FI and money -vent-

steph861

bc+rw16 said:

You guys don't even really read what I say, you just twist it into what you think I said, and aren't even giving relevant advice. 

Also not that it matters to you guys, I do data entry for my FMIL as a side job and she's training me to do her job piece by piece. 

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt regarding this job. As such, I have a couple of questions:

Is the plan for you to completely take over FMIL's job at some point? I do think that would be an excellent opportunity.

In the event that you take over her job, would your supervisor be a non-family member (or in-law)? I had the same experience as @rooz103. Not that working for my dad wasn't relevant, and ultimately I was able to get other work experience, but it was harder for me to establish myself because I didn't have non-family members to vouch for me. 

Working for/with your FMIL is a good jumping off point, absolutely. But if you want to continue to do this as a part-time job (you can do data entry from home, depending on the employer) then it helps to get some diversity on your resume.

mrstrevor3

bc+rw16 said:

sarahufl said:

I am going to chime in again and say that this is one of the more constructive, honest chats I have seen on here in awhile. Nobody is being nasty, we are sharing our thoughts/experiences in a very constructive way.

What were you expecting? Why did you come here to vent your frustrations?

I have seen some very nasty threads go very, very awry and this is really just not one of them.

I was kind of expecting "Man that sucks, FI hates it when I get starbucks too" 

Told you she came here for a pat on the back and boo hoos....give me a break!!!! gahhhh

pinkcow13

mrstrevor3 said:

bc+rw16 said:

sarahufl said:

I am going to chime in again and say that this is one of the more constructive, honest chats I have seen on here in awhile. Nobody is being nasty, we are sharing our thoughts/experiences in a very constructive way.

What were you expecting? Why did you come here to vent your frustrations?

I have seen some very nasty threads go very, very awry and this is really just not one of them.

I was kind of expecting "Man that sucks, FI hates it when I get starbucks too" 

Told you she came here for a pat on the back and boo hoos....give me a break!!!! gahhhh

.

hellosweetie1015

pinkcow13 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

bc+rw16 said:

sarahufl said:

I am going to chime in again and say that this is one of the more constructive, honest chats I have seen on here in awhile. Nobody is being nasty, we are sharing our thoughts/experiences in a very constructive way.

What were you expecting? Why did you come here to vent your frustrations?

I have seen some very nasty threads go very, very awry and this is really just not one of them.

I was kind of expecting "Man that sucks, FI hates it when I get starbucks too" 

Told you she came here for a pat on the back and boo hoos....give me a break!!!! gahhhh

.

Yeah... that was uncalled for. 

ETA: I went back because I realized someone had bolded a statement somewhere, and now I actually can't tell if PinkCow was giffing "seriously" in reference to MrsTrevor or in reference to BC+RW. But I do think MrsTrevor's remark was a little uncalled for. BC's been reamed several times over, and while I don't think it's necessarily okay to come on here expecting a whole bunch of "MY FI hates it when I do things I like TOO OMG" because that's just not ever even a little okay, I also don't think it's okay to brush her off like that as she's mostly been receptive in her responses.

PrettyGirlLost

beethery said:

JCbride2015 said:

bc+rw16 said:

But it's not about the $5, it's that he doesn't like me buying into things like Starbucks because they're popular. 

So he's not just trying to control your spending.  He's trying to control the things that you like?  Because Starbucks is too "popular?"  Like he's too cool for Starbucks because everybody else likes it?

Yeah, sorry, this is something my high school students would say.

And nope. I don't have that problem.  Because I'm an adult.

It sounds like some shit a hipster would say. "Oooh you get your coffee at Starbucks? How Mainstream. You're funding corporate cannibalism. Pardon me while I go ride my fixie and apply my beard grooming products."

All the while Tweeting on their iPhone. . .

PrettyGirlLost

lolo883 said:

sarahufl said:

I did bring H to Sephora with me once to buy foundation. It was $27 (so not even close to being the most expensive thing at Sephora).

He balked (jokingly, of course) and said "You are spending HOW MUCH on makeup?!"

I looked at him and said that for our relationship to stay healthy, he might want to skip out on future trips to Sephora (I'm looking at you, Urban Decay Naked eyeshadow pallets).

Hasn't been back with me since

Ditto this with shoes and my hair appointments. This is why when we sit down to reconfigure our accounts/contributions this weekend, we'll each keep our own slush fund in addition to having joint checking for shared expenses (which we already have from wedding planning) and joint savings for a house. As long as our shared expenses are covered and we're meeting our savings goals, I don't need to know how much he spends at the casino and he doesn't need to know how much my next new pair of riding boots cost.

Oooh English or western?

theartistformerlyknownas

PrettyGirlLost said:

sarahufl said:

I did bring H to Sephora with me once to buy foundation. It was $27 (so not even close to being the most expensive thing at Sephora). He balked (jokingly, of course) and said "You are spending HOW MUCH on makeup?!" I looked at him and said that for our relationship to stay healthy, he might want to skip out on future trips to Sephora (I'm looking at you, Urban Decay Naked eyeshadow pallets). Hasn't been back with me since

Ditto this with shoes and my hair appointments. This is why when we sit down to reconfigure our accounts/contributions this weekend, we'll each keep our own slush fund in addition to having joint checking for shared expenses (which we already have from wedding planning) and joint savings for a house. As long as our shared expenses are covered and we're meeting our savings goals, I don't need to know how much he spends at the casino and he doesn't need to know how much my next new pair of riding boots cost.

Oooh English or western?

As yet unchosen and purely for show, not function. :-p

mrstrevor3

CaitTDid23 said:

pinkcow13 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

bc+rw16 said:

sarahufl said:

I am going to chime in again and say that this is one of the more constructive, honest chats I have seen on here in awhile. Nobody is being nasty, we are sharing our thoughts/experiences in a very constructive way.

What were you expecting? Why did you come here to vent your frustrations?

I have seen some very nasty threads go very, very awry and this is really just not one of them.

I was kind of expecting "Man that sucks, FI hates it when I get starbucks too" 

Told you she came here for a pat on the back and boo hoos....give me a break!!!! gahhhh

.

Yeah... that was uncalled for. 

ETA: I went back because I realized someone had bolded a statement somewhere, and now I actually can't tell if PinkCow was giffing "seriously" in reference to MrsTrevor or in reference to BC+RW. But I do think MrsTrevor's remark was a little uncalled for. BC's been reamed several times over, and while I don't think it's necessarily okay to come on here expecting a whole bunch of "MY FI hates it when I do things I like TOO OMG" because that's just not ever even a little okay, I also don't think it's okay to brush her off like that as she's mostly been receptive in her responses.

I say it that way because she's not doing anything  to be an adult (even though she is one), and expects people to feel bad for her because her FI doesn't like the only $ she makes to be spent on internet games and starbucks. I know it's her money, she buys what she wants...but that doesn't mean that he can't not like it. So sorry not sorry

hellosweetie1015

mrstrevor3 said:
CaitTDid23 said:
pinkcow13 said:
mrstrevor3 said:
bc+rw16 said:
sarahufl said: I am going to chime in again and say that this is one of the more constructive, honest chats I have seen on here in awhile. Nobody is being nasty, we are sharing our thoughts/experiences in a very constructive way.

What were you expecting? Why did you come here to vent your frustrations?

I have seen some very nasty threads go very, very awry and this is really just not one of them.

I was kind of expecting "Man that sucks, FI hates it when I get starbucks too" 
Told you she came here for a pat on the back and boo hoos....give me a break!!!! gahhhh

.


Yeah... that was uncalled for. 
ETA: I went back because I realized someone had bolded a statement somewhere, and now I actually can't tell if PinkCow was giffing "seriously" in reference to MrsTrevor or in reference to BC+RW. But I do think MrsTrevor's remark was a little uncalled for. BC's been reamed several times over, and while I don't think it's necessarily okay to come on here expecting a whole bunch of "MY FI hates it when I do things I like TOO OMG" because that's just not ever even a little okay, I also don't think it's okay to brush her off like that as she's mostly been receptive in her responses.

I say it that way because she's not doing anything  to be an adult (even though she is one), and expects people to feel bad for her because her FI doesn't like the only $ she makes to be spent on internet games and starbucks. I know it's her money, she buys what she wants...but that doesn't mean that he can't not like it. So sorry not sorry

_______________________________
He absolutely has every right to dislike how she spends it. He doesn't get to tell her she can't though, which is how this huge long thread got started in the first place: 

bc+rw16 said:

Well whenever I get extra fun money so far, he and I have been getting into arguments on what I 'can' and 'can't' spend it on. I play an online game and there's extra stuff you can buy for USD, and I don't have a bank account because it's mostly just cash that I get, and so I can't buy things online and have to use his account and give him the cash, but FI doesn't think I should be spending my money on it and so he won't let me, and it's just infuriating to me. 

You're certainly 100000000% right that she isn't acting like an adult - she needs a bank account, some source of steady income (aside: OP, MICHAEL'S!!! Or a local craft store! Hell, with the exception of their snit about birth control, Hobby Lobby is really pretty good to their employees. I think if you can get on full time you get $12/hr there, which is more than I make in my 9-5 office job, plus Sundays guaranteed off), and to move into an apartment either with her FI or on her own. She will need experience managing a household since there's a high chance she's going to be managing their household at least temporarily while he's on deployment. So yes - she needs to move forward into adulthood, which is what the majority of posts have said.

My only issue with your post is that it wasn't really helpful; it was sarcastic and gave the OP no real... anything. If this were a Snowflake's thread, it'd be totally different because she would have GBCK'd by now, but the OP is (or was) participating and giving off the idea that she's "listening" inasmuch as one can "listen" to typed comments. And I will say that for the most part, one thing I'm very impressed with is her maturity regarding criticism. When I was her age, criticism - even constructively presented as this has been throughout the thread - would have DESTROYED my self-esteem. Hell, *I* would have GBCK'd by now.

ETF My quote boxes disappeared at the top when I posted - but they're still in the editor. Really, TK. Boxes don't even taste good.

ETF again to try and make the weird-ass disappearing quote boxes make sense. Please stop regurgitating my boxes.

ShesSoCold

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

sarahufl said:

I did bring H to Sephora with me once to buy foundation. It was $27 (so not even close to being the most expensive thing at Sephora). He balked (jokingly, of course) and said "You are spending HOW MUCH on makeup?!" I looked at him and said that for our relationship to stay healthy, he might want to skip out on future trips to Sephora (I'm looking at you, Urban Decay Naked eyeshadow pallets). Hasn't been back with me since

Ditto this with shoes and my hair appointments. This is why when we sit down to reconfigure our accounts/contributions this weekend, we'll each keep our own slush fund in addition to having joint checking for shared expenses (which we already have from wedding planning) and joint savings for a house. As long as our shared expenses are covered and we're meeting our savings goals, I don't need to know how much he spends at the casino and he doesn't need to know how much my next new pair of riding boots cost.

Oooh English or western?

As yet unchosen and purely for show, not function. :-p

Oooh @prettylostgirl judges your for that. 

It's okay. She judges me too. I have riding looking boots I love and you couldn't pay me to go near a horse.

mrstrevor3

CaitTDid23 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

CaitTDid23 said:

pinkcow13 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

bc+rw16 said:

sarahufl said:

I am going to chime in again and say that this is one of the more constructive, honest chats I have seen on here in awhile. Nobody is being nasty, we are sharing our thoughts/experiences in a very constructive way.

What were you expecting? Why did you come here to vent your frustrations?

I have seen some very nasty threads go very, very awry and this is really just not one of them.

I was kind of expecting "Man that sucks, FI hates it when I get starbucks too" 

Told you she came here for a pat on the back and boo hoos....give me a break!!!! gahhhh

.

Yeah... that was uncalled for. 

ETA: I went back because I realized someone had bolded a statement somewhere, and now I actually can't tell if PinkCow was giffing "seriously" in reference to MrsTrevor or in reference to BC+RW. But I do think MrsTrevor's remark was a little uncalled for. BC's been reamed several times over, and while I don't think it's necessarily okay to come on here expecting a whole bunch of "MY FI hates it when I do things I like TOO OMG" because that's just not ever even a little okay, I also don't think it's okay to brush her off like that as she's mostly been receptive in her responses.

I say it that way because she's not doing anything  to be an adult (even though she is one), and expects people to feel bad for her because her FI doesn't like the only $ she makes to be spent on internet games and starbucks. I know it's her money, she buys what she wants...but that doesn't mean that he can't not like it. So sorry not sorry

_______________________________

He absolutely has every right to dislike how she spends it. He doesn't get to tell her she can't though, which is how this huge long thread got started in the first place: 

bc+rw16 said:

Well whenever I get extra fun money so far, he and I have been getting into arguments on what I 'can' and 'can't' spend it on. I play an online game and there's extra stuff you can buy for USD, and I don't have a bank account because it's mostly just cash that I get, and so I can't buy things online and have to use his account and give him the cash, but FI doesn't think I should be spending my money on it and so he won't let me, and it's just infuriating to me. 

You're certainly 100000000% right that she isn't acting like an adult - she needs a bank account, some source of steady income (aside: OP, MICHAEL'S!!! Or a local craft store! Hell, with the exception of their snit about birth control, Hobby Lobby is really pretty good to their employees. I think if you can get on full time you get $12/hr there, which is more than I make in my 9-5 office job, plus Sundays guaranteed off), and to move into an apartment either with her FI or on her own. She will need experience managing a household since there's a high chance she's going to be managing their household at least temporarily while he's on deployment. So yes - she needs to move forward into adulthood, which is what the majority of posts have said.

My only issue with your post is that it wasn't really helpful; it was sarcastic and gave the OP no real... anything. If this were a Snowflake's thread, it'd be totally different because she would have GBCK'd by now, but the OP is (or was) participating and giving off the idea that she's "listening" inasmuch as one can "listen" to typed comments. And I will say that for the most part, one thing I'm very impressed with is her maturity regarding criticism. When I was her age, criticism - even constructively presented as this has been throughout the thread - would have DESTROYED my self-esteem. Hell, *I* would have GBCK'd by now.

ETF My quote boxes disappeared at the top when I posted - but they're still in the editor. Really, TK. Boxes don't even taste good.

ETF again to try and make the weird-ass disappearing quote boxes make sense. Please stop regurgitating my boxes.

I get what you are saying.

hellosweetie1015

mrstrevor3 said:

CaitTDid23 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

CaitTDid23 said:

pinkcow13 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

bc+rw16 said:

sarahufl said:

I am going to chime in again and say that this is one of the more constructive, honest chats I have seen on here in awhile. Nobody is being nasty, we are sharing our thoughts/experiences in a very constructive way.

What were you expecting? Why did you come here to vent your frustrations?

I have seen some very nasty threads go very, very awry and this is really just not one of them.

I was kind of expecting "Man that sucks, FI hates it when I get starbucks too" 

Told you she came here for a pat on the back and boo hoos....give me a break!!!! gahhhh

.

Yeah... that was uncalled for. 

ETA: I went back because I realized someone had bolded a statement somewhere, and now I actually can't tell if PinkCow was giffing "seriously" in reference to MrsTrevor or in reference to BC+RW. But I do think MrsTrevor's remark was a little uncalled for. BC's been reamed several times over, and while I don't think it's necessarily okay to come on here expecting a whole bunch of "MY FI hates it when I do things I like TOO OMG" because that's just not ever even a little okay, I also don't think it's okay to brush her off like that as she's mostly been receptive in her responses.

I say it that way because she's not doing anything  to be an adult (even though she is one), and expects people to feel bad for her because her FI doesn't like the only $ she makes to be spent on internet games and starbucks. I know it's her money, she buys what she wants...but that doesn't mean that he can't not like it. So sorry not sorry

_______________________________

He absolutely has every right to dislike how she spends it. He doesn't get to tell her she can't though, which is how this huge long thread got started in the first place: 

bc+rw16 said:

Well whenever I get extra fun money so far, he and I have been getting into arguments on what I 'can' and 'can't' spend it on. I play an online game and there's extra stuff you can buy for USD, and I don't have a bank account because it's mostly just cash that I get, and so I can't buy things online and have to use his account and give him the cash, but FI doesn't think I should be spending my money on it and so he won't let me, and it's just infuriating to me. 

You're certainly 100000000% right that she isn't acting like an adult - she needs a bank account, some source of steady income (aside: OP, MICHAEL'S!!! Or a local craft store! Hell, with the exception of their snit about birth control, Hobby Lobby is really pretty good to their employees. I think if you can get on full time you get $12/hr there, which is more than I make in my 9-5 office job, plus Sundays guaranteed off), and to move into an apartment either with her FI or on her own. She will need experience managing a household since there's a high chance she's going to be managing their household at least temporarily while he's on deployment. So yes - she needs to move forward into adulthood, which is what the majority of posts have said.

My only issue with your post is that it wasn't really helpful; it was sarcastic and gave the OP no real... anything. If this were a Snowflake's thread, it'd be totally different because she would have GBCK'd by now, but the OP is (or was) participating and giving off the idea that she's "listening" inasmuch as one can "listen" to typed comments. And I will say that for the most part, one thing I'm very impressed with is her maturity regarding criticism. When I was her age, criticism - even constructively presented as this has been throughout the thread - would have DESTROYED my self-esteem. Hell, *I* would have GBCK'd by now.

ETF My quote boxes disappeared at the top when I posted - but they're still in the editor. Really, TK. Boxes don't even taste good.

ETF again to try and make the weird-ass disappearing quote boxes make sense. Please stop regurgitating my boxes.

I get what you are saying.
PREEMPTIVE QUOTE BOX BREAK UP THING

Cool. Let's go get Starbucks.

wrigleyville

beethery said:

My stomach just flipped when I thought about marrying any of the guys I dated when I was 19. One in particular is the lamest motherfucker in all the land.

jkhsdbfkjsbfgkjhbgkjhbfdg I could've stuck myself with that. GROSS.

You know who I was dating when I was 19?

Keldreth the Dark Elf.

I shit you not.

(If the rest of you are confused, read the Nugget thread in Snarky Brides.)

slothiegal

wrigleyville said:

beethery said:

My stomach just flipped when I thought about marrying any of the guys I dated when I was 19. One in particular is the lamest motherfucker in all the land.

jkhsdbfkjsbfgkjhbgkjhbfdg I could've stuck myself with that. GROSS.

You know who I was dating when I was 19?

Keldreth the Dark Elf.

I shit you not.

(If the rest of you are confused, read the Nugget thread in Snarky Brides.)

 I just spit out my wine.  For the rest of forever, can you just randomly remind us all of him?  I'm in tears of laughter just THINKING about it.

larrygaga

JCbride2015 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

JCbride2015 said:

larrygaga said:

GO TO COLLEGE

Wait.  I can do one better than this and channel Beethery.

GO TO COLLEGE

I'm not saying that she shouldn't go to college, but it certainly isn't for everyone.

Yeah let me address this issue considering I'm the one who went big text with it.  I would also never say I think college (especially 4-year college) is right for everyone.  But I do think some kind of school or career training would serve OP well.

OP had just said she didn't want to get a job because she didn't feel ready to grow up yet.  So if she is 19 and doesn't feel ready for a job, the logical next option is to go to school.  I guess I should have said "school" instead of "college" per se.  Get some vocational training, go to a junior college, start an apprenticeship in a field that interests her.  

"Not ready to grow up" and get a job = GO TO SCHOOL as far as I'm concerned.

ETA: if OP is "ready" to get a job, the PP who suggested a part-time job at Michaels has a great idea.  It's up her alley, crafty, and PT would still allow time with Fi when he's home.  But FFS, just do something.

BOX:

I would also like to add that I completely agree with JC. College is where you learn skills in this world today. Now you need degrees and then licenses to have any sort of non-minimum wage job. There is a RARE exception that doesn't have to go to some sort of school to have a better paying job. She can try etsy but honestly how many people make a living off arts and crafts? You know how fast I would become an artist if I thought I could actually sell my work? Our advice is to learn some backup skills, and then she has a backup plan. Community colleges can be very affordable. 

Don't anyone say a single word to me about privilege either, I grew up in a trailer park in one of the poorest cities in the States. Of course I had amazing opportunity that many people don't get, but I looked for those opportunities and reached out for them. I didn't sit around waiting for good things to happen. I wanted to grow up and have regular meals and running water. 

If you do not have any skills whatsoever, and I don't count etsy selling as a true skill, you may be fucking yourself if (god forbid) something happens to your FI or your relationship and you have nothing to fall back on. It's great to be a SAHM. That's fine. Have a back up plan anyway. 

mrstrevor3

larrygaga said:

JCbride2015 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

JCbride2015 said:

larrygaga said:

GO TO COLLEGE

Wait.  I can do one better than this and channel Beethery.

GO TO COLLEGE

I'm not saying that she shouldn't go to college, but it certainly isn't for everyone.

Yeah let me address this issue considering I'm the one who went big text with it.  I would also never say I think college (especially 4-year college) is right for everyone.  But I do think some kind of school or career training would serve OP well.

OP had just said she didn't want to get a job because she didn't feel ready to grow up yet.  So if she is 19 and doesn't feel ready for a job, the logical next option is to go to school.  I guess I should have said "school" instead of "college" per se.  Get some vocational training, go to a junior college, start an apprenticeship in a field that interests her.  

"Not ready to grow up" and get a job = GO TO SCHOOL as far as I'm concerned.

ETA: if OP is "ready" to get a job, the PP who suggested a part-time job at Michaels has a great idea.  It's up her alley, crafty, and PT would still allow time with Fi when he's home.  But FFS, just do something.

BOX:

I would also like to add that I completely agree with JC. College is where you learn skills in this world today. Now you need degrees and then licenses to have any sort of non-minimum wage job. There is a RARE exception that doesn't have to go to some sort of school to have a better paying job. She can try etsy but honestly how many people make a living off arts and crafts? You know how fast I would become an artist if I thought I could actually sell my work? Our advice is to learn some backup skills, and then she has a backup plan. Community colleges can be very affordable. 

Don't anyone say a single word to me about privilege either, I grew up in a trailer park in one of the poorest cities in the States. Of course I had amazing opportunity that many people don't get, but I looked for those opportunities and reached out for them. I didn't sit around waiting for good things to happen. I wanted to grow up and have regular meals and running water. 

If you do not have any skills whatsoever, and I don't count etsy selling as a true skill, you may be fucking yourself if (god forbid) something happens to your FI or your relationship and you have nothing to fall back on. It's great to be a SAHM. That's fine. Have a back up plan anyway. 

Just wanted to say, that when I was 19, I had a job where I didn't need a degree or license and got paid $15.50/hr. You can make decent money without traditional school. I'm not arguing with anyone, I just wanted to put that out there.

raissyrais

slothiegal said:

wrigleyville said:

beethery said:

My stomach just flipped when I thought about marrying any of the guys I dated when I was 19. One in particular is the lamest motherfucker in all the land.

jkhsdbfkjsbfgkjhbgkjhbfdg I could've stuck myself with that. GROSS.

You know who I was dating when I was 19?

Keldreth the Dark Elf.

I shit you not.

(If the rest of you are confused, read the Nugget thread in Snarky Brides.)

 I just spit out my wine.  For the rest of forever, can you just randomly remind us all of him?  I'm in tears of laughter just THINKING about it.

Can't get more epic than that y'all.

LDay2014

mrstrevor3 said:

larrygaga said:

JCbride2015 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

JCbride2015 said:

larrygaga said:

GO TO COLLEGE

Wait.  I can do one better than this and channel Beethery.

GO TO COLLEGE

I'm not saying that she shouldn't go to college, but it certainly isn't for everyone.

Yeah let me address this issue considering I'm the one who went big text with it.  I would also never say I think college (especially 4-year college) is right for everyone.  But I do think some kind of school or career training would serve OP well.

OP had just said she didn't want to get a job because she didn't feel ready to grow up yet.  So if she is 19 and doesn't feel ready for a job, the logical next option is to go to school.  I guess I should have said "school" instead of "college" per se.  Get some vocational training, go to a junior college, start an apprenticeship in a field that interests her.  

"Not ready to grow up" and get a job = GO TO SCHOOL as far as I'm concerned.

ETA: if OP is "ready" to get a job, the PP who suggested a part-time job at Michaels has a great idea.  It's up her alley, crafty, and PT would still allow time with Fi when he's home.  But FFS, just do something.

BOX:

I would also like to add that I completely agree with JC. College is where you learn skills in this world today. Now you need degrees and then licenses to have any sort of non-minimum wage job. There is a RARE exception that doesn't have to go to some sort of school to have a better paying job. She can try etsy but honestly how many people make a living off arts and crafts? You know how fast I would become an artist if I thought I could actually sell my work? Our advice is to learn some backup skills, and then she has a backup plan. Community colleges can be very affordable. 

Don't anyone say a single word to me about privilege either, I grew up in a trailer park in one of the poorest cities in the States. Of course I had amazing opportunity that many people don't get, but I looked for those opportunities and reached out for them. I didn't sit around waiting for good things to happen. I wanted to grow up and have regular meals and running water. 

If you do not have any skills whatsoever, and I don't count etsy selling as a true skill, you may be fucking yourself if (god forbid) something happens to your FI or your relationship and you have nothing to fall back on. It's great to be a SAHM. That's fine. Have a back up plan anyway. 

Just wanted to say, that when I was 19, I had a job where I didn't need a degree or license and got paid $15.50/hr. You can make decent money without traditional school. I'm not arguing with anyone, I just wanted to put that out there.

Yup, FI never went to college/university or a trade school.  He works for the railroad and has made +/- $100K per year the last few.

BUT THIS IS NOT A TYPICAL SCENARIO.

ETA: He started working for them right out of high school, and he also works his ass off.  Usually around 60hr weeks.

 

theartistformerlyknownas

LDay2014 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

larrygaga said:

JCbride2015 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

JCbride2015 said:

larrygaga said:

GO TO COLLEGE

Wait.  I can do one better than this and channel Beethery.

GO TO COLLEGE

I'm not saying that she shouldn't go to college, but it certainly isn't for everyone.

Yeah let me address this issue considering I'm the one who went big text with it.  I would also never say I think college (especially 4-year college) is right for everyone.  But I do think some kind of school or career training would serve OP well.

OP had just said she didn't want to get a job because she didn't feel ready to grow up yet.  So if she is 19 and doesn't feel ready for a job, the logical next option is to go to school.  I guess I should have said "school" instead of "college" per se.  Get some vocational training, go to a junior college, start an apprenticeship in a field that interests her.  

"Not ready to grow up" and get a job = GO TO SCHOOL as far as I'm concerned.

ETA: if OP is "ready" to get a job, the PP who suggested a part-time job at Michaels has a great idea.  It's up her alley, crafty, and PT would still allow time with Fi when he's home.  But FFS, just do something.

BOX:

I would also like to add that I completely agree with JC. College is where you learn skills in this world today. Now you need degrees and then licenses to have any sort of non-minimum wage job. There is a RARE exception that doesn't have to go to some sort of school to have a better paying job. She can try etsy but honestly how many people make a living off arts and crafts? You know how fast I would become an artist if I thought I could actually sell my work? Our advice is to learn some backup skills, and then she has a backup plan. Community colleges can be very affordable. 

Don't anyone say a single word to me about privilege either, I grew up in a trailer park in one of the poorest cities in the States. Of course I had amazing opportunity that many people don't get, but I looked for those opportunities and reached out for them. I didn't sit around waiting for good things to happen. I wanted to grow up and have regular meals and running water. 

If you do not have any skills whatsoever, and I don't count etsy selling as a true skill, you may be fucking yourself if (god forbid) something happens to your FI or your relationship and you have nothing to fall back on. It's great to be a SAHM. That's fine. Have a back up plan anyway. 

Just wanted to say, that when I was 19, I had a job where I didn't need a degree or license and got paid $15.50/hr. You can make decent money without traditional school. I'm not arguing with anyone, I just wanted to put that out there.

Yup, FI never went to college/university or a trade school.  He works for the railroad and has made +/- $100K per year the last few.

BUT THIS IS NOT A TYPICAL SCENARIO.

ETA: He started working for them right out of high school, and he also works his ass off.  Usually around 60hr weeks.

 

Well and the key differentiating factor here is ambition/willingness to work hard.

PrettyGirlLost

ShesSoCold said:

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

sarahufl said:

I did bring H to Sephora with me once to buy foundation. It was $27 (so not even close to being the most expensive thing at Sephora). He balked (jokingly, of course) and said "You are spending HOW MUCH on makeup?!" I looked at him and said that for our relationship to stay healthy, he might want to skip out on future trips to Sephora (I'm looking at you, Urban Decay Naked eyeshadow pallets). Hasn't been back with me since

Ditto this with shoes and my hair appointments. This is why when we sit down to reconfigure our accounts/contributions this weekend, we'll each keep our own slush fund in addition to having joint checking for shared expenses (which we already have from wedding planning) and joint savings for a house. As long as our shared expenses are covered and we're meeting our savings goals, I don't need to know how much he spends at the casino and he doesn't need to know how much my next new pair of riding boots cost.

Oooh English or western?

As yet unchosen and purely for show, not function. :-p

Oooh @prettylostgirl judges your for that. 

It's okay. She judges me too. I have riding looking boots I love and you couldn't pay me to go near a horse.

LMFAO!!!!!

Don't fucking out my bitchiness!!!! :-P

Ok look. . . I like you two, so you both get a pass.  And I bet if I plied you with drinks you'd at least pet my horse.

PrettyGirlLost

slothiegal said:

wrigleyville said:

beethery said:

My stomach just flipped when I thought about marrying any of the guys I dated when I was 19. One in particular is the lamest motherfucker in all the land.

jkhsdbfkjsbfgkjhbgkjhbfdg I could've stuck myself with that. GROSS.

You know who I was dating when I was 19?

Keldreth the Dark Elf.

I shit you not.

(If the rest of you are confused, read the Nugget thread in Snarky Brides.)

 I just spit out my wine.  For the rest of forever, can you just randomly remind us all of him?  I'm in tears of laughter just THINKING about it.

I need to read this thread. . . is this a WoW reference or a D&D one?

theartistformerlyknownas

@prettygirllost I like horses, I just don't happen to have one. Although I have often considered riding one to work to avoid rush hour traffic. So uh, the boots are totally in preparation for that. 

PrettyGirlLost

lolo883 said:

@prettygirllost I like horses, I just don't happen to have one. Although I have often considered riding one to work to avoid rush hour traffic. So uh, the boots are totally in preparation for that. 

There we go!

wandajune6

lolo883 said:

LDay2014 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

larrygaga said:

JCbride2015 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

JCbride2015 said:

larrygaga said:

GO TO COLLEGE

Wait.  I can do one better than this and channel Beethery.

GO TO COLLEGE

I'm not saying that she shouldn't go to college, but it certainly isn't for everyone.

Yeah let me address this issue considering I'm the one who went big text with it.  I would also never say I think college (especially 4-year college) is right for everyone.  But I do think some kind of school or career training would serve OP well.

OP had just said she didn't want to get a job because she didn't feel ready to grow up yet.  So if she is 19 and doesn't feel ready for a job, the logical next option is to go to school.  I guess I should have said "school" instead of "college" per se.  Get some vocational training, go to a junior college, start an apprenticeship in a field that interests her.  

"Not ready to grow up" and get a job = GO TO SCHOOL as far as I'm concerned.

ETA: if OP is "ready" to get a job, the PP who suggested a part-time job at Michaels has a great idea.  It's up her alley, crafty, and PT would still allow time with Fi when he's home.  But FFS, just do something.

BOX:

I would also like to add that I completely agree with JC. College is where you learn skills in this world today. Now you need degrees and then licenses to have any sort of non-minimum wage job. There is a RARE exception that doesn't have to go to some sort of school to have a better paying job. She can try etsy but honestly how many people make a living off arts and crafts? You know how fast I would become an artist if I thought I could actually sell my work? Our advice is to learn some backup skills, and then she has a backup plan. Community colleges can be very affordable. 

Don't anyone say a single word to me about privilege either, I grew up in a trailer park in one of the poorest cities in the States. Of course I had amazing opportunity that many people don't get, but I looked for those opportunities and reached out for them. I didn't sit around waiting for good things to happen. I wanted to grow up and have regular meals and running water. 

If you do not have any skills whatsoever, and I don't count etsy selling as a true skill, you may be fucking yourself if (god forbid) something happens to your FI or your relationship and you have nothing to fall back on. It's great to be a SAHM. That's fine. Have a back up plan anyway. 

Just wanted to say, that when I was 19, I had a job where I didn't need a degree or license and got paid $15.50/hr. You can make decent money without traditional school. I'm not arguing with anyone, I just wanted to put that out there.

Yup, FI never went to college/university or a trade school.  He works for the railroad and has made +/- $100K per year the last few.

BUT THIS IS NOT A TYPICAL SCENARIO.

ETA: He started working for them right out of high school, and he also works his ass off.  Usually around 60hr weeks.

 

Well and the key differentiating factor here is ambition/willingness to work hard.

Along those lines...

FI didn't have a college degree until around the time we met. There were periods where he made almost as much as I do (MBA from a fancy program). The problem came when there were layoffs. Every time a company had problems or got bought, he'd get laid off before the people with degrees. There were promotions he didn't qualify for because he lacked a degree. He hit a ceiling.

The last time he got laid off he realized he couldn't keep going through this pain and ended up going back to school and switching careers. At 38, he's 2 years into a new career and teaching his 15 year old son about the importance of getting an education past high school.

sophhabobopha

OP please be self suffient before even thinking about marriage. You do not sound remotly ready.

And yes, I'm 19 too.

ashley8918

sophhabobopha said:

OP please be self suffient before even thinking about marriage. You do not sound remotly ready.

And yes, I'm 19 too.

Whoa, for real? See, I never would have guessed that.

LDay2014

sophhabobopha said:

OP please be self suffient before even thinking about marriage. You do not sound remotly ready.

And yes, I'm 19 too.

Say what?!?!?!

No freaking way! 

steph861

LDay2014 said:

sophhabobopha said:

OP please be self suffient before even thinking about marriage. You do not sound remotly ready.

And yes, I'm 19 too.

Say what?!?!?!

No freaking way! 

I NEVER would have guessed you were 19.

huskypuppy14

mrstrevor3 said:

larrygaga said:

JCbride2015 said:

mrstrevor3 said:

JCbride2015 said:

larrygaga said:

GO TO COLLEGE

Wait.  I can do one better than this and channel Beethery.

GO TO COLLEGE

I'm not saying that she shouldn't go to college, but it certainly isn't for everyone.

Yeah let me address this issue considering I'm the one who went big text with it.  I would also never say I think college (especially 4-year college) is right for everyone.  But I do think some kind of school or career training would serve OP well.

OP had just said she didn't want to get a job because she didn't feel ready to grow up yet.  So if she is 19 and doesn't feel ready for a job, the logical next option is to go to school.  I guess I should have said "school" instead of "college" per se.  Get some vocational training, go to a junior college, start an apprenticeship in a field that interests her.  

"Not ready to grow up" and get a job = GO TO SCHOOL as far as I'm concerned.

ETA: if OP is "ready" to get a job, the PP who suggested a part-time job at Michaels has a great idea.  It's up her alley, crafty, and PT would still allow time with Fi when he's home.  But FFS, just do something.

BOX:

I would also like to add that I completely agree with JC. College is where you learn skills in this world today. Now you need degrees and then licenses to have any sort of non-minimum wage job. There is a RARE exception that doesn't have to go to some sort of school to have a better paying job. She can try etsy but honestly how many people make a living off arts and crafts? You know how fast I would become an artist if I thought I could actually sell my work? Our advice is to learn some backup skills, and then she has a backup plan. Community colleges can be very affordable. 

Don't anyone say a single word to me about privilege either, I grew up in a trailer park in one of the poorest cities in the States. Of course I had amazing opportunity that many people don't get, but I looked for those opportunities and reached out for them. I didn't sit around waiting for good things to happen. I wanted to grow up and have regular meals and running water. 

If you do not have any skills whatsoever, and I don't count etsy selling as a true skill, you may be fucking yourself if (god forbid) something happens to your FI or your relationship and you have nothing to fall back on. It's great to be a SAHM. That's fine. Have a back up plan anyway. 

Just wanted to say, that when I was 19, I had a job where I didn't need a degree or license and got paid $15.50/hr. You can make decent money without traditional school. I'm not arguing with anyone, I just wanted to put that out there.

JCbride2015

ashley8918 said:

sophhabobopha said:

OP please be self suffient before even thinking about marriage. You do not sound remotly ready.

And yes, I'm 19 too.

Whoa, for real? See, I never would have guessed that.

@sophhabobopha I knew you were young from some other thread and you are Exhibit A that age =/= maturity.  That's part of why I said even if OP was in a very long-term relationship, the length of time doesn't always matter.  It's more your attitude and how you approach it.

At 19, I knew I would be with Fi forever.  But I also knew that we would grow and change and that I shouldn't have too many expectations.  I think that makes somebody more mature than thinking at 19 you know everything.  Because you don't, at all!