What are your etiquette deal breakers?

lalapalooza2222 · April 2014

Actually I did write a check printed out there honeymoon fund voucher and gave it to them on there wedding day. It was cute the voucher was sweet and you know what my friends thank you card was of her and her husband having espressos in Paris. And since the voucher was for that it was so much more thoughtful and sweet. So I personally have nothing against it.

HeatherArena · April 2014

I am doing a store registry and a honeymoon registry. For the honeymoon registry, we are doing things like, host our first night dinner at such and such a restaurant in such and such a town or help us do some sightseeing and we picked out items we wanted to do.

I don't really think this is an issue as I have done this at other people's weddings and it doesn't bother me. We aren't doing it as a shameless request for money. We both have our own apartments and our own stuff that we have been collecting a purchasing for almost 10 years. we don't need or want to throw half of our stuff away to make room for other "stuff" people buy us.

So a honeymoon registry is a nice thing so that we can have people participate without us having to come up with more stuff for people to buy us. Just some thoughts from someone who is doing a Honeymoon Registry. We are NOT doing a dollar dance. Those are just tacky I think.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts since I am currently planning my wedding, but some of you are asking a lot for the bride and her family to pay for everything. What's wrong with a cash bar? I've gone to LOTS of weddings and paid for a drink. It's not the family is making money off of you.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

HeatherArena said:

I am doing a store registry and a honeymoon registry. For the honeymoon registry, we are doing things like, host our first night dinner at such and such a restaurant in such and such a town or help us do some sightseeing and we picked out items we wanted to do.
I don't really think this is an issue as I have done this at other people's weddings and it doesn't bother me. We aren't doing it as a shameless request for money. We both have our own apartments and our own stuff that we have been collecting a purchasing for almost 10 years. we don't need or want to throw half of our stuff away to make room for other "stuff" people buy us.

So a honeymoon registry is a nice thing so that we can have people participate without us having to come up with more stuff for people to buy us. Just some thoughts from someone who is doing a Honeymoon Registry. We are NOT doing a dollar dance. Those are just tacky I think.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts since I am currently planning my wedding, but some of you are asking a lot for the bride and her family to pay for everything. What's wrong with a cash bar? I've gone to LOTS of weddings and paid for a drink. It's not the family is making money off of you.

You've got to be fucking kidding me!

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

Fran1985 said:

To me it seems the defining line is whether you as the bride feel that your guests should be honored that they were invited, or if you as the bride feel honored that your guests came to your wedding. Group one doesn't care about etiquette because they think anything they give their guests is a perk ("I'm already paying for a full meal", etc) Group two is very concerned with etiquette, because they realize they have been honored are want to reciprocate by making their guests feel honored.
I'm surprised that people would come on this thread and brag that they are more important than their loved ones, or that the day is all about them. My number one concern about my wedding is that my guests have a good time. We are having a wedding FOR our family and friends. We could have eloped but we wanted to have our family and friends there. So the party is for them.
Also on the note of registries- if you have been together for 10 years and have everything you need that congratulations- you are super blessed. It doesn't mean you should run out and ask for money. I really feel that most registries and showers are outdated because people are getting married later but realize I am in the minority in this. I just think that if I was a 21 year old bride, I'd graciously accept the shower and wedding gifts, but as a 30 year old bride I just want to give my friends a good party.

I tip my hat to Fran, MagicInk, jdluvr, and everyone else who has said that it's the Bride and Groom that should be honored by the presence of their guests.

I'm not getting married to be the center of attention or to be Diva for a day. I've had leads in musicals, I've been the star. It's fun to have everyone applaud you, but that's not the point of a wedding.

I'm getting married to my FI because I love him and we want to spend the rest of our lives together *hopefully* We are throwing a huge wedding and reception because we can't imagine not sharing this decision with everyone else that we love. . . and we want to fucking party down with all of them!

You gals that think your guests should be honored to attend your wedding? Go participate in a theatrical performance if you want to trot around and be center stage all day. You are missing the point of what a wedding is all about, and you make me think of Kanye and a line from "Stronger"

"Bow in the presence of greatness
'cause right now thou hast forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit"

ahagemann · April 2014

Wow. Where's the etiquette deal breakers for guests?

In defense of B-lists, I'm planning a wedding I can afford and have LOTS of friends and family I'd be honored and would love to invite. You're put in the unfortunate position of planning for the wedding you can afford or doing something else tacky like a cash bar to stretch the budget. I understand your feelings are hurt for being put on second string but understand where the couple is coming from, they'd love to have you there on their happy day but they can't have everyone there. Close family comes first and might butt out friends and family you love but aren't sure you can include right away.

Same goes for not inviting your SO, if it's important to you, ask if you can bring them, if not then kindly decline your invitation. It's simple and polite and you don't have to hold a petty grudge you complain about on the internet later.

chibiyui · April 2014

HeatherArena said:
I am doing a store registry and a honeymoon registry. For the honeymoon registry, we are doing things like, host our first night dinner at such and such a restaurant in such and such a town or help us do some sightseeing and we picked out items we wanted to do.
I don't really think this is an issue as I have done this at other people's weddings and it doesn't bother me. We aren't doing it as a shameless request for money. We both have our own apartments and our own stuff that we have been collecting a purchasing for almost 10 years. we don't need or want to throw half of our stuff away to make room for other "stuff" people buy us.

So a honeymoon registry is a nice thing so that we can have people participate without us having to come up with more stuff for people to buy us. Just some thoughts from someone who is doing a Honeymoon Registry. We are NOT doing a dollar dance. Those are just tacky I think.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts since I am currently planning my wedding, but some of you are asking a lot for the bride and her family to pay for everything. What's wrong with a cash bar? I've gone to LOTS of weddings and paid for a drink. It's not the family is making money off of you.

Ya know if you scaled back your honeymoon, you could afford beer and wine for your guests.

Viczaesar · April 2014

pinkshorts27 said:

Elaine727 said:

Elaine727 said:

My thinking on cash bars is this: it's ok to have cash bar for alcohol, since not everyone in attendance will be drinking alcohol (ie, it's optional). Obviously that doesn't apply to chairs, table space, a serving of each food, because every single guest will be partaking in sitting at a table and eating. It's a good idea to have some type of non-alcoholic beverage that doesn't require payment to a cash bar, but I don't think it's poor etiquette to have a cash bar when open bars are so expensive. Personally, I would rather attend a friend's wedding and have to pay for a drink (or not drink) than to simply not be invited at all.

Elaine727 did you read my post about cash bars? Do you want to alienate those who can't afford the luxury item you offer to the richer of your guests?
http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/comment/7214985/#Comment_7214985

Nope. tl; dr lol

Elaine727
Here is the middle paragraph and most important:
We drove to the wedding with 20 dollars in our bank account. Granted we had more in our savings, but we don't touch that money. We got there early and realized we should have brought the gift, when the MOB scolded us. We were young and didn't know better. We were just proud of being able to afford a gift and we handmade the card. It was hot and outdoor wedding with an indoor reception. While waiting for the wedding to start we went to get a soda and they tried to charge us and at that moment we knew we would watch many of our HS friends drink that night and we would not be able to have a drink, except water. I could see the disappointment on FIs face, who never thought twice about cash bars until we were the odd guests that couldn't justify spending our last 20 dollars on maybe 3 drinks.

I read this the first time, but I have to say, reading it again makes me so sad. Nobody should have to feel that way.

sofakingmad · April 2014

lyndausvi said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

kbwhitlock said:

I have never even heard of a wedding without a gap between the wedding and reception. When are people suppose to take pictures?! COCKTAIL HOUR!! COCKTAIL HOUR!! As in one hour to 90mins tops. Then get your ass to the reception because ppl are waiting for you to show up so that they can eat and party with you.
Pictures DO NOT need to take 2 hours or more. If you want to take pictures at 20 different locations then set up a Rock the Dress/Trash the Dress session for another date with your photographers and your husband. . . because your bridal party doesn't want to be dragged all over God's green earth to stand around and watch you take pictures for 2 hours. They'd rather be eating, drinking, and socializing with the rest of your guests.
Want to take 1000 family portraits? Do that at the reception, after dinner.
I just grab a drink with friends attending the wedding or run home and freshen up. No big thing! What were you doing during the wedding ceremony that you needed to freshen up afterwards? Aerobics? Wrestling? I have never needed to freshen up after a wedding ><

I always wonder what kind of ceremonies need refeshing afterwards. Most gaps seem to be caused by Catholics, as someone who grew up Catholic and have been to more weddings then I can count I don't get it.

It's not a deal breaker for me. I have to attend one in the fall. OOT wedding for me. All the people I know at the wedding are in the WP, including DH. I just can't wait to figure out what I'm going to be doing for those hours while they are all taking pictures.

I know in my circle it's common place to wear one thing to the ceremony (like a pants suit or something less flashy) and change for the reception/wear more dramatic make up/change hair, etc. But that's also probably because people are so used to gaps that they started that tradition.

And even though they are normal in my circle, they are such a pain in the ass that oftentimes people opt to skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. Which obviously is also rude, but when you have 3-4 hours in between, you have to kind of expect that.

lyndausvi · April 2014

Personal story about HM funds.

We normally give cash. We were invited to a wedding of a couple in our extended social group. DH was all about the HM registry. So I decided to buy something from there. I picked the $180 helicopter ride. It was more than we would spend on extended friends, but we missed out on going on a helicopter ride during our own HM due to weather, so I was excited at the thought someone else would get the opportunity.

Just after the wedding we ran into the couple in a bar. They were talking to us and others how they just got the check from the HM fund. How great it was to now have all this extra money. They went on to say they put the large ticket items to get more money and not intention to do those activities.

I'm not one to be rude and call them out, so I just let it go. Let me tell you I was SO disappointed. It was like a balloon has burst. Then I found out that the company takes a cut? WHAT? You mean I spend more on your than I normally do for you to not get all I spent anyway I could have just wrote a check or given cash for the lesser amount.

GRR

Now I know not all couples would do that, but it really, really rubs me the wrong way. I would rather just stick to my normal plan of just giving cash.

Oh and if you invite me to a bridal shower with only a HM registry I'm flat out declining. showers are gift giving events, not give me cash events. They are to set your home up for the future. If you already have an established home (I did, so I get it), then decline the shower. Pretty simple actually.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

ediehelena said:

Actually, not at all lazy, I read through a bunch of the thread to what I thought was the end, but I'm new to this particular board interface and thought I'd reached thread's end when really I hadn't.

Or they wrote when you were typing, but we have so many people that just ignore the middle comments. I didn't mean to jump on the angry train. It is just something that happens so often.

VLDicus · April 2014

I don't think electronic save the dates are bad etiquette. We are having a DW with my fiance's family coming from all over the country and even some from out of the country. We send an RSVP form which allowed guested to give us their most current address to sent the official invitations to, we were also able to ask about things like number attending and dietary restrictions to give us the best idea moving forward. The form could be completed in under a minute.

We also go a good sense of who was really interested in coming and who wasn't family wise early enough to be able to extent the invitation to more people. You can call it a B-list and brand me with a scarlet B but our venue only hold 250. This why of sending out the save the date this way allowed us to have a bigger list with out inviting more people than we had room for.

This venue was picked specifically with the guests in mind as it is centrally located in a very walk able city. I haven't arrange for travel from the airport to the hotel, but considering we are hosting a Friday dinner for ALL wedding guests, the wedding and reception and a farewell brunch Sunday, I'm sure our families will understand. Plus, everyone is coming in at different times on different airlines and figuring out transportation to the hotel would be a nightmare.

I understand both arguments on this page, but at the end of the day I think any guest getting offended over something someone has chosen to do at their own wedding is ridiculous.

The only wedding I say no to are back home because flying back home for a wedding can just be more than I can afford sometimes.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

WHY IN THE EVERLIVING FUCK DO PEOPLE INSIST THAT THEY NEED AND ARE ENTITLED TO A FUCKING HONEYMOON?!

Traditional wedding gifts were intended to stock a new couple's home, to set them up for a new life together. They were a replacement for the dowry system - parents can't afford to send you on your way with 6 bags of grain and 2 goats? The community will come together and gift them to you. That has evolved to blenders and bath towels. Registries are a further evolution by which to indicate "if you'd like to buy me a towel, I prefer this grey one. If you'd like to buy me a blender, this will tell you if someone already did. If I don't have a stand mixer on here, it's likely because I already have one." Additionally, it is now proper to buy the couple things they may use together, via a hobby or shared interest (matching luggage). Cash is always a proper wedding gift because CASH IS ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE AROUND. It always helps, and is always welcome. This is not a secret.

A HONEYMOON HAS ZERO BEARING ON YOUR ABILITY TO START LIFE TOGETHER. You don't get to say "I already have 6 bath towels, but you know what I haven't done? Singing lessons from a parrot in Fiji. That'll be $169, so please pay $200 to this website. Kthanxbai."

Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?

Do you realize you're asking people who may never have gotten a honeymoon themselves (because they couldn't afford it), to fund yours because that's more interesting than towels?

Do you realize you're saying "sorry 'bout your luck, other brides, I bought my own damn towels so while you're stuck with crap boxed gifts, I get an amazing adventure."

It's RUDE! To me, the site taking a cut of it is the least offensive part. I know everyone profits somewhere, it's just less obvious with a toaster than an excursion. But you're saying "I'm entitled to a fantastic adventure, because I performed this wonderfully amazing act of GETTING MARRIED and now you must reward me." It's not that amazing! People do it all the time! You haven't accomplished anything that remarkable that you should be rewarded. Traditional wedding gifts, even cash, are not rewards. They are HELP so that you don't start your life dirtassbroke because you spent so much money properly hosting your guests and now can't afford your own damn towels.

If you don't need household goods, don't have a registry. People will still have the BASIC KNOWLEDGE that "gifts should help a new couple starting out, and cash is the best vehicle for accomplishing that." You then get to spend that cash however you want. Make a car payment. Get a cavity filled. Take singing lessons from a parrot in Fiji. The gift was given freely, without persuasion or limitation, and spending it makes yourself less broke. But you cannot insist that their generous gift go toward your honeymoon. You just can't.

sofakingmad · April 2014

VLDicus said:

We also go a good sense of who was really interested in coming and who wasn't family wise early enough to be able to extent the invitation to more people. You can call it a B-list and brand me with a scarlet B but our venue only hold 250. This why of sending out the save the date this way allowed us to have a bigger list with out inviting more people than we had room for.

I also had a DW and believe me, STDs are no indication of who is actually going to come. A lot of people will say yes right away and then look at their budget and realize they can't go and then others will say no, but then realize that they want to go.

I wouldn't invite over what you can afford and what your venue can hold.

Just remember, if you send someone an STD, you have to send them an invite, even if they decline early on.

MAESADER · April 2014

I'm new. Can someone please define what PPD and gap mean?

lyndausvi · April 2014

antibride2013 · April 2014

Question for all the special snowflakes who think their honeymoon registries are awesome......

What are guests to do if they absolutely refuse to give money in any shape or form? Or are so offended by the thought that you are so rude and tacky to list a honeymoon registry even if you do have another registry?

If I was invited to a wedding with a HM registry listed anywhere, you are getting a empty card from me. I refuse to give cash for weddings. It is very impersonal. So since I won't give cash, and all you have listed is a HM registry,to me you have asked for no gift when in essence I would have LOVED to get a beautiful pricy gift from your registry. So you are not allowed to talk about "how they came to our wedding and didn't even give us a gift".

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

MAESADER said:

I'm new. Can someone please define what PPD and gap mean?

This is not the right thread to be figuring out all this stuff. Go read some other threads, starting with the stickies.

http://forums.theknot.com/categories/wedding-boards_etiquette

sofakingmad · April 2014

antibride2013 said:

Question for all the special snowflakes who think their honeymoon registries are awesome......

What are guests to do if they absolutely refuse to give money in any shape or form? Or are so offended by the thought that you are so rude and tacky to list a honeymoon registry even if you do have another registry?

If I was invited to a wedding with a HM registry listed anywhere, you are getting a empty card from me. I refuse to give cash for weddings. It is very impersonal. So since I won't give cash, and all you have listed is a HM registry,to me you have asked for no gift when in essence I would have LOVED to get a beautiful pricy gift from your registry. So you are not allowed to talk about "how they came to our wedding and didn't even give us a gift".

You know that you can just go and buy a gift from a store? You don't have to go off of any registry.

offthemarket915 · April 2014

Here's the best way I know of to explain how rude cash bars are, imo...

Let's say you are hosting a dinner party at your house. After a little shopping you realize that you cannot afford to serve filet mignon AND serve wine with dinner. Would you decide to serve the steak anyway and ask your guests for money at the door to cover the wine? No, you would not. (And I realize that people often bring wine to a dinner party but they do not to a reception so we won't consider that in this example). Any decent, polite person would serve something else for dinner so that they could afford to include the wine. It is the same thing when you are inviting GUESTS to your wedding.

Yes, it is the same thing. Yes. It is.

Those that say they cannot afford the bar tab are just not trying that hard, imo. How much did you spend on a dress? Accessories? Lingerie? Invitations? Venue? When's the last time you bought new clothes or had your nails done? How many conversations have you had with your venue about creative options to keep the bar tab down? And the cases where guests even have to pay for soda? Inexcusable. And spare me all the replies detailing your special circumstances that somehow excuse you from polite society. Everyone has something to deal with or work around, even me, and my budget is larger than most. We still had to cut back in some areas, or find deals where possible to ensure that we could have the 'extras' we wanted. It's possible to work it all out. You just have to step down off your pedestal, Princess Snowflake, and put your big girl panties on.

lyndausvi · April 2014

antibride2013 said:

Question for all the special snowflakes who think their honeymoon registries are awesome......

What are guests to do if they absolutely refuse to give money in any shape or form? Or are so offended by the thought that you are so rude and tacky to list a honeymoon registry even if you do have another registry?

If I was invited to a wedding with a HM registry listed anywhere, you are getting a empty card from me. I refuse to give cash for weddings. It is very impersonal. So since I won't give cash, and all you have listed is a HM registry,to me you have asked for no gift when in essence I would have LOVED to get a beautiful pricy gift from your registry. So you are not allowed to talk about "how they came to our wedding and didn't even give us a gift".

You know that you can just go and buy a gift from a store? You don't have to go off of any registry.

** STUCK IN BOX ***

2 of my most favorite gifts were hand made gifts. It think @hisgirlfriday13 often knits, sews a blanket or quilt as wedding gifts (can't remember which) I'm actually sad I wasn't her real life friend when I got married. I LOVE hand made blankets and quilts.

ediehelena · April 2014

I was once a regular at a message board, pinkshorts, so I totally understand the aggravation acquainting newbies can bring. Thanks for the follow up comment!

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

lyndausvi said:

antibride2013 said:

Question for all the special snowflakes who think their honeymoon registries are awesome......

What are guests to do if they absolutely refuse to give money in any shape or form? Or are so offended by the thought that you are so rude and tacky to list a honeymoon registry even if you do have another registry?

If I was invited to a wedding with a HM registry listed anywhere, you are getting a empty card from me. I refuse to give cash for weddings. It is very impersonal. So since I won't give cash, and all you have listed is a HM registry,to me you have asked for no gift when in essence I would have LOVED to get a beautiful pricy gift from your registry. So you are not allowed to talk about "how they came to our wedding and didn't even give us a gift".

You know that you can just go and buy a gift from a store? You don't have to go off of any registry.

** STUCK IN BOX ***
2 of my most favorite gifts were hand made gifts. It think @hisgirlfriday13 often knits, sews a blanket or quilt as wedding gifts (can't remember which) I'm actually sad I wasn't her real life friend when I got married. I LOVE hand made blankets and quilts.

I really hope my aunt makes me a quilt. She does them for weddings and big anniversaries. I got a small one for my graduation. I'm hoping I'm getting lucky enough for a big one for our bed. She does amazing work!

offthemarket915 · April 2014

@lolo883 I love you. That is all.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

@offthemarket915

grumbledore · April 2014

MAESADER said:

I'm new. Can someone please define what PPD and gap mean?

No.

SJayeP · April 2014

WOW - I am amazed at some of these comments. Time's have changed and things are WAY different then they used to be.

Making it special for the bride and groom is what is important. If things become out of budget don't feel like you need to break the bank to provide free alcohol or that by not having an open bar people will want to leave. This should be the least of your concern.

Not everyone has unlimited budgets to do everything perfectly or to invite everyone they want to. I can guarantee people will still be pissed off about something EVEN if you provide a perfect timeline, constant entertainment and free booze.

If you want a theme wedding HAVE ONE, if guests are that turned off by what you are asking them to come dressed in DON'T GO! If the invitations state black-tie and you don't want to dress up that much, then don't, BUT - be ready to stand out.

I have no idea what the dollar dances are all about so I will leave that alone.

I know I have NO interest in meeting tons of people for the first time the day of my wedding. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and not someone's fling of the week. I agree that if they are married or have been together for a long period of time, yes you invite the significant other EVEN if you don't know them. BUT, if you have single friends and don't have a huge budget to work with DON'T feel bad telling them they can't bring joe shmo to the wedding. IT'S ONE NIGHT! If they care about you they will understand.

Maybe some people would prefer cash over another mixing bowl from Crate & Barrel. Maybe they spent so much on the wedding they are in a ton of debt and would like to pay a little bit off. If you plan to spend X amount at Crate & Barrel what's the big deal about putting X amount of cash in a card instead?

You may need to do a tiered wedding becasue your dream venue for the ceremony only fits 20 but you have 200 on your guest list. IT'S YOUR DAY! Don't completely change your vision because some guests might be offended. Everyone should understand and if they don't, screw them!

Unfortunately you can't please EVERYONE so there will always be some that didn't like this and some that didn't like that. BUT, if you concern yourself with to much of this you are going to over stress yourself and before you know it the wedding becomes about the guests and not about the two of you!

I am not looking to start any sort of argument with any of you. I am a bride in the process of planning and have come to realize you cannot please everyone, you NEVER can. So, instead of going grey and having a few anxiety attacks making sure you haven't offended this person or that person .. ENJOY it and worry about YOU and your SOON-TO-BE-HUBBY!

Do what you want. It's your wedding. It's your day. ENJOY IT!!

VulgarGirl · April 2014

So I'm at work right now and I'm discussing this whole cash bar shit with the other guy here (as an aside he's now obsessed with TK because I keep reading it at work and involving him in whats going on) and he goes "Remember on Sons of Anarchy when Opie married the porn star? I'm pretty sure they didn't have a cash bar. So if an outlaw motorcycle gang knows a cash bar is tacky, then other people should know that too", well there you have it. At the outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding they were classy enough to not charge for booze, do you want your wedding to be less classy then an outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding? I think not.

Couggal12 · April 2014

SJayeP said:

WOW - I am amazed at some of these comments. Time's have changed and things are WAY different then they used to be.

Making it special for the bride and groom is what is important. If things become out of budget don't feel like you need to break the bank to provide free alcohol or that by not having an open bar people will want to leave. This should be the least of your concern.

Not everyone has unlimited budgets to do everything perfectly or to invite everyone they want to. I can guarantee people will still be pissed off about something EVEN if you provide a perfect timeline, constant entertainment and free booze.

If you want a theme wedding HAVE ONE, if guests are that turned off by what you are asking them to come dressed in DON'T GO! If the invitations state black-tie and you don't want to dress up that much, then don't, BUT - be ready to stand out.

I have no idea what the dollar dances are all about so I will leave that alone.

I know I have NO interest in meeting tons of people for the first time the day of my wedding. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and not someone's fling of the week. I agree that if they are married or have been together for a long period of time, yes you invite the significant other EVEN if you don't know them. BUT, if you have single friends and don't have a huge budget to work with DON'T feel bad telling them they can't bring joe shmo to the wedding. IT'S ONE NIGHT! If they care about you they will understand.

Maybe some people would prefer cash over another mixing bowl from Crate & Barrel. Maybe they spent so much on the wedding they are in a ton of debt and would like to pay a little bit off. If you plan to spend X amount at Crate & Barrel what's the big deal about putting X amount of cash in a card instead?

You may need to do a tiered wedding becasue your dream venue for the ceremony only fits 20 but you have 200 on your guest list. IT'S YOUR DAY! Don't completely change your vision because some guests might be offended. Everyone should understand and if they don't, screw them!

Unfortunately you can't please EVERYONE so there will always be some that didn't like this and some that didn't like that. BUT, if you concern yourself with to much of this you are going to over stress yourself and before you know it the wedding becomes about the guests and not about the two of you!

I am not looking to start any sort of argument with any of you. I am a bride in the process of planning and have come to realize you cannot please everyone, you NEVER can. So, instead of going grey and having a few anxiety attacks making sure you haven't offended this person or that person .. ENJOY it and worry about YOU and your SOON-TO-BE-HUBBY!

Do what you want. It's your wedding. It's your day. ENJOY IT!!

Maggie0829 · April 2014

SJayeP said:

WOW - I am amazed at some of these comments. Time's have changed and things are WAY different then they used to be.

Making it special for the bride and groom is what is important. If things become out of budget don't feel like you need to break the bank to provide free alcohol or that by not having an open bar people will want to leave. This should be the least of your concern.

Not everyone has unlimited budgets to do everything perfectly or to invite everyone they want to. I can guarantee people will still be pissed off about something EVEN if you provide a perfect timeline, constant entertainment and free booze.

If you want a theme wedding HAVE ONE, if guests are that turned off by what you are asking them to come dressed in DON'T GO! If the invitations state black-tie and you don't want to dress up that much, then don't, BUT - be ready to stand out.

I have no idea what the dollar dances are all about so I will leave that alone.

I know I have NO interest in meeting tons of people for the first time the day of my wedding. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and not someone's fling of the week. I agree that if they are married or have been together for a long period of time, yes you invite the significant other EVEN if you don't know them. BUT, if you have single friends and don't have a huge budget to work with DON'T feel bad telling them they can't bring joe shmo to the wedding. IT'S ONE NIGHT! If they care about you they will understand.

Maybe some people would prefer cash over another mixing bowl from Crate & Barrel. Maybe they spent so much on the wedding they are in a ton of debt and would like to pay a little bit off. If you plan to spend X amount at Crate & Barrel what's the big deal about putting X amount of cash in a card instead?

You may need to do a tiered wedding becasue your dream venue for the ceremony only fits 20 but you have 200 on your guest list. IT'S YOUR DAY! Don't completely change your vision because some guests might be offended. Everyone should understand and if they don't, screw them!

Unfortunately you can't please EVERYONE so there will always be some that didn't like this and some that didn't like that. BUT, if you concern yourself with to much of this you are going to over stress yourself and before you know it the wedding becomes about the guests and not about the two of you!

I am not looking to start any sort of argument with any of you. I am a bride in the process of planning and have come to realize you cannot please everyone, you NEVER can. So, instead of going grey and having a few anxiety attacks making sure you haven't offended this person or that person .. ENJOY it and worry about YOU and your SOON-TO-BE-HUBBY!

Do what you want. It's your wedding. It's your day. ENJOY IT!!

AddieCake · April 2014

Jesus Fucking Christ.

@PrettyGirlLost Winter done come and I don't think spring is anywhere on the horizon!

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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