Limits on my FIs bachelor party???

munkeybutz04 · March 2010

I think you have the right to voice how you feel, but if you trust the guy, you shouldnt be worried about strippers...most guys just think they are fun to look at, but realize they really arent all that great, and wouldnt do a whole lot except pay 30 bucks for a lap dance. im actually going to get my fiance a stripper for his party as a suprise to him. i know him and his friends will enjoy it, and i know he wont do anything to disrespect me...i trust him completly. I do want him to have fun though, and let loose a little bit! i would just bring up how you feel but let him know that you dont want to bust his good time, and that you trust his judgement. hell do the right thing.

Kelly&Reed2010 · March 2010

You can still trust him and set limits. I don't see the need for strippers or a strip club. You don't see women going out and doing that all the time for bach parties?! I think it's stupid and I don't agree with it. I have a friend who never ended up getting married bc her fiance hooked up with the stripper

[Deleted User] · March 2010

the first thing that i got asked by my FI friends was about the bachelor party. They began with the planning, like they were planning their own bachelor party that they never had. I told them that, I dont care what they did, however, I did tell them this:
1. if you want strippers, make sure you go to the good places, not allowed to go to the skezzy whole in the wall places
2. Make sure you plan stuff that he wants to do too, Like he really said he would like a guys fishing trip.
3. Under no circumstances are you allowed to do this bachelor party the day before, or even the week before the wedding.
4. last one and most important.... IF YOU TAKE HIM OUT OF THE COUNTRY, ALL I ASK IS BRING HIM BACK!!

cheeter247 · March 2010

I feel it's about respect. You should talk about it and let him know your feelings. If her loves and respects you he will not do anything that will cause your feelings/morals to get hurt. I personnaly don't want my FI to go to a strip club/have a stripper because my upbringing and feelings. If he loves/respects me he will not go against my feelings. He's heard the conversation before after skanky girls sent him naked pics, so he definitely knows my feelings about naked chicks.

Pheonex2011 · March 2010

I agree with the other ladies, you should be able to trust him no matter what situation he is in. If you can't, there are bigger issues... He loves you, and that's what should matter!

However, I'm kind of pissed off at the rude comments that are being made about exotic dancers, considering the fact that I am one. And no, I am not some sad, drug addicted, strung out woman who felt so bad about herself that she was dragged into a horrible life that she hates - I love dancing! I feel empowered by my performances, and I never cross the line between entertainment and prostitution. And the other ladies that I work with are the same way! We do not want your boyfriend/fiance/husband, and we most definitely do not want their hands all over us either... If you hear tales of this happening, your poor boys have accidentally ordered a loosely disguised hooker! It's girls like these that make me mad, because they make it hard for ladies like me who are doing their best to keep it classy! Look but don't touch, and everyone has a lot more fun in the end, including your dancer.

So maybe a good tip would be to research the agency from which the dancer is hired? Some agencies are nicer than others - mine is run by a wonderful lady who does her best to screen clients, make sure we are safe, and above all, keep her agency's classy reputation.

The only limit I'm placing on my fiance's bachelor party is that, if he should want one, I get to select the dancer for him! That way I know he and his friends will be getting a great show, and no one will be going home guilty!

So, ladies, please remember, that exotic dancers are women just like you - we dream, we love, we laugh, we cry.

Lolly68 · March 2010

I hate strip clubs! IMO cant stand them, told fh from the get go I don't like them and I don't think they are the place for a taken man. IMO A taken man shouldn't lust over other women it's a FORM of cheating. Fh agreed and so I don't think he will have much problem. We are having our bachelorette and bachelor party where we meet at the end of the night so we can at least go home together. Maybe that might ease your mind? If you are not comfortable with it don't put up with it, he should respect your wishes and the sanctity of your relationship to take your thoughts into hard consideration. Maybe tell him he can get a private dance from you at the end of the night lol

jean07083 · March 2010

You are totally within your rights to tell your fiance what makes you uncomfortable and expect him to respect that. You're not controlling or nagging. You are going to be his WIFE - if you can't set boundaries, what kind of marriage is that going to be? And it works the other way too - if he has concerns over what you might do, you need to hear him out and respect that. I hate it when people act like the woman is uptight for not wanting strippers at their man's party - it's totally 100% reasonable for you to say that a naked woman dancing for your soon to be HUSBAND is unaccpetable to you, whether in a club or in a house - you have a right to have boundaries about what your man does with other women. You go ahead and tell the best man that it's none of HIS business. It's entirely between you and your fiance - and he needs to back you up on that. You aren't saying he cant have fun without you - you just have expectations about his behavior that are totally reasonable. As for the best man - good luck to his poor woman!

Magenta11327 · March 2010

Ninety percent of grooms have sex with the stripper at their bachelor party - just so you know, don't be a silly hippie. If the man NEEDS to get excited looking at other naked women he probably doesn't care how you feel.

hpeenlve · March 2010

I have the same situation with my fiance.He is actually very conservative. His friends however, act like they are 20 and 21 year olds who have just started drinking and meeting grils.(they are almost 30btw) I trust him sober. I don't trust him drunk while all of his buddies are paying those woman to do what THEY want her to do to MY fiance! What is he going to do, push her off? Yeah right. I have heard so many stories about guys at their bachelor parties. Everything from the groom eating the stripper out to snail trails being left on their pants after a lap dance. I think if he wants to marry me, he doesn't need to act single "one last time" that was over the day he proposed. I told him gently how strongly I felt and also sent a gently email to his best man in hopes they will consider my feelings. I guess we'll see!

jean07083 · March 2010

And one more thing - I don't get the idea that a lot of girls are posting that he should be able to do what he wants b/c you trust him - if he's getting a lapdance, then he can't be trusted. I guess if you dont have a problem with that, then whatever that's up to you - but as far as I'm concerned that's a major breach of my trust. A naked or nearly-naked woman is rubbing up on his penis - how is that NOT cheating? I guess if you think cheating is ONLY sex, then sure - but I think most women could stand to have higher standards for their men, and visa versa. Let's all hold ourselves to higher standards. You can still have a drink and a good time with your friends.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

I'm starting to see why brides get such a bad name. Jesus.

gbean26 · March 2010

This is one of those things that's kinda funky. Like, any other moment in life it's totally not cool to have a naked woman dancing around for money in your hotel room EXCEPT the night before you get married!?...how weird is that. My thought on the situation is: if he's cool with you having a naked dude dance around for money in YOUR hotel then by all means...tell him to go for it,,,but if it makes him feel weird...then keep it in the club! For goodness sakes, isn't that enough anyway?? Sheesh!

Good luck!

cc5sweetie · March 2010

I don't believe strippers should even be an option. For one, I believe there should be no stripping for money or public. It should just be for a wife and husband. Besides that, someone who is in love should not need to go see strippers. The only one you should be seeing that way is your significant other. There seems to be more impurity when one wants to see others act naked and exotic when they claim to be in love. Either way, there are already enough people, women especially, who dress and act quite provacative for anyone for free walking in the supermarket alone. In regular movies they're even worse. There's a high rate of divorce today. I believe part of that is becuase people don't beleive in the sanctaty of marriage and feel that going to a strip club is an option.

spock-of-vulcan · March 2010

Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with setting a rule like no strippers, but I think that's because I think it's very inappropriate for a guy who's in a relationship at all to be seeing strippers, and my boyfriend agrees with me. Actually, the whole idea of a bachelor party being a time to celebrate your last night of "freedom" or whatever is stupid in my opinion, since getting married shouldn't change much in terms of freedom. I guess it depends on the kind of relationship you have.

Maybe ask him how he'd feel about you seeing strippers. If he doesn't like the idea, why should women have to put up with it?

sunni15 · March 2010

Unfortunately, often they say they don't care if you do, and then they do later. Or they don't care because then that means they can do it. My FI has a co-worker that wants his wife to cheat on him so he doesn't feel bad about doing it. Yeah, like I really want them to be working together...

kingjackson · March 2010

I told my FI that if he is going to have a bach party to tell me the date well ahead so I can go out and have my party the same night so I do not have to sit at home wondering what is going on all night. I'd drive myself nuts! But I said if he does it..... I will cetainly go have just as much fun!

lizgraham · March 2010

Does it bother you at all that he would even want to take part in something that objectives women in this way. The 2 questions you need to ask yourself 1) Do I trust him, and 2) Does he respect you?

I say same rules apply today that will apply at the bachelor party and will apply for the rest of your marriage.

mmstrabery · March 2010

I think you should voice your concern to him, and hopefully understand. i dont know why guys automatically think that a bachelor party equals seeing naked women. my fiance is fully aware about how i feel about strippers, and i doubt he would ever want to upset me by going there and getting drunk for any sort of party. if your fiance really cares, he'll talk to his groomsmen and discuss possible other plans. besides, why go pay to see naked women when he'd have you for the rest of his life?? doesn't make any sense.

missykennedy · March 2010

You're not alone!

I have told 'the boys' what I am uncomfortable with and they have all said that they will respect that. I do not think you are being a bride-zilla or are out of line. I am not comfortable with certain things, and I have voiced that.

There is a line that is too often crossed. Personally, I don't mind the idea of a strip club either, but private strip shows and lap dances are extremely personal, and unacceptable in my eyes. That is me - I obviously cannot speak for every bride.

If my fiancee couldn't respect my feelings and beliefs, I'd be questioning whether we should be getting married.

It's not about trust, it's about respect for one another.

jessers_18 · March 2010

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting limits on bach parties. I think it is so disrespectful for someone to go to a strip club as a "celebration" of their last single days. Like they have to see lots of naked women/men before they commit to one person. My fiance will not be seeing strippers before our wedding, and not because I've given him limits, but because it isn't even an issue-I'm not marrying someone that would choose to disrespect me like that.

slj274 · March 2010

Just a hint. My fiance went on his bachelor party two weeks ago and I go on mine this weekend. If you can, plan them at the same time. Because I obsessed about it. Because I was home alone, and if I'd have been on mine, I'd have been too busy to care! Plan them together. Oh, and make rules, no fluid exchange, but last time to touch another person. Just my advise and what we have said.

sarahe77 · March 2010

I am surprised by all the responses saying these girls wouldn't mind strippers being present at the bachelor party. if i found out that my fiancee had strippers at his bachelor party i would be completely devestated. It is shocking that these girls are saying if they didn't trust their fiancees to respect them while at a strip club, they wouldn't be getting married. I consider it disrespectful for a man to even GO to a strip club while engaged. I trust my fiancee but I don't necessarily trust all of the people in his wedding party, and if I found out he even went to a strip club, I would be extremely upset. In the end, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think it is unreasonable to put restrictions on a bachelor party, as long as you are okay with the same restrictions being put on your bachelorette party.

laura0042 · March 2010

maybe it's just me and i'm a bit traditional... I wouldn't want my fiance having strippers to be honest. At the end of the day i dont think there is a right or wrong answer to this question. It's more so in your relationship what you feel makes you comfortable and what doesn't. I personally think its disrespectful and degrating which is why i wouldn't want him to have strippers. It's not because of any trust issues. As people have mentioned if it's a trust issue you should question why your marrying them. If its a moral issue he should respect that. There are many other alternatives to strippers and lucky for me my fiance isn't into having strippers anyways and preferred playing paintball with his mates.

Saffabunny · March 2010

This to me is a tricky one because you should be able to trust your Fi but if the best man is a scary party animal things may get out of hand. If you do start making restrictions, chances are that they are going to keep the details a secret from you. In the case of my sisters wedding the best man promised no strippers even though my sister was fine with the idea. Turns out the best man hired the worst kind of strippers, resulting in a night that had the groom more than drunk and the grooms father (and a few good friends) in a very bad mood). I am assuming that a few of the guys at the stag party would be friends or family of yours too. Call them aside before hand (if you really trust them) explain the situation and how you feel and how this coupled with the stress of your wedding etc is making you feel unsettled, and that as much as you trust the groom, you dont trust his friend/bestman and ask them to please watch out for your hubby to be. I hope you get through it

dawnmarie&JR · March 2010

Yes, I agree with you. This issue is about "respect" not trust. I too am totally against the whole strip club bachelor party theme. The public ones are bad enough, but the private ones also double as escort services and we all know what that is aka for. My fiance' told me about one so raunchy when we first started dating that I have been disgusted by them ever since. He actually called me from the party asking for a ride because he had been drinking and he wanted to get the heck out of there. This is a man who once dated a stripper when he was in his early 20's, he's now 38. The party involved a few private strippers, in a private venue, oral sex, and a piercing that bled all over the groom. Yes, ladies the groom!!! I am not a controlling person. I give respect and I expect respect in return. A marriage is meant to be a sacred event before God and all your loved ones, it is not unreasonable or "bridezilla-ish" to insist on no strippers. Why would anyone want to muck their new beginning up with such trash. Yes, I am very oppinionated on this subject because not including the above example of good guys gone terribly bad... I've also known a few strippers/escorts in my 34 years and I know for a fact that with the right price, with most of these women, anything goes! My own best friend is retired from this industy, thank God... and she is disgusted at some of the things she has done while in it. And yes, the majority of the men she saw were your typical nice guys... nice married with children guys, and nice about to be married guys. Another tidbit... most of these woman are not there paying for college, they are there paying for a drug habit that they started as a way to have the stomach and courage to do what they do everynight. That and a lifestyle they get used to that most 9-5 jobs just can't support. I know this because I am a drug and alcohol counselor, I see it more than you want to know.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

This thread makes my soul bleed.

kkowalishen · March 2010

I think it's using the word "limits". I told my fiance that I am not comfortable with strippers, I think that it is disrespectful to me to have a girl give him a lap dance. I asked him how he would feel if I went to a club and a guy was grinding on me while dancing. He got the point. A bachelor party is a night for the boys to go out and play and get drunk. I think by asking them to not have strippers is not out of line, its all about how you word your request and how you approach the topic.

tmkimber · March 2010

I am looking at it how you are; i trust him, but his friends love to pressure; because they are all single women hoppers. ha. I just have brought up the fact I don't like the whole stripper thing, porn thing, if you wanna see something come to me... This wasn't in a convo about the bach. party. Just some random talk I guess. So just somehow fit it into a convo....

kmarkey06 · March 2010

its his night! let him do his thing!

You trust him, so you know he wont go out of line

instead of saying, i want to put limits on your party.... say, i want to ask you what would make you feel uncomfortable about what goes on at my bachelorette... then say, I want you to have the best party the way you want it, but having strippers at your party makes me feel uncomfortable and I'm not sure I'm okay with it.

that way, you put the ball in his court, he knows how you feel, and he will cue his BM in...

Its all how you word it!!!

Good Luck!

crolleys · March 2010

My Fiance's best man is a partier who likes to visit strip clubs regularly. My fiance has never been to one. I asked him not to go and he said that he hadn't even wanted to. I trust my fiance, but I don't think that putting temptation in front of him in a high-pressured situation is smart. I would be way pissed if I came home and found an almost naked woman giving my fiance a lap dance. Just because it's at a strip club or party doesn't make that act any better. Another woman still has her boobs in his face or her but on his lap and he is lusting for her and mentally having sex with her. I don't want to worry that when he comes home and has sex with me that he's fantasizing about some stripper. Even though he's not that kind of guy, it would make me feel insecure and he knows that and cares about my feelings enough not to go. With movies like "the hangover" and "i hope they serve beer in hell," men are feeling pressured to have these wild and borderline infidelitous bachelor parties. I think it's ridiculous and uncalled for. If a man really loves the woman he wants to marry, he shouldn't feel the need to go look at another naked woman.

Limits on my FIs bachelor party???

Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???

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