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Etiquette

Worst Wedding You've Ever Been To?

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Re: Worst Wedding You've Ever Been To?

  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2013
    Got it everyone. Thanks for clarifying.  It's the words "in your honor" that confused me. Those words makes me think the couple is then giving you credit for the donation as opposed to just donating the money with no mention of you in place of favors. 

    I get it when they say "in lieu of favors".


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • The evil judgmental bastard in me loves this thread.  

    FI and I went to his cousin's wedding this summer.  It was a low-budget country style "burlap and lace" wedding. I don't mind a casual theme and I applaud thrifty brides, but not when it comes at the expense of guests' comfort.

    -  "cowboy boot casual" written on the invitation.  What the hell is that supposed to mean? If I had to hazard a guess, I would have thought that meant cowboy boots, jeans, and a flannel.  Luckily FMIL asked and the aunt said it was just semi-casual.  I wore a summer dress and flat sandals.  No one was in jeans, but there was one couple that looked like they were on their way to homecoming (sparkly floor length dress and suit with matching bow tie).

    - There weren't nearly enough seats for everyone at the ceremony.  People had to stand around in the sun on the grass.  The programs had been made into fans but the glue must have melted so the paper kept flying off the popsicle sticks (not an really an etiquette problem, but pretty annoying). Oh and did I mention that the ceremony started nearly an hour late?

    - 4 hour gap with nothing to do in between.  The ceremony and reception were at two different venues but both places were pretty much in the middle of nowhere.  Future in-laws, FI, his brother, and I drove an hour away and spent the time at a bar  (we were already 3.5 hours away from home). 

    - There were a few bottles of wine for guests to help themselves to at the wedding, but they ran out almost immediately.  There were also a couple of kegs (that guests pumped themselves).  However, you had to buy a $10 dollar plastic cup for unlimited access to them.  FI's brother misplaced his cup and the people at the cup station tried to charge him for another cup.  There was also a cash bar with well liquor.  Good thing we already drank substantially during the gap!

    - Buffet style dinner that ran out of nearly everything but mashed potatoes, corn bread, and salad.

    As if all that weren't bad enough, here are the two things that rankled me the most:

    1. We found out from the bride's dad that they were already married in a church the night before. Only the bridesmaids and the parents attended.  The excuse was that they wanted an official Catholic wedding but they weren't willing to give up having an outdoor ceremony.  So they decided to have everyone come to a fake ceremony that started an hour late and didn't have enough seats. What. The. F***

    2.  The dad also told us (I think he was a little drunk and wasn't supposed to be saying these things) that it was a tiered wedding.  We just thought that only ~30 people showed up to the ceremony but 300 (as we found out from the dad) came to the reception because of the huge gap.  Nope.  Those other 270 people just weren't invited.

    I swear to god that I'm not making this shit up.  However, one thing that I really enjoyed was the dessert table.  There was a s'more station.
  • CommitmentCatCommitmentCat member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    I am loving this board...I haven't been to many bad weddings (thankfully) so I can't contribute much, but I will say that you are all saving a lot of people from going to awful weddings in the future.I am purely on this forum to save my self from the humiliation of an awful wedding. I have just started planning my wedding and I am terrified! I know it's supposed to be the best day of my life but I am so stressed that it will be terrible. I am flooded with relief knowing that I have enough natural etiquette not to have been planning some of these terrible ideas.
    LakeR2014mcgarci2
  • The worst wedding ng I have ever been to... 1. I was original asked to be in the wedding party, but since I have a child, and the wedding was child free I was replaced by a groomsmens wife. 2. After that my invitation was "lost" in the mail and her fiancé had to invite me by text. (Which I RSVP text which was not a good move but I was pissed) 3. It was a dry wedding. (Okay this is fine but in our circle a little rough to expect a group who parties and drink together all the time to not drink) in fact the only drinks served were lemon aid, punch, water and coffee. 4. Grooms men smoked pot at the reception 5 the buffet included roast beef and pork. 6. The wedding was at 6 on a Friday night in downtown cincy. Nightmare getting there I may just be picky and men but we left early after the cake because it was a snooze fest. I'm happy for the couple. The ceremony was beautiful but the hosted an event at her dream location but couldn't pay for much more after the venue for her guests.
  • The worst wedding ng I have ever been to... 1. I was original asked to be in the wedding party, but since I have a child, and the wedding was child free I was replaced by a groomsmens wife. 2. After that my invitation was "lost" in the mail and her fiancé had to invite me by text. (Which I RSVP text which was not a good move but I was pissed) 3. It was a dry wedding. (Okay this is fine but in our circle a little rough to expect a group who parties and drink together all the time to not drink) in fact the only drinks served were lemon aid, punch, water and coffee. 4. Grooms men smoked pot at the reception 5 the buffet included roast beef and pork. 6. The wedding was at 6 on a Friday night in downtown cincy. Nightmare getting there I may just be picky and men but we left early after the cake because it was a snooze fest. I'm happy for the couple. The ceremony was beautiful but the hosted an event at her dream location but couldn't pay for much more after the venue for her guests.
    I am a little confused as to why the bolded was so bad. Was that all that was on the buffet? Were there no vegetarian options? Just wondering.
    jendemeyer
  • TomandlesleyTomandlesley member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2013
    Sorry no there was not at all. I do not eat red meat or pork so it offended me. I can say the mashed potatoes and green beans were good. Eta. I was not the only person who felt this way about the food choice either
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Oh I have another one!  Not as bad but wanted to share.

    It was the cousin of a friend of mine.  I had met her once or twice.  She is the pastor's daughter of a HUGE mega church.  I know that most people say that others don't care as much about your wedding as you do, but seriously this was the once exception I have seen.  People were BEGGING to come to the wedding.  Honestly I think it was more to get on the pastor's good side, it's kind of a "showy" church and members who monetarily give more tend to get special treatment.  Don't agree with it - but that's just the reality of it.

    Anyways first there was the bridal shower.  It was an "open invitation" to everyone in the church.  I went because my friends were going and it was a Friday night.  There were literally hundreds of people there.  The couple sat at a table and talked to people as they brought them gifts.  There was NO food or drink.  Like not even crackers and water.  We went to dinner afterwards because we were all starving.

    Then the wedding.  The couple had about 30 people in their wedding party.  Seriously.  All of their siblings and cousins, plus a bunch of little kids that were flower girls, ring bearers, and something called a miniature bride and groom.  I had never even heard of that before.  Two of the kids wore a mini sized bridal gown and tux rather than dresses and suits.  

    The ceremony was THREE HOURS.  There were sermons on top of sermons, songs from the choir, songs from the band, then half the wedding party did solo songs.  Their worship style is not something I am personally comfortable with, but went with the flow because hey, it wasn't my wedding.  Also half the ceremony had to be translated because the groom was from another country, so everything that was said had to be said twice.

    Then the reception.  Again this whole shindig was "open invitation" so there were hundreds of people there too.  It was in the event room attached to the church.  Just punch and cake - at 5:00 after a three hour long ceremony.  Again we went to dinner afterwards because we were starving again.

    It was probably the only time I had never brought a gift to a wedding, quite honestly because I didn't know the couple very well, they never even acknowledged me, and would have never noticed if I wasn't there.  We run into each other occasionally and ten years later I still doubt she knows my name.  

    I have to say they made out like bandits with gifts!  :)  Never got a "ME, ME, ME" attitude from them, but it was just too much for me.  Other than the lack of food, it wasn't a gross etiquette misconduct event just totally not my style.
    melbelleup
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2013
    TerriHugg said:
    @Aurorajanette

    This is a bit off topic but how does the concept of giving a favor in the guests' honor work?

    Does it mean the couple sends a donation to the organization and sign the guests' name to it so the guest would get the credit or is it really just about the couple using the money they would have spent on your favor on a charity donation instead?

    Because if it's the first I would understand cause then the guest could claim it as a tax deduction and at least get the praise and thank you for the organization. But if it's the later and the couple just uses the favor money on the charity donation with no mention of the guest to the organization the donation when to that doesn't make sense the couple would just be better of simply ignoring favors and only making the donation. 
    Donations by one person "in honor of another" are only deductible by the person making them-not the person "in whose honor" they are made.  So only the couple can deduct the donations-not the guests.

    And I don't need to know either that the couple has made a donation or that I'm not getting a favor.

    So I'd rather the couple just made the donation and kept it to themselves without making a big production of the fact that they're not giving favors to their guests.  If they want to contribute, more power to them, but I don't need to know who they're contributing to.  I make contributions on my own initiative to the causes I support.
    aurorajanette
  • The "worst" one we went to was several years ago - a friend of mine from work. I had a feeling that some elements of it were a bit off but my hunch was not really confirmed until I began reading these boards more often!

    The ceremony was private and only immediate family of the couple was invited so I did not attend that. At the reception (which was large...200 people) there was a dollar dance. I had seen this before but only for very young/just starting out couples. This couple had been living together in a house they purchased for at least two years, and they both have excellent jobs (bride was my boss' boss!) Given the size of the party and the relative number of gifts they were likely to receive the dollar dance just seemed like a money grab.

    Also there was a "tiered" system in place whereby a lot of guests were not invited for dinner/did not have place cards but were invited to come for drinks and dancing after a certain hour. They were all invited by word of mouth.
    Oh and I did not attend the shower but was told later that the bride had invited a lot of people from work "just for the gifts." Of course I did not hear her say that with my own ears so who knows if it is true but if it is...gross!
  • My cousin had a lovely wedding on a beach on a beautiful summer day. She did not, however, have chairs except for the VIPs. 

    Her reception was at an expensive restaurant.  After dinner, cake was served, which is the only thing that was paid for by the couple/their families.

     

    WAIT, did you pay for your own dinner???  or you mean the dinner and cake was what they paid for?

  • zwink1zwink1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited October 2013
    banana468 said:
    I've fully enjoy each and every wedding I've been to. They may not have been my style but seeing the couples happy make me happy and made any details irrelevant after the fact. 
    There's no amount of glowing bride that makes me feel better about a pastor who thinks a woman can be a possession.
    This!  I am actually thrilled about the fact that each and every one of the provided vows the pastor for our ceremony gave us excluded the word "obey."  I knew then and there that I was totally okay with going with this church (It's my FI's parent's church, and we're having the ceremony there as a courtesy to them.)  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • zwink1zwink1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited October 2013
  • I was at a wedding this August, and while for the most part the wedding was nice (and these aren't really etiquette flaws,) there were certainly things that made me think twice.  First of all, it was a destination wedding, and none of the bride or the groom's family lived even remotely near the site.  As a bridesmaid, I spent a significant amount of money attending this wedding, which again, not really an etiquette issue, it was a destination wedding.  However, I found it a little tacky that our bridesmaids gifts were something made by a family member, and were not something that the majority of people would use again.  Also, the reception consisted of a four course dinner and speeches, it was over in two hours, and there was no music.


  • Sorry no there was not at all. I do not eat red meat or pork so it offended me. I can say the mashed potatoes and green beans were good. Eta. I was not the only person who felt this way about the food choice either
    I don't see how it's offensive.  Wtf?
    The only thing available to eat for vegetarians/vegans/non red-meat eaters was green beans and mashed potatoes.  That is why it was offensive.  You need to host those people as well as those of us who are tried and true carnivors.
    Tomandlesleylizybeff
  • Thank you, red meat and pork are two meats a lot of people don't or can't eat for a majority of reasons. I would of are poltury, or even fish or a pasta but not having an option let me and others go hungry.
    lizybeffperdonami
  • There are people who also do not eat pork or beef for religious reasons. Would have been nice of the B&G to have some other options. THERE WE GO- something for the "wedding DOs" thread where the OP didn't like any of the answers- DO offer your guests food options that are going to work for those guests who have food allergies or do not eat certain foods for religious/belief reasons.

    Nothing wrong with not having music and dancing for a reception. Sure, I'd like to spend some time and enjoy myself, cause I spend all that time getting dressed up, but hey, you got food! Would have been nice if it were closer for guests, but those guests could opt to decline if they weren't comfortable travelling, and likewise you could have declined the offer to be a BM. 
    climbingwife
  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013

    Thank you, red meat and pork are two meats a lot of people don't or can't eat for a majority of reasons. I would of are poltury, or even fish or a pasta but not having an option let me and others go hungry.
    Did you let them know ahead of time what your dietary restrictions were?
    [Deleted User]melbelleupmegpeterkc
  • WonderRed said:




    Thank you, red meat and pork are two meats a lot of people don't or can't eat for a majority of reasons. I would of are poltury, or even fish or a pasta but not having an option let me and others go hungry.

    Did you let them know ahead of time what your dietary restrictions were?


    I know brides who instantly think, "Its my wedding, screw you if you don't like what I offer." In talking to my supervisor at work, I said that I want to make sure there are no tree nuts in the foods and vegetarian options, and will offer gluten free as well. She said it was stupid of me to worry about other people's dietary requirements since it is my wedding. She said if she had any vegetarians at her wedding, all they could eat was some veggies like corn, mashed potatoes and rolls.



    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • Although not nearly as bad as some of the other weddings discussed here, one of the worst weddings I've been to was one in which I was a bridesmaid. For me, the main problems were all the expenses associated with the wedding, coupled with uncomfortable bm required shoes, running out of food, and surprise cash bar.
    In addition to having a destination bachelorette party followed by a bridal shower in her hometown a separate weekend, it was a destination wedding (different destination than Bach party), held on a Friday night so I had to take two days off from work. The hotel was over $300 per night and bride specifically asked Bp to stay there as it was place where wedding and reception would be.
    The bride had also picked out dresses for us that were also over $300 (never asked our budgets) and matching shoes that were about $160. Our nails and toenails had to be clear or French and we were strongly encouraged to pay the $60.00 for hair and $40 for makeup.
    We all went to brides room for hair and makeup and were all done by around noon and wedding wasn't till 6. Then, bride told us not to go outside between finishing hair/makeup and coming back for pics because she didn't want us getting messed up. I was starving and since bride wasn't eating, she didn't want to have any food around-so since we couldn't go outside, fh and I ate light lunch at hotel -$60.00 for two diet cokes miso soups and California rolls! Our only other hotel option was a seafood place and diner of similar pricing.
    Onto the shoes-high, high heels, squeezed your toes together and we all had blisters just from wearing for pictures. Bride gave us sandals as part of bm gift, they matched bm dress but still looked sort of silly to wear flip flops like you'd wear in a gym shower with gold dressy dress. After ceremony and more pics, my feet hurt so bad that fh and I snuck back up to our room so I could change into the flip flops.
    When we left, it was only salad and veggies bring served on buffet table. When we got back (it was no more than 10 mins) the buffet had already been put out and put away. Buffet had pasta, beef carving station, mushrooms, and marinara sauce-all that was left were mushrooms and marinara. We asked one of the servers about it and he said the couples number given was less than arrived and everything else was all gone, no more coming.

    We though, ok at least it's open bar, and it was....until 9pm. Since this had not been told to the guests except a few rumors at the reception, we went up and were very surprised when his beer and my wine were $20.00...a little warning would've been nice! Also, b &g did not greet their guests, guests were advised to come to their table while they were eating to speak with them... Band was good, but not for getting people on dance floor-no one was dancing and all left soon after cake was cut since bar had already turned cash... Like I said, not the worst-but I'm not looking forward to one like that again!
    melbelleupPrettyGirlLost
  • how aweful many years ago the same thing happened when my cousin got married...........the dress was way to small how she got into it is above me

  • Thank you, red meat and pork are two meats a lot of people don't or can't eat for a majority of reasons. I would of are poltury, or even fish or a pasta but not having an option let me and others go hungry.
    Did you let them know ahead of time what your dietary restrictions were?
    I know brides who instantly think, "Its my wedding, screw you if you don't like what I offer." In talking to my supervisor at work, I said that I want to make sure there are no tree nuts in the foods and vegetarian options, and will offer gluten free as well. She said it was stupid of me to worry about other people's dietary requirements since it is my wedding. She said if she had any vegetarians at her wedding, all they could eat was some veggies like corn, mashed potatoes and rolls.

    **STUCK IN THE BOX***

    image

    Hosts should definitely make an effort to try to anticipate some diet things but they can't guess at every possible scenario that's out there.  Some responsibility does have to fall on the person with the specific needs to make them known though.  I'm so glad we only have 30 people coming because we know everyone well enough to know what we need to do.    Our cocktail hour has plenty of vegetarian options.  We're doing a plated dinner and each plate includes salmon and pork  but our venue will do a special/vegetarian/vegan meal for anyone who needs it if we let them know ahead of time. We included the wording "Please let us know if there any dietary restrictions we can accommodate for you" (or something like that) on the RSVP cards and left a blank space.  We already knew one guest was a vegetarian but no one else has said anything so hopefully no one shows up the day of and is mad about the food.
  • maryemoomaryemoo Fort Wayne, Indiana member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    I've been to 5 or 6 weddings, and the one that really made me uncomfortable was my fiancé's (then boyfriend's) mom's second marriage.

    It was especially awkward because she insisted on having his 2 year old son be the ring bearer, he freaked out because of the crowd, started crying, didn't want to sit with me, ran back up to daddy, got scared again, couldn't find me in the pew, and when he did I had to leave the church to go to the lobby to hold him for the whole ceremony.
    It surprised me that she knew how shy and attached to daddy he is and still put that big of a role and expected him to be okay and do his duty--and then when he didn't, it was ME that got the dirty looks for not being able to control him (we had only been together for about 4 or 5 months at that point in time so he wasn't entirely warmed up to me yet, and certainly didn't think of me as mama like he does now.)

    To make matters more difficult, when we got to the reception, there was a head table for the party (my fiancé included), and his son and I had to sit with people I had no idea who they were, until my fiancé took pity on us and moved us up to a table near him, with family members I slightly recognized.

    She got upset when he moved to sit with me, although everyone was moving around, and then more upset when we left early--we had a huge poop blowout in the tux and had NO spare clothes (bad on us, I know) and had to leave immediately...she wasn't really understanding at all.

    melbelleup
  • WonderRed said:

    Thank you, red meat and pork are two meats a lot of people don't or can't eat for a majority of reasons. I would of are poltury, or even fish or a pasta but not having an option let me and others go hungry.
    Did you let them know ahead of time what your dietary restrictions were?
    I know brides who instantly think, "Its my wedding, screw you if you don't like what I offer." In talking to my supervisor at work, I said that I want to make sure there are no tree nuts in the foods and vegetarian options, and will offer gluten free as well. She said it was stupid of me to worry about other people's dietary requirements since it is my wedding. She said if she had any vegetarians at her wedding, all they could eat was some veggies like corn, mashed potatoes and rolls.

    **STUCK IN THE BOX***

    image

    Hosts should definitely make an effort to try to anticipate some diet things but they can't guess at every possible scenario that's out there.  Some responsibility does have to fall on the person with the specific needs to make them known though.  I'm so glad we only have 30 people coming because we know everyone well enough to know what we need to do.    Our cocktail hour has plenty of vegetarian options.  We're doing a plated dinner and each plate includes salmon and pork  but our venue will do a special/vegetarian/vegan meal for anyone who needs it if we let them know ahead of time. We included the wording "Please let us know if there any dietary restrictions we can accommodate for you" (or something like that) on the RSVP cards and left a blank space.  We already knew one guest was a vegetarian but no one else has said anything so hopefully no one shows up the day of and is mad about the food.
    Are you letting people know that the entree is fish and pork?  Those are 2 foods that a lot of people do not eat.  They wouldn't necessarily list it as a dietary restriction but when they see the plate may want the veggie option at that point.  I think of a restriction as a food that cannot be eaten for religious or health reasons, not for foods I find disgusting.  I would love the salmon but wouldn't touch the pork.  

    You're right that you can't guess every situation out there.  But having a chicken course, some sort of vegetarian entree, and a few side dishes should cover most situations.   Not all venues will work with you to accommodate individual needs.  If you are booking a buffet you have to pick options that will work for everyone, you may not be able to add on 1 or 2 specific meals.  
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    melbelleup
  • maryemoomaryemoo Fort Wayne, Indiana member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
     
    Are you letting people know that the entree is fish and pork?  Those are 2 foods that a lot of people do not eat.  They wouldn't necessarily list it as a dietary restriction but when they see the plate may want the veggie option at that point.  I think of a restriction as a food that cannot be eaten for religious or health reasons, not for foods I find disgusting.  I would love the salmon but wouldn't touch the pork.  

    Some people aren't vegan/vegetarian/gluten free/etc because they "think it's disgusting." Sometimes it IS for health reasons.
  • maryemoomaryemoo Fort Wayne, Indiana member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
     
    Guests paid for their own dinners.  Just the cake was paid for. 
    WHAT?! I'm new here but even I know that is never ever okay.
    Dreamergirl8812perdonami
  • My cousin had a lovely wedding on a beach on a beautiful summer day. She did not, however, have chairs except for the VIPs. 

    Her reception was at an expensive restaurant.  After dinner, cake was served, which is the only thing that was paid for by the couple/their families.

     

    WAIT, did you pay for your own dinner???  or you mean the dinner and cake was what they paid for?

    Guests paid for their own dinners.  Just the cake was paid for. 

     

    This takes the cake (pun intended) in "worst wedding ever"

    Jen4948PrettyGirlLostmelbelleup
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