Wedding Etiquette Forum

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

1568101133

Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

  • While some have mentioned it is rude not to include boyfriends, etiquette says that it is only necessarily to include spouses, those living with their significant other, or engaged couples.  We're 26, and if we included all of our non-engaged, non-living together, non-married friends' significant others, this would add at least 60, if not more, people to our guests list.  The exceptions we made are if we are friends with both members of the couple. Another exception to this is if the guest does not know anyone else really at the wedding.  Then you would give a plus one. With food costs &  open bar being from $60-$100/person, that is quite a bit of money to add, especially if you do not know the person. 

    Emily Post and here are great resources for proper etiquette:

    http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#127515

    alyshlangwatts12
  • cmb08cmb08 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    It's really depressing to see that weddings have gone from being a celebration of a couple's marriage, an opportunity to support them and congratulate them on their new life together... And turned into an opportunity for entitled, bitchy guests to complain about every last detail that doesn't meet their expectations.

    Keep this in mind: this is the bride and groom's day to be treated like royalty and showered with love and support by all those who are close to them. It is NOT an opportunity for guests to be treated to dinner and entertained for five or more hours on the new (probably kind of broke) couple's dime.

    If you don't approve of the way the couple is planning their celebration, you have two choices: suck it up and be nice because you love them, or stay out of it. By showing up and complaining or walking out or otherwise making a scene, you are helping ruin their special day, and your etiquette is worse than theirs.

    Rant over, thanks.
    HAHAHAHAHA Oh man.  Just picked myself up off the floor laughing with this one.

    Entitled much, are we?
    Looks like you totally missed the point by fixating on that one sentence. Shall I reiterate? The bride and groom are spending a lot of money to throw a nice party for their friends and family. If you really can't appreciate that and decide to nitpick their choices, you shouldn't be there in the first place. Make sense?

    I'm not saying that the B and G should be entitled, I'm saying that overly entitled guests are just as bad if not worse.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    This is an ethnic tradition...  Different ethnicities have different meanings/symbolism.  This is definitely optional.  I guess this is a play by ear situation, if majority of your guests are like you, who probably have not heard of this, you probably shouldn't have one as it may come off as tacky.  But if your guests are from the below ethnicities, it is almost expected for you to have one.  

    I think the cultural differences were discussed on another thread. Consensus seemed to be, 'If it's a heritage thing, fine. But don't expect me to participate.'
    I'll say it again, money dances are supposed to be an "Italian thing" and yet my entire family finds them tacky and they are not done at our weddings.

    So I don't buy the "it's an insert ethnicity thing" rationale.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    ashley8918
  • Gross, newly engaged people having opinions! How dare they!
    cmb08
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    @hisgirlfriday13 - where is your Announcement thread.  


    it's clear it's need to resurface. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    It's really depressing to see that weddings have gone from being a celebration of a couple's marriage, an opportunity to support them and congratulate them on their new life together... And turned into an opportunity for entitled, bitchy guests to complain about every last detail that doesn't meet their expectations.

    Keep this in mind: this is the bride and groom's day to be treated like royalty and showered with love and support by all those who are close to them. It is NOT an opportunity for guests to be treated to dinner and entertained for five or more hours on the new (probably kind of broke) couple's dime.

    If you don't approve of the way the couple is planning their celebration, you have two choices: suck it up and be nice because you love them, or stay out of it. By showing up and complaining or walking out or otherwise making a scene, you are helping ruin their special day, and your etiquette is worse than theirs.

    Rant over, thanks.
    O.M.F.G.

    No, your wedding day is not your day to be 'treated like royalty,' unless you are the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, and they're far too classy to be rude.

    A wedding reception is, in fact, BY DEFINITION, a chance for guests to be treated to dinner and entertained.

    No one is saying you have to have more of a reception than you can afford. What we are saying is you have to host people properly within the limits of what you can afford.

    Can't afford an open bar? Fine, have a limited bar or a dry wedding. Neither of those is against etiquette.

    Can't afford a full meal for your desired guest list? Fine, have a wedding that's not over a mealtime and serve cake and punch or light hors d'oeuvres. Neither of those is against etiquette.

    But it has always been and will always be rude to invite guests to something under the pretenses that you're 'hosting' them and then you -- SURPRISE!! -- spring on them that they're hosting you by paying for their booze. That's called a bait-and-switch, and it's rude.

    Also, actions have consequences. If your actions are to treat your guests like walking ATMs or to take for granted their time in coming to your wedding, the consequence is that they'll probably stop being your friend.
    *Fills out BINGO card*
    The problem with saying the stop being your friend part is that we are overrun by people who think it is okay, so many will probably support that decision and not stop being their friend (ie enablers) and it sucks, but our world is headed that way. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • lyndausvi said:
    @hisgirlfriday13 - where is your Announcement thread.  


    it's clear it's need to resurface. 
    Ask and ye shall receive: 

    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    lyndausvi
  • What if only invite immediate family to Wedding and everyone to Reception??? Is that okay to do? I hope so since that is what we are doing. Though I did use my facebook and personal chances to invite those who may want to come and see us married. I worded it " we would love anyone who wants to join us in our marriage to come" Most of our friends know that just immediate family was not a slight to them but that we were really wanting them to help us celebrate after.
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What if only invite immediate family to Wedding and everyone to Reception??? Is that okay to do? I hope so since that is what we are doing. Though I did use my facebook and personal chances to invite those who may want to come and see us married. I worded it " we would love anyone who wants to join us in our marriage to come" Most of our friends know that just immediate family was not a slight to them but that we were really wanting them to help us celebrate after.
    As long as it is immediately family ONLY at the ceremony, you're okay. If you've started to invite anyone outside of that circle to the ceremony, even verbally, then you need to invite everyone to both.
    pinkshorts27PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]smgold6
  • I'm planning a wedding as well, and yes I agree there are sacrifices couples needed to make, and of course thank you's are always a plus, however I am saying that people have become to picky especially for being a guest to a wedding. It's definitely tough planning a wedding, and with having all the pressures of what GUESTS expect, it can definitely freak someone out. What happened with the couples' expectations?  I did not read your post, as there are so many to read, but I definitely will. 
    southerngirl2011
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What if only invite immediate family to Wedding and everyone to Reception??? Is that okay to do? I hope so since that is what we are doing. Though I did use my facebook and personal chances to invite those who may want to come and see us married. I worded it " we would love anyone who wants to join us in our marriage to come" Most of our friends know that just immediate family was not a slight to them but that we were really wanting them to help us celebrate after.
    If by immediate family that is just your parents and siblings, maybe grand parents.  And the total number of all of those people is less than 10 or 15 people out of a 100+ reception later.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • My thinking on cash bars is this: it's ok to have cash bar for alcohol, since not everyone in attendance will be drinking alcohol (ie, it's optional).  Obviously that doesn't apply to chairs, table space, a serving of each food, because every single guest will be partaking in sitting at a table and eating.  It's a good idea to have some type of non-alcoholic beverage that doesn't require payment to a cash bar, but I don't think it's poor etiquette to have a cash bar when open bars are so expensive.  Personally, I would rather attend a friend's wedding and have to pay for a drink (or not drink) than to simply not be invited at all.
    southerngirl2011
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Elaine727 said:
    My thinking on cash bars is this: it's ok to have cash bar for alcohol, since not everyone in attendance will be drinking alcohol (ie, it's optional).  Obviously that doesn't apply to chairs, table space, a serving of each food, because every single guest will be partaking in sitting at a table and eating.  It's a good idea to have some type of non-alcoholic beverage that doesn't require payment to a cash bar, but I don't think it's poor etiquette to have a cash bar when open bars are so expensive.  Personally, I would rather attend a friend's wedding and have to pay for a drink (or not drink) than to simply not be invited at all.
    Elaine727 did you read my post about cash bars? Do you want to alienate those who can't afford the luxury item you offer to the richer of your guests?

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    CrazyCatLady3perdonami
  • Listen, no need to curse first of all, all I'm saying that people are too picky. I'm not saying to NOT give a thank you note, I'm just saying asking for a thank you note right after the wedding when you are obviously celebrating your honeymoon is a little tough. If you're inviting a co-worker and have never met their SO then... that makes no sense... The asking for money thing, I agree it's tacky, and I would not do that... but some things people are putting is asking for too much... it's a wedding!! a PARTY!!! not an Oscars Award show... people...relax... if you don't like what's going on in a wedding or what's going to happen at a wedding leave or kindly reply no. That's all I'm saying people!!!! 
    Adprice85southerngirl2011
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

     @kmmssg thank you for posting that!

  • YESSSSS!!! AGREED! 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Listen, no need to curse first of all, all I'm saying that people are too picky. I'm not saying to NOT give a thank you note, I'm just saying asking for a thank you note right after the wedding when you are obviously celebrating your honeymoon is a little tough. If you're inviting a co-worker and have never met their SO then... that makes no sense... The asking for money thing, I agree it's tacky, and I would not do that... but some things people are putting is asking for too much... it's a wedding!! a PARTY!!! not an Oscars Award show... people...relax... if you don't like what's going on in a wedding or what's going to happen at a wedding leave or kindly reply no. That's all I'm saying people!!!! 
    The problem is that you don't typically know you are going to be attending an event with a cash bar, or no food during a mealtime, etc. until you are already there.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    CrazyCatLady3HisGirlFriday13RebeccaB88smgold6
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards