No kids = No Kids!

carolinagirlsu · April 2010

MrsRicePudding , I am in the same boat as you. I informed everyone that the children WILL NOT BE invited to the wedding date festivities. The reharsal dinner and Sunday Brunch; they are welcome. I am in my early 30's and most of my friends and the people I know have 5 years olds or under babies. I seriously do not think it is appropriate for them to be at a FULL MASS Catholic wedding. I do not want to deal with the crying and running at the church. I want something more serious and quite frankly QUIET!!!
My sister is really hurt -- because my niece Victoria just adores me... I am her godmother and the she no DOUBT the apple of my eye. I have her 24 - 7; she will be 3 years old. My sister assumed that Victoria was the flower girl and she can't imagine her not being there. Even my fiance is a little shocked that I am not including her - she is somewhat my child after all

She is a shy baby - even though I do not think she will be able to walk by herself. She will not give me any problems at the church. I would've LOVED to have her there. BUT, if it is okay for her than it is okay for everyone else. So, in other to cut down the cost and have some pece and quiet - I opted out NO CHILDREN at the church or reception.
I must admit is going pretty well - except for my sister's hurt feelings

Or at least, she was the only one with enough courage to tell me.

GOOD LUCK to you and stick to your guns.

solielmoonv · April 2010

I am getting married at the beach and I also said no kids. I do not want children at an adult party. This is our wedding and people need to respect that. We have told all of our guests that unfortunately children are not invited. In my case most of these children are less than 4 years old and honestly my wedding isn't romper room. Stick to your guns!!!

julier630 · April 2010

Oh I am going thru this now. I have kids in the wedding. And other than that no kids under 18. And by that I mean my first cousins. My friends kids arent invited under any circumstances or second cousins for that matter. I had one person ask politely if she could bring her son as her date. It would be a second cousin. I said no. Then my FI friend texted him to say "are kids invited?" and my FI gave the speach of "Sorry but no kids under 18 other than those in the wedding party" his response WOW REALLY??. now even if I invited all my first cousins who are any age it still wouldnt mean friends kids were invited. I mean that is just plain crazy. We would have a wedding of 300 people! I dont get it.

lacis · April 2010

We are also having a no kid wedding. Not only because we feels its an adult only event, but because we have other people we would like to invite, and kids take up those spots. We have a limited budget, no very much at all. Most of our guests with kids have children under the age of 5. There will be only one exception that we will make and thats for my cousin who will be 11, and this is only because my uncle is trying to persuade me to make her a junior bridesmaid, which I am not sure I want. My fiance and I and actually feuding a little over this matter because most of the guest with kids are his friends (not his family). We are also having a problem with his fraternity and the whole hey are we invited too? thing. His entire fraternity thinks they are invited, and thats just not the case. I feel like if they don't want to come because of the kid thing then thats fine, that leaves open spot for us to invite some people that we really would have liked to be there, but we couldn't invite off the bat because of our small budget.

sonyaisgettinghitched · April 2010

I hear ya! I am also having a NO CHILDREN reception. Or at least atempting to. My thoughts are, its a formal occasion, an evening reception, and I am spending A LOT of money to have it as close to perfect as I want it to be. I don't want kids running around, yelling and chasing each other, taking there parents focus and the guests focus off of having a great time. It's just a really bad scene. I want to enjoy myself at my wedding not feel like I am at someone's kids 5th birthday party!!!!!!!

LauraB30 · April 2010

I feel your pain, we went through the same thing with my future in laws....it was awful. We're still sticking to it though, and most of them seem to have accepted it. To the ones who said they wouldnt' come, I said ok. They have a choice, just like you have a choice. It's your day, hang in there!

mloudin · April 2010

I understand were you are coming from. My friends and family have lots of children. My Maid of Honor has four kids. We are having a small wedding of only 90 people which 20 of those are children under the age of 8. We picked our wedding venue because there is a seperate carriage house where we can keep the children and we are providing nannies and entertainment for the kids. Yes, it's costly ($100/head for adults but children are only $15/head) but we feel well worth it to spend the special day with our loved ones. When we return from our honeymoon we are having another causual reception where all of our friends, families and their children are invited. We did this so those who were not invited to the wedding would not have their feelings hurt. Could it possibly be in your budget to do a small informal event at a park or someone's back yard a couple weeks after your wedding? If not I wish you the best and hope your wishes of no kids at your wedding comes true!

[Deleted User] · April 2010

this is an every family issue. my friend didn't want children at her wedding for the same reasons you have, and her family freaked. I (a bridsmaid) even provided an extra hotel room with 2 sitters for the ones who stated that she couldn't stop them from bringing the kids. they still pulled the kids out at the reception, and ultimitly the sitters and room were a $300 waste. i think that it's better to not provide sitters so that the adults have to make the dicision to come w/o tots or respectfully decline. im getting married in fall and we have huge families with kids.. we have also said no children. I'm not sure the message has gotten out.. i haven't heard boo and i'm expecting a S#%@ storm.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

AAAAAHHHH! i feel your pain, & it's ALWAYS someone your not going to invite. As soon as we were telling people about the wedding i always start with we want a really small event, but our families are so huge, i don't know what to do. I'm usually a coward in these situations, but i have told people who are brave enough to ask the truth... no your not, but thanks for the love and support.

YadanSef · April 2010

I totally understand where you are coming from. My finace and I decided we don't want kids at our wedding either, and I already talked to people directly and the invites will say ADULT ONLY RECEPTION, and the names of the specific adults invited. We are not having kids as past of the wedding either. All I can say is, STAY FIRM with your decision and keep telling them, no kids.

smatlin · April 2010

We have many friends with horribly behaved children. My FI and I don't want children, and we're trying to have an elegant do. We are arranging for babysitters to take care of the children in a room rented in the hotel. We're telling these friends, "We're making arrangements for childcare at the hotel, so you can decide if you want to pay for a babysitter at the hotel, or arrange for someone to take care of little Johnny at home." There will be 10-17 children and 4-7 childcare providers, depending on the ages of the children who are signed up. And we will be very explicit with the childcare providers. They are not to let any of the children into the wedding or reception. If there is a problem, someone will come get the parent.

We look good because we thought about their needs. And if any child has a problem, the parent can leave the wedding and go attend to their child.

jessyca333 · April 2010

I guess you'll have to hope for the best, if you've mentioned it everywhere I guess that's all you can do.

We've asked for no children as well, but so far it hasn't been a problem. We don't have a gray area either, there's a very big gap - so it's not hard to figure out, and if the invitation is only addressed to certain people, as a guest they should be polite and respect that. I do agree on the fact that it is rude - whether it's a child or not, you shouldn't "add" people to the invitation.

Sing2phins · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:b769763a-db42-40a3-bf04-45410294a5fe">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]We're telling these friends, "We're making arrangements for childcare at the hotel, so you can decide if you want to pay for a babysitter at the hotel, or arrange for someone to take care of little Johnny at home."
Posted by smatlin[/QUOTE]
Why aren't you paying for the baby-sitting yourself? That would be the proper thing to do, it seems to me.

wendy.george · April 2010

Hi, I think each bride deserves to have her choice....unfortunately, there will always be consequences to that choice. Planning a wedding never meets everyone's standards of what you should do! I am getting married 6/26/2010 and have worried way to much about making everyone included, a part of, comfortable etc. and still I wonder who will show? I have kids, 4 and 9, both a part of my wedding, I definately FEEL it is a family affair, kids included etc. My 4 yr. old might be the one that starts the table on fire, I am okay with that, it would not ruin my day, it would ruin my day however, if she weren't there! I love kids! My cousin in MI is also getting married this year 9/18/2010. My Aunt called me to tell me before I bought my tickets to know it is an ADULT only reception....? That was the first time I'd heard such a thing, however I thought GREAT, now the decision is made for me, I don't have to blow $ on tickets for the kids, get a rental car etc...Jay and I can just hop rides etc. and PARTY!!! Woohoo. My cousin doesn't have kids yet, so for them they look at it different Im sure...is anyone reading this have kids but DIDN"T have them at their own wedding??? I wonder. I say stick to your guns, be polite, let them know it was a decision made early on. Yes, you should know, that a family is a family, people with kids may not come. I have no family that lives here with me. I NEVER have a sitter, could I find one on Craigslist...sure, am I willing to try that/Risk that for your wedding...probably not! So yes, I feel it is your choice, and you deserve to have your day, but like you said you already realized because of it, you knew people wouldn't come. I hate how they play games with you though, I'll come if....dumb, they understand the rule, so get over it or not...you can't take it personal however, if they can't....double edged sword. One more thing...my website shows kids are welcome etc...I have a kid area set up at 9pm with crayons, movies, etc...so my voice is loud and clear, but alot of my friends are calling me saying "WE ARE NOT BRINGING OUR KIDS, WE WANT TO PARTY" so to each their own! Good luck!

borboleta18 · April 2010

some of you ladies are so silly. it is her wedding, her special day and if she does want kids to be part of it she has all the right to do so. absolutely nothing wrong with that. i would just let every single parent with kids that are insisting in bringing them to know they are NOT invited. my fiancee and i have 5 kids together. i would never force any of them, from the younger (7) to the oldest (22) to any party they are not invited. we are getting married in august, our kids will be part of it, but we are not inviting any other kids except to the closest, family ones. it is about us an people that are connected to us, a small intimate wedding and other people's kids simply do not fit on it. kids don't care to come, but the parents do. they much more would prefere to be entertained by a sitter than be part of a long, sit down, behave adults wedding.
No kids means no kids, whoever insistis is disrespecting you as a bride. make sure they know it and enjoy your magic day the wasy YOU and the groom wish, not anyoene else

vewilson5 · April 2010

Children aren't allowed at any of our events either. Luckily, we haven't had any issues yet. It's unacceptable and inappropriate for parents to push their wants on you for your wedding. As frustrating as it is, try to not take it personally. Keep to your guns. Try using the excuse "sorry, but it's not a child friendly environment"

sarah.jor-duncian · April 2010

I completely support the no kids policy at weddings.
We are planning a similar event. Wedding weekend and 97% are OOT. I haven't come across a lot of conflict yet as:

1) we haven't yet sent out invites and

2) most of the kids are on the groom's side (i.e. his problem! (: )

Any suggestions on what the best way to happen this situation might be would be greatly appreciated.
Obviously the invites will be addressed to the adults and something posted on the website but any other preemptive strike advice would be appreciated.

Brittany&Chris · April 2010

Dealing with the same nonsense here, If you make an exception for one you have to make it for everyone. And like you my Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and simply can't afford to include children. Sadly weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people. Good luck!

Thetallblondone · April 2010

I completely agree with you. I have 2 kids of my own and right after the ceremony, they are leaving. I say that because they are our only attendants.
We love kids, but I really love being kid free for a night. People should be respecting you rule at your weddiing. It is, as you said, all being paid for by you.
However, you seem to be expecting quite a few people to get rid of their kids for the entire weekend. I am assuming that you dont have kids and therefore dont realize how hard and expensive it can be to do that. If it were me, I would attend the wedding and that would be about it.

jalbrecht102 · April 2010

Good for you for sticking to your guns!!!! My fiance and I are going to have the same policy at our wedding.

We too love kids, but don't want to have the extra worry of the little ones running around everywhere. My brother got married two years ago and you couldn't even hear what anyone was saying due to all of the babies crying. I also don't really feel comfortable having a big party and open bar with toddlers there.

You just have to remember that it is YOUR day. If people can't make it without the kids then they can't make it.

Good luck and let me know if you come up with a magical solution:-).

Best,

Jenna

jessyca333 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:e28d2e93-342c-432b-931b-6ead25f9a7f0">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No kids = No Kids! : Why aren't you paying for the baby-sitting yourself? That would be the proper thing to do, it seems to me.
Posted by Sing2phins[/QUOTE]

I think she's gone above what most people do, just by renting a room for them to stay in and planning it all out, it is then the parent's option to either choose that or make their own arrangements, no one says they have to have the hotel babysit their kids. I wouldn't pay for that.... they are their kids, not mine. If it's so hard to find a sitter, just don't come, its a choice you have to make as a parent.

pmcatnip · April 2010

What is wrong with people? Here's your answer. People, one on one or in small groups, are pretty smart. People en masse? Dumb as sh**. I've worked in fast food and sales and you wouldn't believe how dumb the general public is.

Be prepared for some people to show up at the door with their kids, despite everything you've told them. This has happened to people I know. Decide now how you're going to handle them--whether you have the ushers become bouncers (pretty extreme, but it would send the message), or suck it up and let them in. I'd say you're within your rights to bounce them out considering the tablecloth fire. Who the hell lets their kid light tables on fire?

[quote]Luckily you have 1 year 7 months and 1 week for this attitude to be corrected. [/quote]
Excuse me? It's HER wedding.

sdabs · April 2010

Don't let ms pumpkinpumpkin make you feed badly. I have run into a similar problem for my wedding (everyone getting offended that kids aren't invited...even though we are providing a babysitter during the ceremony / reception). What's funny is that most of the kids could care less about attending a wedding reception. I think that some 'closer' family members expect you to make exceptions for their children because they feel that they rank more highly as 'closer' family members. What they don't understand is that people get even MORE offended when you start to make exceptions. Good luck and I'm sure that you will have a fun, beautiful wedding - helped by the fact that you won't have kids setting their tablecloths on fire:)

irisleaf · April 2010

I am not having kids at my wedding either. My age cut off is 11. I understand that you aren't having anyone under 17 and that is fine. I choose 11 because when I was 11 I was invited to my cousin's wedding and I feel I should extend the same to her children.

However, you are completely entitled to have an "kid-free" night, and most adults I know would kill for that.

If you made it clear everywhere you posted, website, invites, save-the-dates, then those parents are just plain stupid. There are events that are for adults only and should be respected.

pmcbroom · April 2010

We are doing the same for our wedding, spreading the word now before the invitations. Wedding is 11-20-10. Any advice on how to word the invitations? And thanks, now that I think about it, I didn't add that to my wedding webpage, NO KIDS. Great idea

clueless386 · April 2010

You're absolutely right and I don't blame you for freaking out. I would react the same way. Politely respond to little Johnny's parents with a reminder that kids aren't allowed and leave it at that. They'll figure it out when they come to the wedding and there isn't a seat for Johnny. That sucks for them!! Oh well. Maybe have your bridesmaids and groomsmen spread the word and remind people how rude it is to bring a kid to a no-kid wedding. You've done everything you can, and there is only so much you can do. If they don't like it, they don't have to come. They'll get over it, and if they don't, they probably didn't deserve to be invited to your wedding in the first place. good luck.

michelle1971 · April 2010

We are having the same issue!!! All of my fiance's cousins have kids and my fiance has tons of cousins! We have told those who have asked that no kids are invited but are dreading those that will give us the ultimatum...."no kids no us!" but like you we are fine with the parents not coming either! It is our wedding and we are NOT paying for kids to come and run around and cry all night! ....we have a son and HE is not coming to the reception....why should any other kids!

cleargerman · April 2010

This is a bridezilla situation. I understand your preferences on the guest list. It's YOUR party! But some people don't have the resources to leave their children to attend a weekend at somebody else's request and spend a lot of cash when they're leaving half the family away. Get on someone else's shoes at this point, and don't get mad if some people can't make it.

Meli124 · April 2010

I feel your pain. My fiance has several young cousins, and their parents keep asking us if we're having a nursery/child care at our wedding! Who does that!? As if it's our job to babysit your kids on our wedding day. Newsflash: If you kids' names weren't on the invitation, they're not invited. People and their expectation are unreal. If you have planned a wedding, you should understand the financial strain and limitations involved. Our wedding should be exactly what we want even if some of our requests might inconvenience some guests. Get a babysitter! How hard is that!?

ljinsf · April 2010

No kids means no kids. You two as a couple have made your wishes clear. Sadly, it sounds like some friends/relatives are either not getting the message or are being selfish. Keep repeating yourself because it will be worth it when your wedding day is how you envisioned it!

Something to keep in mind it that when people say "jimmy can't wait to see you in your dress!", they may just be saying something sweet and not actually intending to bring their tykes. (Because really, is their 4 yo kid excited? Nope.)

No kids = No Kids!

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