Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
Yes, DragonBlood, I am. I do not owe you any justification or explanation for my feelings.
And sorry, but out-of-control children, who are running around, screaming, making messes, and not being disciplined by their parents or guardians ARE HUGE etiquette issues.
Of course you do not because it's your opinion.
It's also my opinion that it's ridiculous to be offended by something that in no way affects you.
Which is your opinion. I think other things are ridiculous that you probably love, but I don't seek your opinion for the purpose of putting you down, as you did here.
I don't mind most etiquette faux pas, and almost nothing would be a deal breaker for me. I'm not offended by PPDs (depending on the situation), gaps that are 90 minutes or less, honeymoon funds, registry information in the invitations, or cash bars.
Not inviting SOs makes me pretty angry, and I was addressed as "and guest" once and a bit offended by that as well to be honest.
Not serving a meal at mealtime would be a reason I would consider not attending.
Really long gaps also annoy me, and if your venues are more than a 20 minute drive apart I will also be pretty peeved. If you live in the country though and your church isn't near ANYTHING, I wouldn't mind the drive as much...but if you make me drive through suburban sprawl for 45 minutes between venues I'll just think "why!?"
When I was about 14 or so, I went to a cousin's wedding with a dollar dance and that made me so uncomfortable. Even then, I knew it was wrong--so those bother me quite a bit.
Things I get annoyed by that aren't etiquette issues: -weddings on any day other than Saturday -weddings on holiday weekends -really long Catholic mass weddings (can't you do a shortened version of the mass so your wedding is only 45 minutes, not 2 hours?) -awkward wedding websites with wayyyy too much information/are AWish -revealing wedding or bridesmaid dresses, especially if your wedding is in a church (I'm probably alone in this, but I would NOT feel comfortable wearing a strapless dress to church on Sunday, therefore I'm wouldn't be comfortable in a strapless wedding dress at a church wedding) -music that is too loud -destination weddings--if it's the hometown of one person, the place you met, the place you lived for a while, etc, I'll understand, but just going to some far off local because it sounds fun just doesn't make sense to me
I forgot that I would decline a pot luck or pay my own meal invite automatically.
I think I forgot about them because, well I only know the exist because of TK. Cash bars are a no-no in my social group, I can't even imagine knowing anyone who would go as far with a pot luck or pay your own meal.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss. What would constitute religious bigotry? The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
Religious bigotry would be something like an issue where an officiant uses the ceremony to show disrespect for others' beliefs, or where a family member gets all pissed and refuses to attend or participate in a wedding that is not of their own religion or personal beliefs, such as in the thread where the poster's brother refuses to attend her wedding because he accused her and her FI or being "adulterers."
The only weddings I have declined based on etiquette faux pas were ones where my SO was not invited and one in specific that was a DW where we were expected to pay for our meal (yes, I would love to pay thousands of dollars to attend your wedding and then pay for our dinner.....WTF?)
Who does that?!?!
Our friends told us they plan to do that (DW in Vegas, taking everyone to a buffet afterward and expecting everyone to pay for their own dinner).
As soon as we get the invitation, we're declining. I would actually LOVE to go to Vegas, and the groom is a close friend of H's, but it's partially the lack of hosting and partially the fact we can't stand the bride. (H is completely on-board with this decision.)
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working
Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss.
What would constitute religious bigotry?
The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working
Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss. What would constitute religious bigotry?
The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
The only things that would make me decline outright would be not inviting H, and then a potluck/or having to pay for my own food. If there is an outrageous dress code (like everyone wear medieval themed costumes) I would probably decline. "Beachy formal", "please wear blue or green" etc I would most likely ignore and wear whatever I wanted.
The only reasons I would leave early (other than things like having to work early the next morning, etc) would be if there wasn't enough food, or when the music is so loud I have a headache.
I'd leave early if there wasn't enough food or no dancing. . . A reception w/o dancing is a letdown and kinda boring to me.
I don't like cash bars, but I'd rather have the option to buy a drink than attend a dry reception. Having to buy water, pop, iced tea etc? Fuck that noise.
I don't care for money danced, bouquet, or garter tosses bc I think they are tacky, awkward, and make ppl uncomfortable, but I wouldn't leave the reception. I just go to the bar, go to the bathroom, or go outside and refuse to participate in them.
I.Hate.Gaps. Gaps totally kill the momentum of the day. Plus they piss me off because I hate having to piss around aimlessly and just kill time for the sake of your sacred evening reception. Especially if I'm OOT. Your wedding is not a chance for me to sight see. . . That's called a vacation, and I get to choose where I vacation. I hate going back to the hotel room to watch TV or waste time at the hotel bar.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working
Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss. What would constitute religious bigotry?
The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
Full Catholic masses are only 45mins to an hour. Sure a wedding or big holiday mass could run a bit longer, but by that I mean like hour and 5 or 10mins.
@hisgirlfriday13 have you ever been to a 2hr Catholic mass? I just haven't. I went to a Byzantine Catholic funeral that was so awful and depressing that it felt like it was 2 hours long. The incense they were burning about killed me!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working
Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss.
What would constitute religious bigotry?
The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
Full Catholic masses are only 45mins to an hour. Sure a wedding or big holiday mass could run a bit longer, but by that I mean like hour and 5 or 10mins.
@hisgirlfriday13 have you ever been to a 2hr Catholic mass? I just haven't. I went to a Byzantine Catholic funeral that was so awful and depressing that it felt like it was 2 hours long. The incense they were burning about killed me!
I grew up Catholic and have only been to one 2 hours mass. Outside of that one, they to run between 45-80 minutes long. Holidays often are on the longer side, Sunday 7:30am the shorter side.
I use to go to the 7:30am Sunday mass in HS because it only lasted about 40 minutes. It was awesome.
For reference, I have attended masses around the country and the world for that matter. The one 2 hours mass was Christmas Eve in Saipan. We showed up 30 minutes before mass and had to sit outside. Hundreds of people were also outside sitting on their cars. It was a carnival atmosphere. People drinking in the parking lot. Big speakers outside so we can listen. Very different than the old school conservative Philadelphia dioceses masses I was use to.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
CASH BAR - I have never seen this and I don't know what I would do if I did. Oh, wait, I'd leave.
Being asked to address my own thank you notes at showers - Same as above - haven't seen it, but my MIL wanted to do it at my shower and I told her straight up I'd be mortified if she did it. So rude.
Not inviting significant others - I might be in the minority here, but I've never heard of not giving everyone over the age of 18 a plus one...until I started planning my own wedding. That said, people that don't extend an invitation to guests in significant relations, long term partners, fiances, husbands, etc. really irk me. A friend of mine just told me last week that she wasn't allowed to bring her boyfriend to her friend's wedding, of which she was MOH.
Not having the same for all guests - a couple my FI and I know told us only the wedding party got "real cake" and only the wedding party got champagne, everyone else got wine and beer. At that point, why not just nix the champagne altogether? Imagine being a guest, deciding upon seeing one of the bridesmaids drinking a glass of champagne that you'd like one too, and then being told that you can't have it because you're not in the wedding party. People actually do stuff like this.
Registry information printed on the invitations or those little cards inserted into the wedding envelope. No no no no no.
Dollar dances - where I'm from, dancing for money describes one thing and one thing only. A friend of mine said, "right, but how else are you going to have time to talk to all of your guests? Trust me, it's the only way." *Sigh.
Before this gets too long, I'll conclude with these equal offenders: b-lists, cash registries, wedding evites (have gotten 2 in the past year), garter toss, big gaps, and finally - late thank you notes. Get your act together - I took the time to pick out a gift for you and attend your wedding, the least you can do is acknowledge that you received it within 3 months (and even that time frame is pushing it IMO), let alone thank me for sending it...
My cousin recently had a 2 hour catholic mass that was all in latin. I had already declined for other reasons, but I wasn't too upset about missing that.
My family is Catholic, so I've been to a billion Catholic weddings. I've never been to one that lasted more than an hour and a half. Most are about an hour and fifteen if everyone's on their game.
My family is Catholic, so I've been to a billion Catholic weddings. I've never been to one that lasted more than an hour and a half. Most are about an hour and fifteen if everyone's on their game.
Hq
Yeah an hour and fifteen to an hour and thirty sounds moret normal. I was referring to a pp comment and I am assuming they were over exaggerating on the 2 hours. My point was that the longer bride and groom choosing the traditional catholic mass over the shortened version is not poor etiquette
So far the only wedding that I have declined due to an E dealbreaker was for a friend of mine. It was a pay your way reception and a two hour drive on top of that. And without SO because no ring, no bring. Besides the bride, the ONLY other person I would know there was someone whose fiance used to bully me. As much as I love her, I'd rather have taken her and her new husband out to dinner another time. It said on the invitation in lieu of gifts, you'll be paying for your own dinner. Not that exact wording, but you get the picture.
I also wasn't invited to the ceremony, which hurt. While that's not technically a breach of etiquette, it made me sad to have not been invited.
Oh shoot I didn't mean the long mass is an etiquette issue. It's a dealbreaker for me, though. Unless I'm very close with the B+G I would decline. If it's a weird distant friend or co-worker, I would say no. I totally respect that, and I am actually religious myself, but 2 hours is too long for me. Personal choice. Not etiquette breaking. Sorry!
I do think making people sit at the reception and watch jeopardy for 3 hours is breaking etiquette. Is it not rude to talk about everyone dancing and hiring a rude DJ and then making everyone sit and watch your show for hours? I know I didn't have to stay. I was waiting to see if there would ever be dancing.
Oh shoot I didn't mean the long mass is an etiquette issue. It's a dealbreaker for me, though. Unless I'm very close with the B+G I would decline. If it's a weird distant friend or co-worker, I would say no. I totally respect that, and I am actually religious myself, but 2 hours is too long for me. Personal choice. Not etiquette breaking. Sorry!
I do think making people sit at the reception and watch jeopardy for 3 hours is breaking etiquette. Is it not rude to talk about everyone dancing and hiring a rude DJ and then making everyone sit and watch your show for hours? I know I didn't have to stay. I was waiting to see if there would ever be dancing.
I understand. I think I would have stayed to see when it would end. It is like watching a train wreck. You can't turn away!
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working
Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss.
What would constitute religious bigotry?
The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
Full Catholic masses are only 45mins to an hour. Sure a wedding or big holiday mass could run a bit longer, but by that I mean like hour and 5 or 10mins.
@hisgirlfriday13 have you ever been to a 2hr Catholic mass? I just haven't. I went to a Byzantine Catholic funeral that was so awful and depressing that it felt like it was 2 hours long. The incense they were burning about killed me!
I grew up Catholic and have only been to one 2 hours mass. Outside of that one, they to run between 45-80 minutes long. Holidays often are on the longer side, Sunday 7:30am the shorter side.
I use to go to the 7:30am Sunday mass in HS because it only lasted about 40 minutes. It was awesome.
For reference, I have attended masses around the country and the world for that matter. The one 2 hours mass was Christmas Eve in Saipan. We showed up 30 minutes before mass and had to sit outside. Hundreds of people were also outside sitting on their cars. It was a carnival atmosphere. People drinking in the parking lot. Big speakers outside so we can listen. Very different than the old school conservative Philadelphia dioceses masses I was use to.
I'm sorry I didn't tag you, hun ><
I apologize to anyone I missed!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Oh shoot I didn't mean the long mass is an etiquette issue. It's a dealbreaker for me, though. Unless I'm very close with the B+G I would decline. If it's a weird distant friend or co-worker, I would say no. I totally respect that, and I am actually religious myself, but 2 hours is too long for me. Personal choice. Not etiquette breaking. Sorry!
I do think making people sit at the reception and watch jeopardy for 3 hours is breaking etiquette. Is it not rude to talk about everyone dancing and hiring a rude DJ and then making everyone sit and watch your show for hours? I know I didn't have to stay. I was waiting to see if there would ever be dancing.
Larry no worries, I didn't take your comment to mean you thought the mass itself was an etiquette issue.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
My family is Catholic, so I've been to a billion Catholic weddings. I've never been to one that lasted more than an hour and a half. Most are about an hour and fifteen if everyone's on their game.
Hq
Yeah an hour and fifteen to an hour and thirty sounds moret normal. I was referring to a pp comment and I am assuming they were over exaggerating on the 2 hours. My point was that the longer bride and groom choosing the traditional catholic mass over the shortened version is not poor etiquette
Probably. I know that my family always make jokes about it being "two hours long" and to "bring a snack", but it's just playful exaggeration. I'm thinking the PP meant the same thing.
When H and I got engaged, about 90% of our friends said something like, "Oh my gosh! Congratulations! ........... Are you guys having a Catholic wedding?"
You could almost hear them sigh in relief when we said no.
Biggest deal-breakers for me are food related...I'm like the Hulk when I get hangry. Nobody wants to see that. No food, running out of food, too long of a wait for food...get me outta there. If there's a gap and I have to buy my own chicken fingers, I'll probably wash them down with a glass or 6 of booze and you'll get drunk Lolo. Have fun with that.
Definitely won't go if FI isn't invited, preferably by name.
Most of the rest I'd only silently judge you for. Forever. And by silently I mean to everyone I know besides you.
I can forgive bad etiquette if I really believe that the person didn't know any better, and was raised badly.
Recently, a former friend of my daughter was married. Note the word former.
She sent a save the date, then cut us from the guest list. Good thing. She spent 6000 on her dress, 5000 on her photographer, God knows how much flying a band in from out of state because they were her fiancé's frat buddies. And then served champagne ONLY to the wedding party. Yep, dry wedding except for the privileged few.
Done. Over. No longer anyone I want anywhere near me.
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working
Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss.
What would constitute religious bigotry?
The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
Full Catholic masses are only 45mins to an hour. Sure a wedding or big holiday mass could run a bit longer, but by that I mean like hour and 5 or 10mins.
@hisgirlfriday13 have you ever been to a 2hr Catholic mass? I just haven't. I went to a Byzantine Catholic funeral that was so awful and depressing that it felt like it was 2 hours long. The incense they were burning about killed me!
I grew up Catholic and have only been to one 2 hours mass. Outside of that one, they to run between 45-80 minutes long. Holidays often are on the longer side, Sunday 7:30am the shorter side.
I use to go to the 7:30am Sunday mass in HS because it only lasted about 40 minutes. It was awesome.
For reference, I have attended masses around the country and the world for that matter. The one 2 hours mass was Christmas Eve in Saipan. We showed up 30 minutes before mass and had to sit outside. Hundreds of people were also outside sitting on their cars. It was a carnival atmosphere. People drinking in the parking lot. Big speakers outside so we can listen. Very different than the old school conservative Philadelphia dioceses masses I was use to.
I'm sorry I didn't tag you, hun ><
I apologize to anyone I missed!
Don't be silly. I grew up Catholic (up to being confirmed) and have been a non-praciting-anything for a long time. My entire family and DH's family are still practicing. I'm still in the know so-to-speak, but not an expert by any means.
Was simply commenting on my personal experience of having attended Catholic masses around the world and the country.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Being invited without FI. I'm not going anywhere he is not welcome.
Blatant cash grabs/ general gift grabby attitude- I am not rich. I will get something thoughtful with what I have- please do not make me feel like what I am already giving will not be enough. If you won't appreciate it, I won't waste my money or time.
Things that would make me leave (As I wouldn't realize beforehand this was happening)
Seating me with random people so we can "Get to know new people-" Fuck you, my anxiety will make me miserable and that whole "Meeting new people" thing will actually be me wanting to hide while other people wonder why the hell I'm being so quiet (And more often than not assume it's because I'm a stuck up bitch because shy people don't exist.) That is not fun. That is the opposite of fun. I will freak out and leave.
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working
Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss.
What would constitute religious bigotry?
The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
Full Catholic masses are only 45mins to an hour. Sure a wedding or big holiday mass could run a bit longer, but by that I mean like hour and 5 or 10mins.
@hisgirlfriday13 have you ever been to a 2hr Catholic mass? I just haven't. I went to a Byzantine Catholic funeral that was so awful and depressing that it felt like it was 2 hours long. The incense they were burning about killed me!
Funny you should ask!! Easter Vigil Mass this year ran two hours and 45 minutes. Other than holy days, though, like Vigil Mass or like Christmas Eve and Easter morning, the masses I've attended have always clocked in right around an hour.
I did attend a Catholic wedding once that was 1.5 hours, but that was because both the bride and groom were Catholic and came from large Catholic families (he was one of 17, she was one of 12), and they invited 400 people, 95% Catholic, to their wedding.
Do you know how long Communion takes when there are almost 400 people receiving Communion? For.Freaking.Ever.
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
Cash bars Having to pay for parking B-listing PPDs Gaps Potluck receptions Tiered receptions Money dances Out-of-control children Cake smashing Being invited without my BF Not enough food/drinks Being treated like an unpaid slave Being treated like a captive audience Being totally ignored by couple/hosts No thank you Religious bigotry
The bolded are not really etiquette issues.
And you are that offended by cake smashing? Really?
--------------------------------- box not working
Agree, these aren't ettiquette issues, I also don't get the issue with bouquet/garter toss.
What would constitute religious bigotry?
The other one mentioned by a pp is the "2 hour catholic mass". A full mass isn't an etiquette issue. Yes, thy can be long but I can still be reapectful of the bride and grooms religious belief
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
Full Catholic masses are only 45mins to an hour. Sure a wedding or big holiday mass could run a bit longer, but by that I mean like hour and 5 or 10mins.
@hisgirlfriday13 have you ever been to a 2hr Catholic mass? I just haven't. I went to a Byzantine Catholic funeral that was so awful and depressing that it felt like it was 2 hours long. The incense they were burning about killed me!
I grew up Catholic and have only been to one 2 hours mass. Outside of that one, they to run between 45-80 minutes long. Holidays often are on the longer side, Sunday 7:30am the shorter side.
I use to go to the 7:30am Sunday mass in HS because it only lasted about 40 minutes. It was awesome.
For reference, I have attended masses around the country and the world for that matter. The one 2 hours mass was Christmas Eve in Saipan. We showed up 30 minutes before mass and had to sit outside. Hundreds of people were also outside sitting on their cars. It was a carnival atmosphere. People drinking in the parking lot. Big speakers outside so we can listen. Very different than the old school conservative Philadelphia dioceses masses I was use to.
I'm sorry I didn't tag you, hun ><
I apologize to anyone I missed!
Don't be silly. I grew up Catholic (up to being confirmed) and have been a non-praciting-anything for a long time. My entire family and DH's family are still practicing. I'm still in the know so-to-speak, but not an expert by any means.
Was simply commenting on my personal experience of having attended Catholic masses around the world and the country.
Yeah, and that is awesome! You seemed to have been able to travel to some really cool places.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Full Catholic masses are only 45mins to an hour. Sure a wedding or big holiday mass could run a bit longer, but by that I mean like hour and 5 or 10mins.
@hisgirlfriday13 have you ever been to a 2hr Catholic mass? I just haven't. I went to a Byzantine Catholic funeral that was so awful and depressing that it felt like it was 2 hours long. The incense they were burning about killed me!
Funny you should ask!! Easter Vigil Mass this year ran two hours and 45 minutes. Other than holy days, though, like Vigil Mass or like Christmas Eve and Easter morning, the masses I've attended have always clocked in right around an hour.
I did attend a Catholic wedding once that was 1.5 hours, but that was because both the bride and groom were Catholic and came from large Catholic families (he was one of 17, she was one of 12), and they invited 400 people, 95% Catholic, to their wedding.
Do you know how long Communion takes when there are almost 400 people receiving Communion? For.Freaking.Ever.
Did they have multiple people giving out communion and the wine?
FI's parent's church is huge and sometimes they only have the priest and one other person handling communion/wine. . . and that takes forever.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?
Have a nice day.
Not inviting SOs makes me pretty angry, and I was addressed as "and guest" once and a bit offended by that as well to be honest.
Not serving a meal at mealtime would be a reason I would consider not attending.
Really long gaps also annoy me, and if your venues are more than a 20 minute drive apart I will also be pretty peeved. If you live in the country though and your church isn't near ANYTHING, I wouldn't mind the drive as much...but if you make me drive through suburban sprawl for 45 minutes between venues I'll just think "why!?"
When I was about 14 or so, I went to a cousin's wedding with a dollar dance and that made me so uncomfortable. Even then, I knew it was wrong--so those bother me quite a bit.
Things I get annoyed by that aren't etiquette issues:
-weddings on any day other than Saturday
-weddings on holiday weekends
-really long Catholic mass weddings (can't you do a shortened version of the mass so your wedding is only 45 minutes, not 2 hours?)
-awkward wedding websites with wayyyy too much information/are AWish
-revealing wedding or bridesmaid dresses, especially if your wedding is in a church (I'm probably alone in this, but I would NOT feel comfortable wearing a strapless dress to church on Sunday, therefore I'm wouldn't be comfortable in a strapless wedding dress at a church wedding)
-music that is too loud
-destination weddings--if it's the hometown of one person, the place you met, the place you lived for a while, etc, I'll understand, but just going to some far off local because it sounds fun just doesn't make sense to me
Oh, that makes sense
I have never been to or heard of any Catholic mass that was 2 hours long. Not a wedding and not even Christmas or Easter masses in packed churches. Is that an Orthodox thing?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Idk, it was mentioned in a previous comment. I am assuming it's an over stated amount of time, and is just referring to having a full mass for a wedding instead of the shorter version. Someone making the choice to have a full mass is not an etiquette issue.
Full Catholic masses are only 45mins to an hour. Sure a wedding or big holiday mass could run a bit longer, but by that I mean like hour and 5 or 10mins.
@hisgirlfriday13 have you ever been to a 2hr Catholic mass? I just haven't. I went to a Byzantine Catholic funeral that was so awful and depressing that it felt like it was 2 hours long. The incense they were burning about killed me!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
CASH BAR - I have never seen this and I don't know what I would do if I did. Oh, wait, I'd leave.
Being asked to address my own thank you notes at showers - Same as above - haven't seen it, but my MIL wanted to do it at my shower and I told her straight up I'd be mortified if she did it. So rude.
Not inviting significant others - I might be in the minority here, but I've never heard of not giving everyone over the age of 18 a plus one...until I started planning my own wedding. That said, people that don't extend an invitation to guests in significant relations, long term partners, fiances, husbands, etc. really irk me. A friend of mine just told me last week that she wasn't allowed to bring her boyfriend to her friend's wedding, of which she was MOH.
Not having the same for all guests - a couple my FI and I know told us only the wedding party got "real cake" and only the wedding party got champagne, everyone else got wine and beer. At that point, why not just nix the champagne altogether? Imagine being a guest, deciding upon seeing one of the bridesmaids drinking a glass of champagne that you'd like one too, and then being told that you can't have it because you're not in the wedding party. People actually do stuff like this.
Registry information printed on the invitations or those little cards inserted into the wedding envelope. No no no no no.
Dollar dances - where I'm from, dancing for money describes one thing and one thing only. A friend of mine said, "right, but how else are you going to have time to talk to all of your guests? Trust me, it's the only way." *Sigh.
Before this gets too long, I'll conclude with these equal offenders: b-lists, cash registries, wedding evites (have gotten 2 in the past year), garter toss, big gaps, and finally - late thank you notes. Get your act together - I took the time to pick out a gift for you and attend your wedding, the least you can do is acknowledge that you received it within 3 months (and even that time frame is pushing it IMO), let alone thank me for sending it...
Yeah an hour and fifteen to an hour and thirty sounds moret normal. I was referring to a pp comment and I am assuming they were over exaggerating on the 2 hours. My point was that the longer bride and groom choosing the traditional catholic mass over the shortened version is not poor etiquette
It said on the invitation in lieu of gifts, you'll be paying for your own dinner. Not that exact wording, but you get the picture.
I also wasn't invited to the ceremony, which hurt. While that's not technically a breach of etiquette, it made me sad to have not been invited.
I apologize to anyone I missed!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Definitely won't go if FI isn't invited, preferably by name.
Most of the rest I'd only silently judge you for. Forever. And by silently I mean to everyone I know besides you.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
FI's parent's church is huge and sometimes they only have the priest and one other person handling communion/wine. . . and that takes forever.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."