Vent - advice welcome (AE)
I need to vent to you girls for a minute, and I'm doing this under an AE for reasons that will likely become obvious as you read on....
My FI went to a bachelor party this weekend; it was a small event, just him, the groom, a mutual friend who's married and one other guy I didn't know. Well, guy#4 suggested they go to a strip club, none of them had ever been and the bride had indicated she wanted the groom to 'go all out' etc. I don't have a huge problem with this by itself.
In FI's words they "must have had sucker written all over them" when they walked in the door. The girls swarmed them, started talking about how it being a b-party they need to go to the VIP room, etc. and they ushered the guys to the back. FI decided to treat the groom, so he gave them his credit card. Apparently the four of them were in the back room with three girls, after an hour FI said 'okay, that's enough, we're done' and the girl insisted that they were already into the second hour so they might as well enjoy it because they were already paying for it.
They finally get out of the room and FI is presented with a bill for $9700!! That's right, two zeros. Nothing's itemized, they're on the phone with our bank because they of course rejected the charge initially - FI's telling the bank this can't be right, that can't be the right amount. The dancers are surrounding him and insisting he sign the receipts and he felt like he couldn't get out of there without doing so, so he signed them but told the bank he was disputing the charge, so it's on hold.
He's since talked to the strip club's finance group who have 'itemized' everything for him - $1000 for a bottle of champagne he didn't order; $2000/hr for the three girls (which he was not told upfront, they didn't even ask the girls to come back the girls pulled them back there), plus the girls signed him up for the tipping plan which DOUBLES their rate, and the club has a 20% surcharge on all credit cards. He's supposed to talk to the manager tonight to discuss at least cutting down on SOME of the costs - so we'll see where that leads.
Of course the groom and our other friend offered to pitch in after they realized what happened, but each said they can really only swing about $2k - the single guy whose idea it was to go in the first place of course didn't offer anything; so we're currently on the hook for $6k.
I'm just sick to my stomach thinking about it. And as if the money aspect of it isn't enough I also am having a serious self worth / trust internal debate. I keep picturing FI sitting there with this naked girl rubbing up against him and taking his hands and putting them on her body and it just makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time. I said earlier in the post that I don't have a huge issue with strip clubs in general, but that's when I was picturing them sitting at a table watching a girl up on a stage. Reading some of the reviews of this place online (looking to see if this is a common scam they pull) I got a much more graphic image that I wish I could erase.
What am I supposed to do here? I'm just sick about it, I'm having a hard time thinking about and even looking at FI - and it's not that I'm mad at him exactly, he's made it very clear that he's extrememly remorseful about it and feels stupid etc. But I just can't get rid of these mental images no matter how hard I try.
Re: Vent - advice welcome (AE)
That's all I have for now because I'm really shocked by the bill.
I'm so sorry this happened!
As for the trust stuff.. well, that's just something you have to overcome. I would practice the "don't ask, don't tell" policy in this situation, since it seems you trusted him before you realized what other kind of trouble he may or may not have gotten into.
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I'm not even involved in the situation and reading it made me sick to my stomach. I have nothing to add at this point either...
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[QUOTE]OH.MY. That really freaking sucks. I would have no idea what to do in this situation. I would definitely fight my hardest to get the charges changed, but the bottom line is, he did give his card and not check how much it would be. How much did he think it would be<strong>? I guess he could offer the club that amount and say they could take it or he would be disputing the charges</strong>. As for the trust stuff.. well, that's just something you have to overcome. I would practice the "don't ask, don't tell" policy in this situation, since it seems you trusted him before you realized what other kind of trouble he may or may not have gotten into.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]
We talked it over last night and he's going to see if he can get it down to around $4500. If $2k is the rate for the girls then that times two hours, plus SOME tip (but not double) and he's trying to get the bar bill completely dismissed because they didn't order the champagne. That split 3 ways since his friends offered to chip in is at least more manageable.
I would also talk to a lawyer about the bill before your FI talks to the club manager. I could be completely off base, but it seems pretty shady to not disclose costs when you're dealing with a customer.
I sincerely hope you guys don't get stuck with that bill.
[QUOTE]I would contact your local attorney general's office. I work at a chamber of commerce, and we don't have a local division of the BBB, so we refer people to the AG to report business fraud. They should be able to advise you on what can be done.
Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]
thanks for the tip - I'll suggest that to FI
As for the trust thing, Rachers is right, it's way tamer than the website would lead you to believe. Its actually illegal to touch a stripper. I know that it happens, but I wouldn't worry too much about it.
If you don't trust that your FI behaved though, you need to talk to him about why you don't trust him.
Also, I think it's probably a good idea to talk to him about how you're feeling about the back room.
I know hindsight is 20/20 as has been mentioned, but two hours w/ a gaggle of strippers in a back room w/ a bunch of guys, I would definitely think that WOULD be incredibly expensive.
I'm sorry OP, hugs, it will be ok.
I would definitely be pissed as hell if my H went to a strip club's VIP room without my knowing. And I would be beyond mad that he handed over his credit card without really thinking about it. It was a mistake, sure, but a costly one.
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The whole situation sucks. I don't know what to tell you about the bill part, but for the part with your FH, just talk to him. You said there were only 3 girls but 4 guys so maybe he just watched?
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The worst part is that I can tell he's beating HIMSELF up about it so much I want to be mad at him but can't because he's already so clearly distraught.
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Your FI should have never just handed over a credit card without knowing how much services cost. Or when he did, he definitely should have asked about prices before anything takes place. They might have not "asked" for three girls but most people would probably know that three girls would be more expensive than one or two. Oviously, the girls are there to make money. Also, they might not have "asked" for a bottle of champagne, but when they received it, they drank it right? If the bottle wasn't opened then you'd have a better argument there.
That is also nice of the other guys to pitch in money to help with the bill. However, they don't necessarily need to because it seemed like your FI willingly gave his card. In hindsight, they should have all pitched money in before anything took place and then only got services within their budget. I really really hope they lower the charges for you.
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If the charges that have appeared were for services rendered, I think this might just be one of those learning experiences that really, really suck. The only thing you might be able to dispute is the double tip, but if he handed his card over and signed for it, I think you guys are toast.
It's a hard pill to swallow and I'd have a hard time looking at my H the same if he did something like that. Are you guys on combined income yet, or is it his own money he's wasting? I think I would be pissed, and think he's a moron if it were his own money, but if it came off of a joint card and a joint account, I'd be super pissed.
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I'm so sorry that happened and I really hope you guys can work something out.