is the first year that DH might outearn me and I am honestly secretly competitive/mad about it. I love making bread. I make it and then I eat it. challaaaaaaah

I bought two kinds of challah today.  Challaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  You're Jewish, right?  If so, Shanah Tova!

I'm not actually, but went to a jewish school and some family is jewish. And I always appreciate the good wishes of the season, Shanah Tovah to you too! 

Oops, I thought I had remembered you mentioning that you were Jewish @Fran1985.  Shows how awesome my memory is. 

larrygaga

l9i

JCbride2015 said:

ashley8918 said:

sophhabobopha said:

OP please be self suffient before even thinking about marriage. You do not sound remotly ready.

And yes, I'm 19 too.

Whoa, for real? See, I never would have guessed that.

@sophhabobopha I knew you were young from some other thread and you are Exhibit A that age =/= maturity.  That's part of why I said even if OP was in a very long-term relationship, the length of time doesn't always matter.  It's more your attitude and how you approach it.

At 19, I knew I would be with Fi forever.  But I also knew that we would grow and change and that I shouldn't have too many expectations.  I think that makes somebody more mature than thinking at 19 you know everything.  Because you don't, at all!

This.  I also knew this at 19.  But I truly believe those years between about 18 and 22 are crutial for growth.  H and I did the distane thing for about a year duing our relationship, we were committed to making it work, but we also understood that during that time a LOT can change, and it did change, I've changed, he has changed, we've changed.  Fortunately, we've changed together, but sometimes during such a crutial point in your life of growing up and figuring life out you could just as easily grow apart. 

Seriously OP, give it some time.  You're just figuring out who you are.  Do that, become independent, and then tie it all together. 

laceykeo

I met my ex at 18. We discussed marriage a short way in but it was never a genuine "yeah, let's get married", more just a "we might get married some day".

Some day never came. In the further eight years we were together.

I worked right out of high school, at a 50 hours a week job.
Still have that job now.

Since ex and I broke up and I moved out on my own (first time living alone, even though I left my parents house at 16), I have discovered that even after 10/11 years of paying rent and bills and so on, there's still crap I was unaware of until now.

Ex and I had a joint account. Being paid monthly, we set it all up right from the start so that two days after our pay went in, all our bills went out. Five days in to the new month, all our bills were paid, major grocery shopping was completed, and whatever was left in the bank was fun money.

This is something I've carried on into my "new life". Money is much tighter now than it's been for me in at least six years, but I still pay all my bills, add to my savings the same amount I've always added, and still spoil my boy with books and toys when I feel like it.

For years and years, as much as the marriage plan never really came back up, I also never saw myself being single.
Unfortunately, things change and that was right where I found myself.

The fact I'm in a relationship now is irrelevant, as our money is very much separate. I still had to figure all this bills stuff out for myself. Something I'd be ridiculously screwed on if I'd never had a job/never "felt like growing up".



When I had my DS, I was extremely resentful of the fact that I could "only afford to take six months off" (I put "" because the minimum any employer is legally required to offer is TWO WEEKS!).
That being said, I couldn't wait to get back to work.
Those out there that are single and/or SAHP... Massive respect for you cause I know I'd have had a horrendous struggle, trying to raise a newborn on my own/not having that work environment to escape to.

OP, if you're still here... Please think about what you're saying, and what you're planning.

Those "life skills" are not just nice to have, they're a necessity. No one likes managing money, paying bills, going without, but it's a damn sight preferable to massive unpayable debt, unable-to-afford-groceries, etc.

Get out and experience life. See what it's all about.
Once you know who you are as a person, you can learn how to be a partner.

lightningsnow

I've been reading this thread for a while. I haven't had a chance to post my advice since it's the same as everyone else has said. I'm just glad that my parents instilled in me that if I was living under their roof, I either went to school which didn't work out or I worked a full time job. I also paid them rent every week. It wasn't much but I still paid them that every single week.

I've been working full time since I was 19. I tried to go back to school when I was 20 but it just didn't work out. At 25 I moved out and into a condo with my boyfriend. I handle all grocery shopping, all laundry with the exception of bf's work clothes and I pay for our cable and internet as well as our streaming services. Yes there are more that he pays for and as I earn money with my new job I will help him out more.

ohannabelle

OP. May I be honest?

Based on everything you've posted, you should absolutely not get married.

 

Neither of you have the maturity or stability to handle marriage. It's damned hard work, and involves both people busting their asses to make the other person's personal happiness and practical future as good as you possibly can.  If both people aren't in complete agreement and both working equally at this goal, it will fail. 

If you bring children into this without resolving all these issues and doing the work required, they will pay the price, and so will you.

If you aren't mature enough to take care of yourself, you aren't mature enough to take care of a family.  You'll be another dependent in the relationship, he'll have the parent role, and both of you will resent the eff out of each other for it.  Misery will ensue. 

There is not one word in anything you've written that makes me believe marriage is a good idea here.