Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

We've recognized a business arrangement via contract. People do it all the time for all sorts of reasons. All this "You can't do this. You can't do that. You just can't." Yes, yes, we can, and do, daily. I've said it plenty of times, if other people feel an emotional attachment to the legal or contractual part of marriage, so be it. We don't. And I'm truly not interested in the "But what about gay people? Don't be so flippant" argument. I assure each and every one of you that my attitude toward marriage, legal or otherwise, is not keeping gay people from being legally wed in all 50 states. If it were up to me they most certainly would be able to. And my personal attitude will STILL be the same when it finally happens.

And all of this "in the moment" nonsense, at this point, I don't care if my guests are "in the moment" or if they're playing Angry Birds so long as the volume's turned down. In all reality, who has time for adding who's "in the moment" to their list of concerns on their wedding day? Or ANY day? As long as the Groom is, I think we're ok.

As for Naked Emperors and LaLa Land, I gotta say, I've always had a real love for Sinatra's My Way.

Are you fucking serious? You said yourself that you want them to feel how YOU feel they should. And be in the moment. Don't start back peddling. You are not getting married in Mexico, you are having a commitment ceremony. You married in CO, for legit reasons. End of story.

LDay2014 · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

We've recognized a business arrangement via contract. People do it all the time for all sorts of reasons. All this "You can't do this. You can't do that. You just can't." Yes, yes, we can, and do, daily. I've said it plenty of times, if other people feel an emotional attachment to the legal or contractual part of marriage, so be it. We don't. And I'm truly not interested in the "But what about gay people? Don't be so flippant" argument. I assure each and every one of you that my attitude toward marriage, legal or otherwise, is not keeping gay people from being legally wed in all 50 states. If it were up to me they most certainly would be able to. And my personal attitude will STILL be the same when it finally happens.

And all of this "in the moment" nonsense, at this point, I don't care if my guests are "in the moment" or if they're playing Angry Birds so long as the volume's turned down. In all reality, who has time for adding who's "in the moment" to their list of concerns on their wedding day? Or ANY day? As long as the Groom is, I think we're ok.

As for Naked Emperors and LaLa Land, I gotta say, I've always had a real love for Sinatra's My Way.

Are you fucking serious? You said yourself that you want them to feel how YOU feel they should. And be in the moment. Don't start back peddling. You are not getting married in Mexico, you are having a commitment ceremony. You married in CO, for legit reasons. End of story.

I hope her job recognized her 'business contract' when she became employed but didn't pay her until they'd hosted a big pretty party to welcome her to the company.

But you know, even then the funny things with contracts is they are legally binding...unlike being married and all

MobKaz · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

We've recognized a business arrangement via contract. People do it all the time for all sorts of reasons. All this "You can't do this. You can't do that. You just can't." Yes, yes, we can, and do, daily. I've said it plenty of times, if other people feel an emotional attachment to the legal or contractual part of marriage, so be it. We don't. And I'm truly not interested in the "But what about gay people? Don't be so flippant" argument. I assure each and every one of you that my attitude toward marriage, legal or otherwise, is not keeping gay people from being legally wed in all 50 states. If it were up to me they most certainly would be able to. And my personal attitude will STILL be the same when it finally happens.

And all of this "in the moment" nonsense, at this point, I don't care if my guests are "in the moment" or if they're playing Angry Birds so long as the volume's turned down. In all reality, who has time for adding who's "in the moment" to their list of concerns on their wedding day? Or ANY day? As long as the Groom is, I think we're ok.

As for Naked Emperors and LaLa Land, I gotta say, I've always had a real love for Sinatra's My Way.

Are you fucking serious? You said yourself that you want them to feel how YOU feel they should. And be in the moment. Don't start back peddling. You are not getting married in Mexico, you are having a commitment ceremony. You married in CO, for legit reasons. End of story.

This sounds more like someone experiencing the ripple effect of the truth being discovered.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

We've recognized a business arrangement via contract. People do it all the time for all sorts of reasons. All this "You can't do this. You can't do that. You just can't." Yes, yes, we can, and do, daily. I've said it plenty of times, if other people feel an emotional attachment to the legal or contractual part of marriage, so be it. We don't. And I'm truly not interested in the "But what about gay people? Don't be so flippant" argument. I assure each and every one of you that my attitude toward marriage, legal or otherwise, is not keeping gay people from being legally wed in all 50 states. If it were up to me they most certainly would be able to. And my personal attitude will STILL be the same when it finally happens.

And all of this "in the moment" nonsense, at this point, I don't care if my guests are "in the moment" or if they're playing Angry Birds so long as the volume's turned down. In all reality, who has time for adding who's "in the moment" to their list of concerns on their wedding day? Or ANY day? As long as the Groom is, I think we're ok.

As for Naked Emperors and LaLa Land, I gotta say, I've always had a real love for Sinatra's My Way.

Are you fucking serious? You said yourself that you want them to feel how YOU feel they should. And be in the moment. Don't start back peddling. You are not getting married in Mexico, you are having a commitment ceremony. You married in CO, for legit reasons. End of story.

And when I said it 6 months or more ago I truly believed it. I was actually concerned, although I'm pretty sure at the time I attempted to explain that I wished I used slightly different language to convey my concerns, because "in the moment" wasn't quite what I meant. I've since explained our motives more succinctly so there's no need to digress into all of that. But at this point, with less than four months to go, having no idea what my Mom's doctors are going to say about her traveling or if she'll be in remission (regardless of a wedding or not), really, worrying over what others, outside a tiny, itty bitty microcosm of individuals are feeling, has really lost it's luster for more important concerns. But sure @crunchymamaof2, if you'd like to classify what we're doing as a "commitment ceremony," go right ahead. It's a whole lot less douchey than likening something so important to what others like to refer to as a Pretty Princess Day, and is a lot closer to a technical definition if that sort of thing matters to you. We'll of course still be calling it our wedding.

Viczaesar · May 2014

artbyallie said:

Viczaesar said:

pinkshorts27 said:

chibiyui said:

So, now that I am home and on my desktop and not mah phone:

Unless you are this...person, I am not threatening you:

If you're this guy, IT'S ON MOTHERFUCKER.

I was so confused when she referred to your sig as threatening. It took a while. I call bullshit on her not knowing what Zelda was. Your gif doesn't really show the knife and clearly aren't attacking, but running and falling off that damn bridge again. Which I have done many times.

Why? I had no idea that the gif was from Zelda. I don't play video games and have no idea what Zelda is aside from having heard the name before and thus knowing that it's some kind of video game. That aside, I didn't think there was any kind of knife or attack going on in the gif. It actually looked more like a suicide run to me than accidentally falling off a bridge, but still, not an attack.

Funny thing, I did look at it again recently and saw the sword button and "Attack" button in the upper right hand corner, which is an indicator of the controls on the game. So I guess that's what she was referring to? Still, it's damn obvious it's a video game even if one somehow has never seen or heard of the iconic Ocarina of Time.

Yup, never heard of Ocarina of Time. I doubt I'm the only one. But yes, it's obvious it's some kind of video game.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

mrshutzler said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

NYCBruin said:

I'm curious, for those who say they aren't really married until they've had the ceremony (despite being legally married), what happens if you get pre-"wedding" jitters and don't want to go through with it? Because I'm pretty sure whether you have the ceremony or not, you'll still be married. I haven't researched it, but I doubt you can just return your marriage license to the court house and say "but we weren't really married, so just toss this thing in the bin."

More paperwork is what would happen, with additional fees to the state. Possibly some animosity, depending on the couple. But the upside is you wouldn't have to discuss with anyone because no one would know!

...

Fuck, I was dead serious. It couldn't possibly surprise a single one of you that I'd consider divorce papers a matter or law or legal contract and not particularly binding where matters of the heart are concerned, would it?

I was legally married from May of 2000 until January of 2006. But my ex moved out in January of 2005. We tried to work on things for a few months in the beginning of 2005 but in the end that wasn't to be. I started seeing my FI in the summer of 2005. When people ask me how long I was married to my ex I tell them 5 years, not 6, bc what the state of Colorado considered us isn't what counted as far as we were concerned. When people ask how long my FI and I have been together I tell them since 2005, not 2006 when my divorce was final bc as far as all parties involved were concerned that was fair and correct. And I'm sure my ex started seeing people before the divorced was filed/finalized but I don't feel like he cheated on me. And this illustrates yet another example of why legal documents and feelings are just not in the same ballpark for me, whether they be marriage licenses or their inverse. They may very well be for lots of other people, and that's their prerogative, but it's simply not how I see things.

calliecrea · May 2014

So we're getting married at the jop earlier in the day and then having a reception after. is that a problem? i know several people who have done this and it was a lovely event. yes we're having a wedding cake, in fact we're having 2. i have a wedding dress, granted its cocktail length because thats what i wanted. we're having a first dance and speeches etc. we're doing this and if someone doesn't like it then don't go to our reception!

ohannabelle · May 2014

@calliecrea‌: A private JOP ceremony followed by a reception later in the day? Why would anyone mind that?

LDay2014 · May 2014

calliecrea said:

So we're getting married at the jop earlier in the day and then having a reception after. is that a problem? i know several people who have done this and it was a lovely event. yes we're having a wedding cake, in fact we're having 2. i have a wedding dress, granted its cocktail length because thats what i wanted. we're having a first dance and speeches etc. we're doing this and if someone doesn't like it then don't go to our reception!

perfectly fine...just don't re-enact the ceremony at the party.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

calliecrea said:

So we're getting married at the jop earlier in the day and then having a reception after. is that a problem? i know several people who have done this and it was a lovely event. yes we're having a wedding cake, in fact we're having 2. i have a wedding dress, granted its cocktail length because thats what i wanted. we're having a first dance and speeches etc. we're doing this and if someone doesn't like it then don't go to our reception!

Why would you ask if your plan was okay but then end things with "were doing it so you can shove it if you don't like it!"?

But yeah, that plan is fine. It's the attempt to recreate the ceremony that's wrong.

DaisyMaeMommy · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

calliecrea said:

So we're getting married at the jop earlier in the day and then having a reception after. is that a problem? i know several people who have done this and it was a lovely event. yes we're having a wedding cake, in fact we're having 2. i have a wedding dress, granted its cocktail length because thats what i wanted. we're having a first dance and speeches etc. we're doing this and if someone doesn't like it then don't go to our reception!

Why would you ask if your plan was okay but then end things with "were doing it so you can shove it if you don't like it!"?

But yeah, that plan is fine. It's the attempt to recreate the ceremony that's wrong.

I think she's saying that if her guests don't like that she's having a JOP ceremony, then they don't need to come to her reception.

Am I right, OP?

chkmeowt · May 2014

I'm not sure about all states - it probably depends on their digitization process.

In Minnesota you can access marriage records at: https://www.moms.mn.gov/

To find out if your state has an online database, contact your local library or your state law library.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

DaisyMaeMommy said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

calliecrea said:

So we're getting married at the jop earlier in the day and then having a reception after. is that a problem? i know several people who have done this and it was a lovely event. yes we're having a wedding cake, in fact we're having 2. i have a wedding dress, granted its cocktail length because thats what i wanted. we're having a first dance and speeches etc. we're doing this and if someone doesn't like it then don't go to our reception!

Why would you ask if your plan was okay but then end things with "were doing it so you can shove it if you don't like it!"?

But yeah, that plan is fine. It's the attempt to recreate the ceremony that's wrong.

I think she's saying that if her guests don't like that she's having a JOP ceremony, then they don't need to come to her reception.

Am I right, OP?

But if she doesn't care if her guests like her plan, why ask for opinions on if it's right or wrong? FTR, her plan is just fine I just don't understand why she's asking if it appears she doesn't want to change things if it were rude.

syoun1nj · May 2014

Today's Ask Amy:

DEAR AMY: Here’s a solution for “Wedding-Tug-of-War,” who wanted to have a private destination wedding and not include family.

They should secretly have their dream beach ceremony, and then invite everyone to celebrate locally, wear the dress again and have the ceremony re-enacted. Let everyone think it is the “real” wedding.

Marriage is about the joining of two people, marriage is not a performance. -- Reader

DEAR READER: Lying about your wedding seems like the ultimate performance.

mimivac · May 2014

I did this, but both the JOP and the other wedding with friends and family were on the same day, a few hours apart. Worked for everyone.

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

mimivac said:
I did this, but both the JOP and the other wedding with friends and family were on the same day, a few hours apart. Worked for everyone.

I apologize if this was already addressed, but if you had a JOP wedding and vow renewal with family and friends on the same day, what was the point of doing that? Or do you mean you had a JOP wedding followed by a reception? Having two ceremonies on the same day just doesn't make sense to me at all.

grumbledore · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

We've recognized a business arrangement via contract. People do it all the time for all sorts of reasons. All this "You can't do this. You can't do that. You just can't." Yes, yes, we can, and do, daily. I've said it plenty of times, if other people feel an emotional attachment to the legal or contractual part of marriage, so be it. We don't. And I'm truly not interested in the "But what about gay people? Don't be so flippant" argument. I assure each and every one of you that my attitude toward marriage, legal or otherwise, is not keeping gay people from being legally wed in all 50 states. If it were up to me they most certainly would be able to. And my personal attitude will STILL be the same when it finally happens.

And all of this "in the moment" nonsense, at this point, I don't care if my guests are "in the moment" or if they're playing Angry Birds so long as the volume's turned down. In all reality, who has time for adding who's "in the moment" to their list of concerns on their wedding day? Or ANY day? As long as the Groom is, I think we're ok.

As for Naked Emperors and LaLa Land, I gotta say, I've always had a real love for Sinatra's My Way.

Are you fucking serious? You said yourself that you want them to feel how YOU feel they should. And be in the moment. Don't start back peddling. You are not getting married in Mexico, you are having a commitment ceremony. You married in CO, for legit reasons. End of story.

Yeah I remember that too, very clearly.

perdonami · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

We've recognized a business arrangement via contract. People do it all the time for all sorts of reasons. All this "You can't do this. You can't do that. You just can't." Yes, yes, we can, and do, daily. I've said it plenty of times, if other people feel an emotional attachment to the legal or contractual part of marriage, so be it. We don't. And I'm truly not interested in the "But what about gay people? Don't be so flippant" argument. I assure each and every one of you that my attitude toward marriage, legal or otherwise, is not keeping gay people from being legally wed in all 50 states. If it were up to me they most certainly would be able to. And my personal attitude will STILL be the same when it finally happens.

And all of this "in the moment" nonsense, at this point, I don't care if my guests are "in the moment" or if they're playing Angry Birds so long as the volume's turned down. In all reality, who has time for adding who's "in the moment" to their list of concerns on their wedding day? Or ANY day? As long as the Groom is, I think we're ok.

As for Naked Emperors and LaLa Land, I gotta say, I've always had a real love for Sinatra's My Way.

Are you fucking serious? You said yourself that you want them to feel how YOU feel they should. And be in the moment. Don't start back peddling. You are not getting married in Mexico, you are having a commitment ceremony. You married in CO, for legit reasons. End of story.

And when I said it 6 months or more ago I truly believed it. I was actually concerned, although I'm pretty sure at the time I attempted to explain that I wished I used slightly different language to convey my concerns, because "in the moment" wasn't quite what I meant. I've since explained our motives more succinctly so there's no need to digress into all of that. But at this point, with less than four months to go, having no idea what my Mom's doctors are going to say about her traveling or if she'll be in remission (regardless of a wedding or not), really, worrying over what others, outside a tiny, itty bitty microcosm of individuals are feeling, has really lost it's luster for more important concerns. But sure @crunchymamaof2, if you'd like to classify what we're doing as a "commitment ceremony," go right ahead. It's a whole lot less douchey than likening something so important to what others like to refer to as a Pretty Princess Day, and is a lot closer to a technical definition if that sort of thing matters to you. We'll of course still be calling it our wedding.

Well, I am really sorry about your mother's health and I understand how those concerns outweigh the concerns of properly hosting guests. But, if you aren't being honest with your guests you are still lying to them and that is a bit unfair to them. I still don't see what harm is done by being honest with them, but I do see the harm in not telling them as in a way it appears as though you don't respect them.

I really don't see a problem with any of your post wedding celebration plans and the wonderful vacation you have arranged with those close to you. But, I just can't find any justification for why your guests don't deserve to know the truth of when you got legally married.

In either case, you are going to do what you feel is best for you. I just hope it all works out and that you have a wonderful celebration of the commitment you and your husband have made to each other.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

@perdonami because she wants everyone to feel in the moment and she equates the truth with them not feeling exactly how she wants them to feel. She doesn't seem to think she's lying.

perdonami · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

@perdonami because she wants everyone to feel in the moment and she equates the truth with them not feeling exactly how she wants them to feel. She doesn't seem to think she's lying.

Well, then I hope they remain her friends if they ever find out the truth. Such a bummer too because this could be a happy celebration instead of dishonest parade of a pretend wedding.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said: @perdonami because she wants everyone to feel in the moment and she equates the truth with them not feeling exactly how she wants them to feel. She doesn't seem to think she's lying.

Thanks for attempting to articulate what I'm thinking. But I'm afraid you've missed the mark. Like I said somewhere above, after using the phrase "in the moment" I did realize that wasn't the best description I could have used. How about "on the same page" instead? Simply put, if we view our upcoming event as our wedding, our one and only wedding, the only event that matters to us, the only date we'll celebrate its anniversary, so on and so forth, why would we muddy those waters? Why would we want it any other way? Anyone who does know already has a reason he/or she needed to know. Otherwise, we don't consider the legality to be anyone's business - no one was going to be part of the license signing ever - it was always going to be the two of us at the Webb building signing on the dotted line and paying $30. No one was going to be part of that, nor was signing the license ever planned to be part of our ceremony. They were ALWAYS going to be two separate events. The legal stuff was NEVER going to happen in Mexico. This arrangement, while not perfect, has afforded us what we've needed to have the best of some screwed up situations. We're not worried about people finding out - I don't see any of our peeps doing public records checks, and if they do, so be it. I don't see anyone getting too bent out of shape about it, and if they do, we'll cross that bridge as needed. We're in the home stretch and positively giddy. We're not going to let far fetched "what ifs" throw shade on the happiest time of our lives.

eta: the quote box disappeared!

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

@perdonami because she wants everyone to feel in the moment and she equates the truth with them not feeling exactly how she wants them to feel. She doesn't seem to think she's lying.

Thanks for attempting to articulate what I'm thinking. But I'm afraid you've missed the mark. Like I said somewhere above, after using the phrase "in the moment" I did realize that wasn't the best description I could have used. How about "on the same page" instead? Simply put, if we view our upcoming event as our wedding, our one and only wedding, the only event that matters to us, the only date we'll celebrate its anniversary, so on and so forth, why would we muddy those waters? Why would we want it any other way? Anyone who does know already has a reason he/or she needed to know. Otherwise, we don't consider the legality to be anyone's business - no one was going to be part of the license signing ever - it was always going to be the two of us at the Webb building signing on the dotted line and paying $30. No one was going to be part of that, nor was signing the license ever planned to be part of our ceremony. They were ALWAYS going to be two separate events. The legal stuff was NEVER going to happen in Mexico. This arrangement, while not perfect, has afforded us what we've needed to have the best of some screwed up situations. We're not worried about people finding out - I don't see any of our peeps doing public records checks, and if they do, so be it. I don't see anyone getting too bent out of shape about it, and if they do, we'll cross that bridge as needed. We're in the home stretch and positively giddy. We're not going to let far fetched "what ifs" throw shade on the happiest time of our lives.

eta: the quote box disappeared!

All I picture when reading through your excuses is the teacher's voice in Charlie Brown. Blah blah blah. I didn't put words in your mouth or attempt to see what you were thinking. I simply reiterated what you've stated yourself. And in the moment and on the same page are one in the same in your cases but nice try.

LDay2014 · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

@perdonami because she wants everyone to feel in the moment and she equates the truth with them not feeling exactly how she wants them to feel. She doesn't seem to think she's lying.

Thanks for attempting to articulate what I'm thinking. But I'm afraid you've missed the mark. Like I said somewhere above, after using the phrase "in the moment" I did realize that wasn't the best description I could have used. How about "on the same page" instead? Simply put, if we view our upcoming event as our wedding, our one and only wedding, the only event that matters to us, the only date we'll celebrate its anniversary, so on and so forth, why would we muddy those waters? Why would we want it any other way? Anyone who does know already has a reason he/or she needed to know. Otherwise, we don't consider the legality to be anyone's business - no one was going to be part of the license signing ever - it was always going to be the two of us at the Webb building signing on the dotted line and paying $30. No one was going to be part of that, nor was signing the license ever planned to be part of our ceremony. They were ALWAYS going to be two separate events. The legal stuff was NEVER going to happen in Mexico. This arrangement, while not perfect, has afforded us what we've needed to have the best of some screwed up situations. We're not worried about people finding out - I don't see any of our peeps doing public records checks, and if they do, so be it. I don't see anyone getting too bent out of shape about it, and if they do, we'll cross that bridge as needed. We're in the home stretch and positively giddy. We're not going to let far fetched "what ifs" throw shade on the happiest time of our lives.

eta: the quote box disappeared!

yes, nothing says 'on the same page' like lying...that makes sense.

MobKaz · May 2014

LDay2014 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

@perdonami because she wants everyone to feel in the moment and she equates the truth with them not feeling exactly how she wants them to feel. She doesn't seem to think she's lying.

Thanks for attempting to articulate what I'm thinking. But I'm afraid you've missed the mark. Like I said somewhere above, after using the phrase "in the moment" I did realize that wasn't the best description I could have used. How about "on the same page" instead? Simply put, if we view our upcoming event as our wedding, our one and only wedding, the only event that matters to us, the only date we'll celebrate its anniversary, so on and so forth, why would we muddy those waters? Why would we want it any other way? Anyone who does know already has a reason he/or she needed to know. Otherwise, we don't consider the legality to be anyone's business - no one was going to be part of the license signing ever - it was always going to be the two of us at the Webb building signing on the dotted line and paying $30. No one was going to be part of that, nor was signing the license ever planned to be part of our ceremony. They were ALWAYS going to be two separate events. The legal stuff was NEVER going to happen in Mexico. This arrangement, while not perfect, has afforded us what we've needed to have the best of some screwed up situations. We're not worried about people finding out - I don't see any of our peeps doing public records checks, and if they do, so be it. I don't see anyone getting too bent out of shape about it, and if they do, we'll cross that bridge as needed. We're in the home stretch and positively giddy. We're not going to let far fetched "what ifs" throw shade on the happiest time of our lives.

eta: the quote box disappeared!

yes, nothing says 'on the same page' like lying...that makes sense.

Save yourselves, ladies. This is not worth your energy. This poster is the queen of euphemisms for lying....."controlling information" was my personal favorite. It would stand to reason she would also twist and manipulate other words and expressions as well, much like she twists and manipulates people and events to her convenience.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

MobKaz said:

LDay2014 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

@perdonami because she wants everyone to feel in the moment and she equates the truth with them not feeling exactly how she wants them to feel. She doesn't seem to think she's lying.

Thanks for attempting to articulate what I'm thinking. But I'm afraid you've missed the mark. Like I said somewhere above, after using the phrase "in the moment" I did realize that wasn't the best description I could have used. How about "on the same page" instead? Simply put, if we view our upcoming event as our wedding, our one and only wedding, the only event that matters to us, the only date we'll celebrate its anniversary, so on and so forth, why would we muddy those waters? Why would we want it any other way? Anyone who does know already has a reason he/or she needed to know. Otherwise, we don't consider the legality to be anyone's business - no one was going to be part of the license signing ever - it was always going to be the two of us at the Webb building signing on the dotted line and paying $30. No one was going to be part of that, nor was signing the license ever planned to be part of our ceremony. They were ALWAYS going to be two separate events. The legal stuff was NEVER going to happen in Mexico. This arrangement, while not perfect, has afforded us what we've needed to have the best of some screwed up situations. We're not worried about people finding out - I don't see any of our peeps doing public records checks, and if they do, so be it. I don't see anyone getting too bent out of shape about it, and if they do, we'll cross that bridge as needed. We're in the home stretch and positively giddy. We're not going to let far fetched "what ifs" throw shade on the happiest time of our lives.

eta: the quote box disappeared!

yes, nothing says 'on the same page' like lying...that makes sense.

Save yourselves, ladies. This is not worth your energy. This poster is the queen of euphemisms for lying....."controlling information" was my personal favorite. It would stand to reason she would also twist and manipulate other words and expressions as well, much like she twists and manipulates people and events to her convenience.
Controlling what personal information we disseminate isn't any form of a euphemism, it's a right we, and everyone other adult, possess. The one thing I've been crystal clear on from the start is the fact that we don't consider what we're doing lying so it would seem it matters little if I said in the moment or same page or whatever. If you guys want to get stuck on parsing some phrasing please, by all means, be my guest. I'm especially hopeful someone will copy and paste the definition of marriage or wedding soon (that's sarcasm).

I'll always maintain that a couple has the right to fill out legal paperwork at a time and place of their choosing and not feel compelled to tell the world, or anyone at all, about it. I simply do not believe that legal paperwork needs to be part of a wedding ceremony. I don't fault anyone for wanting to do both on the same date and time, we just don't feel the necessity.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

MobKaz said:

LDay2014 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

@perdonami because she wants everyone to feel in the moment and she equates the truth with them not feeling exactly how she wants them to feel. She doesn't seem to think she's lying.

Thanks for attempting to articulate what I'm thinking. But I'm afraid you've missed the mark. Like I said somewhere above, after using the phrase "in the moment" I did realize that wasn't the best description I could have used. How about "on the same page" instead? Simply put, if we view our upcoming event as our wedding, our one and only wedding, the only event that matters to us, the only date we'll celebrate its anniversary, so on and so forth, why would we muddy those waters? Why would we want it any other way? Anyone who does know already has a reason he/or she needed to know. Otherwise, we don't consider the legality to be anyone's business - no one was going to be part of the license signing ever - it was always going to be the two of us at the Webb building signing on the dotted line and paying $30. No one was going to be part of that, nor was signing the license ever planned to be part of our ceremony. They were ALWAYS going to be two separate events. The legal stuff was NEVER going to happen in Mexico. This arrangement, while not perfect, has afforded us what we've needed to have the best of some screwed up situations. We're not worried about people finding out - I don't see any of our peeps doing public records checks, and if they do, so be it. I don't see anyone getting too bent out of shape about it, and if they do, we'll cross that bridge as needed. We're in the home stretch and positively giddy. We're not going to let far fetched "what ifs" throw shade on the happiest time of our lives.

eta: the quote box disappeared!

yes, nothing says 'on the same page' like lying...that makes sense.

Save yourselves, ladies. This is not worth your energy. This poster is the queen of euphemisms for lying....."controlling information" was my personal favorite. It would stand to reason she would also twist and manipulate other words and expressions as well, much like she twists and manipulates people and events to her convenience.

***********************************box is missing*********************************************************

Controlling what personal information we disseminate isn't any form of a euphemism, it's a right we, and everyone other adult, possess. The one thing I've been crystal clear on from the start is the fact that we don't consider what we're doing lying so it would seem it matters little if I said in the moment or same page or whatever. If you guys want to get stuck on parsing some phrasing please, by all means, be my guest. I'm especially hopeful someone will copy and paste the definition of marriage or wedding soon (that's sarcasm).

I'll always maintain that a couple has the right to fill out legal paperwork at a time and place of their choosing and not feel compelled to tell the world, or anyone at all, about it. I simply do not believe that legal paperwork needs to be part of a wedding ceremony. I don't fault anyone for wanting to do both on the same date and time, we just don't feel the necessity.

perdonami · May 2014

Okay, its not about what "rights" you have or what privileges you have been afforded. Its about treating your friends and family with respect by being honest with them. Of course you have the "right" to lie, but why?

Tell your guests what you want but your married whether you feel you are or not.

mrs4everhart · May 2014

perdonami said:

Okay, its not about what "rights" you have or what privileges you have been afforded. Its about treating your friends and family with respect by being honest with them. Of course you have the "right" to lie, but why?

Tell your guests what you want but your married whether you feel you are or not.

Meh, semantics. We'll be married once we exchange vows and rings. Until then it's a strange state of being that many wouldn't understand and that's totally okay. Many we know have done it, and it's alright in our book!

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

perdonami said:

Okay, its not about what "rights" you have or what privileges you have been afforded. Its about treating your friends and family with respect by being honest with them. Of course you have the "right" to lie, but why?

Tell your guests what you want but your married whether you feel you are or not.

Meh, semantics. We'll be married once we exchange vows and rings. Until then it's a strange state of being that many wouldn't understand and that's totally okay. Many we know have done it, and it's alright in our book!

Yet you have no qualms about letting your health insurance company know you consider yourselves married in order to receive a benefit typically only afforded to married couples. You're picking and choosing which is what is so insulting to those in the LGBT community and your nearest and dearest who think they'll be witnessing your actual wedding- which 99% of the population (obviously no that's not a hard fact) and the government of the country in which you choose to live and accept benefits from considers the day you become legally and/or spiritually we'd. If it were truly about the vows and whatnot than you wouldn't have signed those silly little papers and easily accepted those spousal benefits.

Call it a celebration of your marriage and just tell the truth if someone asks. And with that, I am done. At least this thread.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

Musikalbunni said:

Someone here, not going to say any names, should start a career in politics. Double speak is popular there.

You win the thread

Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

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