Jenn has never had any intention of lying to her friends and family. I attended a wedding last year and the couple was already married. She wore her dress again, they made their entrance, had a first dance, etc. It was beautiful and I was not in the least offended that they were already married.
So what that you found it "beautiful" or weren't offended?
This is an etiquette board. First off, etiquette is not based on what one person finds "beautiful" or is "not offended" about, and it is not canceled out because one person finds something that etiquette proclaims is "rude" to be "beautiful" or chooses to be "not in the least offended" by it. There are those who think belching in public is "beautiful" or are "not offended" by it, but it's still rude.
So are people getting married and then having another wedding ceremony, wearing the dress, doing the first dance, etc. simply because their family and friends were not at the first ceremony or it didn't take place in their religious faith or house of worship and therefore they think it "doesn't count." Sorry, but regardless of how "beautiful" or "not offensive" you find it, it is still rude. Very rude.
What happened to the whole ignore STB idea? It is obvious she likes the attention and she is certainly not going to change her mind about her plans. So why doesn't everyone just save their breath and stop talking to her?!
I'm always just curious how PPDs file their taxes: do you file as single (illegal), or married?
marriedish...
maybe they shouldn't reap the benefits of their tax returns until they FEEL married.
Not that I in any way condone the PPD behavior or action, but not everyone who is married get a married tax benefit. In fact, my DH and I withhold as "single but married" and do not get any "break" by now being married.
I'm always just curious how PPDs file their taxes: do you file as single (illegal), or married?
marriedish...
maybe they shouldn't reap the benefits of their tax returns until they FEEL married.
Not that I in any way condone the PPD behavior or action, but not everyone who is married get a married tax benefit. In fact, my DH and I withhold as "single but married" and do not get any "break" by now being married.
-------- Same.
I will pay more taxes once married.
But I'm just curious if having your "real" wedding later is worth committing tax fraud?
Since virtually every excuse for a PPD I've seen has revolved around a "need" for government benefits, I certainly hope these couples are informing the IRS that they are married, regardless of how married they "feel" or imagine they are.
I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks.
I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks.
then it's a good thing you're not 'really' married isn't it?
My FH and I really want to keep our anniversary date the same it's been for the 6 years we've been dating (it's just a really meaningful date for us). But, the year we want to get married (2015) that day falls on a Wednesday, so we were thinking of getting legally married on that day, but then doing the big white dress ceremony and reception the Saturday immediately after. Is there anything wrong with that?
My FH and I really want to keep our anniversary date the same it's been for the 6 years we've been dating (it's just a really meaningful date for us). But, the year we want to get married (2015) that day falls on a Wednesday, so we were thinking of getting legally married on that day, but then doing the big white dress ceremony and reception the Saturday immediately after. Is there anything wrong with that?
You have got to be fucking kidding me. Is this really a serious question or are you just trolling?
If you aren't a troll and are being serious take a little gander at this thread...
My FH and I really want to keep our anniversary date the same it's been for the 6 years we've been dating (it's just a really meaningful date for us). But, the year we want to get married (2015) that day falls on a Wednesday, so we were thinking of getting legally married on that day, but then doing the big white dress ceremony and reception the Saturday immediately after. Is there anything wrong with that?
If your guests are perfectly aware that you got legally married on Wednesday, that is completely fine. Some people may side-eye your "ceremony" which will actually be meaningless as you are already married, but as long as everyone knows what they're attending there's no real issue.
If you get married on Wednesday and don't tell anyone that that is your plan, then yes, that is rude. There's no reason to do this. It's just a date. I promise that your wedding date will be important to you no matter what day you choose, and if you have it on a different date than your dating anniversary, you can just celebrate both of them going forward.
As long as you're open about doing it, and accept the fact that some guests may decline to attend because the don't approve of your "ceremony re-enactment," then proceed. But if you plan to hide the legal ceremony, you need to really think about it - you'll realize that this is a pretty dumb reason to mislead your closest friends and family. Seriously, just get married on a day that they can all be there for. This isn't even about health insurance or anything that will affect your well being in any way - it's about being able to say that a certain date is your anniversary. It's completely selfish, and pretty juvenile if you ask me.
We just found out that my cousin married his fiance in secret so she would get his benefits, and she's planning a huge PPD. I am PISSED that they didn't tell anyone, and I wrote a huge CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WEDDING on his facebook wall. A JOP wedding COUNTS! It's a real wedding! My parents have been married over 35 years and were married in a simple ceremony by the JOP. My mom wore a homemade cocktail dress and was carted off in a rickshaw driven by her younger brother. I would have liked to be included, invited, or at least TOLD he was getting married. We are a close-knit family. Trying to keep these things secret is stupid. You can't do things like that. I am so upset right now, and I'm glad that more people than me think this is tacky!
My FH and I really want to keep our anniversary date the same it's been for the 6 years we've been dating (it's just a really meaningful date for us). But, the year we want to get married (2015) that day falls on a Wednesday, so we were thinking of getting legally married on that day, but then doing the big white dress ceremony and reception the Saturday immediately after. Is there anything wrong with that?
I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks.
then it's a good thing you're not 'really' married isn't it?
Meh. Taxes never factored in to the "should we, or shouldn't we" discussion. It's more the point that so many of you seem to think marriage = sweet tax hook up. It can, but it doesn't always.
I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks.
then it's a good thing you're not 'really' married isn't it?
Meh. Taxes never factored in to the "should we, or shouldn't we" discussion. It's more the point that so many of you seem to think marriage = sweet tax hook up. It can, but it doesn't always.
This is true.
But if you are married then it is considered tax fraud to file as single (never married).
I guess I just don't see how someone could consider themselves not married if they are filling out paperwork as married? Seems like kind of a "duh" moment.
I condone the shit out of it, but no, not everyone gets any type of tax benefit because they're married. Marriage isn't always crammed packed full of sunshine and unicorns and big, fat tax breaks.
then it's a good thing you're not 'really' married isn't it?
Meh. Taxes never factored in to the "should we, or shouldn't we" discussion. It's more the point that so many of you seem to think marriage = sweet tax hook up. It can, but it doesn't always.
This is true.
But if you are married then it is considered tax fraud to file as single (never married).
I guess I just don't see how someone could consider themselves not married if they are filling out paperwork as married? Seems like kind of a "duh" moment.
It's never occurred to me personally to get sentimental or philosophical while I file my taxes. No warm fuzzies for me, just a computer and my W2. Maybe a beer to make it slightly less sucky. And you are correct, it would be fraudulent for a married person to file as single. My point wasn't about anyone committing tax fraud though. Married people filing jointly don't all benefit greater than singles, nor do all married people filing separately. It varies from couple to couple based on their unique tax burdens and financial situations. Marriage does not equal a tax benefit in each and every instance.
Jennycolada said:
I think you're totally missing my point. But ok.
She's a professional point evader. Because she would have to own up to....you know.....the truth. Which we all know does not exist in her world. She also acknowledges her husband every time they file a medical insurance claim, which was the reason they married in the first place.....months ago.
If married people were not able to benefit from being married, they would wait to be married until their real wedding instead of having a PPD. As it stands, I've yet to see a single instance of wedding then "real wedding" where neither party benefited in some way... generally through insurance benefits from a federal of private job. I have no problem with people marrying due to extenuating circumstances and then having a PARTY with family and friends to celebrate their MARRIAGE. Having a fake re-enactment of a wedding with the cake, white dress, etc. is tacky, trite, and an ego-fest.
benefits of marriage (even the apparently "doesn't count" JOP wedding) include:
visitation rights and can make medical decisions, unless otherwise specified in a living will
benefits
for federal employees -- many of which are also offered by private
employers -- such as sick leave, bereavement leave, days off for the
birth of a child, pension and retirement benefits, family health
insurance plans
some property and inheritance rights, even in the absence of a will
the ability to create life insurance trusts
tax benefits, such as being able to give tax free gifts to a spouse and to file joint tax returns
the ability to receive Medicare, Social Security, disability and veteran's benefits for a spouse
If married people were not able to benefit from being married, they would wait to be married until their real wedding instead of having a PPD. As it stands, I've yet to see a single instance of wedding then "real wedding" where neither party benefited in some way... generally through insurance benefits from a federal of private job. I have no problem with people marrying due to extenuating circumstances and then having a PARTY with family and friends to celebrate their MARRIAGE. Having a fake re-enactment of a wedding with the cake, white dress, etc. is tacky, trite, and an ego-fest.
benefits of marriage (even the apparently "doesn't count" JOP wedding) include:
visitation rights and can make medical decisions, unless otherwise specified in a living will
benefits
for federal employees -- many of which are also offered by private
employers -- such as sick leave, bereavement leave, days off for the
birth of a child, pension and retirement benefits, family health
insurance plans
some property and inheritance rights, even in the absence of a will
the ability to create life insurance trusts
tax benefits, such as being able to give tax free gifts to a spouse and to file joint tax returns
the ability to receive Medicare, Social Security, disability and veteran's benefits for a spouse
I would love to see a PPD'er refuse spousal benefits, god forbid there be a fatal accident. 'No, I'm sorry, we hadn't had our 'real' wedding so I will defer the life insurance policy to his/her family since we weren't 'really' married'
This is my new PPD analogy...and I like it - because it's ABSURD!
Would it be weird to give birth to a baby one day and then three days later (when mom feels better) get her all gussied up in hair and makeup so she can re-enact the whole thing so everyone can be there to witness the birth of her child?
Would it? FUCK YES...especially when it comes to baby's birthday. Which one is the one you celebrate? The actual pretty princess birthday where everyone got to see the fake redo?
This is an exaggeration, but PPDs are NO different
You know what wouldn't be weird though? Having a baby and then inviting everyone to celebrate the birth of your baby at a later date.
This is my new PPD analogy...and I like it - because it's ABSURD!
Would it be weird to give birth to a baby one day and then three days later (when mom feels better) get her all gussied up in hair and makeup so she can re-enact the whole thing so everyone can be there to witness the birth of her child?
Would it? FUCK YES...especially when it comes to baby's birthday. Which one is the one you celebrate? The actual pretty princess birthday where everyone got to see the fake redo?
This is an exaggeration, but PPDs are NO different
You know what wouldn't be weird though? Having a baby and then inviting everyone to celebrate the birth of your baby at a later date.
You're making TOO much sense... :-)
This is actually the best analogy I've seen. This is how weird I think PPDs are. Like, literally this insane.
This is my new PPD analogy...and I like it - because it's ABSURD!
Would it be weird to give birth to a baby one day and then three days later (when mom feels better) get her all gussied up in hair and makeup so she can re-enact the whole thing so everyone can be there to witness the birth of her child?
Would it? FUCK YES...especially when it comes to baby's birthday. Which one is the one you celebrate? The actual pretty princess birthday where everyone got to see the fake redo?
This is an exaggeration, but PPDs are NO different
You know what wouldn't be weird though? Having a baby and then inviting everyone to celebrate the birth of your baby at a later date.
You're making TOO much sense... :-)
This is actually the best analogy I've seen. This is how weird I think PPDs are. Like, literally this insane.
She will always miss your point. Which is why you should just stop talking to her and trying to get her to see your side. It is a waste of time.
I didn't miss it. I intentionally ignored it. Her "point" was essentially moot. The fact is that marriage does not always guarantee a tax benefit, which was the most recent discussion on this board. I wasn't disputing that there aren't legal benefits to marriage. Of course there are. But a sweet tax break isn't always amongst them 100% of the time.
She will always miss your point. Which is why you should just stop talking to her and trying to get her to see your side. It is a waste of time.
I didn't miss it. I intentionally ignored it. Her "point" was essentially moot. The fact is that marriage does not always guarantee a tax benefit, which was the most recent discussion on this board. I wasn't disputing that there aren't legal benefits to marriage. Of course there are. But a sweet tax break isn't always amongst them 100% of the time.
LDay2014 said:
mrshutzler said:
If married people were not able to benefit from being married, they would wait to be married until their real wedding instead of having a PPD. As it stands, I've yet to see a single instance of wedding then "real wedding" where neither party benefited in some way... generally through insurance benefits from a federal of private job. I have no problem with people marrying due to extenuating circumstances and then having a PARTY with family and friends to celebrate their MARRIAGE. Having a fake re-enactment of a wedding with the cake, white dress, etc. is tacky, trite, and an ego-fest.
benefits of marriage (even the apparently "doesn't count" JOP wedding) include: visitation rights and can make medical decisions, unless otherwise specified in a living willbenefits
for federal employees -- many of which are also offered by private
employers -- such as sick leave, bereavement leave, days off for the
birth of a child, pension and retirement benefits, family health
insurance planssome property and inheritance rights, even in the absence of a willthe ability to create life insurance truststax benefits, such as being able to give tax free gifts to a spouse and to file joint tax returnsthe ability to receive Medicare, Social Security, disability and veteran's benefits for a spousediscount or family rates for auto, health and homeowners insuranceimmigration and residency benefits, making it easier to bring a spouse to the U.S. from abroadvisiting rights in jail
I would love to see a PPD'er refuse spousal benefits, god forbid there be a fatal accident. 'No, I'm sorry, we hadn't had our 'real' wedding so I will defer the life insurance policy to his/her family since we weren't 'really' married'
Not sure if you all are aware of this or not, but you can legally will your belongings to anyone you choose and medical power of attorney is not legally limited to spouses. Nor is making a non-spouse your beneficiary for life insurance or outlining your desires in a living will. So if people in committed, but not legally married, relationships fail to protect their rights and assets, it's not because they didn't have options. Can marriage make some of these things easier? Sure. Are all the benefits under the sun that marriage guarantees available to non-marrieds? No. But if you're talking "life and death" yea, there are plenty of ways to plan and be protected.
Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)
This is an etiquette board. First off, etiquette is not based on what one person finds "beautiful" or is "not offended" about, and it is not canceled out because one person finds something that etiquette proclaims is "rude" to be "beautiful" or chooses to be "not in the least offended" by it. There are those who think belching in public is "beautiful" or are "not offended" by it, but it's still rude.
So are people getting married and then having another wedding ceremony, wearing the dress, doing the first dance, etc. simply because their family and friends were not at the first ceremony or it didn't take place in their religious faith or house of worship and therefore they think it "doesn't count." Sorry, but regardless of how "beautiful" or "not offensive" you find it, it is still rude. Very rude.
Not that I in any way condone the PPD behavior or action, but not everyone who is married get a married tax benefit. In fact, my DH and I withhold as "single but married" and do not get any "break" by now being married.
--------Not that I in any way condone the PPD behavior or action, but not everyone who is married get a married tax benefit. In fact, my DH and I withhold as "single but married" and do not get any "break" by now being married.
Same.
I will pay more taxes once married.
But I'm just curious if having your "real" wedding later is worth committing tax fraud?
If your guests are perfectly aware that you got legally married on Wednesday, that is completely fine. Some people may side-eye your "ceremony" which will actually be meaningless as you are already married, but as long as everyone knows what they're attending there's no real issue.
If you get married on Wednesday and don't tell anyone that that is your plan, then yes, that is rude. There's no reason to do this. It's just a date. I promise that your wedding date will be important to you no matter what day you choose, and if you have it on a different date than your dating anniversary, you can just celebrate both of them going forward.
As long as you're open about doing it, and accept the fact that some guests may decline to attend because the don't approve of your "ceremony re-enactment," then proceed. But if you plan to hide the legal ceremony, you need to really think about it - you'll realize that this is a pretty dumb reason to mislead your closest friends and family. Seriously, just get married on a day that they can all be there for. This isn't even about health insurance or anything that will affect your well being in any way - it's about being able to say that a certain date is your anniversary. It's completely selfish, and pretty juvenile if you ask me.
But ok.
She's a professional point evader. Because she would have to own up to....you know.....the truth. Which we all know does not exist in her world. She also acknowledges her husband every time they file a medical insurance claim, which was the reason they married in the first place.....months ago.
If married people were not able to benefit from being married, they would wait to be married until their real wedding instead of having a PPD. As it stands, I've yet to see a single instance of wedding then "real wedding" where neither party benefited in some way... generally through insurance benefits from a federal of private job. I have no problem with people marrying due to extenuating circumstances and then having a PARTY with family and friends to celebrate their MARRIAGE. Having a fake re-enactment of a wedding with the cake, white dress, etc. is tacky, trite, and an ego-fest.
benefits of marriage (even the apparently "doesn't count" JOP wedding) include:
benefits of marriage (even the apparently "doesn't count" JOP wedding) include:
visitation rights and can make medical decisions, unless otherwise specified in a living willbenefits for federal employees -- many of which are also offered by private employers -- such as sick leave, bereavement leave, days off for the birth of a child, pension and retirement benefits, family health insurance planssome property and inheritance rights, even in the absence of a willthe ability to create life insurance truststax benefits, such as being able to give tax free gifts to a spouse and to file joint tax returnsthe ability to receive Medicare, Social Security, disability and veteran's benefits for a spousediscount or family rates for auto, health and homeowners insuranceimmigration and residency benefits, making it easier to bring a spouse to the U.S. from abroadvisiting rights in jail I would love to see a PPD'er refuse spousal benefits, god forbid there be a fatal accident. 'No, I'm sorry, we hadn't had our 'real' wedding so I will defer the life insurance policy to his/her family since we weren't 'really' married'
Not sure if you all are aware of this or not, but you can legally will your belongings to anyone you choose and medical power of attorney is not legally limited to spouses. Nor is making a non-spouse your beneficiary for life insurance or outlining your desires in a living will. So if people in committed, but not legally married, relationships fail to protect their rights and assets, it's not because they didn't have options. Can marriage make some of these things easier? Sure. Are all the benefits under the sun that marriage guarantees available to non-marrieds? No. But if you're talking "life and death" yea, there are plenty of ways to plan and be protected.