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Bar related question

ashtsbashtsb member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance and I are planning a wedding this October. We ended up finding a place that has a bar which delighted us because we thought we would have to go dry. The question I have is would it be tacky or rude to have tickets for the guests to get drinks? My fiance's side of the family doesn't drink and I'm doing my best to avoid a cash bar or go dry and I'm hoping to find a good middle ground. If guests wanted more drinks then what tickets they had they could pay for their own if they so wished. I don't normally post online so any help is appreciated :)
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Re: Bar related question

  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015
    You should read this --

    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1036615/cash-bars-everything-you-need-to-know-in-one-place#latest

    Please don't make people buy tickets..

    ETA: We hosted beer and wine which is perfectly acceptable. Could you do something like that?


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  • ashtsbashtsb member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    No the tickets are given. I was just wondering if giving tickets is rude.
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  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015
    If you are giving them tickets, that means their drinks are paid for, right? So why do you need tickets? Are you saying you are only going to give them a set amount of drinks? That's really not much different from a cash bar.

    ETA: and yes, it would be rude.


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  • whovianstarkwhovianstark member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    One way to think about it is your guests will likely end up getting tickets from non drinking guests. This would make me feel tacky and cheap. I shouldn't feel that way, because as a guest I should be fully hosted.

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  • ashtsbashtsb member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Ok so what would be the best way to have a limit? It's not because we don't have money, we are just unsure of how much to put towards the bar. Is estimating 2 drinks per person good? Thank you very much for your help so far!
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  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I think I have heard one drink/per person/per hour average. Are you buying the alcohol or does the venue provide it? You could also look into a consumption bar, which sounds like it may work for your type of crowd.


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  • ashtsbashtsb member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    The venue provides the alcohol but I will look up a consumption bar thank you :)
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The average is 1.5 per person the first hour.  1 per hour after that.    I would use that for ALL your of-age guests.

    I tend to be a one every 45 mins. DH is faster then that.  Then my brother doesn't drink.  It all evens out.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sorry, but you can't reduce your own costs by expecting guests to pay for their own drinks.  That would be rude.
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  • aliwis000aliwis000 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    With a bar you have many options.

    The rule you must stick with is:

    EVERYONE must be hosted EQUALLY for the ENTIRE event and guests should not have to pay for ANYTHING.

    So no wedding party special treatment, no hosted bar for cocktail hour only, no limiting guests to a certain number of drinks per person. And obviously none of your guests should have to open their wallets at all.


    GOOD NEWS THOUGH!!!!

    You have options that will help you stick to budget without breaking the rule!

    There are different bar options, such as the following, that might work for you:

    1. Limited Classic Bar - You pay a price per head for the bar, the price per head will depend on the types of alcohol you choose. A full top shelf bar might run (ESTIMATE) $60 a head whereas a beer and wine only bar might be $45. Obviously check with your venue but if you host beer and wine only you are sure to save money.

    2. Consumption Bar - Most venues allow you to have this option. Basically you only pay for what people drink during the night. Now, this can be a bit of an unknown as you really will not know the cost till after the event. However, if you have very few drinkers then it might be a great option for you. You can also pair this with the idea above about beer and wine only.

    Please do not to tickets. This is not a carnival. If your only option is to have a dry wedding that is perfectly ok. As long as you still follow that rule above. Everyone is equally hosted the whole event.

    HTH and good luck!!!
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd use the calculator that Lynda gave.   I have seen that even those who rarely drink will drink one or two at a celebratory event so I wouldn't count anyone out completely. 
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Knottie34185448 said:

    My fiance and I are planning a wedding this October. We ended up finding a place that has a bar which delighted us because we thought we would have to go dry. The question I have is would it be tacky or rude to have tickets for the guests to get drinks? My fiance's side of the family doesn't drink and I'm doing my best to avoid a cash bar or go dry and I'm hoping to find a good middle ground. If guests wanted more drinks then what tickets they had they could pay for their own if they so wished. I don't normally post online so any help is appreciated :)

    aliwis000 about your options. Also, Lynda's drink calculation method sounds completely reasonable, that's how we calculated how much alcohol to buy.

    Are you able to serve just beer and wine, and maybe one signature cocktail? That's a great way to cut bar costs.

    Whatever you do, please don't make your guests pay for drinks. Host what you can afford, even if that means a dry wedding.
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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    Tickets are not acceptable at hosted events. Your wedding should be a hosted event. That means you, the host, pay for everything and the guests pay for nothing.

     

    If you cannot afford an unlimited open bar, consider hosting beer and wine only. Guests are still able to drink as they see fit without paying, but the costs to you are lower than a full bar with liquor would be. And no one needs tickets.

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  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yuck. Bar tickets scream "corporate event" to me, not wedding. So unless you are planning door prizes and sessions on synergy, I would focus on properly hosting your WEDDING.

    Would you host a dinner party and only allow your guests 2 drinks, then charge them for anything they drink after?

    Would you give tickets for the appetizers during cocktail hour and charge guests for anything they eat beyond that? What about cake?

    I hope the answer to all of these hypothetical(s) is NO. So why have drink tickets? 

    The advice here is sound and I would definitely follow it.

    --Dry Wedding
    --Full hosted
    --Beer and Wine
    --Beer, Wine, and Signature Cocktail
    --Host what you can afford. 


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  • labrolabro member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Definitely check out a consumption bar option and use the calculators PP's suggested.

    I just wanted to add that I've been to a wedding like you were describing and it was pretty awful. Each person only got two drink tickets, and after that it was cash. I don't carry cash, so basically once my tickets were gone, I couldn't get any more drinks. The bridal party got unlimited drinks, which just made it even worse for the other guests.



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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Knottie34185448 said:

    My fiance and I are planning a wedding this October. We ended up finding a place that has a bar which delighted us because we thought we would have to go dry. The question I have is would it be tacky or rude to have tickets for the guests to get drinks? My fiance's side of the family doesn't drink and I'm doing my best to avoid a cash bar or go dry and I'm hoping to find a good middle ground. If guests wanted more drinks then what tickets they had they could pay for their own if they so wished. I don't normally post online so any help is appreciated :)

    Yep it'd be rude big time. 

    Your guests should never open their wallets at your wedding. Not for alcohol, food, dances, or anything else. Would you throw a dinner party and tell them everyone got one glass of wine but would have to pony up some cash if they wanted a second glass?

    Throw the wedding you can afford. If that means a dry wedding, then a dry wedding it is. If that means just beer and wine (plus non-alcoholic drinks) then that's what you do. Whatever you serve the guests at no time pay for any of it and you don't limit it or change the rules half way through (ie: open bar from X time to X time, cash after that). 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lyndausvi said:

    Why is it always only 2 tickets?  Seriously, every time this question comes up they want to limit their guests to 2 drinks.  Who came up with the magic number of 2?


    If I'm going to a 4 hour event, I'm going to be drinking 4-5 drinks.     If [general] you are going to be tacky at least pick a reasonable number of 1 drink per hour.    With 2 tickets within an hour you are going to have the drinkers tracking down the non-drinking ticker-holders for their used tickets.  
    This.   Giving me two drink tickets basically tells me you're hosting me for an hour.


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  • BrinkyDink16BrinkyDink16 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    We've thought about several ways to limit consumption, not because of the money but because of potential problem drinkers of which there are a couple on each side of the family.  A couple options we came up with were.

    Just beer / wine.  No liquor of any type.

    Drink tickets.  We were thinking seven per guest because it's a seven hour reception.

    Having just a few signature mixed drinks but the majority beer / wine.

    Some general rules for the bartender like no shots, keep the drinks standard (not too strong), no doubles, mixed drinks only (no straight ups).

    Some combination of the above ideas.

    We haven't truly decided on anything yet, but those are the options we're considering right now. All have their pros and cons of course so they merit more discussion before we decide for certain.

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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    MyNameIsNot said:

    BrinkyDink16 said:

    We've thought about several ways to limit consumption, not because of the money but because of potential problem drinkers of which there are a couple on each side of the family.  A couple options we came up with were.


    Just beer / wine.  No liquor of any type.

    Drink tickets.  We were thinking seven per guest because it's a seven hour reception.

    Having just a few signature mixed drinks but the majority beer / wine.

    Some general rules for the bartender like no shots, keep the drinks standard (not too strong), no doubles, mixed drinks only (no straight ups).

    Some combination of the above ideas.

    We haven't truly decided on anything yet, but those are the options we're considering right now. All have their pros and cons of course so they merit more discussion before we decide for certain.

    How about hiring a professional bartender who knows not to over-serve? 
    THIS. Professional bartenders know when to cut people off. Besides, drink tickets won't stop problem drinkers, they will find a way around it.
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  • notdoingitbythebooknotdoingitbythebook member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

    So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

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  • fyrchkfyrchk member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    How would you pass the tickets out? As people enter the reception? With their placecards? I guess it just seems awkward to me besides agreeing with the above about it considered rude.
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  • notdoingitbythebooknotdoingitbythebook member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    banana468 said:

    notdoingitbythebook said:

    I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

    So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

    Would you do this with anything else offered?

    How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

    Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

    Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

    Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 



    I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

    I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

    But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

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  • notdoingitbythebooknotdoingitbythebook member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    fyrchk said:

    How would you pass the tickets out? As people enter the reception? With their placecards? I guess it just seems awkward to me besides agreeing with the above about it considered rude.

    That's how it has happened at all events I've attended where the first two or four tickets are given by the hosts and any remainder are the responsibility of the guest. It's not awkward, you just have a greeter.
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  • notdoingitbythebooknotdoingitbythebook member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    whovianstark said:

    notdoingitbythebook said:

    I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

    So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.


    I have never seen anyone on these boards suggest that alcohol is a requirement for good hosting. They have only stated if you are going to have alcohol host it properly. They have stated many times that dry weddings can be just as fun as open bars.
    Everywhere you go, alcohol is considered an "essential" for a social gathering. It's not just here. And I don't think a dry wedding should be the only other option, I just don't believe that the hosts should have to be on the hook for the stupidity of others, which is what an open bar does. Cash bar puts the onus on the drinker and they will think twice about drinking. At least those in my circle do.
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