• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

1222325272833

Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Here is what bugs me:  super cool trendy -  it is still a wedding, groomsmen chest bumping their bro while wearing sunglasses is just stupid.  Bridesmaids being drunken little morons is just tacky. Little private dance parties to show your rico suave while introducing your wedding party.  Seriously?  Money dance. Enough said.  As far as guest lists, get over it.  Sometimes there are reasons why people aren't invited.  If the only reason you aren't going is because your partner who may not even know the bride or groom then you really shouldn't have been invited either.  I have no problem with registries that include honeymoon items; maybe they don't need more crap in the house, SO WHAT?
    I'd rather spend time with my FI than just about any other single living person on this Earth.  That includes you, Bride and Groom.  Sorry Not Sorry.

    I can't use bold so I'm piggy backing on your post prettygirllost. Lol

    I have on question for those who don't think the SO thing is a big deal. If you don't respect my relationship then why the fuck should I celebrate yours?

    Eta: today has made me realize that I really need to find something constructive to do at work.


    image



    PrettyGirlLostthisismynickname2
  • What in God's name is a dollar dance? 
  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    What in God's name is a dollar dance? 
    Essentially...Strip tease in a wedding dress...except you keep your clothes on and people pay to dance with you.

    I shit you not
    PrettyGirlLost
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    What in God's name is a dollar dance? 
    You pay the bride to dance with her. Sometimes you can pay the groom too. 

    Wow, that really does sound like strippers. I mean, they keep their clothes on but otherwise...give me money for a dance...yeah...strippers. Not that there is anything wrong with strippers. Just don't see them at weddings often.
    image
    image

    PrettyGirlLostchibiyui
  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit Mile High City member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    SJayeP said:
    WOW - I am amazed at some of these comments. Time's have changed and things are WAY different then they used to be.

    Making it special for the bride and groom is what is important. If things become out of budget don't feel like you need to break the bank to provide free alcohol or that by not having an open bar people will want to leave. This should be the least of your concern.

    Not everyone has unlimited budgets to do everything perfectly or to invite everyone they want to. I can guarantee people will still be pissed off about something EVEN if you provide a perfect timeline, constant entertainment and free booze.

    If you want a theme wedding HAVE ONE, if guests are that turned off by what you are asking them to come dressed in DON'T GO! If the invitations state black-tie and you don't want to dress up that much, then don't, BUT - be ready to stand out.

    I have no idea what the dollar dances are all about so I will leave that alone.

    I know I have NO interest in meeting tons of people for the first time the day of my wedding. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and not someone's fling of the week. I agree that if they are married or have been together for a long period of time, yes you invite the significant other EVEN if you don't know them. BUT, if you have single friends and don't have a huge budget to work with DON'T feel bad telling them they can't bring joe shmo to the wedding. IT'S ONE NIGHT! If they care about you they will understand.

    Maybe some people would prefer cash over another mixing bowl from Crate & Barrel. Maybe they spent so much on the wedding they are in a ton of debt and would like to pay a little bit off. If you plan to spend X amount at Crate & Barrel what's the big deal about putting X amount of cash in a card instead?

    You may need to do a tiered wedding becasue your dream venue for the ceremony only fits 20 but you have 200 on your guest list. IT'S YOUR DAY! Don't completely change your vision because some guests might be offended. Everyone should understand and if they don't, screw them!

    Unfortunately you can't please EVERYONE so there will always be some that didn't like this and some that didn't like that. BUT, if you concern yourself with to much of this you are going to over stress yourself and before you know it the wedding becomes about the guests and not about the two of you!

    I am not looking to start any sort of argument with any of you. I am a bride in the process of planning and have come to realize you cannot please everyone, you NEVER can. So, instead of going grey and having a few anxiety attacks making sure you haven't offended this person or that person .. ENJOY it and worry about YOU and your SOON-TO-BE-HUBBY!

    Do what you want. It's your wedding. It's your day. ENJOY IT!!






    Tony! Tony! Tony! Ohhhhhh, TONY!!!!! (...see, @MagicInk, we need him desperately...)
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    jdluvr06PrettyGirlLostmiaawallaceJCbride2015
  • Re: Gaps
    I went to a wedding 2 years ago. My live-in BF (now my DH) was invited but we couldn't afford flights for both of us, so I went alone. The ceremony was at a riverside location at 2PM and lasted 20 minutes. The cocktail hour was at 5PM with dinner to follow at a banquet hall a 15 minute drive away. I was from OOT and didn't know any one besides the B&G and WP. There was nothing nearby (middle of nowhere Ontario, Yay!) so I had over 2 hours to kill. By myself. In my dress clothes. Luckily I tossed a book in the car before I left. I had so much fun (*sarcasm*) sitting on a park bench, dressed up, reading for 2 hours, but what else was I supposed to do?

    Re: Inviting SO's (and PPD's)
    DH and I started dating late March. Early April his friends Mary and John come to him so excited because they have decided to get married. Mary is Canadian and John is American and they want to have the wedding ASAP for immigration reasons. They planned their entire wedding in 6 weeks. Mary wore a traditional wedding dress, they got married at city hall and had a lovely dinner with sparkling apple juice at a local inn. Mary and John had never met me. They met me the day of their wedding, which was exactly 2 months after DH and I started dating. They invited me by name on DH's invitation. Before sending invitations they asked DH if our relationship was a casual fling or something more serious, and he said "this girl is special. I can see a future with this girl". It didn't matter to Mary and John that they hadn't met me or that we hadn't been dating very long, what mattered to them was that their friend was in a relationship with a girl that he could see himself marrying.

    Sorry to keep the threading going, but I'm hoping personal stories will get through to some of the new posters.

    Anniversary
    LDay2014JCbride2015crunchymamaof2
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @cmfarr Mary and John are awesome. Gap dicks are not awesome.
    image
    image

    PrettyGirlLostmiaawallaceLadyMillil
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    cmfarr said:
    Re: Gaps
    I went to a wedding 2 years ago. My live-in BF (now my DH) was invited but we couldn't afford flights for both of us, so I went alone. The ceremony was at a riverside location at 2PM and lasted 20 minutes. The cocktail hour was at 5PM with dinner to follow at a banquet hall a 15 minute drive away. I was from OOT and didn't know any one besides the B&G and WP. There was nothing nearby (middle of nowhere Ontario, Yay!) so I had over 2 hours to kill. By myself. In my dress clothes. Luckily I tossed a book in the car before I left. I had so much fun (*sarcasm*) sitting on a park bench, dressed up, reading for 2 hours, but what else was I supposed to do?

    Re: Inviting SO's (and PPD's)
    DH and I started dating late March. Early April his friends Mary and John come to him so excited because they have decided to get married. Mary is Canadian and John is American and they want to have the wedding ASAP for immigration reasons. They planned their entire wedding in 6 weeks. Mary wore a traditional wedding dress, they got married at city hall and had a lovely dinner with sparkling apple juice at a local inn. Mary and John had never met me. They met me the day of their wedding, which was exactly 2 months after DH and I started dating. They invited me by name on DH's invitation. Before sending invitations they asked DH if our relationship was a casual fling or something more serious, and he said "this girl is special. I can see a future with this girl". It didn't matter to Mary and John that they hadn't met me or that we hadn't been dating very long, what mattered to them was that their friend was in a relationship with a girl that he could see himself marrying.

    Sorry to keep the threading going, but I'm hoping personal stories will get through to some of the new posters.
    And imagine what asses Mary and John would feel like now if they'd deemed your relationship not important enough, only to see you get engaged and married now. LIKE YOU ARE. 
    image
    LadyMillil
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    cmfarr said:
    Re: Gaps
    I went to a wedding 2 years ago. My live-in BF (now my DH) was invited but we couldn't afford flights for both of us, so I went alone. The ceremony was at a riverside location at 2PM and lasted 20 minutes. The cocktail hour was at 5PM with dinner to follow at a banquet hall a 15 minute drive away. I was from OOT and didn't know any one besides the B&G and WP. There was nothing nearby (middle of nowhere Ontario, Yay!) so I had over 2 hours to kill. By myself. In my dress clothes. Luckily I tossed a book in the car before I left. I had so much fun (*sarcasm*) sitting on a park bench, dressed up, reading for 2 hours, but what else was I supposed to do?
     
    This is what drives me crazy about gaps. Sure, there are some people's wedding that I can imagine having fun during the gap time. If it were my home  town friends and I am hanging out with FI and 10 of my other friends I'll be annoyed that we have to go to a third location, but it won't be the end of the world. However we go to TONS of weddings where we really don't know anyone else there. At the weddings with gaps there will be a guest there who doesnt know anyone else

    image
    PrettyGirlLostLadyMillil
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I like that this thread is still going. What's the longest thread on the forums?


    A few years back we had one over 2000.  It was New Years Eve.  DH was working is why I was on the thread.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    HisGirlFriday13
  • speechie11speechie11 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited April 2014
    @PrettyGirlLost: yes, exactly!!! (response to SJayeP)
    PrettyGirlLost
  • SJayeP said:
    WOW - I am amazed at some of these comments. Time's have changed and things are WAY different then they used to be.

    Making it special for the bride and groom is what is important. If things become out of budget don't feel like you need to break the bank to provide free alcohol or that by not having an open bar people will want to leave. This should be the least of your concern.

    Not everyone has unlimited budgets to do everything perfectly or to invite everyone they want to. I can guarantee people will still be pissed off about something EVEN if you provide a perfect timeline, constant entertainment and free booze.

    If you want a theme wedding HAVE ONE, if guests are that turned off by what you are asking them to come dressed in DON'T GO! If the invitations state black-tie and you don't want to dress up that much, then don't, BUT - be ready to stand out.

    I have no idea what the dollar dances are all about so I will leave that alone.

    I know I have NO interest in meeting tons of people for the first time the day of my wedding. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and not someone's fling of the week. I agree that if they are married or have been together for a long period of time, yes you invite the significant other EVEN if you don't know them. BUT, if you have single friends and don't have a huge budget to work with DON'T feel bad telling them they can't bring joe shmo to the wedding. IT'S ONE NIGHT! If they care about you they will understand.

    Maybe some people would prefer cash over another mixing bowl from Crate & Barrel. Maybe they spent so much on the wedding they are in a ton of debt and would like to pay a little bit off. If you plan to spend X amount at Crate & Barrel what's the big deal about putting X amount of cash in a card instead?

    You may need to do a tiered wedding becasue your dream venue for the ceremony only fits 20 but you have 200 on your guest list. IT'S YOUR DAY! Don't completely change your vision because some guests might be offended. Everyone should understand and if they don't, screw them!

    Unfortunately you can't please EVERYONE so there will always be some that didn't like this and some that didn't like that. BUT, if you concern yourself with to much of this you are going to over stress yourself and before you know it the wedding becomes about the guests and not about the two of you!

    I am not looking to start any sort of argument with any of you. I am a bride in the process of planning and have come to realize you cannot please everyone, you NEVER can. So, instead of going grey and having a few anxiety attacks making sure you haven't offended this person or that person .. ENJOY it and worry about YOU and your SOON-TO-BE-HUBBY!

    Do what you want. It's your wedding. It's your day. ENJOY IT!!






    Wow, you seem pretty entitled. You pretty much managed to hit on every point this board doesn't like. This is an etiquette board. of course they are going to tell you when what you are planning is a breach of etiquette. 
    PrettyGirlLostRebeccaB88
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    MagicInk said:
    So I'm at work right now and I'm discussing this whole cash bar shit with the other guy here (as an aside he's now obsessed with TK because I keep reading it at work and involving him in whats going on) and he goes "Remember on Sons of Anarchy when Opie married the porn star? I'm pretty sure they didn't have a cash bar. So if an outlaw motorcycle gang knows a cash bar is tacky, then other people should know that too", well there you have it. At the outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding they were classy enough to not charge for booze, do you want your wedding to be less classy then an outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding? I think not.
    This is perfect @MagicInk thank you for this.


    PrettyGirlLostRebeccaB88
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    APDSS22 said:

    MagicInk said:
    So I'm at work right now and I'm discussing this whole cash bar shit with the other guy here (as an aside he's now obsessed with TK because I keep reading it at work and involving him in whats going on) and he goes "Remember on Sons of Anarchy when Opie married the porn star? I'm pretty sure they didn't have a cash bar. So if an outlaw motorcycle gang knows a cash bar is tacky, then other people should know that too", well there you have it. At the outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding they were classy enough to not charge for booze, do you want your wedding to be less classy then an outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding? I think not.
    This is perfect @MagicInk thank you for this.

    I think we should shorten it to OMGPS wedding. 
    image
    image

    PrettyGirlLostcrunchymamaof2
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MagicInk said:
    APDSS22 said:

    MagicInk said:
    So I'm at work right now and I'm discussing this whole cash bar shit with the other guy here (as an aside he's now obsessed with TK because I keep reading it at work and involving him in whats going on) and he goes "Remember on Sons of Anarchy when Opie married the porn star? I'm pretty sure they didn't have a cash bar. So if an outlaw motorcycle gang knows a cash bar is tacky, then other people should know that too", well there you have it. At the outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding they were classy enough to not charge for booze, do you want your wedding to be less classy then an outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding? I think not.
    This is perfect @MagicInk thank you for this.

    I think we should shorten it to OMGPS wedding. 
    Of course then we would have a bunch of new people who wouldn't bother to read asking what it stood for every 5th page...

    crunchymamaof2
  • The ENTIRE point of this thread= POOR HOSTING IS BAD!!!

    Come on people!!! FREAKING READ!!!



    All of these special snowflakes are giving me loads of opportunities to post awesome gifs!
    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!
    image
    PrettyGirlLostrajahmdEmmy1493Kauris
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Musikalbunni there is no time for reading when you are planning your magical you day of you-ness where people worship you and are thrilled at the privilege to be greeted by you!!

    I mean, er, your wedding. 
    image
    image

    HisGirlFriday13PrettyGirlLostSimky906beharrington
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Nevermind on my honeymoon fund question-I didn't see the proper end of this thread and this was explained many times. Food for thought.

    I think something else to consider is that some of us have been in relationships for a LONG time before getting married. When I get hitched, I'll have been living with my groom for over 10 years. Most of the things one would put on a registry we already have amassed over 10 years of christmases. birthdays, etc.

    So it makes sense to me to say, essentially, we don't want/need any kitchen gadgets, guest towels etc. and prefer money to help fund the honeymoon-but how do you do it? "In lieu of a registry, the couple prefers cash" on an invitation? So honeyfund and others help bypass that embarrassment. 

    It's a pickle, no doubt. 

    And while I've been slightly disappointed at a cash bar-leaving a wedding based on it? Do you actually care about the people getting married or not? Because if I'm willing to meet you at a bar for your birthday and buy you drinks, I'm willing to pay for my drinks at your wedding. 

    I'm doing my best to have great food and great music at my wedding, but keeping a wedding under 10k when you live in NYC is so hard. Food and music will not suffer, but drinks may-I was thinking of providing unlimited beer/wine and virgin drinks and possibly having a cash bar for anyone that wants hard liquor, but it's a tough decision.

    That said, if a guest couldn't afford to give me a gift, I wouldn't care. I'm inviting them to celebrate with me-not to shower me with gifts. It's a tough economy and many friends and family are out of work. My groom has been in and out of work for the last 5 years, and I think it pays to be sensitive to all those situations...
    NO.  You never, ever, ever mention anything about gifts or registries on wedding invitations.  If you don't want a lot of physical gifts the answer is really very simple: either don't register for anything, or have a very small registry (because there are some people who will not give cash, period).  If a guest is willing to give cash a small registry or no registry is a hint that that's what the couple prefers.  What the guest does with that information is up to them.



    PrettyGirlLost
  • MagicInk said:
    APDSS22 said:

    MagicInk said:
    So I'm at work right now and I'm discussing this whole cash bar shit with the other guy here (as an aside he's now obsessed with TK because I keep reading it at work and involving him in whats going on) and he goes "Remember on Sons of Anarchy when Opie married the porn star? I'm pretty sure they didn't have a cash bar. So if an outlaw motorcycle gang knows a cash bar is tacky, then other people should know that too", well there you have it. At the outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding they were classy enough to not charge for booze, do you want your wedding to be less classy then an outlaw motorcycle gang porn star wedding? I think not.
    This is perfect @MagicInk thank you for this.

    I think we should shorten it to OMGPS wedding. 

    Ha! Love it
  • cmb08cmb08 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper

    First off it seems pretty clear that there are different expectations from different demographics as well as from an economic stand point. Here in NH Cash bars, dollar dance, and honeymoon registry are very common. I think when planning your wedding you really need to think about what is best for you and you're family. 

    To me it is way more rude to walk out of a wedding because you had to pay $5 for your Pino! Some great friend you are! 

    Things I don't like are long gaps (over an hour) and not enough food.
    I CAN'T!

    Have you not read this post? This has been answered 15 different times by 20 different people.

    Bride and Groom don't get slack for not budgeting. If you are old enough to get married, I imagine you already know how to budget your own finances. A wedding is a sign of financial responsibility. You don't have to go over your budget to treat your friends and family with courtesy.

    ETA: can't spell

    Uhhh... No. That is not the purpose of a wedding and you do not have to spend a lot of money on it. It's actually a sign of financial irresponsibility to have a $20,000 wedding.
    ohannabelle
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards