Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

I'm offended that speshul snowflake newbies think their situation is unique. I'm offended that some posters fail to see the logic that marriage = wedding. I'm offended that people can't just make a decision and live with the consequences or outcome of that decision. I'm offended that people can't just be happy with being married to their SO.

WinstonsGirl · July 2014

Oh, the thread that just keeps giving.

nadene&darren · July 2014

artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us.

HeatherKat · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us.

To the highlighted-- WTF is a wedding investor? Are you getting sponsorships? I have this image in my head of you walking down the aisle decked out like a NASCAR driver, with company logos all over your dress.

ohannabelle · July 2014

"OMG," no. I need no explanations to further my understanding of word usages. "Golden wedding" was given as an example of how the word is used. Yes, it could also be used that way for "first wedding anniversary. " Which I explained very clearly, and gave a specific example of, but you obviously didn't understand. So "OMG," at yourself, young lady.

Yes. It's your first anniversary and a vow renewal. So fine, have a big first anniversary party. Call it what it is. Wear a gorgeous gown, invite a couple hundred people. Fabuloso.

That is honest behavior, involves no pretense, and celebrates the existing marriage. A lie need not be spoken to be a lie. An act of pretense is also a lie.

If it wasn't really "official" you should let the insurance company know, and pay back the benefits you used. Or no? Because ( as you would say) OMG! It actually was official, and real.

Why would anyone care to comment on your pretend wedding?

Because you posted it on a public message board where people are discussing the ethics and etiquette of fake weddings. By doing so, you invite public opinion and discussion.

I hope you can grasp that one. It's pretty simple.

I take it you're not coming to my Sweet Sixteen party. I'm thinking of holding it at a Sloth farm.

NYCMercedes · July 2014

Okay, stop for a moment @nadene&darren‌ ! Please explain this "wedding investors".

mrs4everhart · July 2014

nadene&darren said:
I am offended by the "advice" given in the original post! My husband and I got married 6/26/14. I found an ordained minister online and she was able to meet us with only a days notice. My son and I needed insurance immediately. I got laid off and could not afford our own policy. This was the best option for our family. My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to get married next year but could NOT afford a wedding now, so we had a civil ceremony ONLY to make it legal for me to be covered by his insurance policy. I have a huge family and the guest list is around 250-300 people! Just because our civil ceremony was NOT meaningful to us does not mean we believe ALL civil ceremonies are meaningless. Yes, it was the day we LEGALLY got married, but to US, it's just a piece of paper! To my husband and I, a wedding is the day when you celebrate your love and commitment to each other in front of your family and friends. We will be renewing our vows on 6/26/15. I'll be wearing a beautiful wedding gown at our ceremony and will dance the night away at our fabulous reception!

OP, the best any of us will ever do is what's right for our own families and situations.

The only place I've ever heard this type of thing being a big deal is on this site, which in reality is a very small cross section of society.

Just this past Saturday I had not one but two people tell me they were going to the JOP to get married in the next few weeks but they'd still be doing the big, planned wedding next year. One because her Mom is terminally ill and not expected to make it through the year, the other because he wants to make it official before his GF delivers their twins. Both people still want the dress, the cake and all that. All I could do is offer my heartfelt congratulations and realize whatever anyone wants to call it, it's all good.

The times are changing and I think in this instance for the better. Of all the things people feel entitled about I think their own matrimony and how they spend their money is fair game.

Congrats and good luck with your planning!

MobKaz · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us.

***SITB****
Nadene, you would not recognize a "best decision" if it bit you on your self-righteous, entitled butt. You are too proud to let taxpayers assist with NECESSARY insurance benefits, you say you are struggling to pay your bills, but have no issue taking handouts to fund an UNNECESSARY wedding for 250-300 guests?? Your life priorities are seriously messed up. If, as YOU say, it's not about the "fluff and frills", then you don't need any sponsors to fund your wedding. It is just as easy to pledge your love in front of all your friends and loved ones and then serve cake and coffee afterwards.

mrsbuzzlightyear · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us.

So you're spending *other* people's money frivolously. Although honestly, if someone wants to be silly enough to "invest" in another person's wedding, they can go for it. [See the highlighted section for what I'm referring to]

If it's not about the "fluff and frills" then why not just throw an anniversary party?

Listen. I understand situations that are made 100x easier by legally being married -- it's the reason my FI and I currently live on opposite sides of the world. It's actually not good for either of us (especially me) to be without a proper support system. But we wanted to make sure our family and friends were included in our special day, so we decided that we'd wait. It may mean I'm working in a job I hate while I'm waiting to be with him and living in a less than ideal situation, but that's our decision. We could have avoided this and just gone to the courthouse before he left, but that's not what we wanted. To use an analogy based off something I once told a friend of mine... You graduate college when you get your diploma. Whether you walked across the stage during your graduation ceremony or you stayed home/did something else instead, as long as you completed the requirements and received your diploma, you graduated. You don't get to walk at a different graduation ceremony a year later just because you regret not putting on a cap and gown and walking across a stage.

lyndausvi · July 2014

wedding investors? Oh my.

I do not mind PPD as long as they are fully disclosed. I've even flow overseas on one. I knew it was a PPD from the start (immigration reasons, plus the country they got married in requires a civil ceremony before a religious one).

Marriage licenses are a matter of public record, so these things tend to come out anyway. If your legal husband dies before your 'real' wedding you will indeed be a widow and can receive spousal death benefits. I do not see the point of not telling people they you already had a civil wedding. It just doesn't not commute to me.

Now if you want to celebrate your union at a different time, fine go ahead. I like parties. But do NOT pretend you did not already have a civil wedding. That shit pisses me off.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I can't wait to see what a "wedding investor" is. Would this mean that your sponsor's logo is sewed on the back the dress?

nadene&darren · July 2014

ohannabelle if you understood why I cited what I did about the definition of marriage there wouldn't have been the need for your second post. Our marriage is legal and we are paying our portion for the benefits- nothing wrong with that. I NEVER said people shouldn't have an opinion regarding my post. I'm pretty sure I said everyone's entitled to their opinion. I just don't understand WHY you care what the word wedding MEANS TO US??? It makes me laugh that people are getting so worked up because we want to have a second ceremony with our friends and family. Get a life! You have been commenting on this forum for how long now? This must be REALLY important to you. Instead of worrying about society, you should take a good look at yourself and stop being so shitty and negative. I'm done with the post...I'm not wasting another minute of my life trying to explain a simple point of view to someone that is so insensible.

delujm0 · July 2014

I've never heard of anyone "sponsoring" a wedding unless either the bride or groom or a member of their immediate family (like one of their parents or their children) was terminally ill. Nadene, what benefit do the investors have when sponsoring your fake wedding? Why would a business sponsor a wedding that won't be receiving any publicity? I'm assuming you are not a reality TV "star."

This is insanity. I'm choosing not to engage on this one. Someone that is egotistical and narcissistic enough to believe that they are owed a big fake wedding reception on a complete stranger's dime isn't going to change that point of view because some well-intentioned internet strangers are telling her how rude it is.

For the record, this kind of entitlement is exactly what makes me want to raise my futue children off the grid somewhere that they can actually learn some values, instead of in the ME ME ME selfie culture that this country is currently cultivating. It makes me sick. I mean I don't even hate PPDs that much as long as the couple is being truthful with their guests. But this kind of entitlement is extremely disturbing.

chibiyui · July 2014

MobKaz · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

ohannabelle if you understood why I cited what I did about the definition of marriage there wouldn't have been the need for your second post. Our marriage is legal and we are paying our portion for the benefits- nothing wrong with that. I NEVER said people shouldn't have an opinion regarding my post. I'm pretty sure I said everyone's entitled to their opinion. I just don't understand WHY you care what the word wedding MEANS TO US??? It makes me laugh that people are getting so worked up because we want to have a second ceremony with our friends and family. Get a life! You have been commenting on this forum for how long now? This must be REALLY important to you. Instead of worrying about society, you should take a good look at yourself and stop being so shitty and negative. I'm done with the post...I'm not wasting another minute of my life trying to explain a simple point of view to someone that is so insensible.

You should ask your wedding investors to "double up" and fund a peace keeping mission as well. The humanitarian advice you espouse will go far in making our world a better place.

mrs4everhart · July 2014

nadene&darren said:
artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the

word wedding means to us.

Wait. Dufuq did I just read? OP, you're killing me. I'd go off all day defending your right to get married however you please. But wedding investors?!?!?! No. You are entitled to spend YOUR money how you choose. No one else's. Unless it's gifted. Patrons are limited to a few cultures and unless that's a legit thing in yours, start saving.

slothiegal · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

ohannabelle if you understood why I cited what I did about the definition of marriage there wouldn't have been the need for your second post. Our marriage is legal and we are paying our portion for the benefits- nothing wrong with that. I NEVER said people shouldn't have an opinion regarding my post. I'm pretty sure I said everyone's entitled to their opinion. I just don't understand WHY you care what the word wedding MEANS TO US??? It makes me laugh that people are getting so worked up because we want to have a second ceremony with our friends and family. Get a life! You have been commenting on this forum for how long now? This must be REALLY important to you. Instead of worrying about society, you should take a good look at yourself and stop being so shitty and negative. I'm done with the post...I'm not wasting another minute of my life trying to explain a simple point of view to someone that is so insensible.

My three year old niece thinks the word "wedding" means "fancy dessert day". Doesn't mean she's right.

mrs4everhart · July 2014

slothiegal said:

nadene&darren said:

ohannabelle if you understood why I cited what I did about the definition of marriage there wouldn't have been the need for your second post. Our marriage is legal and we are paying our portion for the benefits- nothing wrong with that. I NEVER said people shouldn't have an opinion regarding my post. I'm pretty sure I said everyone's entitled to their opinion. I just don't understand WHY you care what the word wedding MEANS TO US??? It makes me laugh that people are getting so worked up because we want to have a second ceremony with our friends and family. Get a life! You have been commenting on this forum for how long now? This must be REALLY important to you. Instead of worrying about society, you should take a good look at yourself and stop being so shitty and negative. I'm done with the post...I'm not wasting another minute of my life trying to explain a simple point of view to someone that is so insensible.

My three year old niece thinks the word "wedding" means "fancy dessert day". Doesn't mean she's right.

Hmm. It kind of does. ;-)

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us.

Wait. Dufuq did I just read? OP, you're killing me. I'd go off all day defending your right to get married however you please. But wedding investors?!?!?! No. You are entitled to spend YOUR money how you choose. No one else's. Unless it's gifted. Patrons are limited to a few cultures and unless that's a legit thing in yours, start saving.

YES!!!

slothiegal · July 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

nadene&darren said:

ohannabelle if you understood why I cited what I did about the definition of marriage there wouldn't have been the need for your second post. Our marriage is legal and we are paying our portion for the benefits- nothing wrong with that. I NEVER said people shouldn't have an opinion regarding my post. I'm pretty sure I said everyone's entitled to their opinion. I just don't understand WHY you care what the word wedding MEANS TO US??? It makes me laugh that people are getting so worked up because we want to have a second ceremony with our friends and family. Get a life! You have been commenting on this forum for how long now? This must be REALLY important to you. Instead of worrying about society, you should take a good look at yourself and stop being so shitty and negative. I'm done with the post...I'm not wasting another minute of my life trying to explain a simple point of view to someone that is so insensible.

My three year old niece thinks the word "wedding" means "fancy dessert day". Doesn't mean she's right.
Hmm. It kind of does. ;-)

Yeah, I'll give her some credit--she's not totally off base! Girl's got her eye on the prize.

MobKaz · July 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us.

Wait. Dufuq did I just read? OP, you're killing me. I'd go off all day defending your right to get married however you please. But wedding investors?!?!?! No. You are entitled to spend YOUR money how you choose. No one else's. Unless it's gifted. Patrons are limited to a few cultures and unless that's a legit thing in yours, start saving.

YES!!!

I would not get quite that excited yet, @Jells2dot0. There is yet another subtlety between the lines. Mrs.E says the OP can spend HER money anyway she wants, but draws the line when OP spends the money of others. I would argue that Mrs.E is spending the money of her guests since the reality of this event is undisclosed.

I hope today is a good day for you.

nadene&darren · July 2014

Last post.... so we are egotistical and narcissists because we want to pledge our love to each other in front of our families and friends? Why are we different from any other couple that has a ceremony and reception? Are they all narcissists too? We have relatives coming in from all over the country AND overseas, people we haven't seen in years.... it would be nice to at least offer them dinner. It's not about entitlement.... it's about celebrating love and having a wonderful reason for everyone to come together. We will save our money and only have a reception that we can afford....If we can find sponsors so that we can offer our guests more- great! I'm not expecting anything from anyone but if a corporation wants to put their name on the back of a cocktail napkin at my reception fantastic...we both win. And for everyone that has their panties in a bunch...ok, ok.... it's an anniversary party! LOL

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us.

Wait. Dufuq did I just read? OP, you're killing me. I'd go off all day defending your right to get married however you please. But wedding investors?!?!?! No. You are entitled to spend YOUR money how you choose. No one else's. Unless it's gifted. Patrons are limited to a few cultures and unless that's a legit thing in yours, start saving.

YES!!!

MobKaz said:

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us.

Wait. Dufuq did I just read? OP, you're killing me. I'd go off all day defending your right to get married however you please. But wedding investors?!?!?! No. You are entitled to spend YOUR money how you choose. No one else's. Unless it's gifted. Patrons are limited to a few cultures and unless that's a legit thing in yours, start saving.

YES!!!

I would not get quite that excited yet, @Jells2dot0. There is yet another subtlety between the lines. Mrs.E says the OP can spend HER money anyway she wants, but draws the line when OP spends the money of others. I would argue that Mrs.E is spending the money of her guests since the reality of this event is undisclosed.

I hope today is a good day for you.

I was just very glad to see that even Mrs E thinks this poster is being selfish. That should be a huge red flag to you poster!!!!

HeatherKat · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

Last post.... so we are egotistical and narcissists because we want to pledge our love to each other in front of our families and friends? Why are we different from any other couple that has a ceremony and reception? Are they all narcissists too? We have relatives coming in from all over the country AND overseas, people we haven't seen in years.... it would be nice to at least offer them dinner. It's not about entitlement.... it's about celebrating love and having a wonderful reason for everyone to come together. We will save our money and only have a reception that we can afford....If we can find sponsors so that we can offer our guests more- great! I'm not expecting anything from anyone but if a corporation wants to put their name on the back of a cocktail napkin at my reception fantastic...we both win. And for everyone that has their panties in a bunch...ok, ok.... it's an anniversary party! LOL

MobKaz · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

Last post.... so we are egotistical and narcissists because we want to pledge our love to each other in front of our families and friends? Why are we different from any other couple that has a ceremony and reception? Are they all narcissists too? We have relatives coming in from all over the country AND overseas, people we haven't seen in years.... it would be nice to at least offer them dinner. It's not about entitlement.... it's about celebrating love and having a wonderful reason for everyone to come together. We will save our money and only have a reception that we can afford....If we can find sponsors so that we can offer our guests more- great! I'm not expecting anything from anyone but if a corporation wants to put their name on the back of a cocktail napkin at my reception fantastic...we both win. And for everyone that has their panties in a bunch...ok, ok.... it's an anniversary party! LOL

Nothing says love like competing with a paid advertiser for attention on your wedding anniversary day.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

Last post.... so we are egotistical and narcissists because we want to pledge our love to each other in front of our families and friends? Why are we different from any other couple that has a ceremony and reception? Are they all narcissists too? We have relatives coming in from all over the country AND overseas, people we haven't seen in years.... it would be nice to at least offer them dinner. It's not about entitlement.... it's about celebrating love and having a wonderful reason for everyone to come together. We will save our money and only have a reception that we can afford....If we can find sponsors so that we can offer our guests more- great! I'm not expecting anything from anyone but if a corporation wants to put their name on the back of a cocktail napkin at my reception fantastic...we both win. And for everyone that has their panties in a bunch...ok, ok.... it's an anniversary party! LOL

Huh, I didn't realize that you were Star Jones.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

nadene&darren said:
Last post.... so we are egotistical and narcissists because we want to pledge our love to each other in front of our families and friends? Why are we different from any other couple that has a ceremony and reception? Are they all narcissists too? We have relatives coming in from all over the country AND overseas, people we haven't seen in years.... it would be nice to at least offer them dinner. It's not about entitlement.... it's about celebrating love and having a wonderful reason for everyone to come together. We will save our money and only have a reception that we can afford....If we can find sponsors so that we can offer our guests more- great! I'm not expecting anything from anyone but if a corporation wants to put their name on the back of a cocktail napkin at my reception fantastic...we both win. And for everyone that has their panties in a bunch...ok, ok.... it's an anniversary party! LOL

You must explain this sponsor thing. Are you going to put out RFPs? Are you going to visit organizations and businesses to ask for their sponsorship? Is there a tier giving level, say that I company give X amount of dollars that I can run a commerical in the middle of your reception?

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

nadene&darren said:

Last post.... so we are egotistical and narcissists because we want to pledge our love to each other in front of our families and friends? Why are we different from any other couple that has a ceremony and reception? Are they all narcissists too? We have relatives coming in from all over the country AND overseas, people we haven't seen in years.... it would be nice to at least offer them dinner. It's not about entitlement.... it's about celebrating love and having a wonderful reason for everyone to come together. We will save our money and only have a reception that we can afford....If we can find sponsors so that we can offer our guests more- great! I'm not expecting anything from anyone but if a corporation wants to put their name on the back of a cocktail napkin at my reception fantastic...we both win. And for everyone that has their panties in a bunch...ok, ok.... it's an anniversary party! LOL

Everything about your post is feasible, except the bolded. It's the thinking that you feel your event is important enough that people would want to donate items for an anniversary party. Your guests are more likely to be offended that you have advertisements on your napkins than attending a backyard BBQ because you could not afford a banquet hall.

If you are so concerned about money, then maybe consider NOT having a wedding gown. You'll save a TON of money by just wearing a normal, yet nice, dress.

I consider myself to be a very logical person. One thing I do not understand is why you would throw an unnecessary party, which you might not be able to afford, so it may require sponsorship (aka freebies). Yet, you would not go on medicaid temporarily- a system designed for people in need of healthcare, which is obviously so crucial to existence. So, you'd use others' money for a lavish party and NOT medical needs????

ohannabelle · July 2014

Oh, holy mother on a pogo stick. Wedding Investors? I have to know. Please. Please. I'm sure it's brilliant. Someone is investing money in your "wedding?" Do you have the sponsor's name printed on the napkins and stuff, like an advertiser?

Also, calm down. So many questions! I think you're pretty funny, honestly, even with your language comprehension problems. And in answer to your question, I've been here not quite one year. The length of an engagement, in this case. Planning a wedding. A real one. How is that relevant? I don't know. But thank you for asking, I'm sure it matters.

"Get a life?" Really? Because people with lives don't post on message boards?

Hello.

What exactly are you doing? Sssshhhh. I hate to tell you, but you're posting on a message board. You must be "a shitty and negative person" who should "get a life." (Not really. I would never assume such a stupid and ugly thing about a person I don't know. Shame on you.)

Why do I care how you define words?

Answer: Because you don't define words. You aren't a lexicographer. You don't have the skills or knowledge to redefine a language, or assign new meanings to words. The words are already defined, in that great big book with all the words in it. The one you have trouble understanding.

Sane and rational adults don't redefine reality to suit their whims. I can say, hey, I want a dog, so from now on, I'm calling my cat a dog. Why do you care? Come on, everybody join in, call it a dog, or I'm getting all pissy about it! Guess what? It's still a cat. Food in one end, crap out the other, fur and tail, just like a dog. But it isn't, so I don't try to pretend it is, and I don't expect people to pretend with me.

You do this. You think the world should play pretend along with your new improved definitions. Sorry. Not real.

Also: Insensible means unconscious. I'm fully conscious, obviously. Insensible people can't read or type. They are insensible. Deprived of all senses.

If you mean nonsensical, you should say that. Thank you for the excellent example of why words matter, and we should use the correct ones.

You never said if you were coming to my Sweet Sixteen Party at the Sloth farm. How do I get a sponsor?

(Observe above. Appears nonsensical, but does indeed have meaning.)

ohannabelle · July 2014

Thank you for brightening my morning. It is always entertaining to see alternate realities. And I learned things, about sponsors. Do you tell the sponsors it's not an actual wedding, or lie to them so you get free cocktail napkins?

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